the importance of being earnest-第2部分

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There　is　no　objection；　I　admit；　to　an　aunt　being　a　small　aunt；　but

why　an　aunt；　no　matter　what　her　size　may　be；　should　call　her　own

nephew　her　uncle；　I　can't　quite　make　out。　　Besides；　your　name　isn't

Jack　at　all；　it　is　Ernest。



JACK。　　It　isn't　Ernest；　it's　Jack。



ALGERNON。　　You　have　always　told　me　it　was　Ernest。　　I　have

introduced　you　to　every　one　as　Ernest。　　You　answer　to　the　name　of

Ernest。　　You　look　as　if　your　name　was　Ernest。　　You　are　the　most

earnest…looking　person　I　ever　saw　in　my　life。　　It　is　perfectly

absurd　your　saying　that　your　name　isn't　Ernest。　　It's　on　your

cards。　　Here　is　one　of　them。　　＇Taking　it　from　case。＇　　'Mr。　Ernest

Worthing；　B。　4；　The　Albany。'　　I'll　keep　this　as　a　proof　that　your

name　is　Ernest　if　ever　you　attempt　to　deny　it　to　me；　or　to

Gwendolen；　or　to　any　one　else。　　＇Puts　the　card　in　his　pocket。＇



JACK。　　Well；　my　name　is　Ernest　in　town　and　Jack　in　the　country；　and

the　cigarette　case　was　given　to　me　in　the　country。



ALGERNON。　　Yes；　but　that　does　not　account　for　the　fact　that　your

small　Aunt　Cecily；　who　lives　at　Tunbridge　Wells；　calls　you　her　dear

uncle。　　Come；　old　boy；　you　had　much　better　have　the　thing　out　at

once。



JACK。　　My　dear　Algy；　you　talk　exactly　as　if　you　were　a　dentist。　　It

is　very　vulgar　to　talk　like　a　dentist　when　one　isn't　a　dentist。　　It

produces　a　false　impression；



ALGERNON。　　Well；　that　is　exactly　what　dentists　always　do。　　Now；　go

on！　　Tell　me　the　whole　thing。　　I　may　mention　that　I　have　always

suspected　you　of　being　a　confirmed　and　secret　Bunburyist；　and　I　am

quite　sure　of　it　now。



JACK。　　Bunburyist？　What　on　earth　do　you　mean　by　a　Bunburyist？



ALGERNON。　　I'll　reveal　to　you　the　meaning　of　that　incomparable

expression　as　soon　as　you　are　kind　enough　to　inform　me　why　you　are

Ernest　in　town　and　Jack　in　the　country。



JACK。　　Well；　produce　my　cigarette　case　first。



ALGERNON。　　Here　it　is。　　＇Hands　cigarette　case。＇　　Now　produce　your

explanation；　and　pray　make　it　improbable。　　＇Sits　on　sofa。＇



JACK。　　My　dear　fellow；　there　is　nothing　improbable　about　my

explanation　at　all。　　In　fact　it's　perfectly　ordinary。　　Old　Mr。

Thomas　Cardew；　who　adopted　me　when　I　was　a　little　boy；　made　me　in

his　will　guardian　to　his　grand…daughter；　Miss　Cecily　Cardew。

Cecily；　who　addresses　me　as　her　uncle　from　motives　of　respect　that

you　could　not　possibly　appreciate；　lives　at　my　place　in　the　country

under　the　charge　of　her　admirable　governess；　Miss　Prism。



ALGERNON。　　Where　in　that　place　in　the　country；　by　the　way？



JACK。　　That　is　nothing　to　you；　dear　boy。　　You　are　not　going　to　be

invited　。　。　。　I　may　tell　you　candidly　that　the　place　is　not　in

Shropshire。



ALGERNON。　　I　suspected　that；　my　dear　fellow！　　I　have　Bunburyed　all

over　Shropshire　on　two　separate　occasions。　　Now；　go　on。　　Why　are

you　Ernest　in　town　and　Jack　in　the　country？



JACK。　　My　dear　Algy；　I　don't　know　whether　you　will　be　able　to

understand　my　real　motives。　　You　are　hardly　serious　enough。　　When

one　is　placed　in　the　position　of　guardian；　one　has　to　adopt　a　very

high　moral　tone　on　all　subjects。　　It's　one's　duty　to　do　so。　　And　as

a　high　moral　tone　can　hardly　be　said　to　conduce　very　much　to　either

one's　health　or　one's　happiness；　in　order　to　get　up　to　town　I　have

always　pretended　to　have　a　younger　brother　of　the　name　of　Ernest；

who　lives　in　the　Albany；　and　gets　into　the　most　dreadful　scrapes。

That；　my　dear　Algy；　is　the　whole　truth　pure　and　simple。



ALGERNON。　　The　truth　is　rarely　pure　and　never　simple。　　Modern　life

would　be　very　tedious　if　it　were　either；　and　modern　literature　a

complete　impossibility！



JACK。　　That　wouldn't　be　at　all　a　bad　thing。



ALGERNON。　　Literary　criticism　is　not　your　forte；　my　dear　fellow。

Don't　try　it。　　You　should　leave　that　to　people　who　haven't　been　at

a　University。　　They　do　it　so　well　in　the　daily　papers。　　What　you

really　are　is　a　Bunburyist。　　I　was　quite　right　in　saying　you　were　a

Bunburyist。　　You　are　one　of　the　most　advanced　Bunburyists　I　know。



JACK。　　What　on　earth　do　you　mean？



ALGERNON。　　You　have　invented　a　very　useful　younger　brother　called

Ernest；　in　order　that　you　may　be　able　to　come　up　to　town　as　often

as　you　like。　　I　have　invented　an　invaluable　permanent　invalid

called　Bunbury；　in　order　that　I　may　be　able　to　go　down　into　the

country　whenever　I　choose。　　Bunbury　is　perfectly　invaluable。　　If　it

wasn't　for　Bunbury's　extraordinary　bad　health；　for　instance；　I

wouldn't　be　able　to　dine　with　you　at　Willis's　to…night；　for　I　have

been　really　engaged　to　Aunt　Augusta　for　more　than　a　week。



JACK。　　I　haven't　asked　you　to　dine　with　me　anywhere　to…night。



ALGERNON。　　I　know。　　You　are　absurdly　careless　about　sending　out

invitations。　　It　is　very　foolish　of　you。　　Nothing　annoys　people　so

much　as　not　receiving　invitations。



JACK。　　You　had　much　better　dine　with　your　Aunt　Augusta。



ALGERNON。　　I　haven't　the　smallest　intention　of　doing　anything　of

the　kind。　　To　begin　with；　I　dined　there　on　Monday；　and　once　a　week

is　quite　enough　to　dine　with　one's　own　relations。　　In　the　second

place；　whenever　I　do　dine　there　I　am　always　treated　as　a　member　of

the　family；　and　sent　down　with　either　no　woman　at　all；　or　two。　　In

the　third　place；　I　know　perfectly　well　whom　she　will　place　me　next

to；　to…night。　　She　will　place　me　next　Mary　Farquhar；　who　always

flirts　with　her　own　husband　across　the　dinner…table。　　That　is　not

very　pleasant。　　Indeed；　it　is　not　even　decent　。　。　。　and　that　sort

of　thing　is　enormously　on　the　increase。　　The　amount　of　women　in

London　who　flirt　with　their　own　husbands　is　perfectly　scandalous。

It　looks　so　bad。　　It　in　simply　washing　one's　clean　linen　in　public。

Besides；　now　that　I　know　you　to　be　a　confirmed　Bunburyist　I

naturally　want　to　talk　to　you　about　Bunburying。　　I　want　to　tell　you

the　rules。



JACK。　　I'm　not　a　Bunburyist　at　all。　　If　Gwendolen　accepts　me；　I　am

going　to　kill　my　brother；　indeed　I　think　I'll　kill　him　in　any　case。

Cecily　is　a　little　too　much　interested　in　him。　　It　is　rather　a

bore。　　So　I　am　going　to　get　rid　of　Ernest。　　And　I　strongly　advise

you　to　do　the　same　with　Mr　。　。　。　with　your　invalid　friend　who　has

the　absurd　name。



ALGERNON。　　Nothing　will　induce　me　to　part　with　Bunbury；　and　if　you

ever　get　married；　which　seems　to　me　extremely　problematic；　you　will


be　very　glad　to　know　Bunbury。　　A　man　who　marries　without　knowing

Bunbury　has　a　very　tedious　time　of　it。



JACK。　　That　is　nonsense。　　If　I　marry　a　charming　girl　like

Gwendolen；　and　she　is　the　only　girl　I　ever　saw　in　my　life　that　I

would　marry；　I　certainly　won't　want　to　know　Bunbury。



ALGERNON。　　Then　your　wife　will。　　You　don't　seem　to　realise；　that　in

married　life　three　is　company　and　two　is　none。



JACK。　　＇Sententiously。＇　　That；　my　dear　young　friend；　is　the　theory

that　the　corrupt　French　Drama　has　been　propounding　for　the　last

fifty　years。



ALGERNON。　　Yes；　and　that　the　happy　English　home　has　proved　in　half

the　time。



JACK。　　For　heaven's　sake；　don't　try　to　be　cynical。　　It's　perfectly

easy　to　be　cynical。



ALGERNON。　　My　dear　fellow；　it　isn't　easy　to　be　anything　nowadays。

There's　such　a　lot　of　beastly　competition　about。　　＇The　sound　of　an

electric　bell　is　heard。＇　　Ah！　that　must　be　Aunt　Augusta。　　Only

relatives；　or　creditors；　ever　ring　in　that　Wagnerian　manner。　　Now；

if　I　get　her　out　of　the　way　for　ten　minutes；　so　that　you　can　have

an　opportunity　for　proposing　to　Gwendolen；　may　I　dine　with　you　to…

night　at　Willis's？



JACK。　　I　suppose　so；　if　you　want　to。



ALGERNON。　　Yes；　but　you　must　be　serious　about　it。　　I　hate　people

who　are　not　serious　about　meals。　　It　is　so　shallow　of　them。



＇Enter　LANE。＇



Lady　Bracknell　and　Miss　Fairfax。



＇ALGERNON　goes　forward　to　meet　them。　　Enter　LADY　BRACKNELL　and

GWENDOLEN。＇



LADY　BRACKNELL。　　Good　afternoon；　dear　Algernon；　I　hope　you　are

behaving　very　well。



ALGERNON。　　I'm　feeling　very　well；　Aunt　Augusta。



LADY　BRACKNELL。　　That's　not　quite　the　same　thing。　　In　fact　the　two

things　rarely　go　together。　　＇Sees　JACK　and　bows　to　him　with　icy

coldness。＇



ALGERNON。　　＇To　GWENDOLEN。＇　　Dear　me；　you　are　smart！



GWENDOLEN。　　I　am　always　smart！　　Am　I　not；　Mr。　Worthing？



JACK。　　You're　quite　perfect；　Miss　Fairfax。



GWENDOLEN。　　Oh！　I　hope　I　am　not　that。　　It　would　leave　no　room　for

developments；　and　I　intend　to　develop　in　many　directions。

＇GWENDOLEN　and　JACK　sit　down　together　in　the　corner。＇



LADY　BRACKNELL。　　I'm　sorry　if　we　are　a　little　late；　Algernon；　but　I

was　obliged　to　call　on　dear　Lady　Harbury。　　I　hadn't　been　there

since　her　poor　husband's　death。　　I　never　saw　a　woman　so　altered；

she　looks　quite　twenty　years　younger。　　And　now　I'll　have　a　cup　of

tea；　and　one　of　those　nice　cucumber　sandwiches　you　promised　me。



ALGERNON。　　Certainly；　Aunt　Augusta。　　＇Goes　over　to　tea…table。＇



LADY　BRACKNELL。　　Won't　you　come　and　sit　here；　Gwendolen？



GWENDOLEN。　　Thanks；　mamma；　I'm　quite　comfortable　where　I　am。



ALGERNON。　　＇Picking　up　empty　plate　in　horror。＇　　Good　heavens！

Lane！　　Why　are　there　no　cucumber　sandwiches？　　I　ordered　them

specially。



LANE。　　＇Gravely。＇　　There　were　no　cucumbers　in　the　market　this

morning；　sir。　　I　went　down　twice。



ALGERNON。　　No　cucumbers！



LANE。　　No；　sir。　　Not　even　for　ready　money。



ALGERNON。　　That　will　do；　Lane；　thank　you。



LANE。　　Thank　you；　sir。　　＇Goes　out。＇



ALGERNON。　　I　am　greatly　distressed；　Aunt　Augusta；　about　there　being

no　cucumbers；　not　even　for　ready　money。



LADY　BRACKNELL。　　It　really　makes　no　matter；　Algernon。　　I　had　some

crumpets　with　Lady　Harbury；　who　seems　to　me　to　be　living　entirely

for　pleasure　now。



ALGERNON。　　I　hear　her　hair　has　turned　quite　gold　from　grief。



LADY　BRACKNELL。　　It　certainly　has　changed　its　colour。　　From　what

cause　I；　of　course；　cannot　say。　　＇ALGERNON　crosses　and　hands　tea。＇

Thank　you。　　I've　quite　a　treat　for　you　to…night；　Algernon。　　I　am

going　to　send　you　down　with　Mary　Farquhar。　　She　is　such　a　nice

woman；　a