白噪音(White Noise) (英文版)作者:唐·德里罗(Don DeLillo)-第54部分

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　　Random　Access　Memory；　Acquired　Immune　Deficiency　Syndrome；　Mutual　Assured　Destruction。
　　I　still　felt　extraordinarily　light—lighter　than　air；　colorless；　odorless；　invisible。　But　around　the　lightness　and　dreaminess；　something　else　was　building；　an　emotion　of　a　different　order。　A　surge；　a　will；　an　agitation　of　the　passions。　I　reached　into　my　pocket；　rubbed　my　knuckles　across　the　grainy　stainless　steel　of　the　Zumwalt　barrel。　The　man　on　the　radio　said：　〃Void　where　prohibited。〃
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　　I　drove　twice　around　the　foundry；　looking　for　signs　of　some　erstwhile　German　presence。　I　drove　past　the　row　houses。　They　were　set　on　a　steep　hill；　narrow…fronted　frame　houses；　a　climbing　line　of　pitched　roofs。　I　drove　past　the　bus　terminal；　through　the　beating　rain。　It　took　a　while　to　find　the　motel；　a　one…story　building　set　against　the　concrete　pier　of　an　elevated　roadway。　It　was　called　the　Roadway　Motel。
　　Transient　pleasures；　drastic　measures。
　　The　area　was　deserted；　a　spray…painted　district　of　warehouses　and　light　industry。　The　motel　had　nine　or　ten　rooms；　all　dark；　no　cars　out　front。　I　drove　past　three　times；　studying　the　scene；　and　parked　half　a　block　away；　in　the　rubble　under　the　roadway。　Then　I　walked　back　to　the　motel。　Those　were　the　first　three　elements　in　my　plan。
　　Here　is　my　plan。　Drive　past　the　scene　several　times；　park　some　distance　from　the　scene；　go　back　on　foot；　locate　Mr。　Gray　under　his　real　name　or　an　alias；　shoot　him　three　times　in　the　viscera　for　maximum　pain；　clear　the　weapon　of　prints；　place　the　weapon　in　the　victim's　staticky　hand；　find　a　crayon　or　lipstick　tube　and　scrawl　a　cryptic　suicide　note　on　the　full…length　mirror；　take　the　victim's　supply　of　Dylar　tablets；　slip　back　to　the　car；　proceed　to　the　expressway　entrance；　head　east　toward　Blacksmith；　get　off　at　the　old　river　road；　park　Stover's　car　in　Old　Man　Treadwell's　garage；　shut　the　garage　door；　walk　home　in　the　rain　and　the　fog。
　　Elegant。　My　airy　mood　returned。　I　was　advancing　in　consciousness。　I　watched　myself　take　each　separate　step。　With　each　separate　step；　I　became　aware　of　processes；　ponents；　things　relating　to　other　things。　Water　fell　to　earth　in　drops。　I　saw　things　new。
　　There　was　an　aluminum　awning　over　the　office　door。　On　the　door　itself　were　little　plastic　letters　arranged　in　slots　to　spell　out　a　message。　The　message　was：　NU　MISH　BOOT　ZUP　KO。
　　Gibberish　but　high…quality　gibberish。　I　made　my　way　along　the　wall；　looking　through　the　windows。　My　plan　was　this。　Stand　at　the　edges　of　windows　with　my　back　to　the　wall；　swivel　my　head　to　look　peripherally　into　rooms。　Some　windows　were　bare；　some　had　blinds　or　dusty　shades。　I　could　make　out　the　rough　outlines　of　chairs　or　beds　in　the　dark　rooms。　Trucks　rumbled　overhead。　In　the　next　to　last　unit；　there　was　the　scantest　flicker　of　light。　I　stood　at　the　edge　of　the　window；　listening。　I　swiveled　my　head；　looked　into　the　room　out　of　the　corner　of　my　right　eye。　A　figure　sat　in　a　low　armchair　looking　up　at　the　flickering　light。　I　sensed　I　was　part　of　a　network　of　structures　and　channels。　I　knew　the　precise　nature　of　events。　I　was　moving　closer　to　things　in　their　actual　state　as　I　approached　a　violence；　a　smashing　intensity。　Water　fell　in　drops；　surfaces　gleamed。
　　It　occurred　to　me　that　I　did　not　have　to　knock。　The　door　would　be　open。　I　gripped　the　knob；　eased　the　door　open；　slipped　into　the　room。　Stealth。　It　was　easy。　Everything　would　be　easy。　I　stood　inside　the　room；　sensing　things；　noting　the　room　tone；　the　dense　air。　Information　rushed　toward　me；　rushed　slowly；　incrementally。　The　figure　was　male；　of　course；　and　sat　sprawled　in　the　short…legged　chair。　He　wore　a　Hawaiian　shirt　and　Budweiser　shorts。　Plastic　sandals　dangled　from　his　feet。　The　dumpy　chair；　the　rumpled　bed；　the　industrial　carpet；　the　shabby　dresser；　the　sad　green　walls　and　ceiling　cracks。　The　TV　floating　in　the　air；　in　a　metal　brace；　pointing　down　at　him。
　　He　spoke　first；　without　taking　his　eyes　from　the　flickering　screen。
　　〃Are　you　heartsick　or　soulsick？〃
　　I　stood　against　the　door。
　　〃You're　Mink；〃　I　said。
　　In　time　he　looked　at　me；　looked　at　the　large　friendly　figure　with　the　slumped　shoulders　and　forgettable　face。
　　〃What　kind　of　name　is　Willie　Mink？〃　I　said。
　　〃It's　a　first　name　and　a　last　name。　Same　as　anybody。〃
　　Did　he　speak　with　an　accent？　His　face　was　odd；　concave；　forehead　and　chin　jutting。　He　was　watching　TV　without　the　sound。
　　〃Some　of　these　sure…footed　bighorns　have　been　equipped　with　radio　transmitters；〃　he　said。
　　I　could　feel　the　pressure　and　density　of　things。　So　much　was　happening。　I　sensed　molecules　active　in　my　brain；　moving　along　neural　pathways。
　　〃You're　here　for　some　Dylar；　of　course。〃
　　〃Of　course。　What　else？〃
　　〃What　else？　Rid　the　fear。〃
　　〃Rid　the　fear。　Clear　the　grid。〃
　　〃Clear　the　grid。　That's　why　they　e　to　me。〃
　　This　was　my　plan。　Enter　unannounced；　gain　his　confidence；　wait　for　an　unguarded　moment；　take　out　the　Zumwalt；　shoot　him　three　times　in　the　viscera　for　maximum　slowness　of　agony；　put　the　gun　in　his　hand　to　suggest　a　lonely　man's　suicide；　write　semi…coherent　things　on　the　mirror；　leave　Stover's　car　in　Treadwell's　garage。
　　〃By　ing　in　here；　you　agree　to　a　certain　behavior；〃　Mink　said。
　　〃What　behavior？〃
　　〃Room　behavior。　The　point　of　rooms　is　that　they're　inside。　No　one　should　go　into　a　room　unless　he　understands　this。　People　behave　one　way　in　rooms；　another　way　in　streets；　parks　and　airports。　To　enter　a　room　is　to　agree　to　a　certain　kind　of　behavior。　It　follows　that　this　would　be　the　kind　of　behavior　that　takes　place　in　rooms。　This　is　the　standard；　as　opposed　to　parking　lots　and　beaches。　It　is　the　point　of　rooms。　No　one　should　enter　a　room　not　knowing　the　point。　There　is　an　unwritten　agreement　between　the　person　who　enters　a　room　and　the　person　whose　room　had　been　entered；　as　opposed　to　open…air　theaters；　outdoor　pools。　The　purpose　of　a　room　derives　from　the　special　nature　of　a　room。　A　room　is　inside。　This　is　what　people　in　rooms　have　to　agree　on；　as　differentiated　from　lawns；　meadows；　fields；　orchards。〃
　　I　agreed　pletely。　It　made　perfect　sense。　What　was　I　here　for　if　not　to　define；　fix　in　my　sights；　take　aim　at？　I　heard　a　noise；　faint；　monotonous；　white。
　　〃To　begin　your　project　sweater；〃　he　said；　〃first　ask　yourself　what　type　sleeve　will　meet　your　needs。〃
　　His　nose　was　flat；　his　skin　the　color　of　a　Planter's　peanut。　What　is　the　geography　of　a　spoon…shaped　face？　Was　he　Melanesian；　Polynesian；　Indonesian；　Nepalese；　Surinamese；　Dutch…Chinese？　Was　he　a　posite？　How　many　people　came　here　for　Dylar？　Where　was　Surinam？　How　was　my　plan　progressing？
　　I　studied　the　palm…studded　print　of　his　loose　shirt；　the　Budweiser　pattern　repeated　on　the　surface　of　his　Bermuda　shorts。　The　shorts　were　too　big。　The　eyes　were　half　closed。　The　hair　was　long　and　spiky…。　He　was　sprawled　in　the　attitude　of　a　stranded　air　traveler；　someone　long　since　defeated　by　the　stale　waiting；　the　airport　babble。　I　began　to　feel　sorry　for　Babette。　This　had　been　her　last　hope　for　refuge　and　serenity；　this　weary　pulse　of　a　man；　a　mon　pusher　now；　spiky…haired；　going　mad　in　a　dead　motel。
　　Auditory　scraps；　tatters；　whirling　specks。　A　heightened　reality。　A　denseness　that　was　also　a　transparency。　Surfaces　gleamed。　Water　struck　the　roof　in　spherical　masses；　globules；　splashing　drams。　Close　to　a　violence；　close　to　a　death。
　　〃The　pet　under　stress　may　need　a　prescription　diet；〃　he　said。
　　Of　course　he　hadn't　always　been　like　this。　He'd　been　a　project　manager；　dynamic；　hard…driving。　Even　now　I　could　see　in　his　face　and　eyes　the　faltering　remains　of　an　enterprising　shrewdness　and　intelligence。　He　reached　into　his　pocket；　took　a　handful　of　white　tablets；　tossed　them　in　the　direction　of　his　mouth。　Some　entered；　some　flew　past。　The　saucer…shaped　pills。　The　end　of　fear。
　　〃Where　are　you　from　originally；　if　I　can　call　you　Willie？〃
　　He　lapsed　into　thought；　trying　to　recall。　I　wanted　to　put　him　at　ease；　get　him　to　talk　about　himself；　about　Dylar。　Part　and　parcel　of　my　plan。　My　plan　was　this。　Swivel　my　head　to　look　into　rooms；　put　him　at　his　ease；　wait　for　an　unguarded　moment；　blast　him　in　the　gut　three　times　for　maximum　efficiency　of　pain；　take　his　Dylar；　get　off　at　the　river　road；　shut　the　garage　door；　walk　home　in　the　rain　and　the　fog。
　　〃I　wasn't　always　as　you　see　me　now。〃
　　〃That's　exactly　what　I　was　thinking。〃
　　〃I　was　doing　important　work。　I　envied　myself。　I　was　literally　embarked。　Death　without　fear　is　an　everyday　thing。　You　can　live　with　it。　I　learned　English　watching　American　TV。　I　had　American　sex　the　first　time　in　Port…O…San；　Texas。　Everything　they　said　was　true。　I　wish　I　could　remember。〃
　　〃You're　saying　there　is　no　death　as　we　know　it　without　the　element　of　fear。　People　would　adjust　to　it；　accept　its　inevitability。〃
　　〃Dylar　failed；　reluctantly。　But　it　will　definitely　e。　Maybe　now；　maybe　never。　The　heat　from　your　hand　will　actually　make　the　gold…leafing　stick　to　the　wax　paper。〃
　　〃There　will　eventually　be　an　effective　medication；　you're　saying。　A　remedy　for　fear。〃
　　〃Followed　by　a　greater　death。　More　effective；　productwise。　This　is　what　the　scientists　don't　understand；　scrubbing　their　smocks　with　Woolite。　Not　that　I　have　anything　personal　against　death　from　our　vantage　point　high　atop　Metropolitan　County　Stadium。〃
　　〃Are　you　saying　death　adapts？　It　eludes　our　attempts　to　reason　with　it？〃
　　This　was　similar　to　something　Murray　had　once　said。　Murray　had　also　said；　〃Imagine　the　visceral　jolt；　watching　your　opponent　bleed　in　the　dust。　He　dies；　you　live。〃
　　Close　to　a　death；　close　to　the　slam　of　metal　projectiles　on　flesh；　the　visceral　jolt。　I　watched　Mink　ingest　more　pills；　throwing　them　at　his　face；　sucking　them　like　sweets；　his　eyes　on　the　flickering　screen。　Waves；　rays；　coherent　beams。　I　saw　things　new。
　　〃Just　between　you　and　I；〃　he　said；　〃I　eat　this　stuff　like　candy。〃
　　〃I　was　just　thinking　that。〃
　　〃How　much　do　you　want　to　buy？〃
　　〃How　much　do　I　need？〃
　　〃I　see　you　as　a　heavyset　white　man　about　fifty。　Does　this　describe　your　anguish？　I　see　you　as　a　person　in　a　gray　jacket　and　light　brown　pants。　Tell　me　how　correct　I　am。　To　convert　Fahrenheit　to　Celsius；　this　is　what　you　do。〃
　　There　was　a　silence。　Things　began