the enchanted typewriter-第12部分

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busy　just　now　mapping　out　the　itinerary　of　the　first　series　of

the　Boswell　Personally　Conducted　Tours　you　suggested　some　time

ago。　I　laid　that　whole　proposition　before　the　Entertainment

Committee　of　the　Associated　Shades；　and　they　have　resolved

unanimously　to　charter　the　Ex…Great　Eastern　from　the　Styx

Navigation　Company；　and　return　to　the　scenes　of　their　former

glory；　devoting　a　year　to　it。〃



〃Going　to　take　their　wives？〃　I　asked。



〃I　don't　know；〃　Boswell　replied。　〃That　is　a　matter　outside

of　the　jurisdiction　of　the　committee　and　must　be　decided

by　a　full　vote　of　the　club。　I　hope　they　will；　however。　As

manager　of　the　enterprise　I　need　assistance；　and　there　are

some　of　the　men　who　can't　be　managed　by　anybody　except　their

wives；　or　mothers…in…law；　anyhow。　I'll　be　through　in　a　few

minutes。　Meanwhile　let　me　hand　you　the　latest　product　of　the

Boswell　press。〃



With　this　the　genial　spirit　produced　from　an　invisible

pocket　a　red…covered　book　bearing　the　delicious　title　of

〃Baedeker's　Hades：　A　Hand…book　for　Travellers；〃　which　has

entirely　superseded；　according　to　the　advertisement　on　the

fly…leaves；　such　books　as　Virgil　and　Dante's　Inferno　as　the　best

guide　to　the　lower　regions；　as　well　it　might；　for　it　appeared

on　perusal　to　have　been　prepared　with　as　much　care　as　one　of

the　more　material　guide…books　of　the　same　publisher；　which　so

greatly　assist　travellers　on　this　side　of　the　Stygian　River。



Some　time；　if　Boswell　will　permit；　I　shall　endeavor　to　have

this　little　volume　published　in　this　country　since　it　contains

many　valuable　hints　to　the　man　of　a　roving　disposition；　or

for　the　stay…at…home；　for　that　matter；　for　all　roads　lead　to

Hades。　For　instance；　we　do　not　find　in　previous　guide…books；

like　Dante's　Inferno；　any　references　whatsoever　to　the　languages

it　is　well　to　know　before　taking　the　Stygian　tour；　to　the

kind　of　money　needed；　or　its　quantity　per　capita；　no　allusion

to　the　necessity　of　passports　is　found　in　Dante　or　Virgil；

custom…house　requirements　are　ignored　by　these　authors；　no

statements　as　to　the　kind　of　clothing　needed；　the　quality　of　the

hotelsnor　indeed　any　real　information　of　vital　importance　to

the　traveller　is　to　be　found　in　the　older　books。　In　Baedeker's

Hades；　on　the　other　hand；　all　these　subjects　are　exhaustively

treated；　together　with　a　very　comprehensive　series　of　chapters

on　〃Stygian　Wines；〃　〃Climate；〃　and　〃Hellish　Art〃the　expression

is　not　mineand　other　topics　of　essential　interest。



And　of　what　suggestive　quality　was　this　little　book。　Who

would　ever　have　guessed　from　a　perusal　of　Dante　that　as

Hades　is　the　place　of　departed　spirits　so　also　is　it　the

ultimate　resting…place　of　all　other　departed　things。　What

delightful　anticipations　are　there　in　the　idea　of　a　visit　to

the　Alexandrian　library；　now　suitably　housed　on　the　south　side

of　Apollyon　Square；　Cimmeria；　in　a　building　that　would　drive

the　trustees　of　the　Boston　Public　Library　into　envious　despair；

even　though　living　Bacchantes　are　found　daily　improving　their

minds　in　the　recesses　of　its　commodious　alcoves！　What　joyous

feelings　it　gives　one　to　think　of　visiting　the　navy…yards　of

Tyre　and　finding　there　the　ships　concerning　the　whereabouts

of　which　poets　have　vainly　asked　questions　for　ages！　Who　would

ever　dream　that　the　question　of　the　balladist；　himself　an　able

dreamer　concerning　classic　things；　〃Where　are　the　Cities　of

Old　Time；〃　could　ever　find　its　answer　in　a　simple　guide…book

telling　us　where　Carthage　is；　where　Troy　and　all　the　lost

cities　of　antiquity！



Then　the　details　of　amusements　in　this　wonderful　countrywho

could　gather　aught　of　these　from　the　Italian　poet？　The　theatres

of　Gehenna；　with　〃Hamlet〃　produced　under　the　joint　direction

of　Shakespeare　and　the　Prince　of　Denmark　himself；　the　great

Zoo　of　Sheolia；　with　Jumbo；　and　the　famous　woolly　horse　of

earlier　days；　not　to　mention　the　long　series　of　menageries

which　have　passed　over　the　dark　river　in　the　ages　now　forgotten；

the　hanging　gardens　of　Babylon；　where　the　picnicking　element　of

Hades　flock　week　after　week；　chuting　the　chutes；　and　clambering

joyously　in　and　out　of　the　Trojan　Horse；　now　set　up　in　all　its

majesty　therein；　with　bowling…alleys　on　its　roof；　elevators　in

its　legs；　and　the　original　Ferris…wheel　in　its　head；　the　freak

museums　in　the　densely　populated　sections　of　the　large　cities；

where　Hop　o'　my　Thumb　and　Jack　the　Giant　Killer　are　exhibited

day　after　day　alongside　of　the　great　ogres　they　have　killed；

the　opera…house；　with　Siegfried　himself　singing；　supported　by

the　real　Brunhild　and　the　original；　bona　fide　dragon　Fafnir；

running　of　his　own　motive　power；　and　breathing　actual　fire

and　smoke　without　the　aid　of　a　steam…engine　and　a　plumber　to

connect　him　therewith　before　he　can　go　out　upon　the　stage　to

engage　Siegfried　in　deadly　combat。



For　the　information　contained　in　this　last　item　alone；　even　if

the　book　had　no　other　virtue；　it　would　be　worthy　of　careful

perusal　from　the　opening　paragraph　on　language；　to　the　last；

dealing　with　the　descent　into　the　Vitriol　Reservoir　at　Gehenna。

The　account　of　the　feeding　of　Fafnir；　to　which　admission　can　be

had　on　payment　of　ten　oboli；　beginning　with　a　puree　of　kerosene；

followed　by　a　half…dozen　cartridges　on　the　half…shell；　an　entree

of　nitro…glycerine；　a　solid　roast　of　cannel…coal；　and　a　salad

of　gun…cotton；　with　a　mayonnaise　dressing　of　alcohol　and　a　pinch

of　powder；　topped　off　with　a　demi…tasse　of　benzine　and　a　box　of

matches　to　keep　the　fires　of　his　spirit　going；　is　one　of　the

most　moving　things　I　have　ever　read；　and　yet　it　may　be　said

without　fear　of　contradiction　that　until　this　guide…book　was

prepared　very　few　of　the　Stygian　tourists　have　imagined　that

there　was　such　a　sight　to　be　seen。　I　have　gone　carefully　over

Dante；　Virgil；　and　the　works　of　Andrew　Lang；　and　have　found

no　reference　whatsoever　in　the　pages　of　any　of　these　talented

persons　to　this　marvellous　spectacle　which　takes　place　three

times　a　day；　and　which　I　doubt　not　results　in　a　performance

of　Siegfried　for　the　delectation　of　the　music　lovers　of　Hades；

which　is　beyond　the　power　of　the　human　mind　to　conceive。



The　hand…book　has　an　added　virtue；　which　distinguishes　it　from

any　other　that　I　have　ever　seen；　in　that　it　is　anecdotal　in

style　at　times　where　an　anecdote　is　available　and　appropriate。

In　connection　with　this　same　Fafnir；　as　showing　how　necessary

it　is　for　the　tourist　to　be　careful　of　his　personal　safety

in　Hades；　it　is　related　that　upon　one　occasion　the　keeper　of

the　dragon　having　taken　a　grudge　against　Siegfried　for　some

unintentional　slight；　fed　Fafnir　upon　Roman…candles　and　a

sky…rocket；　with　the　result　that　in　the　fight　between　the　hero

and　the　demon　of　the　wood　the　Siegfried　was　seriously　injured

by　the　red；　white；　and　blue　balls　of　fire　which　the　dragon

breathed　out　upon　him；　while　the　sky…rocket　flew　out　into　the

audience　and　struck　a　young　man　in　the　top　gallery；　knocking　him

senseless；　the　stick　falling　into　a　grand…tier　box　and　impaling

one　of　the　best　known　social　lights　of　Cimmeria。　　〃Therefore；〃

adds　the　astute　editor　of　the　hand…book；　〃on　Siegfried　nights

it　were　well　if　the　tourist　were　to　go　provided　with　an　asbestos

umbrella　for　use　in　case　of　an　emergency　of　a　similar　nature。〃



In　that　portion　of　the　book　devoted　to　the　trip　up　the　river

Styx　the　legends　surpass　any　of　the　Rhine　stories　in　dramatic

interest；　because；　according　to　Commodore　Charon's　excursion

system；　the　tourist　can　step　ashore　and　see　the　chief　actors

in　them；　who　for　a　consideration　will　give　a　full…dress

rehearsal　of　the　legendary　acts　for　which　they　have　been

famous。　The　sirens　of　the　Stygian　Lorelei；　for　instance；

sit　on　an　eminence　not　far　above　the　city　of　Cimmeria；　and

make　a　profession　of　luring　people　ashore　and　giving　away　at

so　much　per　head　locks　of　their　hair　for　remembrance'　sake；

all　of　which　makes　of　the　Stygian　trip　a　thing　of　far　greater

interest　than　that　of　the　Rhine。



It　had　been　my　intention　to　make　a　few　extracts　from　this

portion　of　the　volume　showing　later　developments　in　the　legends

of　the　Drachenfels；　and　others　of　more　than　ordinary　interest；

but　I　find　that　with　the　departure　of　Boswell　for　the　night

the　treasured　hand…book　disappeared　with　him；　but；　as　I　have

already　stated；　if　I　can　secure　his　consent　to　do　so　I　will

some　day　have　the　book　copied　off　on　more　material　substance

than　that　employed　in　the　original　manuscript；　so　that　the

useful　little　tome　may　be　printed　and　scattered　broadcast

over　a　waiting　and　appreciative　world。　　I　may　as　well　state

here；　too；　that　I　have　taken　the　precaution　to　have　the　title

〃Baedeker's　Hades〃　and　its　contents　copyrighted；　so　that　any

pirate　who　recognizes　the　value　of　the　scheme　will　attempt　to

pirate　the　work　at　his　peril。



Hardly　had　I　finished　the　chapter　on　the　legends　of　the　Styx

when　Boswell　broke　in　upon　me　with：　〃Well；　how　do　you　like　it？〃



〃It's　great；〃　I　said。　〃May　I　keep　it？〃



〃You　may　if　you　can；〃　he　laughed。　〃But　I　fancy　it　can't

withstand　the　rigors　of　this　climate　any　more　than　an

unfireproof　copy　of　one　of　your　books　could　stand　the　caniculars

of　ours。〃



His　words　were　soon　to　be　verified；　for　as　soon　as　he　left　me

the　book　vanished；　but　whether　it　went　off　into　thin　air　or　was

repocketed　by　the　departing　Boswell　I　am　not　entirely　certain。



〃What　was　it　you　asked　me　about　Samson　and　Goliath？〃　Boswell

observed；　as　he　gathered　up　his　manuscript　from　the　floor

beside　the　Enchanted　Typewriter。　〃Whether　they'd　ever　been

in　Honolulu？〃



〃No；〃　I　replied。　〃I　got　a　letter　from　Hawaii　the　other　day

asking　for　the　result　of　the　prize…fight　the　day　Kidd　ran　off

with　the　house…boat。〃



〃Oh；〃　replied　Boswell。　〃That？　Why；　ah；　Samson　won　hands　down；

but　only　because　they　played　according　to　latter…day　rules。　If

it　had　been　a　regular　knock…out　fight；　like　the　contests　in　the

old　days　of　the　ring　when　it　wa