the lifted veil-第9部分

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Besides；　for　the　last　year　or　more　a　modification　had　been　going
forward　in　my　mental　condition；　and　was　growing　more　and　more
marked。　　My　insight　into　the　minds　of　those　around　me　was　becoming
dimmer　and　more　fitful；　and　the　ideas　that　crowded　my　double
consciousness　became　less　and　less　dependent　on　any　personal
contact。　　All　that　was　personal　in　me　seemed　to　be　suffering　a
gradual　death；　so　that　I　was　losing　the　organ　through　which　the
personal　agitations　and　projects　of　others　could　affect　me。　　But
along　with　this　relief　from　wearisome　insight；　there　was　a　new
development　of　what　I　concludedas　I　have　since　found　rightlyto
be　a　provision　of　external　scenes。　　It　was　as　if　the　relation
between　me　and　my　fellow…men　was　more　and　more　deadened；　and　my
relation　to　what　we　call　the　inanimate　was　quickened　into　new　life。
The　more　I　lived　apart　from　society；　and　in　proportion　as　my
wretchedness　subsided　from　the　violent　throb　of　agonized　passion
into　the　dulness　of　habitual　pain；　the　more　frequent　and　vivid
became　such　visions　as　that　I　had　had　of　Pragueof　strange　cities；
of　sandy　plains；　of　gigantic　ruins；　of　midnight　skies　with　strange
bright　constellations；　of　mountain…passes；　of　grassy　nooks　flecked
with　the　afternoon　sunshine　through　the　boughs：　　I　was　in　the　midst
of　such　scenes；　and　in　all　of　them　one　presence　seemed　to　weigh　on
me　in　all　these　mighty　shapesthe　presence　of　something　unknown
and　pitiless。　　For　continual　suffering　had　annihilated　religious
faith　within　me：　　to　the　utterly　miserablethe　unloving　and　the
unlovedthere　is　no　religion　possible；　no　worship　but　a　worship　of
devils。　　And　beyond　all　these；　and　continually　recurring；　was　the
vision　of　my　deaththe　pangs；　the　suffocation；　the　last　struggle；
when　life　would　be　grasped　at　in　vain。

Things　were　in　this　state　near　the　end　of　the　seventh　year。　　I　had
become　entirely　free　from　insight；　from　my　abnormal　cognizance　of
any　other　consciousness　than　my　own；　and　instead　of　intruding
involuntarily　into　the　world　of　other　minds；　was　living　continually
in　my　own　solitary　future。　　Bertha　was　aware　that　I　was　greatly
changed。　　To　my　surprise　she　had　of　late　seemed　to　seek
opportunities　of　remaining　in　my　society；　and　had　cultivated　that
kind　of　distant　yet　familiar　talk　which　is　customary　between　a
husband　and　wife　who　live　in　polite　and　irrevocable　alienation。　　I
bore　this　with　languid　submission；　and　without　feeling　enough
interest　in　her　motives　to　be　roused　into　keen　observation；　yet　I
could　not　help　perceiving　something　triumphant　and　excited　in　her
carriage　and　the　expression　of　her　facesomething　too　subtle　to
express　itself　in　words　or　tones；　but　giving　one　the　idea　that　she
lived　in　a　state　of　expectation　or　hopeful　suspense。　　My　chief
feeling　was　satisfaction　that　her　inner　self　was　once　more　shut　out
from　me；　and　I　almost　revelled　for　the　moment　in　the　absent
melancholy　that　made　me　answer　her　at　cross　purposes；　and　betray
utter　ignorance　of　what　she　had　been　saying。　　I　remember　well　the
look　and　the　smile　with　which　she　one　day　said；　after　a　mistake　of
this　kind　on　my　part：　　〃I　used　to　think　you　were　a　clairvoyant；　and
that　was　the　reason　why　you　were　so　bitter　against　other
clairvoyants；　wanting　to　keep　your　monopoly；　but　I　see　now　you　have
become　rather　duller　than　the　rest　of　the　world。〃

I　said　nothing　in　reply。　　It　occurred　to　me　that　her　recent
obtrusion　of　herself　upon　me　might　have　been　prompted　by　the　wish
to　test　my　power　of　detecting　some　of　her　secrets；　but　I　let　the
thought　drop　again　at　once：　　her　motives　and　her　deeds　had　no
interest　for　me；　and　whatever　pleasures　she　might　be　seeking；　I　had
no　wish　to　baulk　her。　　There　was　still　pity　in　my　soul　for　every
living　thing；　and　Bertha　was　livingwas　surrounded　with
possibilities　of　misery。

Just　at　this　time　there　occurred　an　event　which　roused　me　somewhat
from　my　inertia；　and　gave　me　an　interest　in　the　passing　moment　that
I　had　thought　impossible　for　me。　　It　was　a　visit　from　Charles
Meunier；　who　had　written　me　word　that　he　was　coming　to　England　for
relaxation　from　too　strenuous　labour；　and　would　like　too　see　me。
Meunier　had　now　a　European　reputation；　but　his　letter　to　me
expressed　that　keen　remembrance　of　an　early　regard；　an　early　debt
of　sympathy；　which　is　inseparable　from　nobility　of　character：　　and
I　too　felt　as　if　his　presence　would　be　to　me　like　a　transient
resurrection　into　a　happier　pre…existence。

He　came；　and　as　far　as　possible；　I　renewed　our　old　pleasure　of
making　tete…a…tete　excursions；　though；　instead　of　mountains　and
glacers　and　the　wide　blue　lake；　we　had　to　content　ourselves　with
mere　slopes　and　ponds　and　artificial　plantations。　　The　years　had
changed　us　both；　but　with　what　different　result！　　Meunier　was　now　a
brilliant　figure　in　society；　to　whom　elegant　women　pretended　to
listen；　and　whose　acquaintance　was　boasted　of　by　noblemen　ambitious
of　brains。　　He　repressed　with　the　utmost　delicacy　all　betrayal　of
the　shock　which　I　am　sure　he　must　have　received　from　our　meeting；
or　of　a　desire　to　penetrate　into　my　condition　and　circumstances；
and　sought　by　the　utmost　exertion　of　his　charming　social　powers　to
make　our　reunion　agreeable。　　Bertha　was　much　struck　by　the
unexpected　fascinations　of　a　visitor　whom　she　had　expected　to　find
presentable　only　on　the　score　of　his　celebrity；　and　put　forth　all
her　coquetries　and　accomplishments。　　Apparently　she　succeeded　in
attracting　his　admiration；　for　his　manner　towards　her　was　attentive
and　flattering。　　The　effect　of　his　presence　on　me　was　so　benignant；
especially　in　those　renewals　of　our　old　tete…a…tete　wanderings；
when　he　poured　forth　to　me　wonderful　narratives　of　his　professional
experience；　that　more　than　once；　when　his　talk　turned　on　the
psychological　relations　of　disease；　the　thought　crossed　my　mind
that；　if　his　stay　with　me　were　long　enough；　I　might　possibly　bring
myself　to　tell　this　man　the　secrets　of　my　lot。　　Might　there　not　lie
some　remedy　for　me；　too；　in　his　science？　　Might　there　not　at　least
lie　some　comprehension　and　sympathy　ready　for　me　in　his　large　and
susceptible　mind？　　But　the　thought　only　flickered　feebly　now　and
then；　and　died　out　before　it　could　become　a　wish。　　The　horror　I　had
of　again　breaking　in　on　the　privacy　of　another　soul；　made　me；　by　an
irrational　instinct；　draw　the　shroud　of　concealment　more　closely
around　my　own；　as　we　automatically　perform　the　gesture　we　feel　to
be　wanting　in　another。

When　Meunier's　visit　was　approaching　its　conclusion；　there　happened
an　event　which　caused　some　excitement　in　our　household；　owing　to
the　surprisingly　strong　effect　it　appeared　to　produce　on　Berthaon
Bertha；　the　self…possessed；　who　usually　seemed　inaccessible　to
feminine　agitations；　and　did　even　her　hate　in　a　self…restrained
hygienic　manner。　　This　event　was　the　sudden　severe　illness　of　her
maid；　Mrs。　Archer。　　I　have　reserved　to　this　moment　the　mention　of　a
circumstance　which　had　forced　itself　on　my　notice　shortly　before
Meunier's　arrival；　namely；　that　there　had　been　some　quarrel　between
Bertha　and　this　maid；　apparently　during　a　visit　to　a　distant
family；　in　which　she　had　accompanied　her　mistress。　　I　had　overheard
Archer　speaking　in　a　tone　of　bitter　insolence；　which　I　should　have
thought　an　adequate　reason　for　immediate　dismissal。　　No　dismissal
followed；　on　the　contrary；　Bertha　seemed　to　be　silently　putting　up
with　personal　inconveniences　from　the　exhibitions　of　this　woman's
temper。　　I　was　the　more　astonished　to　observe　that　her　illness
seemed　a　cause　of　strong　solicitude　to　Bertha；　that　she　was　at　the
bedside　night　and　day；　and　would　allow　no　one　else　to　officiate　as
head…nurse。　　It　happened　that　our　family　doctor　was　out　on　a
holiday；　an　accident　which　made　Meunier's　presence　in　the　house
doubly　welcome；　and　he　apparently　entered　into　the　case　with　an
interest　which　seemed　so　much　stronger　than　the　ordinary
professional　feeling；　that　one　day　when　he　had　fallen　into　a　long
fit　of　silence　after　visiting　her；　I　said　to　him　…

〃Is　this　a　very　peculiar　case　of　disease；　Meunier？〃

〃No；〃　he　answered；　〃it　is　an　attack　of　peritonitis；　which　will　be
fatal；　but　which　does　not　differ　physically　from　many　other　cases
that　have　come　under　my　observation。　　But　I'll　tell　you　what　I　have
on　my　mind。　　I　want　to　make　an　experiment　on　this　woman；　if　you
will　give　me　permission。　　It　can　do　her　no　harmwill　give　her　no
painfor　I　shall　not　make　it　until　life　is　extinct　to　all　purposes
of　sensation。　　I　want　to　try　the　effect　of　transfusing　blood　into
her　arteries　after　the　heart　has　ceased　to　beat　for　some　minutes。
I　have　tried　the　experiment　again　and　again　with　animals　that　have
died　of　this　disease；　with　astounding　results；　and　I　want　to　try　it
on　a　human　subject。　　I　have　the　small　tubes　necessary；　in　a　case　I
have　with　me；　and　the　rest　of　the　apparatus　could　be　prepared
readily。　　I　should　use　my　own　bloodtake　it　from　my　own　arm。　　This
woman　won't　live　through　the　night；　I'm　convinced；　and　I　want　you
to　promise　me　your　assistance　in　making　the　experiment。　　I　can't　do
without　another　hand；　but　it　would　perhaps　not　be　well　to　call　in　a
medical　assistant　from　among　your　provincial　doctors。　　A
disagreeable　foolish　version　of　the　thing　might　get　abroad。〃

〃Have　you　spoken　to　my　wife　on　the　subject？〃　I　said；　〃because　she
appears　to　be　peculiarly　sensitive　about　this　woman：　　she　has　been
a　favourite　maid。〃

〃To　tell　you　the　truth；〃　said　Meunier；　〃I　don't　want　her　to　know
about　it。　　There　are　always　insuperable　difficulties　with　women　in
these　matters；　and　the　effect　on　the　supposed　dead　body　may　be
startling。　　You　and　I　will　sit　up　together；　and　be　in　readiness。
When　certain　symptoms　appear　I　shall　take　you　in；　and　at　the　right
moment　we　must　manage　to　get　every　one　else　out　of　the　room。〃

I　need　not　give　our　farther　conversation　on　the　subject。　　He
entered　very　fully　into　the　details；　and　overcame　my　repulsion　from
them；　by　exciting　in　me　a　mingled　awe　and　curiosity　concerning　the
possible　results　of　his　experiment。

We　prepared　everything；　and　he　instructed　me　in　my　part　as
assistant。　　He　had　not　told　Bertha　of　his　absolute　conviction　that
Archer　would　not　survive　through　the　night；　and　endeavoured　to
persuade　her　to　l