a hazard of new fortunes v1-第18部分

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starving　along　with　a　sick　wife　and　a　sick　newspaper。　　It　was　before　the
Germans　had　come　over　to　the　Republicans　generally；　but　Lindau　was
fighting　the　anti…slavery　battle　just　as　naturally　at　Indianapolis　in
1858　as　he　fought　behind　the　barricades　at　Berlin　in　1848。　　And　yet　he
was　always　such　a　gentle　soul！　　And　so　generous！　　He　taught　me　German　for
the　love　of　it；　he　wouldn't　spoil　his　pleasure　by　taking　a　cent　from　me；
he　seemed　to　get　enough　out　of　my　being　young　and　enthusiastic；　and　out
of　prophesying　great　things　for　me。　　I　wonder　what　the　poor　old　fellow　is
doing　here；　with　that　one　hand　of　his？〃

〃Not　amassing　a　very　'handsome　pittance；'　I　guess；　as　Artemus　Ward　would
say；〃　said　Fulkerson；　getting　back　some　of　his　lightness。　　〃There　are
lots　of　two…handed　fellows　in　New　York　that　are　not　doing　much　better；　I
guess。　　Maybe　he　gets　some　writing　on　the　German　papers。〃

〃I　hope　so。　　He's　one　of　the　most　accomplished　men！　　He　used　to　be　a
splendid　musicianpianistand　knows　eight　or　ten　languages。〃

〃Well；　it's　astonishing；〃　said　Fulkerson；　〃how　much　lumber　those　Germans
can　carry　around　in　their　heads　all　their　lives；　and　never　work　it　up
into　anything。　　It's　a　pity　they　couldn't　do　the　acquiring；　and　let　out
the　use　of　their　learning　to　a　few　bright　Americans。　　We　could　make
things　hum；　if　we　could　arrange　'em　that　way。〃

He　talked　on；　unheeded　by　March；　who　went　along　half…consciously
tormented　by　his　lightness　in　the　pensive　memories　the　meeting　with
Lindau　had　called　up。　　Was　this　all　that　sweet；　unselfish　nature　could
come　to？　　What　a　homeless　old　age　at　that　meagre　Italian　table　d'hote；
with　that　tall　glass　of　beer　for　a　half…hour's　oblivion！　　That　shabby
dress；　that　pathetic　mutilation！　　He　must　have　a　pension；　twelve　dollars
a　month；　or　eighteen；　from　a　grateful　country。　　But　what　else　did　he　eke
out　with？

〃Well；　here　we　are；〃　said　Fulkerson；　cheerily。　　He　ran　up　the　steps
before　March；　and　opened　the　carpenter's　temporary　valve　in　the　door
frame；　and　led　the　way　into　a　darkness　smelling　sweetly　of　unpainted
wood…work　and　newly　dried　plaster；　their　feat　slipped　on　shavings　and
grated　on　sand。　　He　scratched　a　match；　and　found　a　candle；　and　then
walked　about　up　and　down　stairs；　and　lectured　on　the　advantages　of　the
place。　　He　had　fitted　up　bachelor　apartments　for　himself　in　the　house；
and　said　that　he　was　going　to　have　a　flat　to　let　on　the　top　floor。
〃I　didn't　offer　it　to　you　because　I　supposed　you'd　be　too　proud　to　live
over　your　shop；　and　it's　too　small；　anyway；　only　five　rooms。〃

〃Yes；　that's　too　small；〃　said　March；　shirking　the　other　point。

〃Well；　then；　here's　the　room　I　intend　for　your　office；〃　said　Fulkerson；
showing　him　into　a　large　back　parlor　one　flight　up。　　〃You'll　have　it
quiet　from　the　street　noises　here；　and　you　can　be　at　home　or　not；　as　you
please。　　There'll　be　a　boy　on　the　stairs　to　find　out。　　Now；　you　see；　this
makes　the　Grosvenor　Green　flat　practicable；　if　you　want　it。〃

March　felt　the　forces　of　fate　closing　about　him　and　pushing　him　to　a
decision。　　He　feebly　fought　them　off　till　he　could　have　another　look　at
the　flat。　　Then；　baked　and　subdued　still　more　by　the　unexpected　presence
of　Mrs。　Grosvenor　Green　herself；　who　was　occupying　it　so　as　to　be　able　to
show　it　effectively；　he　took　it。　　He　was　aware　more　than　ever　of　its
absurdities；　he　knew　that　his　wife　would　never　cease　to　hate　it；　but　he
had　suffered　one　of　those　eclipses　of　the　imagination　to　which　men　of　his
temperament　are　subject；　and　into　which　he　could　see　no　future　for　his
desires。　　He　felt　a　comfort　in　irretrievably　committing　himself；　and
exchanging　the　burden　of　indecision　for　the　burden　of　responsibility。

〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Fulkerson；　as　they　walked　back　to　his　hotel
together；　〃but　you　might　fix　it　up　with　that　lone　widow　and　her　pretty
daughter　to　take　part　of　their　house　here。〃　　He　seemed　to　be　reminded　of
it　by　the　fact　of　passing　the　house；　and　March　looked　up　at　its　dark
front。　　He　could　not　have　told　exactly　why　be　felt　a　pang　of　remorse　at
the　sight；　and　doubtless　it　was　more　regret　for　having　taken　the
Grosvenor　Green　flat　than　for　not　having　taken　the　widow's　rooms。　　Still；
he　could　not　forget　her　wistfulness　when　his　wife　and　he　were　looking　at
them；　and　her　disappointment　when　they　decided　against　them。　　He　had
toyed；　in；　his　after…talk　to　Mrs。　March；　with　a　sort　of　hypothetical
obligation　they　had　to　modify　their　plans　so　as　to　meet　the　widow's　want
of　just　such　a　family　as　theirs；　they　had　both　said　what　a　blessing　it
would　be　to　her；　and　what　a　pity　they　could　not　do　it；　but　they　had
decided　very　distinctly　that　they　could　not。　　Now　it　seemed　to　him　that
they　might；　and　he　asked　himself　whether　he　had　not　actually　departed　as
much　from　their　ideal　as　if　he　had　taken　board　with　the　widow。　　Suddenly
it　seemed　to　him　that　his　wife　asked　him　this；　too。

〃I　reckon；〃　said　Fulkerson；　〃that　she　could　have　arranged　to　give　you
your　meals　in　your　rooms；　and　it　would　have　come　to　about　the　same　thing
as　housekeeping。〃

〃No　sort　of　boarding　can　be　the　same　as　house…keeping；〃　said　March。
〃I　want　my　little　girl　to　have　the　run　of　a　kitchen；　and　I　want　the　whole
family　to　have　the　moral　effect　of　housekeeping。　　It's　demoralizing　to
board；　in　every　way；　it　isn't　a　home；　if　anybody　else　takes　the　care　of
it　off　your　hands。〃

〃Well；　I　suppose　so；〃　Fulkerson　assented；　but　March's　words　had　a　hollow
ring　to　himself；　and　in　his　own　mind　he　began　to　retaliate　his
dissatisfaction　upon　Fulkerson。

He　parted　from　him　on　the　usual　terms　outwardly；　but　he　felt　obscurely
abused　by　Fulkerson　in　regard　to　the　Dryfooses；　father　and　son。　　He　did
not　know　but　Fulkerson　had　taken　an　advantage　of　him　in　allowing　him　to
commit　himself　to　their　enterprise　with　out　fully　and　frankly　telling　him
who　and　what　his　backer　was；　he　perceived　that　with　young　Dryfoos　as　the
publisher　and　Fulkerson　as　the　general　director　of　the　paper　there　might
be　very　little　play　for　his　own　ideas　of　its　conduct。　　Perhaps　it　was　the
hurt　to　his　vanity　involved　by　the　recognition　of　this　fact　that　made　him
forget　how　little　choice　he　really　had　in　the　matter；　and　how；　since　he
had　not　accepted　the　offer　to　edit　the　insurance　paper；　nothing　remained
for　him　but　to　close　with　Fulkerson。　　In　this　moment　of　suspicion　and
resentment　he　accused　Fulkerson　of　hastening　his　decision　in　regard　to
the　Grosvenor　Green　apartment；　he　now　refused　to　consider　it　a　decision；
and　said　to　himself　that　if　he　felt　disposed　to　do　so　he　would　send　Mrs。
Green　a　note　reversing　it　in　the　morning。　　But　he　put　it　all　off　till
morning　with　his　clothes；　when　he　went　to　bed；　he　put　off　even　thinking
what　his　wife　would　say；　he　cast　Fulkerson　and　his　constructive　treachery
out　of　his　mind；　too；　and　invited　into　it　some　pensive　reveries　of　the
past；　when　he　still　stood　at　the　parting　of　the　ways；　and　could　take　this
path　or　that。　　In　his　middle　life　this　was　not　possible；　he　must　follow
the　path　chosen　long；　ago；　wherever；　it　led。　　He　was　not　master　of
himself；　as　he　once　seemed；　but　the　servant　of　those　he　loved；　if　he
could　do　what　he　liked；　perhaps　he　might　renounce　this　whole　New　York
enterprise；　and　go　off　somewhere　out　of　the　reach　of　care；　but　he　could
not　do　what　he　liked；　that　was　very　clear。　　In　the　pathos　of　this
conviction　he　dwelt　compassionately　upon　the　thought　of　poor　old　Lindau；
he　resolved　to　make　him　accept　a　handsome　sum　of　moneymore　than　he
could　spare；　something　that　he　would　feel　the　loss　ofin　payment　of　the
lessons　in　German　and　fencing　given　so　long　ago。　　At　the　usual　rate　for
such　lessons；　his　debt；　with　interest　for　twenty…odd　years；　would　run
very　far　into　the　hundreds。　　Too　far；　he　perceived；　for　his　wife's　joyous
approval；　he　determined　not　to　add　the　interest；　or　he　believed　that
Lindau　would　refuse　the　interest；　he　put　a　fine　speech　in　his　mouth；
making　him　do　so；　and　after　that　he　got　Lindau　employment　on　'Every　Other
Week；'　and　took　care　of　him　till　he　died。

Through　all　his　melancholy　and　munificence　he　was　aware　of　sordid
anxieties　for　having　taken　the　Grosvenor　Green　apartment。　　These　began　to
assume　visible；　tangible　shapes　as　he　drowsed；　and　to　became　personal
entities；　from　which　he　woke；　with　little　starts；　to　a　realization　of
their　true　nature；　and　then　suddenly　fell　fast　asleep。

In　the　accomplishment　of　the　events　which　his　reverie　played　with；　there
was　much　that　retroactively　stamped　it　with　prophecy；　but　much　also　that
was　better　than　he　forboded。　　He　found　that　with　regard　to　the　Grosvenor
Green　apartment　he　had　not　allowed　for　his　wife's　willingness　to　get　any
sort　of　roof　over　her　head　again　after　the　removal　from　their　old　home；
or　for　the　alleviations　that　grow　up　through　mere　custom。　　The　practical
workings　of　the　apartment　were　not　so　bad；　it　had　its　good　points；　and
after　the　first　sensation　of　oppression　in　it　they　began　to　feel　the
convenience　of　its　arrangement。　　They　were　at　that　time　of　life　when
people　first　turn　to　their　children's　opinion　with　deference；　and；　in　the
loss　of　keenness　in　their　own　likes　and　dislikes；　consult　the　young
preferences　which　are　still　so　sensitive。　　It　went　far　to　reconcile　Mrs。
March　to　the　apartment　that　her　children　were　pleased　with　its　novelty；
when　this　wore　off　for　them；　she　had　herself　begun　to　find　it　much　more
easily　manageable　than　a　house。　　After　she　had　put　away　several　barrels
of　gimcracks；　and　folded　up　screens　and　rugs　and　skins；　and　carried　them
all　off　to　the　little　dark　store…room　which　the　flat　developed；　she
perceived　at　once　a　roominess　and　coziness　in　it　unsuspected　before。
Then；　when　people　began　to　call；　she　had　a　pleasure；　a　superiority；　in
saying　that　it　was　a　furnished　apartment；　and　in　disclaiming　all
responsibility　for　the　upholstery　and　decoration。　　If　March　was　by；　she
always　explained　that　it　was　Mr。　March's　fancy；　and　amiably　laughed　it
off　with　her　callers　as　a　mannish　eccentricity。　　Nobody　really　seemed　to
think　it　otherwise　than　pretty；　and　this　again　was　a　triumph　for　Mrs。
March；　because　it　showed　how　inferior　the　New　York　taste　was　to　the
Boston　taste　in　such　matters。

March　submitted　silently　to　his　punishment；　and　laughed　with　her　befor