安妮日记英文版_安妮·弗兰克-第30部分

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uddenly　realized　that　if　mother　had　been　different；　if　shed　been　a　real　mom；　our　relationship　would　have　been　very；　very　different。　mrs。　van　daan　is　by　no　means　a　wonderful　person；　yet　half　the　arguments　could　have　been　avoided　if　mother　hadnt　been　so　hard　to　deal　with　every　time　they　got　onto　a　tricky　subject。　mrs。　van　daan　does　have　one　good　point；　though：　you　can　talk　to　her。　she　may　be　selfish；　stingy　and　underhanded；　but　shell　readily　back　down　as　long　as　you　dont　provoke　her　and　make　her　unreasonable。　this　tactic　doesnt　work　every　time；　but　if　youre　patient；　you　can　keep　trying　and　see　how　far　you　get。

all　the　conflicts　about　our　upbringing；　about　not　pampering　children；　about　the　food　　about　everything；　absolutely　everything　　might　have　taken　a　different　turn　if　wed　remained　open　and　on　friendly　terms　instead　of　always　seeing　the　worst　side。

i　know　exactly　what　youre　going　to　say；　kitty。

〃but；　anne；　are　these　words　really　ing　from　your　lips？　from　you；　who　have　had　to　put　up　with　so　many　unkind　words　from　upstairs？　from　you；　who　are　aware　of　all　the　injustices？鈥�

and　yet　they　are　ing　from　me。　i　want　to　take　a　fresh　look　at　things　and　form　my　own　opinion；　not　just　ape　my　parents；　as　in　the　proverb　〃the　apple　never　falls　far　from　the　tree。〃　i　want　to　reexamine　the　van　daans　and　decide　for　myself　whats　true　and　whats　been　blown　out　of　proportion。　if　i　wind　up　being　disappointed　in　them；　i　can　always　side　with　father　and　mother。　but　if　not；　i　can　try　to　change　their　attitude。

and　if　that　doesnt　work；　ill　have　to　stick　with　my　own　opinions　and　judgment。　ill　take　every　opportunity　to　speak　openly　to　mrs。　van　d。　about　our　many　differences　and　not　be　afraid　　despite　my　reputation　as　a　smart　aleck　　to　offer　my　impartial　opinion。　i　wont　say　anything　negative　about　my　own　family；　though　that　doesnt　mean　i　wont　defend　them　if　somebody　else　does；　and　as　of　today；　my　gossiping　is　a　thing　of　the　past。

up　to　now　i　was　absolutely　convinced　that　the　van　daans　were　entirely　to　blame　for　the　quarrels；　but　now　im　sure　the　fault　was　largely　ours。　we　were　right　as　far　as　the　subject　matter　was　concerned；　but　intelligent　people　（such　as　ourselves！）　should　have　more　insight　into　how　to　deal　with　others。

i　hope　ive　got　at　least　a　touch　of　that　insight；　and　that　ill　find　an　occasion　to　put　it　to　good　use。

yours；　anne　

monday；　january　24；　1944

dearest　kitty；

a　very　strange　thing　has　happened　to　me。　（actually；　〃happened〃　isnt　quite　the　right　word。）

before　i　came　here；　whenever　anyone　at　home　or　at　school　talked　about　sex；　they　were　either　secretive　or　disgusting。　any　words　having　to　do　with　sex　were　spoken　in　a　low　whisper；　and　kids　who　werent　in　the　know　were　often　laughed　at。　that　struck　me　as　odd；　and　i　often　wondered　why　people　were　so　mysterious　or　obnoxious　when　they　talked　about　this　subject。　but　because　i　couldnt　change　things；　i　said　as　little　as　possible　or　asked　my　girlfriends　for　information。

after　id　learned　quite　a　lot；　mother　once　said　to　me；　〃anne；　let　me　give　you　some　good　advice。　never　discuss　this　with　boys；　and　if　they　bring　it　up；　dont　answer　them。鈥�

i　still　remember　my　exact　reply。　〃no；　of　course　not；〃　i　exclaimed。　〃imagine！〃　and　nothing　more　was　said。

when　we　first　went　into　hiding；　father　often　told　me　about　things　id　rather　have　heard　from　mother；　and　i　learned　the　rest　from　books　or　things　i　picked　up　in　conversations。

peter　van　daan　wasnt　ever　as　obnoxious　about　this　subject　as　the　boys　at　school。　or　maybe　just　once　or　twice；　in　the　beginning；　though　he　wasnt　trying　to　get　me　to　talk。

mrs。　van　daan　once　told　us　shed　never　discussed　these　matters　with　peter；　and　as　far　as　she　knew；　neither　had　her　husband。　apparently　she　didnt　even　know　how　much　peter　knew　or　where　he　got　his　information。

yesterday；　when　margot；　peter　and　i　were　peeling　potatoes；　the　conversation　somehow　turned　to　boche。　〃were　still　not　sure　whether　boche　is　a　boy　or　a　girl；　are　we？〃　i　asked。

yes　we　are；　he　answered。　〃boche　is　a　tomcat。鈥�

i　began　to　laugh。　〃some　tomcat　if　hes　pregnant。鈥�

peter　and　margot　joined　in　the　laughter。　you　see；　a　month　or　two　ago　peter　informed　us　that　boche　was　sure　to　have　kittens　before　long；　because　her　stomach　was　rapidly　swelling。　however；　boches　fat　tummy　turned　out　to　be　due　to　a　bunch　of　stolen　bones。　no　kittens　were　growing　inside；　much　less　about　to　be　born。

peter　felt　called　upon　to　defend　himself　against　my　accusation。　〃e　with　me。　you　can　see　for　yourself。　i　was　horsing　around　with　the　cat　one　day；　and　i　could　definitely　see　it　was　a　he。　鈥�

unable　to　restrain　my　curiosity；　i　went　with　him　to　the　warehouse。　boche；　however；　wasnt　receiving　visitors　at　that　hour；　and　was　nowhere　in　sight。　we　waited　for　a　while；　but　when　it　got　cold；　we　went　back　upstairs。

later　that　afternoon　i　heard　peter　go　downstairs　for　the　second　time。　i　mustered　the　courage　to　walk　through　the　silent　house　by　myself　and　reached　the　warehouse。　boche　was　on　the　packing　table；　playing　with　peter；　who　was　getting　ready　to　put　him　on　the　scale　and　weigh　him。

〃hi；　do　you　want　to　have　a　look？〃　without　any　preliminaries；　he　picked　up　the　cat；　turned　him　over　on　his　back；　deftly　held　his　head　and　paws　and　began　the　lesson。

〃this　is　the　male　sexual　organ；　these　are　a　few　stray　hairs；　and　thats　his　backside。鈥�

the　cat　flipped　himself　over　and　stood　up　on　his　little　white　feet。

if　any　other　boy　had　pointed　out　the　〃male　sexual　organ〃　to　me；　i　would　never　have　given　him　a　second　glance。　but　peter　went　on　talking　in　a　normal　voice　about　what　is　otherwise　a　very　awkward　subject。　nor　did　he　have　any　ulterior　motives。　by　the　time　hed　finished；　i　felt　so　much　at　ease　that　i　started　acting　normally　too。　we　played　with　boche；　had　a　good　time；　chatted　a　bit　and　finally　sauntered　through　the　long　warehouse　to　the　door。　〃were　you　there　when　mouschi　was　fixed？鈥�

〃yeah；　sure。　it　doesnt　take　long。　they　give　the　cat　an　anesthetic；　of　course。鈥�

〃do　they　take　something　out？鈥�

〃no；　the　vet　just　snips　the　tube。　theres　nothing　to　see　on　the　outside。鈥�

i　had　to　get　up　my　nerve　to　ask　a　question；　since　it　wasnt　as　〃normal〃　as　i　thought。

〃peter；　the　german　word　geschlechtsteil　means　sexual　organ；　doesnt　it？　but　then　the　male　and　female　ones　have　different　names。鈥�

〃i　know　that。鈥�

〃the　female　one　is　a　vagina；　that　i　know；　but　i　dont　know　what　its　called　in　males。鈥�

〃oh　well；〃　i　said。　〃how　are　we　supposed　to　know　these　words？　most　of　the　time　you　just　e　across　them　by　accident。鈥�

〃why　wait？　ill　ask　my　parents。　they　know　more　than　i　do　and　theyve　had　more　experience。鈥�

we　were　already　on　the　stairs；　so　nothing　more　was　said。

yes；　it　really　did　happen。　id　never　have　talked　to　a　girl　about　this　in　such　a　normal　tone　of　voice。　im　also　certain　that　this　isnt　what　mother　meant　when　she　warned　me　about　boys。

all　the　same；　i　wasnt　exactly　my　usual　self　for　the　rest　of　the　day。　when　i　thought

back　to　our　talk；　it　struck　me　as　odd。　but　ive　learned　at　least　one　thing：　there　are　young　people；　even　those　of　the　opposite　sex；　who　can　discuss　these　things　naturally；　without　cracking　jokes。

is　peter　really　going　to　ask　his　parents　a　lot　of　questions？　is　he　really　the　way　he　seemed　yesterday？

oh；　what　do　i　know？！！！

yours；　anne　

friday；　january　28；　1944

dearest　kitty；

in　recent　weeks　ive　developed　a　great　liking　for　family　trees　and　the　genealogical　tables　of　royal　families。　ive　e　to　the　conclusion　that　once　you　begin　your　search；　you　have　to　keep　digging　deeper　and　deeper　into　the　past；　which　leads　you　to　even　more　interesting　discoveries。

although　im　extremely　diligent　when　it　es　to　my　schoolwork　and　can　pretty　much　follow　the　bbc　home　service　on　the　radio；　i　still　spend　many　of　my　sundays　sorting　out　and　looking　over　my　movie…star　collection；　which　has　grown　to　a　very　respectable　size。　mr。　kugler　makes　me　happy　every　monday　by　bringing　me　a　copy　of　cinema　&　theater　magazine。　the　less　worldly　members　of　our　household　often　refer　to　this　small　indulgence　as　a　waste　of　money；　yet　they　never　fail　to　be　surprised　at　how　accurately　i　can　list　the　actors　in　any　given　movie；　even　after　a　year。　bep；　who　often　goes　to　the　movies　with　her　boyfriend　on　her　day　off；　tells　me　on　saturday　the　name　of　the　show　theyre　going　to　see；　and　i　then　proceed　to　rattle　off　the　names　of　the　leading　actors　and　actresses　and　the　reviews。　moms　recently　remarked　；　that　i　wouldnt　need　to　go　to　the　movies　later　on；　because　！

i　know　all　the　plots；　the　names　of　the　stars　and　the　reviews　by　heart。

whenever　i　e　sailing　in　with　a　new　hairstyle；　i　i　can　read　the　disapproval　on　their　faces；　and　i　can　be　sure　someone　will　ask　which　movie　star　im　trying　to　imitate。　my　reply；　that　its　my　own　invention；　is　greeted　with　~　skepticism。　as　for　the　hairdo；　it　doesnt　hold　its　set　for　~　more　than　half　an　hour。　by　that　time　im　so　sick　and　tired　i　of　their　remarks　that　i　race　to　the　bathroom　and　restore　my　hair　to　its　normal　mass　of　curls。

yours；　anne　

friday；　january　28；　1944

dearest　kitty；

this　morning　i　was　wondering　whether　you　ever　felt　like　a　cow；　having　to　chew　my　stale　news　over　and　over　again　until　youre　so　fed　up　with　the　monotonous　fare　that　you　yawn　and　secretly　wish　anne　would　dig　up　something　new。

sorry；　i　know　you　find　it　dull　as　ditchwater；　but　imagine　how　sick　and　tired　i　am　of　hearing　the　same　old　stuff。　if　the　talk　at　mealtime　isnt　about　politics　or　good　food；　then　mother　or　mrs。　van　d。　trot　out　stories　about　their　childhood　that　weve　heard　a　thousand　times　before；　or　dussel　goes　on　and　on　about　beautiful　racehorses；　his　charlottes　extensive　wardrobe；　leaky　rowboats；　boys　who　can　swim　at　the　age　of　four；　aching　muscles　and　frightened　patients。　it　all　boils　down　to　this：　whenever　one　of　the　eight　of　us　opens　his　mouth；　the　other　seven　can　finish　the　story　for　him。　we　know　the　punch　line　of　every　joke　before　it　gets　told；　so　that　whoevers　telling　it　is　left　to　laugh　alone。　the　various　milkmen；　grocers　and　butchers　of　the　two　former　housewives　have　been　praised　to　the　skies　or　run　into　the　ground　so　many　times　that　in　our　imaginations　theyve　grown　as　old　as　methuselah；　theres　absolutely　no　chance　of　anything　new　or　fresh　being　brought　up　for　discussion　in　the　annex。

still；