the lifted veil-第2部分

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man　who　knew　the　reason　why　water　ran　downhill。〃　　I　had　no　desire
to　be　this　improved　man；　I　was　glad　of　the　running　water；　I　could
watch　it　and　listen　to　it　gurgling　among　the　pebbles；　and　bathing
the　bright　green　water…plants；　by　the　hour　together。　　I　did　not
want　to　know　WHY　it　ran；　I　had　perfect　confidence　that　there　were
good　reasons　for　what　was　so　very　beautiful。

There　is　no　need　to　dwell　on　this　part　of　my　life。　　I　have　said
enough　to　indicate　that　my　nature　was　of　the　sensitive；　unpractical
order；　and　that　it　grew　up　in　an　uncongenial　medium；　which　could
never　foster　it　into　happy；　healthy　development。　　When　I　was
sixteen　I　was　sent　to　Geneva　to　complete　my　course　of　education；
and　the　change　was　a　very　happy　one　to　me；　for　the　first　sight　of
the　Alps；　with　the　setting　sun　on　them；　as　we　descended　the　Jura；
seemed　to　me　like　an　entrance　into　heaven；　and　the　three　years　of
my　life　there　were　spent　in　a　perpetual　sense　of　exaltation；　as　if
from　a　draught　of　delicious　wine；　at　the　presence　of　Nature　in　all
her　awful　loveliness。　　You　will　think；　perhaps；　that　I　must　have
been　a　poet；　from　this　early　sensibility　to　Nature。　　But　my　lot　was
not　so　happy　as　that。　　A　poet　pours　forth　his　song　and　BELIEVES　in
the　listening　ear　and　answering　soul；　to　which　his　song　will　be
floated　sooner　or　later。　　But　the　poet's　sensibility　without　his
voicethe　poet's　sensibility　that　finds　no　vent　but　in　silent
tears　on　the　sunny　bank；　when　the　noonday　light　sparkles　on　the
water；　or　in　an　inward　shudder　at　the　sound　of　harsh　human　tones；
the　sight　of　a　cold　human　eyethis　dumb　passion　brings　with　it　a
fatal　solitude　of　soul　in　the　society　of　one's　fellow…men。　　My
least　solitary　moments　were　those　in　which　I　pushed　off　in　my　boat；
at　evening；　towards　the　centre　of　the　lake；　it　seemed　to　me　that
the　sky；　and　the　glowing　mountain…tops；　and　the　wide　blue　water；
surrounded　me　with　a　cherishing　love　such　as　no　human　face　had　shed
on　me　since　my　mother's　love　had　vanished　out　of　my　life。　　I　used
to　do　as　Jean　Jacques　didlie　down　in　my　boat　and　let　it　glide
where　it　would；　while　I　looked　up　at　the　departing　glow　leaving　one
mountain…top　after　the　other；　as　if　the　prophet's　chariot　of　fire
were　passing　over　them　on　its　way　to　the　home　of　light。　　Then；　when
the　white　summits　were　all　sad　and　corpse…like；　I　had　to　push
homeward；　for　I　was　under　careful　surveillance；　and　was　allowed　no
late　wanderings。　　This　disposition　of　mine　was　not　favourable　to
the　formation　of　intimate　friendships　among　the　numerous　youths　of
my　own　age　who　are　always　to　be　found　studying　at　Geneva。　　Yet　I
made　ONE　such　friendship；　and；　singularly　enough；　it　was　with　a
youth　whose　intellectual　tendencies　were　the　very　reverse　of　my
own。　　I　shall　call　him　Charles　Meunier；　his　real　surnamean
English　one；　for　he　was　of　English　extractionhaving　since　become
celebrated。　　He　was　an　orphan；　who　lived　on　a　miserable　pittance
while　he　pursued　the　medical　studies　for　which　he　had　a　special
genius。　　Strange！　that　with　my　vague　mind；　susceptible　and
unobservant；　hating　inquiry　and　given　up　to　contemplation；　I　should
have　been　drawn　towards　a　youth　whose　strongest　passion　was
science。　　But　the　bond　was　not　an　intellectual　one；　it　came　from　a
source　that　can　happily　blend　the　stupid　with　the　brilliant；　the
dreamy　with　the　practical：　　it　came　from　community　of　feeling。
Charles　was　poor　and　ugly；　derided　by　Genevese　gamins；　and　not
acceptable　in　drawing…rooms。　　I　saw　that　he　was　isolated；　as　I　was；
though　from　a　different　cause；　and；　stimulated　by　a　sympathetic
resentment；　I　made　timid　advances　towards　him。　　It　is　enough　to　say
that　there　sprang　up　as　much　comradeship　between　us　as　our
different　habits　would　allow；　and　in　Charles's　rare　holidays　we
went　up　the　Saleve　together；　or　took　the　boat　to　Vevay；　while　I
listened　dreamily　to　the　monologues　in　which　he　unfolded　his　bold
conceptions　of　future　experiment　and　discovery。　　I　mingled　them
confusedly　in　my　thought　with　glimpses　of　blue　water　and　delicate
floating　cloud；　with　the　notes　of　birds　and　the　distant　glitter　of
the　glacier。　　He　knew　quite　well　that　my　mind　was　half　absent；　yet
he　liked　to　talk　to　me　in　this　way；　for　don't　we　talk　of　our　hopes
and　our　projects　even　to　dogs　and　birds；　when　they　love　us？　　I　have
mentioned　this　one　friendship　because　of　its　connexion　with　a
strange　and　terrible　scene　which　I　shall　have　to　narrate　in　my
subsequent　life。

This　happier　life　at　Geneva　was　put　an　end　to　by　a　severe　illness；
which　is　partly　a　blank　to　me；　partly　a　time　of　dimly…remembered
suffering；　with　the　presence　of　my　father　by　my　bed　from　time　to
time。　　Then　came　the　languid　monotony　of　convalescence；　the　days
gradually　breaking　into　variety　and　distinctness　as　my　strength
enabled　me　to　take　longer　and　longer　drives。　　On　one　of　these　more
vividly　remembered　days；　my　father　said　to　me；　as　he　sat　beside　my
sofa　…

〃When　you　are　quite　well　enough　to　travel；　Latimer；　I　shall　take
you　home　with　me。　　The　journey　will　amuse　you　and　do　you　good；　for
I　shall　go　through　the　Tyrol　and　Austria；　and　you　will　see　many　new
places。　　Our　neighbours；　the　Filmores；　are　come；　Alfred　will　join
us　at　Basle；　and　we　shall　all　go　together　to　Vienna；　and　back　by
Prague〃　。　。　。

My　father　was　called　away　before　he　had　finished　his　sentence；　and
he　left　my　mind　resting　on　the　word　PRAGUE；　with　a　strange　sense
that　a　new　and　wondrous　scene　was　breaking　upon　me：　　a　city　under
the　broad　sunshine；　that　seemed　to　me　as　if　it　were　the　summer
sunshine　of　a　long…past　century　arrested　in　its　courseunrefreshed
for　ages　by　dews　of　night；　or　the　rushing　rain…cloud；　scorching　the
dusty；　weary；　time…eaten　grandeur　of　a　people　doomed　to　live　on　in
the　stale　repetition　of　memories；　like　deposed　and　superannuated
kings　in　their　regal　gold…inwoven　tatters。　　The　city　looked　so
thirsty　that　the　broad　river　seemed　to　me　a　sheet　of　metal；　and　the
blackened　statues；　as　I　passed　under　their　blank　gaze；　along　the
unending　bridge；　with　their　ancient　garments　and　their　saintly
crowns；　seemed　to　me　the　real　inhabitants　and　owners　of　this　place；
while　the　busy；　trivial　men　and　women；　hurrying　to　and　fro；　were　a
swarm　of　ephemeral　visitants　infesting　it　for　a　day。　　It　is　such
grim；　stony　beings　as　these；　I　thought；　who　are　the　fathers　of
ancient　faded　children；　in　those　tanned　time…fretted　dwellings　that
crowd　the　steep　before　me；　who　pay　their　court　in　the　worn　and
crumbling　pomp　of　the　palace　which　stretches　its　monotonous　length
on　the　height；　who　worship　wearily　in　the　stifling　air　of　the
churches；　urged　by　no　fear　or　hope；　but　compelled　by　their　doom　to
be　ever　old　and　undying；　to　live　on　in　the　rigidity　of　habit；　as
they　live　on　in　perpetual　midday；　without　the　repose　of　night　or
the　new　birth　of　morning。

A　stunning　clang　of　metal　suddenly　thrilled　through　me；　and　I
became　conscious　of　the　objects　in　my　room　again：　　one　of　the　fire…
irons　had　fallen　as　Pierre　opened　the　door　to　bring　me　my　draught。
My　heart　was　palpitating　violently；　and　I　begged　Pierre　to　leave　my
draught　beside　me；　I　would　take　it　presently。

As　soon　as　I　was　alone　again；　I　began　to　ask　myself　whether　I　had
been　sleeping。　　Was　this　a　dreamthis　wonderfully　distinct　vision…
…minute　in　its　distinctness　down　to　a　patch　of　rainbow　light　on　the
pavement；　transmitted　through　a　coloured　lamp　in　the　shape　of　a
starof　a　strange　city；　quite　unfamiliar　to　my　imagination？　　I　had
seen　no　picture　of　Prague：　　it　lay　in　my　mind　as　a　mere　name；　with
vaguely…remembered　historical　associationsill…defined　memories　of
imperial　grandeur　and　religious　wars。

Nothing　of　this　sort　had　ever　occurred　in　my　dreaming　experience
before；　for　I　had　often　been　humiliated　because　my　dreams　were　only
saved　from　being　utterly　disjointed　and　commonplace　by　the　frequent
terrors　of　nightmare。　　But　I　could　not　believe　that　I　had　been
asleep；　for　I　remembered　distinctly　the　gradual　breaking…in　of　the
vision　upon　me；　like　the　new　images　in　a　dissolving　view；　or　the
growing　distinctness　of　the　landscape　as　the　sun　lifts　up　the　veil
of　the　morning　mist。　　And　while　I　was　conscious　of　this　incipient
vision；　I　was　also　conscious　that　Pierre　came　to　tell　my　father　Mr。
Filmore　was　waiting　for　him；　and　that　my　father　hurried　out　of　the
room。　　No；　it　was　not　a　dream；　was　itthe　thought　was　full　of
tremulous　exultationwas　it　the　poet's　nature　in　me；　hitherto　only
a　troubled　yearning　sensibility；　now　manifesting　itself　suddenly　as
spontaneous　creation？　　Surely　it　was　in　this　way　that　Homer　saw　the
plain　of　Troy；　that　Dante　saw　the　abodes　of　the　departed；　that
Milton　saw　the　earthward　flight　of　the　Tempter。　　Was　it　that　my
illness　had　wrought　some　happy　change　in　my　organizationgiven　a
firmer　tension　to　my　nervescarried　off　some　dull　obstruction？　　I
had　often　read　of　such　effectsin　works　of　fiction　at　least。　　Nay；
in　genuine　biographies　I　had　read　of　the　subtilizing　or　exalting
influence　of　some　diseases　on　the　mental　powers。　　Did　not　Novalis
feel　his　inspiration　intensified　under　the　progress　of　consumption？

When　my　mind　had　dwelt　for　some　time　on　this　blissful　idea；　it
seemed　to　me　that　I　might　perhaps　test　it　by　an　exertion　of　my
will。　　The　vision　had　begun　when　my　father　was　speaking　of　our
going　to　Prague。　　I　did　not　for　a　moment　believe　it　was　really　a
representation　of　that　city；　I　believedI　hoped　it　was　a　picture
that　my　newly　liberated　genius　had　painted　in　fiery　haste；　with　the
colours　snatched　from　lazy　memory。　　Suppose　I　were　to　fix　my　mind
on　some　other　placeVenice；　for　example；　which　was　far　more
familiar　to　my　imagination　than　Prague：　　perhaps　the　same　sort　of
result　would　follow。　　I　concentrated　my　thoughts　on　Venice；　I
stimulated　my　imagination　with　poetic　memories；　and　strove　to　feel
myself　present　in　Venice；　as　I　had　felt　myself　present　in　Prague。
But　in　vain。　　I　was　only　colouring　the　Canaletto　engravings　that
hung　in　my　old　bedroom　at　home；　the　picture　was　a　shifting　one；　my
mind　wandering　uncertainly　in　search　of　more　vivid　images；　I　could
see　no　accident　of　form　or　shadow　without　conscious　labour　after
the　necessary　conditions。　　It　was　all　prosaic　effort；　not　rapt
passivity；　such　as　I　had　experienced　half　an