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the garotters-第5部分

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in the country。'

LAWTON; standing before the group; with his arms folded and his feet
well apart; in an attitude of easy admiration:  'The Wounded Adonis;
attended by the Loves and Graces。  Familiar Pompeiian fresco。'

MRS。 ROBERTS; looking around at him:  'I don't see a great many
Loves。'

LAWTON:  'She ignores us; Mrs。 Crashaw。  And after what you've just
said!'

MRS。 ROBERTS:  'Then why don't you do something?'

LAWTON:  'The Loves NEVER do anythingin frescoes。  They stand
round and sympathise。  Besides; we are waiting to administer an
anaesthetic。  But what I admire in this subject even more than the
activity of the Graces is the serene dignity of the Adonis。  I have
seen my old friend in many trying positions; but I never realised
till now all the simpering absurdity; the flattered silliness; the
senile coquettishness; of which his benign countenance was capable。'

MRS。 ROBERTS:  'Don't mind him a bit; Mr。 Bemis; it's nothing but'

LAWTON:  'Pure envy。  I own it。'

BEMIS:  'All right; Lawton。  Wait till'

MRS。 ROBERTS; making a final stitch; snapping off the thread; and
springing to her feet; all in one:  'There; have you finished; Mr。
and Mrs。 Lou?  Well; then; take this lace handkerchief; and draw it
down from his neck and pin it in his waistcoat; and you have'

LAWTON; as Mr。 Bemis rises to his feet:  'A Gentleman of the Old
School。  Bemis; you look like a miniature of yourself by Malbone。
Rather flattered; butrecognisable。'

BEMIS; with perfectly recovered gaiety:  'Go on; go on; Lawton。  I
can understand your envy。  I can pity it。'

LAWTON:  'Could you forgive Roberts for not capturing the garotter?'

BEMIS:  'Yes; I could。  I could give the garotter his liberty; and
present him with an admission to the Provident Woodyard; where he
could earn an honest living for his family。'

LAWTON; compassionately:  'You ARE pretty far gone; Bemis。  Really;
I think somebody ought to go for Roberts。'

MRS。 ROBERTS; innocently:  'Yes; indeed!  Why; what in the world can
be keeping him?'  A nursemaid enters and beckons Mrs。 Roberts to the
door with a glance。  She runs to her; they whisper; and then Mrs。
Roberts; over her shoulder:  'That ridiculous great boy of mine says
he can't go to sleep unless I come and kiss him good…night。'

LAWTON:  'Which ridiculous great boy; I wonder?Roberts; or
Campbell?  But I didn't know they had gone to bed!'

MRS。 BEMIS:  'You are too bad; papa!  You know it's little Neddy。'

MRS。 ROBERTS; vanishing:  'Oh; I don't mind his nonsense; Lou。  I'll
fetch them both back with me。'

LAWTON; after making a melodramatic search for concealed listeners
at the doors:  'Now; friends; I have a revelation to make in Mrs。
Roberts's absence。  I have found out the garotterthe assassin。'

ALL THE OTHERS:  'What!'

LAWTON:  'He has been secured'

MRS。 CRASHAW; severely:  'Well; I'm very glad of it。'

YOUNG BEMIS:  'By the police?'

MRS。 BEMIS; incredulously:  'Papa!'

BEMIS:  'But there were several of them。  Have they all been
arrested?'

LAWTON:  'There was only one; and none of him has been arrested。'

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'Where is he; then?'

LAWTON:  'In this house。'

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'Now; Dr。 Lawton; you and I are old friendsI
shouldn't like to say HOW oldbut if you don't instantly be
serious; II'll carry my rheumatism to somebody else。'

LAWTON:  'My DEAR Mrs。 Crashaw; you know how much I prize that
rheumatism of yours!  I will be seriousI will be only too serious。
The garotter is Mr。 Roberts himself。'

ALL; horror…struck:  'Oh!'

LAWTON:  'He went out without his watch。  He thought he was robbed;
but he wasn't。  He ran after the supposed thief; our poor friend
Bemis here; and took Bemis's watch away; and brought it home for his
own。'

YOUNG BEMIS:  'Yes; but'

MRS。 BEMIS:  'But; papa'

BEMIS:  'How do you know it?  I can see how such a thing might
happen; buthow do you know it DID?'

LAWTON:  'I divined it。'

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'Nonsense!'

LAWTON:  'Very well; then; I read of just such a ease in the
Advertiser a year ago。  It occurs annuallyin the newspapers。  And
I'll tell you what; Mrs。 CrashawRoberts found out his mistake as
soon as he went to his dressing…room; and that ingenious nephew of
yours; who's closeted with him there; has been trying to put him up
to somethingto some game。'

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'Willis has too much sense。  He would know that
Edward couldn't carry out any sort of game。'

LAWTON:  'Well; then; he's getting Roberts to let HIM carry out the
game。'

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'Edward couldn't do that either。'

LAWTON:  'Very well; then; just wait till they come back。  Will you
leave me to deal with Campbell?'

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'What are you going to do?'

YOUNG BEMIS:  'You mustn't forget that he got us out of the
elevator; sir。'

MRS。 BEMIS:  'We might have been there yet if it hadn't been for
him; papa。'

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'I shouldn't want Willis mortified。'

BEMIS:  'Nor Mr。 Roberts annoyed。  We're fellow…sufferers in this
business。'

LAWTON:  'Oh; leave it to me; leave it to me!  I'll spare their
feelings。  Don't be afraid。  Ah; there they come!  Now don't say
anything。  I'll just step into the anteroom here。'



SCENE II:  MR。 ROBERTS; MR。 CAMPBELL; AND THE OTHERS



ROBERTS; entering the room before Campbell; and shaking hands with
his guests:  'Ah; Mr。 Bemis; Mrs。 Bemis; Aunt Mary!  You've heard of
our comical little coincidenceourMr。 Bemis and my'  He halts;
confused; and looks around for the moral support of Willis; who
follows hilariously。

WILLIS:  'Greatest joke on record!  But I won't spoil it for you;
Roberts。  Go on!'  In a low voice to Roberts:  'And don't look so
confoundedly down in the mouth。  They won't think it's a joke at
all。'

ROBERTS; with galvanic lightness:  'Yes; yessuch a joke!  Well;
you seeyou see'

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'See WHAT; Edward?  DO get it out!'

WILLIS; jollily:  'Ah; ha; ha!'

ROBERTS; lugubriously:  'Ah; ha; ha!'

MRS。 BEMIS:  'How funny!  Ha; ha; ha!'

YOUNG MR。 BEMIS:  'Capital! capital!'

BEMIS:  'Excellent!'

WILLIS:  'Go on; Roberts; do! or I shall die!  Ah; ha; ha!'

ROBERTS; in a low voice of consternation to Willis:  'Where was I?
I can't go on unless I know where I was。'

WILLIS; sotto voce to Roberts:  'You weren't anywhere!  For Heaven's
sake; make a start!'

ROBERTS; to the others; convulsively:  'Ha; ha; ha!  I supposed all
the time; you know; that I had been robbed; andand'

WILLIS:  'Go on! GO on!'

ROBERTS; whispering:  'I can't do it'

WILLIS; whispering:  'You've GOT to!  You're the beaver that clomb
the tree。  Laugh naturally; now!'

ROBERTS; with a staccato groan; which he tries to make pass for a
laugh:  'And then I ran after the man' He stops; and regards Mr。
Bemis with a ghastly stare。

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'What is the matter with you; Edward?  Are you sick?'

WILLIS:  'Sick?  No!  Can't you see that he can't get over the joke
of the thing?  It's killing him。'  To Roberts:  'Brace up; old man!
You're doing it splendidly。'

ROBERTS; hopelessly:  'And then the other manthe man that had
robbed methe man that I had pursuedugh!'

WILLIS:  'Well; it is too much for him。  I shall have to tell it
myself; I see。'

ROBERTS; making a wild effort to command himself:  'And sosothis
manmanma'

WILLIS:  'Oh; good Lord'  Dr。 Lawton suddenly appears from the
anteroom and confronts him。  'Oh; the devil!'

LAWTON; folding his arms; and fixing his eyes upon him:  'Which
means that you forgot I was coming。'

WILLIS:  'Doctor; you read a man's symptoms at a glance。'

LAWTON:  'Yes; and I can see that you are in a bad way; Mr。
Campbell。'

WILLIS:  'Why don't you advertise; Doctor?  Patients need only
enclose a lock of their hair; and the colour of their eyes; with one
dollar to pay the cost of materials; which will be sent; with full
directions for treatment; by return mail。  Seventh son of a seventh
son。'

LAWTON:  'Ah; don't try to jest it away; my poor friend。  This is
one of those obscure diseases of the heartinduration of the
pericardiumwhich; if not taken in time; result in deceitfulness
above all things; and desperate wickedness。'

WILLIS:  'Look here; Dr。 Lawton; what are you up to?'

LAWTON:  'Look here; Mr。 Campbell; what is your little game?'

WILLIS:  '_I_ don't know what you're up to。'  He shrugs his
shoulders and walks up the room。

LAWTON; shrugging his shoulders and walking up the room abreast of
Campbell:  '_I_ don't know what your little game is。'  They return
together; and stop; confronting each other。

WILLIS:  'But if you think I'm going to give myself away'

LAWTON:  'If you suppose I'm going to take you at your own figure'
They walk up the room together; and return as before。

WILLIS:  'Mrs。 Bemis; what is this unnatural parent of yours after?'

MRS。 BEMIS; tittering:  'Oh; I'm sure _I_ can't tell。'

WILLIS:  'Aunt Mary; you used to be a friend of mine。  Can't you
give me some sort of clue?'

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'I should be ashamed of you; Willis; if you accepted
anybody's help。'

WILLIS; sighing:  'Well; this is pretty hard on an orphan。  Here I
come to join a company of friends at the fireside of a burgled
brother…in…law; and I find myself in a nest of conspirators。'
Suddenly; after a moment:  'Oh; I understand。  Why; I ought to have
seen at once。  But no matterit's just as well。  I'm sure that we
shall hear Dr。 Lawton leniently; and make allowance for his well…
known foible。  Roberts is bound by the laws of hospitality; and Mr。
Bemis is the father…in…law of his daughter。'

MRS。 BEMIS; in serious dismay:  'Why; Mr。 Campbell; what do you
mean?'

WILLIS:  'Simply that the mystery is solvedthe double garotter is
discovered。  I'm sorry for you; Mrs。 Bemis; and no one will wish to
deal harshly with your father when he confesses that it was he who
robbed Mr。 Roberts and Mr。 Bemis。  All that they ask is to have
their watches back。  Go on; Doctor!  How will that do; Aunt Mary;
for a little flyer?'

MRS。 CRASHAW:  'Willis; I declare I never saw anybody like you!'
She embraces him with joyous pride。

ROBERTS; coming forward anxiously:  'But; my dear Willis'

WILLIS; clapping his hand over his mouth; and lead
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