战争与和平(上)-第258部分

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at　he　rarely　did。
Princess　Marya　had　made　an　agreeable　impression　on　him　at　Bogutcharovo。　The　fact　of　his　meeting　her　then　in　such　striking　circumstances；　and　of　his　mother　having　at　one　time　pitched　precisely　on　her　as　the　wealthy　heiress　suitable　for　him；　had　led　him　to　look　at　her　with　special　attention。　During　his　stay　at　Voronezh；　that　impression　had　become；　not　merely　a　pleasing；　but　a　very　strong　one。　Nikolay　was　impressed　by　the　peculiar；　moral　beauty　which　he　discerned　in　her　at　this　time。　He　had；　however；　been　preparing　to　go　away；　and　it　had　not　entered　his　head　to　regret　that　in　leaving　Voronezh　he　was　losing　all　chance　of　seeing　her。　But　his　meeting　with　Princess　Marya　that　morning　in　church　had；　Nikolay　felt；　gone　more　deeply　to　his　heart　than　he　had　anticipated　and　more　deeply　than　he　desired　for　his　peace　of　mind。　That　pale；　delicate；　melancholy　face；　those　luminous　eyes；　those　soft；　gracious　gestures；　and；　above　all；　the　deep　and　tender　melancholy　expressed　in　all　her　features；　agitated　him　and　drew　his　sympathy。　In　men　Rostov　could　not　bear　an　appearance　of　higher；　spiritual　life　（it　was　why　he　did　not　like　Prince　Andrey）；　he　spoke　of　it　contemptuously　as　philosophy；　idealism；　but　in　Princess　Marya　it　was　just　in　that　melancholy；　showing　all　the　depth　of　a　spiritual　world；　strange　and　remote　to　Nikolay；　that　he　found　an　irresistible　attraction。
“She　must　be　a　marvellous　girl！　An　angel；　really！”　he　said　to　himself。　“Why　am　I　not　free？　Why　was　I　in　such　a　hurry　with　Sonya？”　And　involuntarily　he　compared　the　two：　the　poverty　of　the　one　and　the　wealth　of　the　other　in　those　spiritual　gifts；　which　Nikolay　was　himself　without　and　therefore　prized　so　highly。　He　tried　to　picture　what　would　have　happened　if　he　had　been　free；　and　in　what　way　he　would　have　made　her　an　offer　and　she　would　have　become　his　wife。　No；　he　could　not　imagine　that。　A　feeling　of　dread　came　over　him　and　that　picture　would　take　no　definite　shape。　With　Sonya　he　had　long　ago　made　his　picture　of　the　future；　and　it　was　all　so　simple　and　clear；　just　because　it　was　all　made　up　and　he　knew　all　there　was　in　Sonya。　But　with　Princess　Marya　he　could　not　picture　his　future　life；　because　he　did　not　understand　her—he　simply　loved　her。
There　was　something　light…hearted；　something　of　child’s　play　in　his　dreams　of　Sonya。　But　to　dream　of　Princess　Marya　was　difficult　and　a　little　terrible。
“How　she　was　praying！”　he　thought。　“One　could　see　that　her　whole　soul　was　in　her　prayer。　Yes；　it　was　that　prayer　that　moves　mountains；　and　I　am　convinced　that　her　prayer　will　be　answered。　Why　don’t　I　pray　for　what　I　want？”　he　bethought　himself。　“What　do　I　want？　Freedom；　release　from　Sonya。　She　was　right；”　he　thought　of　what　the　governor’s　wife　had　said；　“nothing　but　misery　can　come　of　my　marrying　her。　Muddle；　mamma’s　grief　…　our　position　…　a　muddle；　a　fearful　muddle！　Besides；　I　don’t　even　love　her。　No；　I　don’t　love　her　in　the　right　way。　My　God！　take　me　out　of　this　awful；　hopeless　position！”　he　began　praying　all　at　once。　“Yes；　prayer　will　move　mountains；　but　one　must　believe；　and　not　pray；　as　Natasha　and　I　prayed　as　children　for　the　snow　to　turn　into　sugar；　and　then　ran　out　into　the　yard　to　try　whether　it　had　become　sugar。　No；　but　I　am　not　praying　for　trifles　now；”　he　said；　putting　his　pipe　down　in　the　corner　and　standing　with　clasped　hands　before　the　holy　picture。　And　softened　by　the　thought　of　Princess　Marya；　he　began　to　pray　as　he　had　not　prayed　for　a　long　while。　He　had　tears　in　his　eyes　and　a　lump　in　his　throat　when　Lavrushka　came　in　at　the　door　with　papers。
“Blockhead！　bursting　in　when　you’re　not　wanted！”　said　Nikolay；　quickly　changing　his　attitude。
“A　courier　has　come；”　said　Lavrushka　in　a　sleepy　voice；　“from　the　governor；　a　letter　for　you。”
“Oh；　very　well；　thanks；　you　can　go！”
Nikolay　took　the　two　letters。　One　was　from　his　mother；　the　other　from　Sonya。　He　knew　them　from　the　handwriting；　and　broke　open　Sonya’s　letter　first。　He　had　hardly　read　a　few　lines　when　his　face　turned　white　and　his　eyes　opened　wide　in　dismay　and　joy。　“No；　it’s　not　possible！”　he　said　aloud。　Unable　to　sit　still；　he　began　walking　to　and　fro　in　the　room；　holding　the　letter　in　both　hands　as　he　read　it。　He　skimmed　through　the　letter；　then　read　it　through　once　and　again；　and　shrugging　his　shoulders　and　flinging　up　his　hands；　he　stood　still　in　the　middle　of　the　room　with　wide…open　mouth　and　staring　eyes。　What　he　had　just　been　praying　for　with　the　assurance　that　God　would　answer　his　prayer　had　come　to　pass；　but　Nikolay　was　astounded　at　it　as　though　it　were　something　extraordinary；　and　as　though　he　had　not　expected　it；　and　as　though　the　very　fact　of　its　coming　to　pass　so　quickly　proved　that　it　had　not　come　from　God；　to　whom　he　had　been　praying；　but　was　some　ordinary　coincidence。
The　knot　fastening　his　freedom；　that　had　seemed　so　impossible　to　disentangle；　had　been　undone　by　this　unexpected　and；　as　it　seemed　to　Nikolay；　uncalled…for　letter　from　Sonya。　She　wrote　that　their　late　misfortunes；　the　loss　of　almost　the　whole　of　the　Rostovs’　property　in　Moscow；　and　the　countess’s　frequently　expressed　desire　that　Nikolay　should　marry　Princess　Bolkonsky；　and　his　silence　and　coldness　of　late；　all　taken　together　led　her　to　decide　to　set　him　free　from　his　promise；　and　to　give　him　back　complete　liberty。
“It　would　be　too　painful　to　me　to　think　that　I　could　be　a　cause　of　sorrow　and　discord　in　the　family　which　has　overwhelmed　me　with　benefits；”　she　wrote；　“and　the　one　aim　of　my　love　is　the　happiness　of　those　I　love；　and　therefore　I　beseech　you；　Nicolas；　to　consider　yourself　free；　and　to　know　that　in　spite　of　everything；　no　one　can　love　you　more　truly　than　your—SONYA。”
Both　letters　were　from　Troitsa。　The　other　letter　was　from　the　countess。　It　described　the　last　days　in　Moscow；　the　departure；　the　fire　and　the　loss　of　the　whole　of　their　property。　The　countess　wrote　too　that　Prince　Andrey　had　been　among　the　train　of　wounded　soldiers　who　had　travelled　with　them。　He　was　still　in　a　very　critical　condition；　but　that　the　doctor　said　now　that　there　was　more　hope。　Sonya　and　Natasha　were　nursing　him。
With　this　letter　Nikolay　went　next　day　to　call　on　Princess　Marya。　Neither　Nikolay　nor　Princess　Marya　said　a　word　as　to　all　that　was　implied　by　the　words：　“Natasha　is　nursing　him”；　but　thanks　to　this　letter；　Nikolay　was　brought　suddenly　into　intimate　relations；　almost　those　of　a　kinsman　with　the　princess。
Next　day　Rostov　escorted　Princess　Marya　as　far　as　Yaroslavl；　and　a　few　days　later　he　set　off　himself　to　join　his　regiment。


Chapter　8
SONYA’S　LETTER　to　Nikolay；　that　had　come　as　an　answer　to　his　prayer；　was　written　at　Troitsa。　It　had　been　called　forth　in　the　following　way。　The　idea　of　marrying　Nikolay　to　a　wealthy　heiress　had　taken　more　and　more　complete　possession　of　the　old　countess’s　mind。　She　knew　that　Sonya　was　the　great　obstacle　in　the　way　of　this。　And　Sonya’s　life　had　of　late；　and　especially　after　the　letter　in　which　Nikolay　described　his　meeting　with　Princess　Marya　at　Bogutcharovo；　become　more　and　more　difficult　in　the　countess’s　house。　The　countess　never　let　slip　an　opportunity　for　making　some　cruel　or　humiliating　allusion　to　Sonya。　But　a　few　days　before　they　set　out　from　Moscow　the　countess；　distressed　and　overwrought　by　all　that　was　happening；　sent　for　Sonya；　and　instead　of　insistence　and　upbraiding；　besought　her　with　tears　and　entreaties　to　repay　all　that　had　been　done　for　her　by　sacrificing　herself；　and　breaking　off　her　engagement　to　Nikolay。　“I　shall　have　no　peace　of　mind　till　you　make　me　this　promise；”　she　said。
Sonya　sobbed　hysterically；　answered　through　her　sobs　that　she　would　do　anything；　that　she　was　ready　for　anything；　but　she　did　not　give　a　direct　promise；　and　in　her　heart　she　could　not　bring　herself　to　what　was　demanded　of　her。　She　had　to　sacrifice　herself　for　the　happiness　of　the　family　that　had　brought　her　up　and　provided　for　her。　To　sacrifice　herself　for　others　was　Sonya’s　habit。　Her　position　in　the　house　was　such　that　only　by　way　of　sacrifice　could　she　show　her　virtues；　and　she　was　used　to　sacrificing　herself　and　liked　it。　But　in　every　self…sacrificing　action　hitherto　she　had　been　happily　conscious　that　by　her　very　self…sacrifice　she　was　heightening　her　value　in　the　eyes　of　herself　and　others；　and　becoming　worthier　of　Nikolay；　whom　she　loved　beyond　everything　in　life。　But　now　her　sacrifice　would　consist　in　the　renunciation　of　what　constituted　for　her　the　whole　reward　of　sacrifice；　and　the　whole　meaning　of　life。　And　for　the　first　time　in　her　life　she　felt　bitterness　against　the　people　who　had　befriended　her　only　to　torment　her　more　poignantly：　she　felt　envy　of　Natasha；　who　had　never　had　any　experience　of　the　kind；　who　had　never　been　required　to　make　sacrifices；　and　made　other　people　sacrifice　themselves　for　her；　and　was　yet　loved　by　every　one。　And　for　the　first　time　Sonya　felt　that　there　was　beginning　to　grow　up　out　of　her　quiet；　pure　love　for　Nikolay　a　passionate　feeling；　which　stood　above　all　principles；　and　virtue；　and　religion。　And　under　the　influence　of　that　passion；　Sonya；　whose　life　of　dependence　had　unconsciously　trained　her　to　reserve；　gave　the　countess　vague；　indefinite　answers；　avoided　talking　with　her；　and　resolved　to　wait　for　a　personal　interview　with　Nikolay；　not　to　set　him　free；　but；　on　the　contrary；　to　bind　him　to　her　for　ever。
The　fuss　and　the　horror　of　the　Rostovs’　last　days　in　Moscow　had　smothered　the　gloomy　thoughts　that　were　weighing　on　Sonya。　She　was　glad　to　find　an　escape　from　them　in　practical　work。　But　when　she　heard　of　Prince　Andrey’s　presence　in　their　house；　in　spite　of　all　the　genuine　compassion　she　felt　for　him；　and　for　Natasha；　a　joyful　and　superstitious　feeling　that　it　was　God’s　will　that　she　should　not　be　parted　from　Nikolay　took　possession　of　her。　She　knew　Natasha　loved　no　one　but　Prince　Andrey；　and　had　never　ceased　to　love　him。　She　knew　that　brought　together　now；　under　such　terrible　circumstances；　they　would　love　one　another　again；　and　that　then；　owing　to　the　relationship　that　would　（in　accordance　with　the　laws　of　the　Orthodox　Church）　exist　between　them；　Nikolay　could　not　be　married　to　Princess　Marya。　In　spite　of　all　the　awfulness　of　what　was　happening　during　the　last　day　or　two　in　Moscow　and　the　first　days　of　the　journey；　that　fee