安妮日记英文版_安妮·弗兰克-第45部分

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erson。　hes　never　had　a　friend　before；　boy　or　girl。　now　weve　found　each　other。　i；　for　that　matter；　didnt　know　him　either；　had　never　had　someone　i　could　confide　in；　and　its　led　to　this　。　。　。

the　same　question　keeps　nagging　me：　〃is　it　right？〃　is　it　right　for　me　to　yield　so　soon；　for　me　to　be　so　passionate；　to　be　filled　with　as　much　passion　and　desire　as　peter？

can　i；　a　girl；　allow　myself　to　go　that　far？

theres　only　one　possible　answer：　〃im　longing　so　much。　。　。　and　have　for　such　a　long　time。　im　so　lonely　and　now　ive　found　fort！鈥�

in　the　mornings　we　act　normally；　in　the　afternoons　too；　except　now　and　then。　but　in　the　evenings　the　suppressed　longing　of　the　entire　day；　the　happiness　and　the　bliss　of　all　the　times　before　e　rushing　to　the　surface；　and　all　we　can　think　about　is　each　other。　every　night；　after　our　last　kiss；　i　feel　like　running　away　and　never　looking　him　in　the　eyes　again。　away；　far　away　into　the　darkness　and　alone！

and　what　awaits　me　at　the　bottom　of　those　fourteen　stairs？　bright　lights；　questions　and　laughter。　i　have　to　act　normally　and　hope　they　dont　notice　anything。

my　heart　is　still　too　tender　to　be　able　to　recover　so　quickly　from　a　shock　like　the　one　i　had　last　night。　the　gentle　anne　makes　infrequent　appearances；　and　shes　not　about　to　let　herself　be　shoved　out　the　door　so　soon　after　shes　arrived。　peters　reached　a　part　of　me　that　no　one　has　ever　reached　before；　except　in　my　dream！　hes　taken　hold　of　me　and　turned　me　inside　out。　doesnt　everyone　need　a　little　quiet　time　to　put　themselves　to　rights　again？　oh；　peter；　what　have　you　done　to　me？　what　do　you　want　from　me？

where　will　this　lead？　oh；　now　i　understand　bep。　now；　now　that　im　going　through　it　myself；　i　understand　her　doubts；　if　i　were　older　and　he　wanted　to　marry　me；　what　would　my　answer　be？　anne；　be　honest！　you　wouldnt　be　able　to　marry　him。　but　its　so　hard　to　let　go。　peter　still　has　too　little　character；　too　little　willpower；　too　little　courage　and　strength。　hes　still　a　child；　emotionally　no　older　than　i　am；　all　he　wants　is　happiness　and　peace　of　mind。　am　i　really　only　fourteen？　am　i　really　just　a　silly　schoolgirl？　am　i　really　so　inexperienced　in　everything？　i　have　more　experience　than　most；　ive　experienced　something　almost　no　one　my　age　ever　has。

im　afraid　of　myself；　afraid　my　longing　is　making　me　yield　too　soon。　how　can　it　ever　go　right　with　other　boys　later　on？　oh；　its　so　hard；　the　eternal　struggle　between　heart

and　mind。　theres　a　time　and　a　place　for　both；　but　how　can　i　be　sure　that　ive　chosen　the　right　time？

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

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MAY；　1944

銆婂皬璇磘銆媥t澶╁爞
tuesday；　may　2；　1944

dearest　kitty；

saturday　night　i　asked　peter　whether　he　thinks　i　should　tell　father　about　us。　after　wed　discussed　it；　he　said　he　thought　i　should。　i　was　glad；　it　shows　hes　sensible；　and　sensitive。　as　soon　as　i　came　downstairs；　i　went　with　father　to　get　some　water。　while　we　were　on　the　stairs；　i　said；　〃father；　im　sure　youve　gathered　that　when　peter　and　i　are　together；　we　dont　exactly　sit　at　opposite　ends　of　the　room。　do　you　think　thats　wrong？鈥�

father　paused　before　answering：　〃no；　i　dont　think　its　wrong。　but　anne；　when　youre　living　so　close　together；　as　we　do；　you　have　to　be　careful。〃　he　said　some　other　words　to　that　effect；　and　then　we　went　upstairs。

sunday　morning　he　called　me　to　him　and　said；　〃anne；　ive　been　thinking　about　what　you　said。〃　（oh；　oh；　i　knew　what　was　ing！）　〃here　in　the　annex　its　not　such　a　good　idea。　i　thought　you　were　just　friends。　is　peter　in　love　with　you？鈥�

〃of　course　not；〃　i　answered。

〃well；　you　know　i　understand　both　of　you。　but　you　must　be　the　one　to　show　restraint；

dont　go　upstairs　so　often；　dont　encourage　him　more　than　you　can　help。　in　matters　like　these；　its　always　the　man　who　takes　the　active　role；　and　its　up　to　the　woman　to　set　the　limits。　outside；　where　youre　free；　things　are　quite　different。　you　see　other　boys　and　girls；　you　can　go　outdoors；　take　part　in　sports　and　all　kinds　of　activities。　but　here；　if　youre　together　too　much　and　want　to　get　away；　you　cant。　you　see　each　other　every　hour　of　the　day…all　the　time；　in　fact。　be　careful；　anne；　and　dont　take　it　too　seriously！

〃i　dont；　father；　but　peters　a　decent　boy；　a　nice　boy。鈥�

〃yes；　but　he　doesnt　have　much　strength　of　character。　he　can　easily　be　influenced　to　do　good；　but　also　to　do　bad。　i　hope　for　his　sake　that　he　stays　good；　because　hes　basically　a　good　person。〃

we　talked　some　more　and　agreed　that　father　would　speak　to　him　too。

sunday　afternoon　when　we　were　in　the　front　attic；　peter　asked；　〃have　you　talked　to　your　father　yet；　anne？鈥�

〃yes；〃　i　replied；　〃ill　tell　you　all　about　it。　he　doesnt　think　its　wrong；　but　he　says　that　here；　where　were　in　such　close　quarters；　it　could　lead　to　conflicts。鈥�

〃weve　already　agreed　not　to　quarrel；　and　i　plan　to　keep　my　promise。鈥�

〃me　too；　peter。　but　father　didnt　think　we　were　serious；　he　thought　we　were　just　friends。　do　you　think　we　still　can　be？鈥�

〃yes；　i　do。　how　about　you？鈥�

〃me　too。　i　also　told　father　that　i　trust　you。　i　do　trust　you；　peter；　just　as　much　as　i　do　father。　and　i　think　youre　worthy　of　my　trust。　you　are；　arent　you？鈥�

〃i　hope　so。〃　（he　was　very　shy；　and　blushing。）

〃i　believe　in　you；　peter；〃　i　continued。　〃i　believe　you　have　a　good　character　and　that　youll　get　ahead　in　this　world。鈥�

after　that　we　talked　about　other　things。　later　i　said；　〃if　we　ever　get　out　of　here；　i　know　you　wont　give　me　another　thought。鈥�

he　got　all　fired　up。　〃thats　not　true；　anne。　oh　no；　i　wont　let　you　even　think　that　about　me！鈥�

just　then　somebody　called　us。

father　did　talk　to　him；　he　told　me　monday。　〃your　father　thought　our　friendship　might　turn　into　love；〃　he　said。　〃but　i　told　him　wed　keep　ourselves　under　control。鈥�

father　wants　me　to　stop　going　upstairs　so　often；　but　i　dont　want　to。　not　just　because　i　like　being　with　peter；　but　because　ive　said　i　trust　him。　i　do　trust　him；　and　i　want　to　prove　it　to　him；　but　ill　never　be　able　to　if　i　stay　downstairs　out　of　distrust。

no；　im　going！

in　the　meantime；　the　dussel　drama　has　been　resolved。　saturday　evening　at　dinner　he

apologized　in　beautiful　dutch。　mr。　van　daan　was　immediately　reconciled。　dussel　must　have　spent　all　day　practicing　his　speech。

sunday；　his　birthday；　passed　without　incident。　we　gave　him　a　bottle　of　good　wine　from　1919；　the　van　daans　（who　can　now　give　their　gift　after　all）　presented　him　with　a　jar　of　piccalilli　and　a　package　of　razor　blades；　and　mr。　kugler　gave　him　a　jar　of　lemon　syrup　（to　make　lemonade）；　miep　a　book；　little　martin；　and　bep　a　plant。　he　treated　everyone　to　an　egg。

yours；　anne　

m。　frank

wednesday；　may　3；　1944

dearest　kitty；

first　the　weekly　news！　were　having　a　vacation　from　politics。　theres　nothing；　and　i　mean　absolutely　nothing；　to　report。　im　also　gradually　starting　to　believe　that　the　invasion　will　e。　after　all；　they　cant　let　the　russians　do　all　the　dirty　work；

actually；　the　russians　arent　doing　anything　at　the　moment　either。

mr。　kleiman　es　to　the　office　every　morning　now。　he　got　a　new　set　of　springs　for　peters　divan；　so　peter　will　have　to　get　to　work　reupholstering　it；　not　surprisingly；　he　isnt　at　all　in　the　mood。　mr。　kleiman　also　brought　some　flea　powder　for　the　cats。

have　i　told　you　that　our　boche　has　disappeared？　we　havent　seen　hide　nor　hair　of　her　since　last　thursday。　shes　probably　already　in　cat　heaven；　while　some　animal　lover　has　turned　her　into　a　tasty　dish。　perhaps　some　girl　who　can　afford　it　will　be　wearing　a　cap　made　of　boches　fur。　peter　is　heartbroken。

for　the　last　two　weeks　weve　been　eating　lunch　at　eleven…thirty　on　saturdays；　in　the　mornings　we　have　to　make　do　with　a　cup　of　hot　cereal。　starting　tomorrow　itll　be　like　this　every　day；　that　saves　us　a　meal。　vegetables　are　still　very　hard　to　e　by。　this　afternoon　we　had　rotten　boiled　lettuce。　ordinary　lettuce；　spinach　and　boiled　let…　tuce；　thats　all　there　is。　add　to　that　rotten　potatoes；　and　you　have　a　meal　fit　for　a　king！

i　hadnt　had　my　period　for　more　than　two　months；　but　it　finally　started　last　sunday。

despite　the　mess　and　bother；　im　glad　it　hasnt　deserted　me。

as　you　can　no　doubt　imagine；　we　often　say　in　despair；　〃whats　the　point　of　the　war？

why；　oh；　why　cant　people　live　together　peacefully？　why　all　this　destruction？〃

the　question　is　understandable；　but　up　to　now　no　one　has　e　up　with　a　satisfactory　answer。　why　is　england　manufacturing　bigger　and　better　airplanes　and　bombs　and　at　the　same　time　churning　out　new　houses　for　reconstruction？　why　are　millions　spent　on　the　war　each　day；　while　not　a　penny　is　available　for　medical　science；　artists　or　the　poor？　why　do　people　have　to　starve　when　mountains　of　food　are　rotting　away　in　other　parts　of　the　world？　oh；　why　are　people　so　crazy？

i　dont　believe　the　war　is　simply　the　work　of　politicians　and　capitalists。　oh　no；　the　mon　man　is　every　bit　as　guilty；　otherwise；　people　and　nations　would　have　re…　belled　long　ago！　theres　a　destructive　urge　in　people；　the　urge　to　rage；　murder　and　kill。　and　until　all　of　humanity；　without　exception；　undergoes　a　metamorphosis；　wars　will　continue　to　be　waged；　and　everything　that　has　been　carefully　built　up；　cultivated　and　grown　will　be　cut　down　and　destroyed；　only　to　start　allover　again！

ive　often　been　down　in　the　dumps；　but　never　desperate。　i　look　upon　our　life　in　hiding　as　an　interesting　adventure；　full　of　danger　and　romance；　and　every　privation　as　an　amusing　addition　to　my　diary。　ive　made　up　my　mind　to　lead　a　different　life　from　other　girls；　and　not　to　bee　an　ordinary　housewife　later　on。　what　im　experiencing　here　is　a　good　beginning　to　an　interesting　life；　and　thats　the　reason　　the　only　reason　　why　i　have　to　laugh　at　the　humorous　side　of　the　most　dangerous　moments。

im　young　and　have　many　hidden　qualities；　im　young　and　strong　and　living　through　a　big　adventure；　im　right　in　the　middle　of　it　and　cant　spend　all　day　plaining　because　its　impossible　to　have　any　fun！　im　blessed　with　many　things：　happiness；　a　cheerful　disposition　and　strength。　every　day　i　feel　myself　maturing；　i　feel　liberation　drawing　near；　i　feel　the　beauty　of　nature　and　the　goodness　of　the　people　around　me。　every　day　i　think　what　a　fascinating　and　amusing　adventure　this　is！　with　all　that；　why　should　i　despair？

yours；　anne