how tell a story and others-第3部分

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times　there。〃

What　put　the　honorary　membership　in　my　head　that　day　in　the　Century　Club？
for　I　had　never　thought　of　it　before。　　I　don't　know　what　brought　the
thought　to　me　at　that　particular　time　instead　of　earlier；　but　I　am　well
satisfied　that　it　originated　with　the　Board　of　Directors；　and　had　been　on
its　way　to　my　brain　through　the　air　ever　since　the　moment　that　saw　their
vote　recorded。

Another　incident。　　I　was　in　Hartford　two　or　three　days　as　a　guest　of　the
Rev。　Joseph　H。　Twichell。　　I　have　held　the　rank　of　Honorary　Uncle　to　his
children　for　a　quarter　of　a　century；　and　I　went　out　with　him　in　the
trolley…car　to　visit　one　of　my　nieces；　who　is　at　Miss　Porter's　famous
school　in　Farmington。　　The　distance　is　eight　or　nine　miles。　　On　the　way；
talking；　I　illustrated　something　with　an　anecdote。　　This　is　the　anecdote：

Two　years　and　a　half　ago　I　and　the　family　arrived　at　Milan　on　our　way　to
Rome；　and　stopped　at　the　Continental。　　After　dinner　I　went　below　and　took
a　seat　in　the　stone…paved　court；　where　the　customary　lemon…trees　stand　in
the　customary　tubs；　and　said　to　myself；　〃Now　this　is　comfort；　comfort　and
repose；　and　nobody　to　disturb　it；　I　do　not　know　anybody　in　Milan。〃

Then　a　young　gentleman　stepped　up　and　shook　hands；　which　damaged　my
theory。　　He　said；　in　substance：

〃You　won't　remember　me；　Mr。　Clemens；　but　I　remember　you　very　well。　　I　was
a　cadet　at　West　Point　when　you　and　Rev。　Joseph　H。　Twichell　came　there
some　years　ago　and　talked　to　us　on　a　Hundredth　Night。　　I　am　a　lieutenant
in　the　regular　army　now；　and　my　name　is　H。　　I　am　in　Europe；　all　alone；
for　a　modest　little　tour；　my　regiment　is　in　Arizona。〃

We　became　friendly　and　sociable；　and　in　the　course　of　the　talk　he　told　me
of　an　adventure　which　had　befallen　himabout　to　this　effect：

〃I　was　at　Bellagio；　stopping　at　the　big　hotel　there；　and　ten　days　ago　I
lost　my　letter　of　credit。　　I　did　not　know　what　in　the　world　to　do。　　I　was
a　stranger；　I　knew　no　one　in　Europe；　I　hadn't　a　penny　in　my　pocket；　I
couldn't　even　send　a　telegram　to　London　to　get　my　lost　letter　replaced；
my　hotel　bill　was　a　week　old；　and　the　presentation　of　it　imminentso
imminent　that　it　could　happen　at　any　moment　now。　　I　was　so　frightened
that　my　wits　seemed　to　leave　me。　　I　tramped　and　tramped；　back　and　forth；
like　a　crazy　person。　　If　anybody　approached　me　I　hurried　away；　for　no
matter　what　a　person　looked　like；　I　took　him　for　the　head　waiter　with　the
bill。

〃I　was　at　last　in　such　a　desperate　state　that　I　was　ready　to　do　any　wild
thing　that　promised　even　the　shadow　of　help；　and　so　this　is　the　insane
thing　that　I　did。　　I　saw　a　family　lunching　at　a　small　table　on　the
veranda；　and　recognized　their　nationalityAmericansfather；　mother；　and
several　young　daughtersyoung；　tastefully　dressed；　and　prettythe　rule
with　our　people。　　I　went　straight　there　in　my　civilian　costume；　named　my
name；　said　I　was　a　lieutenant　in　the　army；　and　told　my　story　and　asked
for　help。

〃What　do　you　suppose　the　gentleman　did？　　But　you　would　not　guess　in
twenty　years。　　He　took　out　a　handful　of　gold　coin　and　told　me　to　help
myselffreely。　　That　is　what　he　did。〃

The　next　morning　the　lieutenant　told　me　his　new　letter　of　credit　had
arrived　in　the　night；　so　we　strolled　to　Cook's　to　draw　money　to　pay　back
the　benefactor　with。　　We　got　it；　and　then　went　strolling　through　the
great　arcade。　　Presently　he　said；　〃Yonder　they　are；　come　and　be
introduced。〃　　I　was　introduced　to　the　parents　and　the　young　ladies；　then
we　separated；　and　I　never　saw　him　or　them　any　m…

〃Here　we　are　at　Farmington；〃　said　Twichell；　interrupting。

We　left　the　trolley…car　and　tramped　through　the　mud　a　hundred　yards　or　so
to　the　school；　talking　about　the　time　we　and　Warner　walked　out　there
years　ago；　and　the　pleasant　time　we　had。

We　had　a　visit　with　my　niece　in　the　parlor；　then　started　for　the　trolley
again。　　Outside　the　house　we　encountered　a　double　rank　of　twenty　or
thirty　of　Miss　Porter's　young　ladies　arriving　from　a　walk；　and　we　stood
aside；　ostensibly　to　let　them　have　room　to　file　past；　but　really　to　look
at　them。　　Presently　one　of　them　stepped　out　of　the　rank　and　said：

〃You　don't　know　me；　Mr。　Twichell；　but　I　know　your　daughter；　and　that
gives　me　the　privilege　of　shaking　hands　with　you。〃

Then　she　put　out　her　hand　to　me；　and　said：

〃And　I　wish　to　shake　hands　with　you　too；　Mr。　Clemens。　　You　don't　remember
me；　but　you　were　introduced　to　me　in　the　arcade　in　Milan　two　years　and　a
half　ago　by　Lieutenant　H。〃

What　had　put　that　story　into　my　head　after　all　that　stretch　of　time？　　Was
it　just　the　proximity　of　that　young　girl；　or　was　it　merely　an　odd
accident？







THE　INVALID'S　STORY

I　seem　sixty　and　married；　but　these　effects　are　due　to　my　condition　and
sufferings；　for　I　am　a　bachelor；　and　only　forty…one。　　It　will　be　hard　for
you　to　believe　that　I；　who　am　now　but　a　shadow；　was　a　hale；　hearty　man
two　short　years　ago；　a　man　of　iron；　a　very　athlete！　yet　such　is　the
simple　truth。　　But　stranger　still　than　this　fact　is　the　way　in　which　I
lost　my　health。　　I　lost　it　through　helping　to　take　care　of　a　box　of　guns
on　a　two…hundred…mile　railway　journey　one　winter's　night。　　It　is　the
actual　truth；　and　I　will　tell　you　about　it。

I　belong　in　Cleveland；　Ohio。　　One　winter's　night；　two　years　ago；　I
reached　home　just　after　dark；　in　a　driving　snow…storm；　and　the　first
thing　I　heard　when　I　entered　the　house　was　that　my　dearest　boyhood　friend
and　schoolmate；　John　B。　Hackett；　had　died　the　day　before；　and　that　his
last　utterance　had　been　a　desire　that　I　would　take　his　remains　home　to
his　poor　old　father　and　mother　in　Wisconsin。　　I　was　greatly　shocked　and
grieved；　but　there　was　no　time　to　waste　in　emotions；　I　must　start　at
once。　　I　took　the　card；　marked　〃Deacon　Levi　Hackett；　Bethlehem；
Wisconsin；〃　and　hurried　off　through　the　whistling　storm　to　the　railway
station。　　Arrived　there　I　found　the　long　white…pine　box　which　had　been
described　to　me；　I　fastened　the　card　to　it　with　some　tacks；　saw　it　put
safely　aboard　the　express　car；　and　then　ran　into　the　eating…room　to
provide　myself　with　a　sandwich　and　some　cigars。　　When　I　returned；
presently；　there　was　my　coffin…box　back　again；　apparently；　and　a　young
fellow　examining　around　it；　with　a　card　in　his　hands；　and　some　tacks　and
a　hammer！　　I　was　astonished　and　puzzled。　　He　began　to　nail　on　his　card；
and　I　rushed　out　to　the　express　car；　in　a　good　deal　of　a　state　of　mind；
to　ask　for　an　explanation。　　But　nothere　was　my　box；　all　right；　in　the
express　car；　it　hadn't　been　disturbed。　　＇The　fact　is　that　without　my
suspecting　it　a　prodigious　mistake　had　been　made。　　I　was　carrying　off　a
box　of　guns　which　that　young　fellow　had　come　to　the　station　to　ship　to　a
rifle　company　in　Peoria；　Illinois；　and　he　had　got　my　corpse！＇　　Just　then
the　conductor　sung　out　〃All　aboard；〃　and　I　jumped　into　the　express　car
and　got　a　comfortable　seat　on　a　bale　of　buckets。　　The　expressman　was
there；　hard　at　work；a　plain　man　of　fifty；　with　a　simple；　honest；　good…
natured　face；　and　a　breezy；　practical　heartiness　in　his　general　style。
As　the　train　moved　off　a　stranger　skipped　into　the　car　and　set　a　package
of　peculiarly　mature　and　capable　Limburger　cheese　on　one　end　of　my
coffin…boxI　mean　my　box　of　guns。　　That　is　to　say；　I　know　now　that　it
was　Limburger　cheese；　but　at　that　time　I　never　had　heard　of　the　article
in　my　life；　and　of　course　was　wholly　ignorant　of　its　character。　　Well；　we
sped　through　the　wild　night；　the　bitter　storm　raged　on；　a　cheerless
misery　stole　over　me；　my　heart　went　down；　down；　down！　　The　old　expressman
made　a　brisk　remark　or　two　about　the　tempest　and　the　arctic　weather；
slammed　his　sliding　doors　to；　and　bolted　them；　closed　his　window　down
tight；　and　then　went　bustling　around；　here　and　there　and　yonder；　setting
things　to　rights；　and　all　the　time　contentedly　humming　〃Sweet　By　and　By；〃
in　a　low　tone；　and　flatting　a　good　deal。　　Presently　I　began　to　detect　a
most　evil　and　searching　odor　stealing　about　on　the　frozen　air。　　This
depressed　my　spirits　still　more；　because　of　course　I　attributed　it　to　my
poor　departed　friend。　　There　was　something　infinitely　saddening　about　his
calling　himself　to　my　remembrance　in　this　dumb　pathetic　way；　so　it　was
hard　to　keep　the　tears　back。　　Moreover；　it　distressed　me　on　account　of
the　old　expressman；　who；　I　was　afraid；　might　notice　it。　　However；　he　went
humming　tranquilly　on；　and　gave　no　sign；　and　for　this　I　was　grateful。
Grateful；　yes；　but　still　uneasy；　and　soon　I　began　to　feel　more　and　more
uneasy　every　minute；　for　every　minute　that　went　by　that　odor　thickened　up
the　more；　and　got　to　be　more　and　more　gamey　and　hard　to　stand。
Presently；　having　got　things　arranged　to　his　satisfaction；　the　expressman
got　some　wood　and　made　up　a　tremendous　fire　in　his　stove。

This　distressed　me　more　than　I　can　tell；　for　I　could　not　but　feel　that　it
was　a　mistake。　　I　was　sure　that　the　effect　would　be　deleterious　upon　my
poor　departed　friend。　　Thompsonthe　expressman's　name　was　Thompson；　as　I
found　out　in　the　course　of　the　nightnow　went　poking　around　his　car；
stopping　up　whatever　stray　cracks　he　could　find；　remarking　that　it　didn't
make　any　difference　what　kind　of　a　night　it　was　outside；　he　calculated　to
make　us　comfortable；　anyway。　　I　said　nothing；　but　I　believed　he　was　not
choosing　the　right　way。　　Meantime　he　was　humming　to　himself　just　as
before；　and　meantime；　too；　the　stove　was　getting　hotter　and　hotter；　and
the　place　closer　and　closer。　　I　felt　myself　growing　pale　and　qualmish；
but　grieved　in　silence　and　said　nothing。

Soon　I　noticed　that　the　〃Sweet　By　and　By　〃　was　gradually　fading　out；　next
it　ceased　altogether；　and　there　was　an　ominous　stillness。　　After　a　few
moments　Thompson　said；

〃Pfew！　　I　reckon　it　ain't　no　cinnamon　't　I've　loaded　up　thish…yer　stove
with！〃

He　gasped　once　or　twice；　then　moved　toward　the　cofgun…box；　stood　over
that　Limburger　cheese　part　of　a　moment；　then　came　back　and　sat　down　near
me；　looking　a　good　deal　impressed。　　After　a　contemplative　pause；　he　said；
indicating　the　box　with　a　gesture；

〃Friend　of　yourn？〃

〃Yes；〃　I　said　with　a　sigh。

〃He's　pretty　ripe；　ain't　he！〃

Nothing　further　was　said　for　perhaps　a　couple　of　minutes；　each　being　busy
with　his　own　thoughts；　then　Thompson　said；　in　a　low；　a