pigs is pigs-第2部分

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〃Pay　Cabbages　！〃　gasped　Mr。　Morehouse。　〃Do　you　mean　to　say　that　two
little　guinea…pigs〃

〃Eight！〃　said　Flannery。　〃Papa　an'　mamma　an'　the　six　childer。　Eight！〃

For　answer　Mr。　Morehouse　slammed　the　door　in　Flannery's　face。　Flannery
looked　at　the　door　reproachfully。

〃I　take　ut　the　con…sign…y　don't　want　to　pay　for　thim　kebbages；〃　he　said。
〃If　I　know　signs　of　refusal；　the　con…sign…y　refuses　to　pay　for　wan　dang
kebbage　leaf　an'　be　hanged　to　me！〃

Mr。　Morgan；　the　head　of　the　Tariff　Department；　consulted　the　president　of
the　Interurban　Express　Company　regarding　guinea…pigs；　as　to　whether　they
were　pigs　or　not　pigs。　The　president　was　inclined　to　treat　the　matter
lightly。

〃What　is　the　rate　on　pigs　and　on　pets？〃　he　asked。

〃Pigs　thirty　cents；　pets　twenty…five；〃　said　Morgan。

〃Then　of　course　guinea…pigs　are　pigs；〃　said　the　president。

〃Yes；〃　agreed　Morgan；　〃I　look　at　it　that　way；　too。　A　thing　that　can　come
under　two　rates　is　naturally　due　to　be　classed　as　the　higher。　But　are
guinea…pigs；　pigs？　Aren't　they　rabbits？〃

〃Come　to　think　of　it；〃　said　the　president；　〃I　believe　they　are　more　like
rabbits。　Sort　of　half…way　station　between　pig　and　rabbit。　I　think　the
question　is　thisare　guinea…pigs　of　the　domestic　pig　family？　I'll　ask
professor　Gordon。　He　is　authority　on　such　things。　Leave　the　papers　with
me。〃

The　president　put　the　papers　on　his　desk　and　wrote　a　letter　to　Professor
Gordon。　Unfortunately　the　Professor　was　in　South　America　collecting
zoological　specimens；　and　the　letter　was　forwarded　to　him　by　his　wife。　As
the　Professor　was　in　the　highest　Andes；　where　no　white　man　had　ever
penetrated；　the　letter　was　many　months　in　reaching　him。　The　president
forgot　the　guinea…pigs；　Morgan　forgot　them；　Mr。　Morehouse　forgot　them；　but
Flannery　did　not。　One…　half　of　his　time　he　gave　to　the　duties　of　his
agency；　the　other　half　was　devoted　to　the　guinea…pigs。　Long　before
Professor　Gordon　received　the　president's　letter　Morgan　received　one　from
Flannery。

〃About　them　dago　pigs；〃　it　said；　〃what　shall　I　do　they　are　great　in　family
life；　no　race　suicide　for　them；　there　are　thirty…two　now　shall　I　sell　them
do　you　take　this　express　office　for　a　menagerie；　answer　quick。〃

Morgan　reached　for　a　telegraph　blank　and　wrote：

〃Agent；　Westcote。　Don't　sell　pigs。〃

He　then　wrote　Flannery　a　letter　calling　his　attention　to　the　fact　that　the
pigs　were　not　the　property　of　the　company　but　were　merely　being　held
during　a　settlement　of　a　dispute　regarding　rates。　He　advised　Flannery　to
take　the　best　possible　care　of　them。

Flannery；　letter　in　hand；　looked　at　the　pigs　and　sighed。　The　dry…goods　box
cage　had　become　too　small。　He　boarded　up　twenty　feet　of　the　rear　of　the
express　office　to　make　a　large　and　airy　home　for　them；　and　went　about　his
business。　He　worked　with　feverish　intensity　when　out　on　his　rounds；　for
the　pigs　required　attention　and　took　most　of　his　time。　Some　months　later；
in　desperation；　he　seized　a　sheet　of　paper　and　wrote　〃160〃　across　it　and
mailed　it　to　Morgan。　Morgan　returned　it　asking　for　explanation。　Flannery
replied：

〃There　be　now　one　hundred　sixty　of　them　dago　pigs；　for　heavens　sake　let　me
sell　off　some；　do　you　want　me　to　go　crazy；　what。〃

〃Sell　no　pigs；〃　Morgan　wired。

Not　long　after　this　the　president　of　the　express　company　received　a　letter
from　Professor　Gordon。　It　was　a　long　and　scholarly　letter；　but　the　point
was　that　the　guinea…pig　was　the　Cava　aparoea　while　the　common　pig　was　the
genius　Sus　of　the　family　Suidae。　He　remarked　that　they　were　prolific　and
multiplied　rapidly。

〃They　are　not　pigs；〃　said　the　president；　decidedly；　to　Morgan。　〃The
twenty…five　cent　rate　applies。〃

Morgan　made　the　proper　notation　on　the　papers　that　had　accumulated　in　File
A6754；　and　turned　them　over　to　the　Audit　Department。　The　Audit　Department
took　some　time　to　look　the　matter　up；　and　after　the　usual　delay　wrote
Flannery　that　as　he　had　on　hand　one　hundred　and　sixty　guinea…pigs；　the
property　of　consignee；　he　should　deliver　them　and　collect　charges　at　the
rate　of　twenty…five　cents　each。

Flannery　spent　a　day　herding　his　charges　through　a　narrow　opening　in　their
cage　so　that　he　might　count　them。

〃Audit　Dept。〃　he　wrote；　when　he　had　finished　the　count；　〃you　are　way　off
there　may　be　was　one　hundred　and　sixty　dago　pigs　once；　but　wake　up　don't
be　a　back　number。　I've　got　even　eight　hundred；　now　shall　I　collect　for
eight　hundred　or　what；　how　about　sixty…four　dollars　I　paid　out　for
cabbages。〃

It　required　a　great　many　letters　back　and　forth　before　the　Audit
Department　was　able　to　understand　why　the　error　had　been　made　of　billing
one　hundred　and　sixty　instead　of　eight　hundred；　and　still　more　time　for　it
to　get　the　meaning　of　the　〃cabbages。〃

Flannery　was　crowded　into　a　few　feet　at　the　extreme　front　of　the　office。
The　pigs　had　all　the　rest　of　the　room　and　two　boys　were　employed
constantly　attending　to　them。　The　day　after　Flannery　had　counted　the
guinea…　pigs　there　were　eight　more　added　to　his　drove；　and　by　the　time　the
Audit　Department　gave　him　authority　to　collect　for　eight　hundred　Flannery
had　given　up　all　attempts　to　attend　to　the　receipt　or　the　delivery　of
goods。　He　was　hastily　building　galleries　around　the　express　office；　tier
above　tier。　He　had　four　thousand　and　sixty…four　guinea…pigs　to　care　for！
More　were　arriving　daily。

Immediately　following　its　authorization　the　Audit　Department　sent　another
letter；　but　Flannery　was　too　busy　to　open　it。　They　wrote　another　and　then
they　telegraphed：

〃Error　in　guinea…pig　bill。　Collect　for　two　guinea…pigs；　fifty　cents。
Deliver　all　to　consignee。〃

Flannery　read　the　telegram　and　cheered　up。　He　wrote　out　a　bill　as　rapidly
as　his　pencil　could　travel　over　paper　and　ran　all　the　way　to　the　Morehouse
home。　At　the　gate　he　stopped　suddenly。　The　house　stared　at　him　with　vacant
eyes。　The　windows　were　bare　of　curtains　and　he　could　see　into　the　empty
rooms。　　A　sign　on　the　porch　said；　〃To　Let。〃　Mr。　Morehouse　had　moved！
Flannery　ran　all　the　way　back　to　the　express　office。　Sixty…nine
guinea…pigs　had　been　born　during　his　absence。　He　ran　out　again　and　made
feverish　inquiries　in　the　village。　Mr。　Morehouse　had　not　only　moved；　but
he　had　left　Westcote。　Flannery　returned　to　the　express　office　and　found
that　two　hundred　and　six　guinea…pigs　had　entered　the　world　since　he　left
it。　He　wrote　a　telegram　to　the　Audit　Department。

〃Can't　collect　fifty　cents　for　two　dago　pigs　consignee　has　left　town
address　unknown　what　shall　I　do？　Flannery。〃

The　telegram　was　handed　to　one　of　the　clerks　in　the　Audit　Department；　and
as　he　read　it　he　laughed。

〃Flannery　must　be　crazy。　He　ought　to　know　that　the　thing　to　do　is　to
return　the　consignment　here；〃　said　the　clerk。　He　telegraphed　Flannery　to
send　the　pigs　to　the　main　office　of　the　company　at　Franklin。

When　Flannery　received　the　telegram　he　set　to　work。　The　six　boys　be　had
engaged　to　help　him　also　set　to　work。　They　worked　with　the　haste　of
desperate　men；　making　cages　out　of　soap　boxes；　cracker　boxes；　and　all
kinds　of　boxes；　and　as　fast　as　the　cages　were　completed　they　filled　them
with　guinea…pigs　and　expressed　them　to　Franklin。　Day　after　day　the　cages
of　guineapigs　flowed　in　a　steady　stream　from　Westcote　to　Franklin；　and
still　Flannery　and　his　six　helpers　ripped　and　nailed　and
packedrelentlessly　and　feverishly。　At　the　end　of　the　week　they　had
shipped　two　hundred　and　eighty　cases　of　guinea…pigs；　and　there　were　in　the
express　office　seven　hundred　and　four　more　pigs　than　when　they　began
packing　them。

〃Stop　sending　pigs。　Warehouse　full；〃　came　a　telegram　to　Flannery。　He
stopped　packing　only　long　enough　to　wire　back；　〃Can't　stop；〃　and　kept　on
sending　them。　On　the　next　train　up　from　Franklin　came　one　of　the　company's
inspectors。　He　had　instructions　to　stop　the　stream　of　guinea…pigs　at　all
hazards。　As　his　train　drew　up　at　Westcote　station　he　saw　a　cattle　car
standing　on　the　express　company's　siding。　When　he　reached　the　express
office　he　saw　the　express　wagon　backed　up　to　the　door。　Six　boys　were
carrying　bushel　baskets　full　of　guinea…　pigs　from　the　office　and　dumping
them　into　the　wagon。　Inside　the　room　Flannery；　with'　his　coat　and　vest
off；　was　shoveling　guinea…pigs　into　bushel　baskets　with　a　coal　scoop。　He
was　winding　up　the　guinea…pig　episode。

He　looked　up　at　the　inspector　with　a　snort　of　anger。

〃Wan　wagonload　more　an；　I'll　be　quit　of　thim；　an'　niver　will　ye　catch
Flannery　wid　no　more　foreign　pigs　on　his　hands。　No；　sur！　They　near　was　the
death　o'　me。　Nixt　toime　I'll　know　that　pigs　of　whaiver　nationality　is
domistic　petsan'　go　at　the　lowest　rate。　〃

He　began　shoveling　again　rapidly；　speaking　quickly　between　breaths。

〃Rules　may　be　rules；　but　you　can't　fool　Mike　Flannery　twice　wid　the　same
thrickwhin　ut　comes　to　live　stock；　dang　the　rules。　So　long　as　Flannery
runs　this　expriss　officepigs　is　petsan'　cows　is　petsan'　horses　is
petsan'　lions　an'　tigers　an'　Rocky　Mountain　goats　is　petsan'　the　rate
on　thim　is　twinty…foive　cints。〃

He　paused　long　enough　to　let　one　of　the　boys　put　an　empty　basket　in　the
place　of　the　one　he　had　just　filled。　There　were　only　a　few　guinea…pigs
left。　As　he　noted　their　limited　number　his　natural　habit　of　looking　on　the
bright　side　returned。

〃Well；　annyhow；〃　he　said　cheerfully；　〃'tis　not　so　bad　as　ut　might　be。
What　if　thim　dago　pigs　had　been　elephants！〃






End