on the decay of the art of lying-第1部分

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On　the　Decay　of　the　Art　of　Lying



by　Mark　Twain　＇Sameul　Clemens＇









ESSAY；　FOR　DISCUSSION；　READ　AT　A　MEETING　OF　THE　HISTORICAL

AND　ANTIQUARIAN　CLUB　OF　HARTFORD；　AND　OFFERED　FOR　THE

THIRTY…DOLLAR　PRIZE。＇*＇



＇*＇　Did　not　take　the　prize。









　　Observe；　I　do　not　mean　to　suggest　that　the　_custom_　of　lying　has

suffered　any　decay　or　interruptionno；　for　the　Lie；　as　a　Virtue；　A　Principle；

is　eternal；　the　Lie；　as　a　recreation；　a　solace；　a　refuge　in　time　of　need；　the

fourth　Grace；　the　tenth　Muse；　man's　best　and　surest　friend；　is　immortal；　and

cannot　perish　from　the　earth　while　this　club　remains。　My　complaint　simply

concerns　the　decay　of　the　_art_　of　lying。　No　high…minded　man；　no　man　of　right

feeling；　can　contemplate　the　lumbering　and　slovenly　lying　of　the　present　day

without　grieving　to　see　a　noble　art　so　prostituted。　In　this　veteran　presence　I

naturally　enter　upon　this　theme　with　diffidence；　it　is　like　an　old　maid　trying

to　teach　nursery　matters　to　the　mothers　in　Israel。　It　would　not　become　to　me

to　criticise　you；　gentlemenwho　are　nearly　all　my　eldersand　my　superiors；

in　this　thingif　I　should　here　and　there　_seem_　to　do　it；　I　trust　it　will　in

most　cases　be　more　in　a　spirit　of　admiration　than　fault…finding；　indeed　if

this　finest　of　the　fine　arts　had　everywhere　received　the　attention；　the

encouragement；　and　conscientious　practice　and　development　which　this　club　has

devoted　to　it；　I　should　not　need　to　utter　this　lament；　or　shred　a　single　tear。

I　do　not　say　this　to　flatter：　I　say　it　in　a　spirit　of　just　and　appreciative

recognition。　＇It　had　been　my　intention；　at　this　point；　to　mention　names　and

to　give　illustrative　specimens；　but　indications　observable　about　me　admonished

me　to　beware　of　the　particulars　and　confine　myself　to　generalities。＇



　　No　fact　is　more　firmly　established　than　that　lying　is　a　necessity　of　our

circumstancesthe　deduction　that　it　is　then　a　Virtue　goes　without　saying。

No　virtue　can　reach　its　highest　usefulness　without　careful　and　diligent

cultivationtherefore；　it　goes　without　saying　that　this　one　ought　to　be

taught　in　the　public　schoolseven　in　the　newspapers。　What　chance　has　the

ignorant　uncultivated　liar　against　the　educated　expert？　What　chance　have　I

against　Mr。　Peragainst　a　lawyer？　_Judicious_　lying　is　what　the　world　needs。

I　sometimes　think　it　were　even　better　and　safer　not　to　lie　at　all　than　to　lie

injudiciously。　An　awkward；　unscientific　lie　is　often　as　ineffectual　as　the

truth。



　　Now　let　us　see　what　the　philosophers　say。　Note　that　venerable　proverb：

Children　and　fools　_always_　speak　the　truth。　The　deduction　is　plainadults

and　wise　persons　_never_speak　it。　Parkman；　the　historian；　says；　〃The　principle

of　truth　may　itself　be　carried　into　an　absurdity。〃　In　another　place　in　the　same

chapters　he　says；　〃The　saying　is　old　that　truth　should　not　be　spoken　at　all

times；　and　those　whom　a　sick　conscience　worries　into　habitual　violation　of

the　maxim　are　imbeciles　and　nuisances。〃　It　is　strong　language；　but　true。　None

of　us　could　_live_　with　an　habitual　truth…teller；　but　thank　goodness　none　of

us　has　to。　An　habitual　truth…teller　is　simply　an　impossible　creature；　he　does

not　exist；　he　never　has　existed。　Of　course　there　are　people　who　_think_　they

never　lie；　but　it　is　not　soand　this　ignorance　is　one　of　the　very　things　that

shame　our　so…called　civilization。　Everybody　liesevery　day；　every　hour；

awake；　asleep；　in　his　dreams；　in　his　joy；　in　his　mourning；　if　he　keeps　his

tongue　still；　his　hands；　his　feet；　his　eyes；　his　attitude；　will　convey

deceptionand　purposely。　Even　in　sermonsbut　that　is　a　platitude。



　　In　a　far　country　where　I　once　lived　the　ladies　used　to　go　around　paying

calls；　under　the　humane　and　kindly　pretence　of　wanting　to　see　each　other；

and　when　they　returned　home；　they　would　cry　out　with　a　glad　voice；　saying；

〃We　made　sixteen　calls　and　found　fourteen　of　them　out〃not　meaning　that

they　found　out　anything　important　against　the　fourteenno；　that　was　only

a　colloquial　phrase　to　signify　that　they　were　not　at　homeand　their　manner

of　saying　it　expressed　their　lively　satisfaction　in　that　fact。　Now　their

pretence　of　wanting　to　see　the　fourteenand　the　other　two　whom　they　had　been

less　lucky　withwas　that　commonest　and　mildest　form　of　lying　which　is

sufficiently　described　as　a　deflection　from　the　truth。　Is　it　justifiable？

Most　certainly。　It　is　beautiful；　it　is　noble；　for　its　object　is；　_not_　to　reap

profit；　but　to　convey　a　pleasure　to　the　sixteen。　The　iron…souled　truth…monger

would　plainly　manifest；　or　even　utter　the　fact　that　he　didn't　want　to　see

those　peopleand　he　would　be　an　ass；　and　inflict　totally　unnecessary　pain。

And　next；　those　ladies　in　that　far　countrybut　never　mind；　they　had　a　thousand

pleasant　ways　of　lying；　that　grew　out　of　gentle　impulses；　and　were　a　credit

to　their　intelligence　and　an　honor　to　their　hearts。　Let　the　particulars　go。



　　The　men　in　that　far　country　were　liars；　every　one。　Their　mere　howdy…do　was　a

lie；　because　_they_　didn't　care　how　you　did；　except　they　were　undertakers。　To

the　ordinary　inquirer　you　lied　in　return；　for　you　made　no　conscientious

diagnostic　of　your　case；　but　answered　at　random；　and　usually　missed　it

considerably。　You　lied　to　the　undertaker；　and　said　your　health　was　failinga

wholly　commendable　lie；　since　it　cost　you　nothing　and　pleased　the　other　man。

If　a　stranger　called　and　interrupted　you；　you　said　with　your　hearty　tongue；

〃I'm　glad　to　see　you；〃　and　said　with　your　heartier　soul；　〃I　wish　you　were　with

the　cannibals　and　it　was　dinner…time。〃　When　he　went；　you　said　regretfully；

〃_Must_　you　go？〃　and　followed　it　with　a　〃Call　again；〃　but　you　did　no　harm；　for

you　did　not　deceive　anybody　nor　inflict　any　hurt；　whereas　the　truth　would　have

made　you　both　unhappy。



　　I　think　that　all　this　courteous　lying　is　a　sweet　and　loving　art；　and　should

be　cultivated。　The　highest　perfection　of　politeness　is　only　a　beautiful

edifice；　built；　from　the　base　to　the　dome；　of　graceful　and　gilded　forms　of

charitable　and　unselfish　lying。



　　What　I　bemoan　is　the　growing　prevalence　of　the　brutal　truth。　Let　us　do　what

we　can　to　eradicate　it。　An　injurious　truth　has　no　merit　over　an　injurious　lie。

Neither　should　ever　be　uttered。　The　man　who　speaks　an　injurious　truth　lest

his　soul　be　not　saved　if　he　do　otherwise；　should　reflect　that　that　sort　of　a

soul　is　not　strictly　worth　saving。　The　man　who　tells　a　lie　to　help　a　poor

devil　out　of　trouble；　is　one　of　whom　the　angels　doubtless　say；　〃Lo；　here　is

an　heroic　soul　who　casts　his　own　welfare　in　jeopardy　to　succor　his　neighbor's；

let　us　exalt　this　magnanimous　liar。〃



　　An　injurious　lie　is　an　uncommendable　thing；　and　so；　also；　and　in　the　same

degree；　is　an　injurious　trutha　fact　that　is　recognized　by　the　law　of　libel。



　　Among　other　common　lies；　we　have　the　_silent_　liethe　deception　which　one

conveys　by　simply　keeping　still　and　concealing　the　truth。　Many　obstinate

truth…mongers　indulge　in　this　dissipation；　imagining　that　if　they　_speak_　no

lie；　they　lie　not　at　all。　In　that　far　country　where　I　once　lived；　there　was

a　lovely　spirit；　a　lady　whose　impulses　were　always　high　and　pure；　and　whose

character　answered　to　them。　One　day　I　was　there　at　dinner；　and　remarked；　in

a　general　way；　that　we　are　all　liars。　She　was　amazed；　and　said；　〃Not　_all_？〃

It　was　before　〃Pinafore's〃　time。　so　I　did　not　make　the　response　which　would

naturally　follow　in　our　day；　but　frankly　said；　〃Yes；　_all_we　are　all　liars。

There　are　no　exceptions。〃　She　looked　almost　offended；　〃Why；　do　you　include

_me_？〃　〃Certainly；〃　I　said。　〃I　think　you　even　rank　as　an　expert。〃　She　said

〃Sh…'sh！　the　children！〃　So　the　subject　was　changed　in　deference　to　the

children's　presence；　and　we　went　on　talking　about　other　things。　But　as　soon

as　the　young　people　were　out　of　the　way；　the　lady　came　warmly　back　to　the

matter　and　said；　〃I　have　made　a　rule　of　my　life　to　never　tell　a　lie；　and　I

have　never　departed　from　it　in　a　single　instance。〃　I　said；　〃I　don't　mean　the

least　harm　or　disrespect；　but　really　you　have　been　lying　like　smoke　ever

since　I've　been　sitting　here。　It　has　caused　me　a　good　deal　of　pain；　because

I'm　not　used　to　it。〃　She　required　of　me　an　instancejust　a　single　instance。

So　I　said



　　〃Well；　here　is　the　unfilled　duplicate　of　the　blank；　which　the　Oakland

hospital　people　sent　to　you　by　the　hand　of　the　sick…nurse　when　she　came　here

to　nurse　your　little　nephew　through　his　dangerous　illness。　This　blank　asks

all　manners　of　questions　as　to　the　conduct　of　that　sick…nurse：　'Did　she　ever

sleep　on　her　watch？　Did　she　ever　forget　to　give　the　medicine？'　and　so　forth

and　so　on。　You　are　warned　to　be　very　careful　and　explicit　in　your　answers；　for

the　welfare　of　the　service　requires　that　the　nurses　be　promptly　fined　or

otherwise　punished　for　derelictions。　You　told　me　you　were　perfectly　delighted

with　this　nursethat　she　had　a　thousand　perfections　and　only　one　fault：　you

found　you　never　could　depend　on　her　wrapping　Johnny　up　half　sufficiently　while

he　waited　in　a　chilly　chair　for　her　to　rearrange　the　warm　bed。

You　filled　up　the　duplicate　of　this　paper；　and　sent　it　back　to　the　hospital

by　the　hand　of　the　nurse。　How　did　you　answer　this　question'Was　the　nurse

at　any　time　guilty　of　a　negligence　which　was　likely　to　result　in　the　patient's

taking　cold？'　Comeeverything　is　decided　by　a　bet　here　in　California：　ten

dollars　to　ten　cents　you　lied　when　you　answered　that　question。〃　She　said；　〃I

didn't；　_I　left　it　blank！_〃　〃Just　soyou　have　told　a　_silent_　lie；　you　have

left　it　to　be　inferred　that　you　had　no　fault　to　find　in　that　matter。〃　She　said；

〃Oh；　was　that　a　lie？　And　_how_　could　I　mention　her　one　single　fault；　and　she

is　so　good？It　would　have　been　cruel。〃　I　said；　〃One　ought　always　to　lie；　when

one　can　do　good　by　it；　your　impulse　was　right；　but　your　judgment　was　crude；

this　comes　of　unintelligent　practice。　Now　observe　the　results　of　this　inexpert

deflection　of　yours。　You　know　Mr。　Jones's　Willie　is　lying　very　low　with

scarlet…fev