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occasion　was　expected；　and　gave　orders　to　the　police　to　see

that　he　was　there　willy…nilly。　Naturally　Bonaparte　resisted；

and　appealed　to　the　courts。　Blackstone　sustained　his　appeal；

and　Nicholas　overruled　him。　The　first　Thursday　came；　and　the

police　went　for　the　Emperor；　but　he　was　surrounded　by　a　good

half　of　the　men　who　had　fought　under　him；　and　the　minions

of　the　law　could　do　nothing　against　them。　In　consequence；

Bonaparte's　brother；　Joseph；　a　quiet；　inoffensive　citizen；

was　dragged　from　his　home　and　hanged　in　his　place；　Nicholas

contending　that　when　a　soldier　could　not；　or　would　not；　serve；

the　government　had　a　right　to　expect　a　substitute。　Well；〃

said　Boswell；　at　this　point；　〃that　set　all　Hades　on　fire。　We

were　divided　as　to　Bonaparte's　deserts；　but　the　hanging　of

other　people　as　substitutes　was　too　much。　We　didn't　know　who'd

be　substituted　next。　The　English　backed　up　Blackstone；　of

course。　The　French　army　backed　up　Bonaparte。　The　inoffensive

citizens　were　aroused　in　behalf　of　Joseph；　for　they　saw　at

once　whither　they　were　drifting　if　the　substitute　idea　was

carried　out　to　its　logical　conclusion；　and　in　half　an　hour

the　administration　was　on　the　defensive；　which；　as　you　know；

is　a　very；　very；　very　bad　thing　for　an　administration。〃



〃It　is；　if　it　desires　to　be　returned　to　office；〃　said　I。



〃It　is　anyhow；〃　replied　Boswell　through　the　medium　of　the　keys。

〃It's　in　exactly　the　same　position　as　that　of　a　humorist　who

has　to　print　explanatory　diagrams　with　all　of　his　jokes。　The

administration　papers　were　hot　over　the　situation。　The　king

can　do　no　wrong　idea　was　worked　for　all　it　was　worth；　but

beyond　this　they　drew　pathetic　pictures　of　the　result　of　all

these　deplorable　tendencies。　What　was　Hades　for；　they　asked；

if　a　man；　after　leading　a　life　of　crime　in　the　other　world；

was　not　to　receive　his　punishment　there？　The　attitude　of

the　opposition　was　a　radical　and　vicious　blow　at　the　vital

principles　of　the　sphere　itself。　The　opposition　papers　coolly

and　calmly　took　the　position　that　the　vital　principles　of　Hades

were　all　right；　that　it　was　the　extreme　view　as　to　the　power

of　the　Emperor　taken　by　that　person　himself　that　wouldn't　go　in

these　democratic　days。　Punishment　for　Bonaparte　was　the　correct

thing；　and　Bonaparte　expected　some；　but　was　not　grasping　enough

to　want　it　all。　They　added　that　recent　fully　settled　ideas　as

to　a　humane　application　of　the　laws　required　the　bunching　of

the　indictments　or　the　selection　of　one　and　a　fair　trial　based

upon　that；　and　that　anyhow；　under　no　circumstances；　should

a　wholly　innocent　person　be　made　to　suffer　for　the　crimes　of

another。　These　journals　were　suppressed；　but　the　next　day　a

set　of　new　papers　were　started　to　promulgate　the　same　theories

as　to　individual　rights。　　The　province　of　Cimmeria　declared

itself　independent　of　the　throne；　and　set　up　in　the　business

of　government　for　itself。　Gehenna　declared　for　the　Emperor；

but　insisted　upon　home　rule　for　cities　of　its　own　class；

and　finally；　as　I　informed　you　at　the　beginning；　Washington；

Cromwell；　and　Caesar　went　in　person　to　Apollyon　and　demanded

a　constitution。　That　was　the　day　before　yesterday；　and　just

what　will　come　of　it　we　don't　as　yet　know；　because　Washington

and　Cromwell　and　Caesar　have　not　been　seen　since；　but　we　have

great　fears　for　them；　because　seventeen　car…loads　of　vitriol

and　a　thousand　extra　tons　of　coal　were　ordered　by　the　Lord

High　Steward　of　the　palace　to　be　delivered　to　the　Minister　of

Justice　last　night。〃



〃Quite　a　complication；〃　said　I。　〃The　Americanization　of　Hades

has　begun　at　last。　How　does　society　regard　the　affair？〃



〃Variously；〃　observed　Boswell。　〃Society　hates　the　government　as

much　as　anybody；　and　really　believes　in　curtailing　the　Emperor's

powers；　but；　on　the　other　hand；　it　desires　to　maintain　all　of

its　own　aristocratic　privileges。　The　main　trouble　in　Hades　at

present　is　the　gradual　disintegration　of　society；　that　is　to

say；　its　former　component　parts　are　beginning　to　differentiate

themselves　the　one　from　the　other。〃



〃Like　capital　and　labor　here？〃　I　queried。



〃In　a　sense；　yespossibly　more　like　your　Colonial　Dames；　and

Daughters　of　the　Revolution。　For　instance；　great　organizations

are　in　process　of　formationpeople　are　beginning　to　flock

together　for　purposes　of　protection。　Charles　the　First　and

Henry　the　Eighth　and　Louis　the　Fourteenth　have　established　Ye

Ancient　and　Honorable　Order　of　Kings；　to　which　only　those　who

have　actually　worn　crowns　shall　be　eligible。　　The　painters　have

gotten　together　with　a　Society　of　Fine　Arts；　the　sculptors　have

formed　a　Society　of　Chisellers；　and　all　the　authors　from　Homer

down　to　myself　have　got　up　an　Authors'　Club　where　we　have　a

lovely　time　talking　about　ourselves；　no　man　to　be　eligible

who　hasn't　written　something　that　has　lasted　a　hundred

years。　Perhaps；　if　you　are　thinking　of　coming　over　soon；

you'll　let　me　put　you　on　our　waiting…list？〃



I　smiled　at　his　seeming　inconsistency　and　let　myself　into

his　snare。



〃I　haven't　written　anything　that　has　lasted　a　hundred　years

yet；〃　said　I。



〃Oh；　yes；　I　think　you　have；〃　replied　Boswell；　and　the　machine

seemed　to　laugh　as　he　wrote　out　his　answer。　〃I　saw　a　joke　of

yours　the　other　day　that's　two　hundred　centuries　old。　Diogenes

showed　it　to　me　and　said　that　it　was　a　great　favorite　with

his　grandfather；　who　had　inherited　it　from　one　of　his　remote

ancestors。〃



A　hot　retort　was　on　my　lips；　but　I　had　no　wish　to　offend　my

guest；　so　I　smiled　and　observed　that　I　had　frequently　indulged

in　unconscious　plagiarism　of　that　sort。



〃I　should　imagine；〃　I　hastened　to　add；　〃that　to　men　like　Charles

the　First　this　uncertainty　as　to　the　safety　of　Cromwell　would

be　great　joy。〃



〃I　hardly　know；〃　returned　Boswell。　〃That　very　question　has　been

discussed　among　us。　Charles　made　a　great　outward　show　of　grief

when　he　heard　of　the　coal　being　delivered　at　the　office　of　the

Minister　of　Justice；　and　we　all　thought　him　quite　magnanimous；

but　it　leaked　out；　just　before　I　left　to　come　here；　that　he

sent　his　private　secretary　to　the　palace　with　a　Panama　hat　and

a　palm…leaf　fan　for　Cromwell；　with　his　congratulations。　That

seems　to　savor　somewhat　of　sarcasm。〃



〃Oh；　ultimately　Hades　is　bound　to　be　a　republic；〃　replied

Boswell。　　〃There　are　too　many　clever　and　ambitious　politicians

among　us　for　the　place　to　go　along　as　a　despotism　much

longer。　If　the　place　were　filled　up　with　poets　and　society

people；　and　things　like　that；　it　might　go　on　as　an　autocracy

forever；　but　you　see　it　isn't。　To　men　of　the　caliber　of

Alexander　the　Great　and　Bonaparte　and　Caesar；　and　a　thousand

other　warriors　who　never　were　used　to　taking　orders　from

anybody；　but　were　themselves　headquarters；　the　despotic　sway

of　Apollyon　is　intolerable；　and　he　hasn't　made　any　effort

to　conciliate　any　of　them。　If　he　had　appointed　Bonaparte

commander…in…chief　of　his　army　and　made　a　friend　of　him；　instead

of　ordering　him　to　be　hanged　every　month　for　415；000　years；

or　put　Caesar　in　as　Secretary　of　State；　instead　of　having　him

roasted　three　times　a　month　for　seventy　or　eighty　centuries；　he

would　have　strengthened　his　hold。　As　it　is；　he　has　ignored　all

these　people　officially；　treats　them　like　criminals　personally；

makes　friends　with　Mazarin　and　Powhatan；　awards　the　office　of

Tax　Assessor　to　Dick　Turpin；　and　makes　old　Falstaff　commander　of

his　Imperial　Guard。　And　just　because　poor　Ben　Jonson　scribbled

off　a　rhyme　for　my　paper；　The　Gazettea　rhyme　running：



　　　　　　　　Mazarin　And　Powhatan；

　　　　　Turpin　and　Falstaff；

　　　　　　　　Form；　you　bet；　A　cabinet

　　　　　To　make　a　donkey　laugh。



　　　　　　　　Mazarin　And　Powhatan

　　　　　Run　Apollyon's　state。

　　　　　　　　The　Dick　and　Jacks　Collect　the　tax

　　　　　The　people　pay　the　freight。



just　because　Jonson　wrote　that　and　I　published　it；　my　paper

was　confiscated；　Jonson　was　boiled　in　oil　for　ten　weeks；　and　I

was　seized　and　thrown　into　a　dungeon　where　a　lot　of　savages　from

the　South　Sea　Islands　tattooed　the　darned　old　jingle　between

my　shoulder　blades　in　green　letters；　and　not　satisfied　with

this　barbaric　act；　right　under　the　jingle　they　added　the　line；

in　red　letters；　'This　edition　strictly　limited　to　one　copy；　for

private　circulation　only；'　and　they　every　one　of　'em；　Apollyon；

Mazarin；　and　the　rest；　signed　the　guarantee　personally　with

red…hot　pens　dipped　in　sulphuric　acid。　It　makes　a　valuable

collection　of　autographs；　no　doubt；　but　I　prefer　my　back　as

nature　made　it。　Talk　about　enlightened　government　under　a　man

who'll　permit　things　like　that　to　be　done！〃



I　ought　not　to　have　done　it；　but　I　couldn't　help　smiling。



〃I　must　say；〃　I　observed；　apologetically；　〃that　the　treatment

was　barbarous；　but　really　I　do　think　it　showed　a　sense　of

humor　on　the　part　of　the　government。〃



〃No　doubt；〃　replied　Boswell；　with　a　sigh；　〃but　when　the

joke　is　on　me　I　don't　enjoy　it　very　much。　I'm　only　human；

and　should　prefer　to　observe　that　the　government　had　some

sense　of　justice。〃



The　apparently　empty　chair　before　the　machine　gave　a　slight

hitch　forward；　and　the　type…writer　began　to　tap　again。



〃You'll　have　to　excuse　me　now；〃　observed　Boswell　through　the

usual　medium。　〃I　have　work　to　do；　and　if　you'll　go　to　bed　like

a　good　fellow；　while　I　copy　off　the　minutes　of　the　last　meeting

of　the　Authors'　Club；　I'll　see　that　you　don't　lose　anything　by

it。　After　I　get　the　minutes　done　I　have　an　interesting　story　for

my　Sunday　paper　from　the　advance　sheets　of　Munchausen's　Further

Recollections；　which　I　shall　take　great　pleasure　in　leaving　for

you　when　I　depart。　If　you　will　take　the　bundle　of　manuscript

I　leave　with　you　and　boil　it　in　alcohol　for　ten　minutes；　you

will　be　able　to　read　it；　and；　no　doubt；　if　you　copy　it　off；

sell　it　for　a　goodly　sum。　It　is　guaranteed　absolutely　genuine。〃



〃Very　well；〃　said　I；　rising；　〃I'll　go；　but　I　should　think　you

would　put　in　most　of　your　time　whacking　at　the　gove