the history of john bull-第14部分

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JOHN　BULL。〃If　thou　wilt　not　let　me　have　them；　wilt　thou　take　them　thyself？〃　　　Then　Nic。　grinned；　cackled；　and　laughed；　till　he　was　like　to　kill　himself；　and　seemed　to　be　so　pleased　that　he　fell　a　frisking　and　dancing　about　the　room。

JOHN　BULL。〃Shall　I　leave　all　this　matter　to　thy　management；　Nic。；　and　go　about　my　business？〃　　Then　Nic。　got　up　a　glass　and　drank　to　John；　shaking　him　by　the　hand　till　he　had　like　to　have　shook　his　shoulder　out　of　joint。

JOHN　BULL。〃I　understand　thee；　Nic。；　but　I　shall　make　thee　speak　before　I　go。〃　　Then　Nic。　put　his　finger　in　his　cheek　and　made　it　cry　〃buck！〃　which　was　as　much　as　to　say；　〃I　care　not　a　farthing　for　thee。〃

JOHN　BULL。〃I　have　done；　Nic。；　if　thou　wilt　not　speak；　I'll　make　my　own　terms　with　old　Lewis　here。〃

John；　perceiving　that　Frog　would　not　speak；　turns　to　old　Lewis：　〃Since　we　cannot　make　this　obstinate　fellow　speak；　Lewis；　pray　condescend　a　little　to　his　humour；　and　set　down　thy　meaning　upon　paper；　that　he　may　answer　it　in　another　scrap。〃

〃I　am　infinitely　sorry；〃　quoth　Lewis；　〃that　it　happens　so　unfortunately；　for；　playing　a　little　at　cudgels　t'other　day；　a　fellow　has　given　me　such　a　rap　over　the　right　arm　that　I　am　quite　lame。　　I　have　lost　the　use　of　my　forefinger　and　my　thumb；　so　that　I　cannot　hold　my　pen。〃

JOHN　BULL。〃That's　all　one；　let　me　write　for　you。〃

LEWIS。〃But　I　have　a　misfortune　that　I　cannot　read　anybody's　hand　but　my　own。〃

JOHN　BULL。〃Try　what　you　can　do　with　your　left　hand。〃

LEWIS。〃That's　impossible；　it　will　make　such　a　scrawl　that　it　will　not　be　legible。〃

As　they　were　talking　of　this　matter；　in　came　Esquire　South；　all　dressed　up　in　feathers　and　ribbons；　stark　staring　mad；　brandishing　his　sword；　as　if　he　would　have　cut　off　their　heads；　crying　〃Room；　room；　boys；　for　the　grand　esquire　of　the　world！　the　flower　of　esquires！　　What！　covered　in　my　presence？　　I'll　crush　your　souls；　and　crack　you　like　lice！〃　　With　that　he　had　like　to　have　struck　John　Bull's　hat　into　the　fire；　but　John；　who　was　pretty　strong…fisted；　gave　him　such　a　squeeze　as　made　his　eyes　water。　　He　went　on　still　in　his　mad　pranks：　　〃When　I　am　lord　of　the　universe；　the　sun　shall　prostrate　and　adore　me！　　Thou；　Frog；　shalt　be　my　bailiff；　Lewis　my　tailor；　and　thou；　John　Bull；　shalt　be　my　fool！〃

All　this　while　Frog　laughed　in　his　sleeve；　gave　the　esquire　the　other　noggan　of　brandy；　and　clapped　him　on　the　back；　which　made　him　ten　times　madder。

Poor　John　stood　in　amaze；　talking　thus　to　himself：　　〃Well；　John；　thou　art　got　into　rare　company！　　One　has　a　dumb　devil；　the　other　a　mad　devil；　and　the　third　a　spirit　of　infirmity。　　An　honest　man　has　a　fine　time　on　it　amongst　such　rogues。　　What　art　thou　asking　of　them　after　all？　　Some　mighty　boon　one　would　think！　only　to　sit　quietly　at　thy　own　fireside。　　What　have　I　to　do　with　such　fellows？　　John　Bull；　after　all　his　losses　and　crosses；　can　live　better　without　them　than　they　can　without　him。　　Would　I　lived　a　thousand　leagues　off　them！　but　the　devil's　in　it；　John　Bull　is　in；　and　John　Bull　must　get　out　as　well　as　he　can。〃

As　he　was　talking　to　himself；　he　observed　Frog　and　old　Lewis　edging　towards　one　another　to　whisper；*　so　that　John　was　forced　to　sit　with　his　arms　akimbo；　to　keep　them　asunder。

*　Some　attempts　of　secret　negotiation　between　the　French　and　the　Dutch。

Some　people　advised　John　to　bleed　Frog　under　the　tongue；　or　take　away　his　bread…and…butter；　which　would　certainly　make　him　speak；　to　give　Esquire　South　hellebore；　as　for　Lewis；　some　were　for　emollient　poultices；　others　for　opening　his　arm　with　an　incision　knife。



CHAPTER　XI。*　　The　apprehending；　examination；　and　imprisonment　of　Jack　for　suspicion　of　poisoning。

*　The　four　following　chapters　contain　the　history　of　passing　the　Bill　against　Occasional　Conformity；　and　of　the　Whigs　agreeing　to　it。

The　attentive　reader　cannot　have　forgot　that　the　story　of　Van　Ptschirnsooker's　powder　was　interrupted　by　a　message　from　Frog。　　I　have　a　natural　compassion　for　curiosity；　being　much　troubled　with　the　distemper　myself；　therefore　to　gratify　that　uneasy　itching　sensation　in　my　reader；　I　have　procured　the　following　account　of　that　matter。

Van　Ptschirnsooker　came　off　（as　rogues　usually　do　upon　such　occasions）　by　peaching　his　partner；　and　being　extremely　forward　to　bring　him　to　the　gallows；　Jack*　was　accused　as　the　contriver　of　all　the　roguery。　　And；　indeed；　it　happened　unfortunately　for　the　poor　fellow；　that　he　was　known　to　bear　a　most　inveterate　spite　against　the　old　gentlewoman；　and；　consequently；　that　never　any　ill　accident　happened　to　her　but　he　was　suspected　to　be　at　the　bottom　of　it。　　If　she　pricked　her　finger；　Jack；　to　be　sure；　laid　the　pin　in　the　way；　if　some　noise　in　the　street　disturbed　her　rest；　who　could　it　be　but　Jack　in　some　of　his　nocturnal　rambles？　　If　a　servant　ran　away；　Jack　had　debauched　him。　　Every　idle　tittle…tattle　that　went　about；　Jack　was　always　suspected　for　the　author　of　it。　　However；　all　was　nothing　to　this　last　affair　of　the　temperating；　moderating　powder。

*　All　the　misfortunes　of　the　Church　charged　upon　the　Puritan　party。

The　hue　and　cry　went　after　Jack　to　apprehend　him　dead　or　alive；　wherever　he　could　be　found。　　The　constables　looked　out　for　him　in　all　his　usual　haunts；　but　to　no　purpose。　　Where　d'ye　think　they　found　him　at　last？　　Even　smoking　his　pipe；　very　quietly；　at　his　brother　Martin's；　from　whence　he　was　carried　with　a　vast　mob　at　his　heels；　before　the　worshipful　Mr。　Justice　Overdo。　　Several　of　his　neighbours　made　oath；*　that　of　late；　the　prisoner　had　been　observed　to　lead　a　very　dissolute　life；　renouncing　even　his　usual　hypocrisy　and　pretences　to　sobriety；　that　he　frequented　taverns　and　eating…houses；　and　had　been　often　guilty　of　drunkenness　and　gluttony　at　my　Lord　Mayor's　table；　that　he　had　been　seen　in　the　company　of　lewd　women；　that　he　had　transferred　his　usual　care　of　the　engrossed　copy　of　his　father's　will　to　bank　bills；　orders　for　tallies；　and　debentures：**　　these　he　now　affirmed；　with　more　literal　truth；　to　be　meat；　drink；　and　cloth；　the　philosopher's　stone；　and　the　universal　medicine；***　that　he　was　so　far　from　showing　his　customary　reverence　to　the　will；　that　he　kept　company　with　those　that　called　his　father　a　cheating　rogue；　and　his　will　a　forgery；　that　he　not　only　sat　quietly　and　heard　his　father　railed　at；　but　often　chimed　in　with　the　discourse；　and　hugged　the　authors　as　his　bosom　friends；****　that　instead　of　asking　for　blows　at　the　corners　of　the　streets；　he　now　bestowed　them　as　plentifully　as　he　begged　them　before。***　　In　short；　that　he　was　grown　a　mere　rake；　and　had　nothing　left　in　him　of　old　Jack　except　his　spite　to　John　Bull's　mother。

*　The　manners　of　the　Dissenters　changed　from　their　former　strictness。　**　Dealing　much　in　stock…jobbing。　***　〃Tale　of　a　Tub。〃　****　Herding　with　deists　and　atheists。

Another　witness　made　oath；　that　Jack　had　been　overheard　bragging　of　a　trick*　he　had　found　out　to　manage　the　〃old　formal　jade；〃　as　he　used　to　call　her。　　〃Hang　this　numb…skull　of　mine；〃　quoth　he；　〃that　I　could　not　light　on　it　sooner。　　As　long　as　I　go　in　this　ragged　tattered　coat；　I　am　so　well　known；　that　I　am　hunted　away　from　the　old　woman's　door　by　every　barking　cur　about　the　house；　they　bid　me　defiance。　　There's　no　doing　mischief　as　an　open　enemy；　I　must　find　some　way　or　other　of　getting　within　doors；　and　then　I　shall　have　better　opportunities　of　playing　my　pranks；　besides　the　benefit　of　good　keeping。〃

*　Getting　into　places　and　Church　preferments　by　occasional　conformity。

Two　witnesses　swore*　that　several　years　ago；　there　came　to　their　mistress's　door　a　young　fellow　in　a　tattered　coat；　that　went　by　the　name　of　Timothy　Trim；　whom　they　did　in　their　conscience　believe　to　be　the　very　prisoner；　resembling　him　in　shape；　stature；　and　the　features　of　his　countenance。　　That　the　said　Timothy　Trim　being　taken　into　the　family；　clapped　their　mistress's　livery　over　his　own　tattered　coat；　that　the　said　Timothy　was　extremely　officious　about　their　mistress's　person；　endeavouring　by　flattery　and　tale…bearing　to　set　her　against　the　rest　of　the　servants：　　nobody　was　so　ready　to　fetch　anything　that　was　wanted；　to　reach　what　was　dropped。　　That　he　used　to　shove　and　elbow　his　fellow…servants　to　get　near　his　mistress；　especially　when　money　was　a　paying　or　receivingthen　he　was　never　out　of　the　way；　that　he　was　extremely　diligent　about　everybody's　business　but　his　own。　　That　the　said　Timothy；　while　he　was　in　the　family；　used　to　be　playing　roguish　tricks；　when　his　mistress's　back　was　turned；　he　would　loll　out　his　tongue；　make　mouths；　and　laugh　at　her；　walking　behind　her　like　Harlequin；　ridiculing　her　motions　and　gestures；　but　if　his　mistress　looked　about；　he　put　on　a　grave；　demure　countenance；　as　if　he　had　been　in　a　fit　of　devotion；　that　he　used　often　to　trip　up…stairs　so　smoothly　that　you　could　not　hear　him　tread；　and　put　all　things　out　of　order；　that　he　would　pinch　the　children　and　servants；　when　he　met　them　in　the　dark；　so　hard；　that　he　left　the　print　of　his　forefingers　and　his　thumb　in　black　and　blue；　and　then　slink　into　a　corner；　as　if　nobody　had　done　it。　　Out　of　the　same　malicious　design　he　used　to　lay　chairs　and　joint…stools　in　their　way；　that　they　might　break　their　noses　by　falling　over　them。　　The　more　young　and　inexperienced　he　used　to　teach　to　talk　saucily；　and　call　names。　　During　his　stay　in　the　family　there　was　much　plate　missing；　being　caught　with　a　couple　of　silver　spoons　in　his　pocket；　with　their　handles　wrenched　off；　he　said　he　was　only　going　to　carry　them　to　the　goldsmiths　to　be　mended：　that　the　said　Timothy　was　hated　by　all　the　honest　servants；　for　his　ill…conditioned；　splenetic　tricks；　but　especially　for　his　slanderous　tongue；　traducing　them　to　their　mistress　as　drunkards　and　thieves：　that　the　said　Timothy；　by　lying　stories；　used　to　set　all　the　family　together　by　the　ears；　taking　delight　to　make　them　fight　and　quarrel；　**particularly　one　day　sitting　at　table；　he　spoke　words　to　this　effect：　　〃I　am　of　opinion；〃　quoth　he；　〃that　little　short　fellows；　such　as　we　are；　have　better　hearts；　and　could　beat　the　tall　fellows；　I　wish　it　came　to　a　fair　trial；　I　believe　these　long　fellows；　as　sightly　as　they　are；　should　find　their　jackets　well　thwacked。〃

*　Betraying　the　interests　of　the　Church　when　got　into　preferments。　**　The　original　of　the　distinction　in