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〃Very　well；〃　said　I；　rising；　〃I'll　go；　but　I　should　think　you

would　put　in　most　of　your　time　whacking　at　the　government

editorially；　instead　of　going　in　for　minutes　and　abstract

stories　of　adventure。〃



〃You　do；　eh？〃　said　Boswell。　〃Well；　if　you　were　in　my　place　you'd

change　your　mind。　After　my　unexpected　endorsement　by　the　Emperor

and　his　cabinet；　I've　decided　to　keep　out　of　politics　for　a

little　while。　I　can　stand　having　a　poem　tattooed　on　my　back；

but　if　it　came　to　having　a　three…column　editorial　expressing　my

emotions　etched　alongside　of　my　spine；　I'm　afraid　I'd　disappear

into　thin　air。〃



So　I　left　him　at　work　and　retired。　The　next　morning　I　found

the　promised　bundle　of　manuscripts；　and；　after　boiling　the

pages　as　instructed；　discovered　the　following　tale。









III



FROM　ADVANCE　SHEETS　OF　BARON　MUNCHAUSEN'S　FURTHER　RECOLLECTIONS









It　is　with　some　very　considerable　hesitation　that　I　come　to　this

portion　of　my　personal　recollections；　and　yet　I　feel　that　I　owe

it　to　my　fellow…citizens　in　this　delightful　Stygian　country；

where　we　are　all　enjoying　our　well…earned　rest；　to　lay　before

them　the　exact　truth　concerning　certain　incidents　which　have　now

passed　into　history；　and　for　participation　in　which　a　number

of　familiar　figures　are　improperly　gaining　all　the　credit；　or

discredit；　as　the　case　may　be。　　It　is　not　a　pleasant　task　to

expose　an　impostor；　much　less　is　it　agreeable　to　expose　four

impostors；　but　to　one　who　from　the　earliest　timesand　when　I

say　earliest　times　I　speak　advisedly；　as　you　will　see　as　you

read　onto　one；　I　say；　who　from　the　earliest　times　has　been

actuated　by　no　other　motive　than　the　promulgation　of　truth；　the

task　of　exposing　fraud　becomes　a　duty　which　cannot　be　ignored。

Therefore；　with　regret　I　set　down　this　chapter　of　my　memoirs；

regardless　of　its　consequences　to　certain　figures　which　have

been　of　no　inconsiderable　importance　in　our　community　for　many

yearsfigures　which　in　my　own　favorite　club；　the　Associated

Shades；　have　been　most　welcome；　but　which；　as　I　and　they　alone

know；　have　been　nothing　more　than　impostures。



In　previous　volumes　I　have　confined　my　attention　to　my　memoirs

as　Baron　Munchausenbut；　dear　reader；　there　are　others。　I　WAS

NOT　ALWAYS　BARON　MUNCHAUSEN；　I　HAVE　BEEN　OTHERS！　I　am　not　aware

that　it　has　fallen　to　the　lot　of　any　but　myself　in　the　whole

span　of　universal　existence　to　live　more　than　one　life　upon

that　curious；　compact　little　ball　of　land　and　water　called　the

Earth；　but；　in　any　event；　to　me　has　fallen　that　privilege　or

distinction；　or　whatever　it　may　be；　and　upon　the　record　made　by

me　in　four　separate　existences；　placed　centuries　apart；　four

residents　of　this　sphere　are　basing　their　claims　to　notice；

securing　election　to　our　clubs；　and　even　venturing　so　far　at

times　as　to　make　themselves　personally　obnoxious　to　me；　who

with　a　word　could　expose　their　wicked　deceit　in　all　its　naked

villainy　to　an　astounded　community。　And　in　taking　this　course

they　have　gone　too　far。　There　is　a　limit　beyond　which　no　man

shall　dare　go　with　me。　Satisfied　with　the　ultimate　embodiment

of　my　virtues　in　the　Baron　Munchausen；　I　have　been　disposed　to

allow　the　impostors　to　pursue　their　deception　in　peace　so　long

as　they　otherwise　behave　themselves；　but　when　Adam　chooses

to　allude　to　my　writings　as　frothy　lies；　when　Jonah　attacks

my　right　as　a　literary　person　to　tell　tales　of　leviathans；

when　Noah　states　that　my　ignorance　in　yachting　matters　is

colossal；　and　when　William　Shakespeare　publicly　brands　me　as

a　person　unworthy　of　belief　who　should　be　expelled　from　the

Associated　Shades；　then　do　I　consider　it　time　to　speak　out

and　expose　four　of　the　greatest　frauds　that　have　ever　been

inflicted　upon　a　long…suffering　public。



To　begin　at　the　beginning　then；　let　me　state　that　my　first

recollection　dates　back　to　a　beautiful　summer　morning；　when

in　a　lovely　garden　I　opened　my　eyes　and　became　conscious　of

two　very　material　facts：　first；　a　charming　woman　arranging

her　hair　in　the　mirror…like　waters　of　a　silver　lake　directly

before　me；　and；　second；　a　poignant　pain　in　my　side；　as

though　I　had　been　operated　upon　for　appendicitis；　but　which

in　reality　resulted　from　the　loss　of　a　rib　which　had　in　turn

evoluted　into　the　charming　and　very　human　being　I　now　saw

before　me。　That　woman　was　Eve；　that　mirror…like　lake　was　set

in　the　midst　of　the　Garden　of　Eden；　I　was　Adam；　and　not　this

watery…eyed　antediluvian　calling　himself　by　my　name；　who　is　a

familiar　figure　in　the　Anthropological　Society；　an　authority

on　evolution；　and　a　blot　upon　civilization。



I　have　little　to　say　about　this　first　existence　of　mine。　It

was　full　of　delights。　Speech　not　having　been　invented；　Eve

was　an　attractive　companion　to　a　man　burdened　as　I　was　with

responsibilities；　and　until　our　children　were　born　we　went

our　way　in　happiness　and　silence。　It　is　not　in　the　nature　of

things；　however；　that　children　should　not　wish　to　talk；　and

it　was　through　the　irrepressible　efforts　of　Cain　and　Abel　to

be　heard　as　well　as　seen　that　first　called　the　attention　of

Eve　and　myself　to　the　desirability　of　expressing　our　thoughts

in　words　rather　than　by　masonic　signs。



I　shall　not　burden　my　readers　with　further　recollections　of

this　period。　　It　was　excessively　primitive；　of　necessity；

but　before　leaving　it　I　must　ask　the　reader　to　put　one　or　two

questions　to　himself　in　this　matter。



1st。　How　is　it　that　this　bearded　patriarch；　who　now　poses　as

the　only　original　Adam；　has　never　been　able；　with　any　degree

of　positiveness；　to　answer　the　question　as　to　whether　or　not

he　was　provided　with　a　caudal　appendagea　question　which　I　am

prepared　to　answer　definitely；　at　any　moment；　if　called　upon

by　the　proper　authorities；　and；　if　need　be；　to　produce　not

only　the　tail　itself；　but　the　fierce　and　untamed　pterodactyl

that　bit　it　off　upon　that　unfortunate　autumn　afternoon　when

he　and　I　had　our　first　and　last　conflict。



2d。　Why　is　it　that　when　describing　a　period　concerning　which

he　is　supposed　to　know　all；　he　seems　to　have　given　voice　to

sentiments　in　phrases　which　would　have　delighted　Sheridan　and

shed　added　glory　upon　the　eloquence　of　Webster；　AT　A　TIME　WHEN；

AS　I　HAVE　ALREADY　SHOWN；　THERE　WAS　NO　SUCH　THING　AS　SPEECH？



Upon　these　two　points　alone　I　rest　my　case　against　Adam：　the

first　is　the　reticence　of　guilthe　doesn't　know；　and　he　knows

he　doesn't　know；　the　second　is　a　deliberate　and　offensive

prevarication；　which　shows　again　that　he　doesn't　know；　and

assumes　that　we　are　all　equally　ignorant。



So　much　for　Adam。　Now　for　the　cheap　and　year…ridden　person

who　has　taken　unto　himself　my　second　personality；　Noah；　and

that　other　strange　combination　of　woe　and　wickedness；　Jonah；

who　has　chosen　to　pre…empt　my　third。　I　shall　deal　with　both

at　one　and　the　same　time；　for；　taken　separately；　they　are　not

worthy　of　notice。



Noah　asserts　that　I　know　nothing　of　yachting。　I　will　accept

the　charge　with　the　qualification　that　I　know　a　great　sight

more　about　Arking　than　he　does；　and　as　for　Jonah；　I　can　give

Jonah　points　on　whaling；　and　I　hereby　challenge　them　both　to　a

Memoir　Match　for　2000　a　side；　in　gold；　to　see　which　can　give

to　the　world　the　most　interesting　reminiscences　concerning　the

cruises　of　the　two　craft　in　question；　the　Ark　and　the　Whale；

upon　neither　of　which　did　either　of　these　two　anachronisms

ever　set　foot；　and　of　both　of　which　I；　in　my　two　respective

existences；　was　commander…in…chief。　The　fact　is　that；　as　in

the　case　of　the　fictitious　Adam；　these　two　impersonators　are

frauds。　The　man　now　masquerading　as　Noah　was　my　hired　man　in

the　latter　part　of　the　antediluvian　period；　was　discharged

three　years　before　the　flood；　was　left　on　shore　at　the　hour　of

departure；　and　when　last　seen　by　me　was　sitting　on　the　top　of

an　apple…tree；　begging　to　do　two　men's　work　for　nothing　if　we'd

only　let　him　out　of　the　wet。　If　he　will　at　any　time　submit　to

a　cross…examination　at　my　hands　as　to　the　principal　events　of

that　memorable　voyage；　I　will　show　to　any　fair…minded　judge

how　impossible　is　his　claim　that　he　was　in　command；　or　even

afloat；　after　the　first　week。　I　have　hitherto　kept　silent　in

this　matter；　in　spite　of　many　and　repeated　outrageous　flings；

for　the　sake　of　hisor　rather　myfamily；　who　have　been

deceived；　as　have　all　the　rest　of　us；　barring；　of　course；

myself。　References　to　portraits　of　leading　citizens　of　that

period　will　easily　show　how　this　can　be。　　We　were　all　alike　as

two　peas　in　the　olden　days；　and　at　a　time　when　men　reached　to

an　advanced　age　which　is　not　known　now；　it　frequently　became

almost　impossible　to　distinguish　one　old　man　from　another。

I　will　say；　finally；　in　regard　to　this　person　Noah　that　if

he　can　give　to　the　public　a　statement　telling　the　essential

differences　between　a　pterodactyl　and　a　double　spondee　that

will　not　prove　utterly　absurd　to　an　educated　person；　I　will

withdraw　my　accusation　and　resign　from　the　club。　BUT　I　KNOW

WELL　HE　CANNOT　DO　IT；　and　he　does　too；　and　that　is　about　the

extent　of　his　knowledge。



Now　as　to　Jonah。　I　really　dislike　very　much　to　tread　upon　this

worthy's　toes；　and　I　should　not　do　it　had　he　not　chosen　to　clap

an　injunction　upon　a　volume　of　Tales　of　the　Whales；　which　I

wrote　for　children　last　summer；　claiming　that　I　was　infringing

upon　his　copyright；　and　feeling　that　I　as　a　self…respecting

man　would　never　claim　the　discredit　of　having　myself　been

the　person　he　claims　to　have　been。　I　will　candidly　confess

that　I　am　not　proud　of　my　achievements　as　Jonah。　I　was　a　very

oily　person　even　before　I　embarked　upon　the　seas　as　Lord　High

Admiral　of　H。M。S。　Leviathan。　I　was　not　a　pleasant　person　to

know。　If　I　spent　the　night　with　a　friend；　his　roof　would　fall

in　or　his　house　would　burn　down。　If　I　bet　on　a　horse；　he　would

lead　up　to　the　home…stretch　and　fall　down　dead　an　inch　from　the

finish。　If　I　went　into　a　stock　speculation；　I　was　invariably

caug