白噪音(White Noise) (英文版)作者:唐·德里罗(Don DeLillo)-第31部分

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；　nuzzling　into　that　designated　space　like　a　wounded　sub　into　its　repair　dock。　I　drew　courage　from　her　breasts；　her　warm　mouth；　her　browsing　hands；　from　the　skimming　tips　of　her　fingers　on　my　back。　The　lighter　the　touch；　the　more　determined　I　was　to　keep　her　from　knowing。　Only　her　own　desperation　could　break　my　will。
　　Once　I　almost　asked　her　to　put　on　legwarmers　before　we　made　love。　But　it　seemed　a　request　more　deeply　rooted　in　pathos　than　in　aberrant　sexuality　and　I　thought　it　might　make　her　suspect　that　something　was　wrong。
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　　1　asked　my　German　teacher　to　add　half　an　hour　to　each　lesson。　It　seemed　more　urgent　than　ever　that　I　learn　the　language。　His　room　was　cold。　He　wore　foul　weather　gear　and　seemed　gradually　to　be　piling　furniture　against　the　windows。
　　We　sat　facing　each　other　in　the　gloom。　I　did　wonderfully　well　with　vocabulary　and　rules　of　grammar。　I　could　have　passed　a　written　test　easily；　made　top　grades。　But　I　continued　to　have　trouble　pronouncing　the　words。　Dunlop　did　not　seem　to　mind。　He　enunciated　for　me　over　and　over；　scintillas　of　dry　spit　flying　toward　my　face。
　　We　advanced　to　three　lessons　a　week。　He　seemed　to　shed　his　distracted　manner；　to　bee　slightly　more　engaged。　Furniture；　newspapers；　cardboard　boxes；　sheets　of　polyethylene　continued　to　accumulate　against　the　walls　and　windows—items　scavenged　from　ravines。　He　stared　into　my　mouth　as　I　did　my　exercises　in　pronunciation。　Once　he　reached　in　with　his　right　hand　to　adjust　my　tongue。　It　was　a　strange　and　terrible　moment；　an　act　of　haunting　intimacy。　No　one　had　ever　handled　my　tongue　before。
　　German　shepherds　still　patrolled　the　town；　acpanied　by　men　in　Mylex　suits。　We　weled　the　dogs；　got　used　to　them；　fed　and　petted　them；　but　did　not　adjust　well　to　the　sight　of　costumed　men　with　padded　boots；　hoses　attached　to　their　masks。　We　associated　these　outfits　with　the　source　of　our　trouble　and　fear。
　　At　dinner　Denise　said；　〃Why　can't　they　dress　in　normal　clothes？〃
　　〃This　is　what　they　wear　on　duty；〃　Babette　said。　〃It　doesn't　mean　we're　in　danger。　The　dogs　have　sniffed　out　only　a　few　traces　of　toxic　material　on　the　edge　of　town。〃
　　〃That's　what　we're　supposed　to　believe；〃　Heinrich　said。　〃If　they　released　the　true　findings；　there'd　be　billions　of　dollars　in　law　suits。　Not　to　mention　demonstrations；　panic；　violence　and　social　disorder。〃
　　He　seemed　to　take　pleasure　in　the　prospect。　Babette　said；　〃That's　a　little　extreme；　isn't　it？〃
　　〃What's　extreme；　what　I　said　or　what　would　happen？〃
　　〃Both。　There's　no　reason　to　think　the　results　aren't　true　as　published。〃
　　〃Do　you　really　believe　that？〃　he　said。
　　〃Why　shouldn't　I　believe　it？〃
　　〃Industry　would　collapse　if　the　true　results　of　any　of　these　investigations　were　released。〃
　　〃What　investigations？〃
　　〃The　ones　that　are　going　on　all　over　the　country。〃
　　'That's　the　point；〃　she　said。　〃Every　day　on　the　news　there's　another　toxic　spill。　Cancerous　solvents　from　storage　tanks；　arsenic　from　smokestacks；　radioactive　water　from　power　plants。　How　serious　can　it　be　if　it　happens　all　the　time？　Isn't　the　definition　of　a　serious　event　based　on　the　fact　that　it's　not　an　everyday　occurrence？〃
　　The　two　girls　looked　at　Heinrich；　anticipating　a　surgically　deft　rejoinder。
　　〃Forget　these　spills；〃　he　said。　〃These　spills　are　nothing。〃
　　This　wasn't　the　direction　any　of　us　had　expected　him　to　take。　Babette　watched　him　carefully。　He　cut　a　lettuce　leaf　on　his　salad　plate　into　two　equal　pieces。
　　〃I　wouldn't　say　they　were　nothing；〃　she　said　cautiously。　〃They're　small　everyday　seepages。　They're　controllable。　But　they're　not　nothing。　We　have　to　watch　them。〃
　　〃The　sooner　we　forget　these　spills；　the　sooner　we　can　e　to　grips　with　the　real　issue。〃
　　〃What's　the　real　issue？〃　I　said。
　　He　spoke　with　his　mouth　full　of　lettuce　and　cucumber。
　　〃The　real　issue　is　the　kind　of　radiation　that　surrounds　us　every　day。　Your　radio；　your　TV；　your　microwave　oven；　your　power　lines　just　outside　the　door；　your　radar　speed…trap　on　the　highway。　For　years　they　told　us　these　low　doses　weren't　dangerous。〃
　　〃And　now？〃　Babette　said。
　　We　watched　him　use　his　spoon　to　mold　the　mashed　potatoes　on　his　plate　into　the　shape　of　a　volcanic　mountain。　He　poured　gravy　ever　so　carefully　into　the　opening　at　the　top。　Then　he　set　to　work　ridding　his　steak　of　fat；　veins　and　other　imperfections。　It　occurred　to　me　that　eating　is　the　only　form　of　professionalism　most　people　ever　attain。
　　〃This　is　the　big　new　worry；〃　he　said。　〃Forget　spills；　fallouts；　leakages。　It's　the　things　right　around　you　in　your　own　house　that'll　get　you　sooner　or　later。　It's　the　electrical　and　magnetic　fields。　Who　in　this　room　would　believe　me　if　I　said　that　the　suicide　rate　hits　an　all…time　record　among　people　who　live　near　high…voltage　power　lines？　What　makes　these　people　so　sad　and　depressed？　Just　the　sight　of　ugly　wires　and　utility　poles？　Or　does　something　happen　to　their　brain　cells　from　being　exposed　to　constant　rays？〃
　　He　immersed　a　piece　of　steak　in　the　gravy　that　sat　in　the　volcanic　depression；　then　put　it　in　his　mouth。　But　he　did　not　begin　chewing　until　he'd　scooped　some　potatoes　from　the　lower　slopes　and　added　it　to　the　meat。　A　tension　seemed　to　be　building　around　the　question　of　whether　he　could　finish　the　gravy　before　the　potatoes　collapsed。
　　〃Forget　headaches　and　fatigue；〃　he　said　as　he　chewed。　〃What　about　nerve　disorders；　strange　and　violent　behavior　in　the　home？　There　are　scientific　findings。　Where　do　you　think　all　the　deformed　babies　are　ing　from？　Radio　and　TV；　that's　where。〃
　　The　girls　looked　at　him。　admiringly。　I　wanted　to　argue　with　him。　I　wanted　to　ask　him　why　I　should　believe　these　scientific　findings　but　not　the　results　that　indicated　we　were　safe　from　Nyodene　contamination。　But　what　could　I　say；　considering　my　condition？　I　wanted　to　tell　him　that　statistical　evidence　of　the　kind　he　was　quoting　from　was　by　nature　inconclusive　and　misleading。　I　wanted　to　say　that　he　would　learn　to　regard　all　such　catastrophic　findings　with　equanimity　as　he　matured；　grew　out　of　his　confining　literalism；　developed　a　spirit　of　informed　and　skeptical　inquiry；　advanced　in　wisdom　and　rounded　judgment；　got　old；　declined；　died。
　　But　I　only　said；　〃Terrifying　data　is　now　an　industry　in　itself。　Different　firms　pete　to　see　how　badly　they　can　scare　us。〃
　　〃I've　got　news　for　you；〃　he　said。　〃The　brain　of　a　white　rat　releases　calcium　ions　when　it's　exposed　to　radio…frequency　waves。　Does　anyone　at　this　table　know　what　that　means？〃
　　Denise　looked　at　her　mother。
　　〃Is　this　what　they　teach　in　school　today？〃　Babette　said。　〃What　happened　to　civics；　how　a　bill　bees　a　law？　The　square　of　the　hypotenuse　is　equal　to　the　sum　of　the　squares　of　the　two　sides。　I　still　remember　my　theorems。　The　battle　of　Bunker　Hill　was　really　fought　on　Breed's　Hill。　Here's　one。　Latvia；　Estonia　and　Lithuania。〃
　　〃Was　it　the　Monitor　or　the　Merrimac　that　got　sunk？〃　I　said。
　　〃I　don't　know　but　it　was　Tippecanoe　and　Tyler　too。〃
　　〃What　was　that？〃　Steffie　said。
　　〃I　want　to　say　he　was　an　Indian　running　for　office。　Here's　one。　Who　invented　the　mechanical　reaper　and　how　did　it　change　the　face　of　American　agriculture？〃
　　〃I'm　trying　to　remember　the　three　kinds　of　rock；〃　I　said。　〃Igneous；　sedimentary　and　something　else。〃
　　〃What　about　your　logarithms？　What　about　the　causes　of　economic　discontent　leading　up　to　the　Great　Grash？　Here's　one。　Who　won　the　Lincoln…Douglas　debates？　Careful。　It's　not　as　obvious　as　it　seems。〃
　　〃Anthracite　and　bituminous；〃　I　said。　〃Isosceles　and　scalene。〃
　　The　mysterious　words　came　back　to　me　in　a　rush　of　confused　schoolroom　images。
　　〃Here's　one。　Angles；　Saxons　and　Jutes。〃
　　Déjà　vu　was　still　a　problem　in　the　area。　A　toll…free　hotline　had　been　set　up。　There　were　counselors　on　duty　around　the　clock　to　talk　to　people　who　were　troubled　by　recurring　episodes。　Perhaps　déjà　vu　and　other　tics　of　the　mind　and　body　were　the　durable　products　of　the　airborne　toxic　event。　But　over　a　period　of　time　it　became　possible　to　interpret　such　things　as　signs　of　a　deep…reaching　isolation　we　were　beginning　to　feel。　There　was　no　large　city　with　a　vaster　torment　we　might　use　to　see　our　own　dilemma　in　some　soothing　perspective。　No　large　city　to　blame　for　our　sense　of　victimization。　No　city　to　hate　and　fear。　No　panting　megacenter　to　absorb　our　woe；　to　distract　us　from　our　unremitting　sense　of　time—
　　time　as　the　agent　of　our　particular　ruin；　our　chromosome　breaks；　hysterically　multiplying　tissue。
　　〃Baba；〃　I　whispered　between　her　breasts；　that　night　in　bed。
　　Although　we　are　for　a　small　town　remarkably　free　of　resentment；　the　absence　of　a　polestar　metropolis　leaves　us　feeling　in　our　private　moments　a　little　lonely。
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　　It　was　the　following　night　that　I　discovered　the　Dylar。　An　amber　bottle　of　lightweight　plastic。　It　was　taped　to　the　underside　of　the　radiator　cover　in　the　bathroom。　I　found　it　when　the　radiator　began　knocking　and　I　removed　the　cover　to　study　the　valve　in　an　earnest　and　methodical　way；　trying　to　disguise　to　myself　the　helplessness　I　felt。
　　I　went　at　once　to　find　Denise。　She　was　in　bed　watching　TV。　When　I　told　her　what　I'd　found　we　went　quietly　into　the　bathroom　and　looked　at　the　bottle　together。　It　was　easy　to　see　the　word　Dylar　through　the　transparent　tape。　Neither　of　us　touched　a　thing；　so　great　was　our　surprise　at　finding　the　medication　concealed　in　this　manner。　We　regarded　the　little　tablets　with　solemn　concern。　Then　we　exchanged　a　look　fraught　with　implication。
　　Without　a　word　we　replaced　the　radiator　cover；　bottle　intact；　and　went　back　to　Denise's　room。　The　voice　at　the　end　of　the　bed　said：　〃Meanwhile　here　is　a　quick　and　attractive　lemon　garnish　suitable　for　any　sea　food。〃
　　Denise　sat　on　the　bed；　looking　past　me；　past　the　TV　set；　past　the　posters　and　souvenirs。　Her　eyes　were　narrowed；　her　face　set　in　a　thoughtful　scowl。
　　〃We　say　nothing　to　Baba。〃
　　〃All　right；〃　I　said。
　　〃She'll　only　say　she　doesn't　remember　why　she　put　it　there。〃
　　〃What　is　Dylar？　That's　what　I　want　to　know。　There　are　only　three　or　four　places　she　could　have　gone　to　get　the　prescription　filled；　within　a　reasonable　distance。　A　pharmacist　can　tell　us　what　the　stuff　is　for。　I'll　get　in　the　car　first　thing　in　th