白噪音(White Noise) (英文版)作者:唐·德里罗(Don DeLillo)-第33部分

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eye　contact；　as　if　an　exchange　of　significant　looks　was　more　than　our　secret　knowledge　could　bear。　Babette；　for　her　part；　could　not　seem　to　produce　a　look　that　wasn't　significant。　In　the　middle　of　conversations　she　turned　to　gaze　at　snowfalls；　sunsets　or　parked　cars　in　a　sculptured　and　eternal　way。　These　contemplations　began　to　worry　me。　She'd　always　been　an　outward…looking　woman　with　a　bracing　sense　of　particularity；　a　trust　in　the　tangible　and　real。　This　private　gazing　was　a　form　of　estrangement　not　only　from　those　of　us　around　her　but　from　the　very　things　she　watched　so　endlessly。
　　We　sat　at　the　breakfast　table　after　the　older　kids　were　gone。
　　〃Have　you　seen　the　Stovers'　new　dog？〃
　　〃No；〃　I　said。
　　'They　think　it's　a　space　alien。　Only　they're　not　joking。　I　was　there　yesterday。　The　animal　is　strange。〃
　　〃Has　something　been　bothering　you？〃
　　〃I'm　fine；〃　she　said。
　　〃I　wish　you'd　tell　me。　We　tell　each　other　everything。　We　always　have。〃
　　〃Jack；　what　could　be　bothering　me？〃
　　〃You　stare　out　of　windows。　You're　different　somehow。　You　don't　quite　see　things　and　react　to　things　the　way　you　used　to。〃
　　〃That's　what　their　dog　does。　He　stares　out　of　windows。　But　not　just　any　window。　He　goes　upstairs　to　the　attic　and　puts　his　paws　up　on　the　sill　to　look　out　the　highest　window。　They　think　he's　waiting　for　instructions。〃
　　〃Denise　would　kill　me　if　she　knew　I　was　going　to　say　this。〃
　　〃What？〃
　　〃I　found　the　Dylar。〃
　　〃What　Dylar？〃
　　〃It　was　taped　to　the　radiator　cover。〃
　　〃Why　would　I　tape　something　to　the　radiator　cover？〃
　　'That's　exactly　what　Denise　predicted　you　would　say。〃
　　〃She's　usually　right。〃
　　〃I　talked　to　Hookstratten；　your　doctor。〃
　　〃I'm　in　super　shape；　really。〃
　　〃That's　what　he　said。〃
　　〃Do　you　know　what　these　cold　gray　leaden　days　make　me　want　to　do？〃
　　〃What？〃
　　〃Crawl　into　bed　with　a　good…looking　man。　I'll　put　Wilder　in　his　play　tunnel。　You　go　shave　and　brush　your　teeth。　Meet　you　in　the　bedroom　in　ten　minutes。〃
　　That　afternoon　I　saw　Winnie　Richards　slip　out　a　side　door　of　the　Observatory　and　go　loping　down　a　small　lawn　toward　the　new　buildings。　I　hurried　out　of　my　office　and　went　after　her。　She　kept　close　to　walls；　moving　in　a　long…gaited　stride。　I　felt　I　had　made　an　important　sighting　of　an　endangered　animal　or　some　phenomenal　subhuman　like　a　yeti　or　sasquatch。　It　was　cold　and　still　leaden。　I　found　I　could　not　gain　on　her　without　breaking　into　a　trot。　She　hurried　around　the　back　of　Faculty　House　and　I　picked　up　the　pace；　fearing　I　was　on　the　verge　of　losing　her。　It　felt　strange　to　be　running。　I　hadn't　run　in　many　years　and　didn't　recognize　my　body　in　this　new　format；　didn't　recognize　the　world　beneath　my　feet；　hard…surfaced　and　abrupt。　I　turned　a　corner　and　picked　up　speed；　aware　of　floating　bulk。　Up；　down；　life；　death。　My　robe　flew　behind　me。
　　I　caught　up　to　her　in　the　empty　corridor　of　a　one…story　building　that　smelled　of　embalming　fluids。　She　stood　against　the　wall　in　a　pale　green　tunic　and　tennis　sneakers。　I　was　too　winded　to　speak　and　raised　my　right　arm；　requesting　a　delay。　Winnie　led　me　to　a　table　in　a　small　room　full　of　bottled　brains。　The　table　was　fitted　with　a　sink　and　covered　with　note　pads　and　lab　instruments。　She　gave　me　water　in　a　paper　cup。　I　tried　to　dissociate　the　taste　of　the　tap　water　from　the　sight　of　the　brains　and　the　general　odor　of　preservatives　and　disinfectants。
　　〃Have　you　been　hiding　from　me？〃　I　said。　〃I've　left　notes；　phone　messages。〃
　　〃Not　from　you；　Jack；　or　anyone　in　particular。〃
　　〃Then　why　have　you　been　so　hard　to　find？〃
　　〃Isn't　this　what　the　twentieth　century　is　all　about？〃
　　〃What？〃
　　〃People　go　into　hiding　even　when　no　one　is　looking　for　them。〃
　　〃Do　you　really　think　that's　true？〃
　　〃It's　obvious；〃　she　said。
　　〃What　about　the　tablet？〃
　　〃An　interesting　piece　of　technology。　What's　it　called？〃
　　〃Dylar。〃
　　〃Never　heard　of　it；〃　she　said。
　　〃What　can　you　tell　me　about　it？　Try　not　to　be　too　brilliant。　I　haven't　eaten　lunch　yet。〃
　　I　watched　her　blush。
　　〃It's　not　a　tablet　in　the　old　sense；〃　she　said。　〃It's　a　drug　delivery　system。　It　doesn't　dissolve　right　away　or　release　its　ingredients　right　away。　The　medication　in　Dylar　is　encased　in　a　polymer　membrane。　Water　from　your　gastrointestinal　tract　seeps　through　the　membrane　at　a　carefully　controlled　rate。〃
　　〃What　does　the　water　do？〃
　　〃It　dissolves　the　medication　encased　in　the　membrane。　Slowly；　gradually；　precisely。　The　medicine　then　passes　out　of　the　polymer　tablet　through　a　single　small　hole。　Once　again　the　rate　is　carefully　controlled。〃
　　〃It　took　me　a　while　to　spot　the　hole。〃
　　〃That's　because　it's　laser…drilled。　It's　not　only　tiny　but　stunningly　precise　in　its　dimensions。〃
　　〃Lasers；　polymers。〃
　　〃I'm　not　an　expert　in　any　of　this；　Jack；　but　I　can　tell　you　it's　a　wonderful　little　system。〃
　　〃What's　the　point　of　all　this　precision？〃
　　〃I　would　think　the　controlled　dosage　is　meant　to　eliminate　the　hit…or…miss　effect　of　pills　and　capsules。　The　drug　is　delivered　at　specified　rates　for　extended　periods。　You　avoid　the　classic　pattern　of　overdosage　followed　by　underdosage。　You　don't　get　a　burst　of　medication　followed　by　the　merest　trickle。　No　upset　stomach；　queasiness；　vomiting；　muscle　cramps；　et　cetera。　This　system　is　efficient。〃
　　〃I'm　impressed。　I'm　even　dazzled。　But　what　happens　to　the　polymer　tablet　after　the　medication　is　pumped　out　of　it？〃
　　〃It　self…destructs。　It　implodes　minutely　of　its　own　massive　gravitation。　We've　entered　the　realm　of　physics。　Once　the　plastic　membrane　is　reduced　to　microscopic　particles；　it　passes　harmlessly　out　of　the　body　in　the　time…honored　way。〃
　　〃Fantastic。　Now　tell　me　what　the　medication　is　designed　to　do？　What　is　Dylar？　What　are　the　chemical　ponents？〃
　　〃I　don't　know；〃　she　said。
　　〃Of　course　you　know。　You're　brilliant。　Everyone　says　so。〃
　　〃What　else　can　they　say？　I　do　neurochemistry。　No　one　knows　what　that　is。〃
　　〃Other　scientists　have　some　idea。　They　must。　And　they　say　you're　brilliant。〃
　　〃We're　all　brilliant。　Isn't　that　the　understanding　around　here？　You　call　me　brilliant；　I　call　you　brilliant。　It's　a　form　of　munal　ego。〃
　　〃No　one　calls　me　brilliant。　They　call　me　shrewd。　They　say　I　latched　on　to　something　big。　I　filled　an　opening　no　one　knew　existed。〃
　　〃There　are　openings　for　brilliance　too。　It's　my　turn；　that's　all。　Besides；　I'm　built　funny　and　walk　funny。　If　they　couldn't　call　me　brilliant；　they　would　be　forced　to　say　cruel　things　about　me。　How　awful　for　everyone。〃
　　She　clutched　some　files　to　her　chest。
　　〃Jack；　all　I　can　tell　you　for　certain　is　that　the　substance　contained　in　Dylar　is　some　kind　of　psychopharmaceutical。　It's　probably　designed　to　interact　with　a　distant　part　of　the　human　cortex。　Look　around　you。　Brains　everywhere。　Sharks；　whales；　dolphins；　great　apes。　None　of　them　remotely　matches　the　human　brain　in　plexity。　The　human　brain　is　not　my　field。　I　have　only　a　bare　working　knowledge　of　the　human　brain　but　it's　enough　to　make　me　proud　to　be　an　American。　Your　brain　has　a　trillion　neurons　and　every　neuron　has　ten　thousand　little　dendrites。　The　system　of　intermunication　is　awe…inspiring。　It's　like　a　galaxy　that　you　can　hold　in　your　hand；　only　more　plex；　more　mysterious。〃
　　〃Why　does　this　make　you　proud　to　be　an　American？〃
　　〃The　infant's　brain　develops　in　response　to　stimuli。　We　still　lead　the　world　in　stimuli。〃
　　I　sipped　my　water。
　　〃I　wish　I　knew　more；〃　she　said。　〃But　the　precise　nature　of　the　medication　eludes　me。　I　can　tell　you　one　thing。　It　is　not　on　the　market。〃
　　〃But　I　found　it　in　an　ordinary　prescription　vial。〃
　　〃I　don't　care　where　you　found　it。　I'm　pretty　sure　I'd　recognize　the　ingredients　of　a　known　brain…receptor　drug。　This　one　is　unknown。〃
　　She　began　to　shoot　quick　looks　toward　the　door。　Her　eyes　were　bright　and　fearful。　I　realized　there　were　noises　in　the　corridor。　Voices；　shuffling　feet。　I　watched　Winnie　back　toward　a　rear　door。　I　decided　I　wanted　to　see　her　blush　one　more　time。　She　put　an　arm　behind　her；　unlatched　the　door；　turned　quickly　and　went　running　into　the　gray　afternoon。　I　tried　to　think　of　something　funny　to　say。
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　　Isat　up　in　bed　with　my　notes　on　German　grammar。　Babette　lay　on　her　side　staring　into　the　clock…radio；　listening　to　a　call…in　show。　I　heard　a　woman　say：　〃In　1977　I　looked　in　the　mirror　and　saw　the　person　I　was　being。　I　couldn't　or　wouldn't　get　out　of　bed。　Figures　moved　at　the　edge　of　my　vision；　like　with　scurrying　steps。　I　was　getting　phone　calls　from　a　Pershing　missile　base。　I　needed　to　talk　to　others　who　shared　these　experiences。　I　needed　a　support　program；　something　to　enroll　in。〃
　　I　leaned　across　my　wife's　body　and　turned　off　the　radio。　She　kept　on　staring。　I　kissed　her　lightly　on　the　head。
　　〃Murray　says　you　have　important　hair。〃
　　She　smiled　in　a　pale　and　depleted　way。　I　put　down　my　notes　and　eased　her　around　slightly　so　that　she　looked　straight　up　as　I　spoke。
　　〃It's　time　for　a　major　dialogue。　You　know　it；　I　know　it。　You'll　tell　me　all　about　Dylar。　If　not　for　my　sake；　then　for　your　little　girl's。　She's　been　worried—worried　sick。　Besides；　you　have　no　more　room　to　maneuver。　We've　backed　you　against　the　wall。　Denise　and　I。　I　found　the　concealed　bottle；　removed　a　tablet；　had　it　analyzed　by　an　expert。　Those　little　white　disks　are　superbly　engineered。　Laser　technology；　advanced　plastics。　Dylar　is　almost　as　ingenious　as　the　microorganisms　that　ate　the　billowing　cloud。　Who　would　have　believed　in　the　existence　of　a　little　white　pill　that　works　as　a　pressure　pump　in　the　human　body　to　provide　medication　safely　and　effectively；　and　self…destructs　as　well？　I　am　struck　by　the　beauty　of　this。　We　know　something　else；　something　crucially　damaging　to　your　case。　We　know　Dylar　is　not　available　to　the　general　public。　This　fact　alone　justifies　our　demands　for　an　explanation。　There's　really　very　little　left　for　you　to　say。　Just　tell　us　the　nature　of　the　drag。　As　you　well　know；　I　don't　have　the　temperament　to　hound　people。　But　Denise　is　a　different　kind　of　person。　I've　been　doing　all　I　can　to　restrain　her。　If　you　don't　tell　me　what　I　want　to　know；　I'll　unleash　your　little　girl。　She'll　e　at　you　with　everything　she　has。　She　won't　waste　time　trying　to　make　y