all roads lead to calvary-第23部分

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e　was　far　too　busy　to　think　of　Birmingham。　　She　could　have　managed　Brighton。　　Argument　founded　on　the　length　of　journey　to　Birmingham　as　compared　with　the　journey　to　Brighton　she　refused　to　be　drawn　into。　　Her　feelings　had　been　too　deeply　wounded　to　permit　of　descent　into　detail。

But　the　sinner；　confessing　his　fault；　is　entitled　to　forgiveness；　and；　having　put　him　back　into　his　proper　place；　she　let　him　kiss　her　hand。　　She　even　went　further　and　let　him　ask　her　out　to　dinner。　As　the　result　of　her　failure　to　reform　Mrs。　Phillips　she　was　feeling　dissatisfied　with　herself。　　It　was　an　unpleasant　sensation　and　somewhat　new　to　her　experience。　　An　evening　spent　in　Arthur's　company　might　do　her　good。　　The　experiment　proved　successful。　　He　really　was　quite　a　dear　boy。　　Eyeing　him　thoughtfully　through　the　smoke　of　her　cigarette；　it　occurred　to　her　how　like　he　was　to　Guido's　painting　of　St。　Sebastian；　those　soft；　dreamy　eyes　and　that　beautiful；　almost　feminine；　face！　　There　always　had　been　a　suspicion　of　the　saint　about　him　even　as　a　boy：　　nothing　one　could　lay　hold　of：　　just　that　odd　suggestion　of　a　shadow　intervening　between　him　and　the　world。

It　seemed　a　favourable　opportunity　to　inform　him　of　that　fixed　determination　of　hers：　　neverin　all　probabilityto　marry：　　but　to　devote　her　life　to　her　work。　　She　was　feeling　very　kindly　towards　him；　and　was　able　to　soften　her　decision　with　touches　of　gentle　regret。　　He　did　not　appear　in　the　least　upset。　　But　'thought'　that　her　duty　might　demand；　later　on；　that　she　should　change　her　mind：　　that　was　if　fate　should　offer　her　some　noble　marriage；　giving　her　wider　opportunity。

She　was　a　little　piqued　at　his　unexpected　attitude　of　aloofness。　What　did　he　mean　by　a　〃noble　marriage〃to　a　Duke；　or　something　of　that　sort？

He　did　not　think　the　candidature　need　be　confined　to　Dukes；　though　he　had　no　objection　to　a　worthy　Duke。　　He　meant　any　really　great　man　who　would　help　her　and　whom　she　could　help。

She　promised；　somewhat　shortly；　to　consider　the　matter；　whenever　the　Duke；　or　other　class　of　nobleman；　should　propose　to　her。　　At　present　no　sign　of　him　had　appeared　above　the　horizon。　　Her　own　idea　was　that；　if　she　lived　long　enough；　she　would　become　a　spinster。　　Unless　someone　took　pity　on　her　when　she　was　old　and　decrepit　and　past　her　work。

There　was　a　little　humorous　smile　about　his　mouth。　　But　his　eyes　were　serious　and　pleading。

〃When　shall　I　know　that　you　are　old　and　decrepit？〃　he　asked。

She　was　not　quite　sure。　　She　thought　it　would　be　when　her　hair　was　greyor　rather　white。　　She　had　been　informed　by　experts　that　her　peculiar　shade　of　hair　went　white；　not　grey。

〃I　shall　ask　you　to　marry　me　when　your　hair　is　white；〃　he　said。　〃May　I？〃

It　did　not　suggest　any　overwhelming　impatience。　　〃Yes；〃　she　answered。　　〃In　case　you　haven't　married　yourself；　and　forgotten　all　about　me。〃

〃I　shall　keep　you　to　your　promise；〃　he　said　quite　gravely。

She　felt　the　time　had　come　to　speak　seriously。　　〃I　want　you　to　marry；〃　she　said；　〃and　be　happy。　　I　shall　be　troubled　if　you　don't。〃

He　was　looking　at　her　with　those　shy；　worshipping　eyes　of　his　that　always　made　her　marvel　at　her　own　wonderfulness。

〃It　need　not　do　that；〃　he　answered。　　〃It　would　be　beautiful　to　be　with　you　always　so　that　I　might　serve　you。　　But　I　am　quite　happy；　loving　you。　　Let　me　see　you　now　and　then：　　touch　you　and　hear　your　voice。〃

Behind　her　drawn…down　lids；　she　offered　up　a　little　prayer　that　she　might　always　be　worthy　of　his　homage。　　She　didn't　know　it　would　make　no　difference　to　him。

She　walked　with　him　to　Euston　and　saw　him　into　the　train。　　He　had　given　up　his　lodgings　and　was　living　with　her　father　at　The　Pines。　They　were　busy　on　a　plan　for　securing　the　co…operation　of　the　workmen；　and　she　promised　to　run　down　and　hear　all　about　it。　　She　would　not　change　her　mind　about　Birmingham；　but　sent　everyone　her　love。

She　wished　she　had　gone　when　it　came　to　Christmas　Day。　　This　feeling　of　loneliness　was　growing　upon　her。　　The　Phillips　had　gone　up　north；　and　the　Greysons　to　some　relations　of　theirs：　　swell　country　people　in　Hampshire。　　Flossie　was　on　a　sea　voyage　with　Sam　and　his　mother；　and　even　Madge　had　been　struck　homesick。　　It　happened　to　be　a　Sunday；　too；　of　all　days　in　the　week；　and　London　in　a　drizzling　rain　was　just　about　the　limit。　　She　worked　till　late　in　the　afternoon；　but；　sitting　down　to　her　solitary　cup　of　tea；　she　felt　she　wanted　to　howl。　　From　the　basement　came　faint　sounds　of　laughter。　　Her　landlord　and　lady　were　entertaining　guests。　　If　they　had　not　been；　she　would　have　found　some　excuse　for　running　down　and　talking　to　them；　if　only　for　a　few　minutes。

Suddenly　the　vision　of　old　Chelsea　Church　rose　up　before　her　with　its　little　motherly　old　pew…opener。　　She　had　so　often　been　meaning　to　go　and　see　her　again；　but　something　had　always　interfered。　　She　hunted　through　her　drawers　and　found　a　comparatively　sober…coloured　shawl；　and　tucked　it　under　her　cloak。　　The　service　was　just　commencing　when　she　reached　the　church。　　Mary　Stopperton　showed　her　into　a　seat　and　evidently　remembered　her。　　〃I　want　to　see　you　afterwards；〃　she　whispered；　and　Mary　Stopperton　had　smiled　and　nodded。　　The　service；　with　its　need　for　being　continually　upon　the　move；　bored　her；　she　was　not　in　the　mood　for　it。　　And　the　sermon；　preached　by　a　young　curate　who　had　not　yet　got　over　his　Oxford　drawl；　was　uninteresting。　　She　had　half　hoped　that　the　wheezy　old　clergyman；　who　had　preached　about　Calvary　on　the　evening　she　had　first　visited　the　church；　would　be　there　again。　　She　wondered　what　had　become　of　him；　and　if　it　were　really　a　fact　that　she　had　known　him　when　she　was　a　child；　or　only　her　fancy。　　It　was　strange　how　vividly　her　memory　of　him　seemed　to　pervade　the　little　church。　　She　had　the　feeling　he　was　watching　her　from　the　shadows。　　She　waited　for　Mary　in　the　vestibule；　and　gave　her　the　shawl；　making　her　swear　on　the　big　key　of　the　church　door　that　she　would　wear　it　herself　and　not　give　it　away。　　The　little　old　pew…opener's　pink　and　white　face　flushed　with　delight　as　she　took　it；　and　the　thin；　work…worn　hands　fingered　it　admiringly。　　〃But　I　may　lend　it？〃　she　pleaded。

They　turned　up　Church　Street。　　Joan　confided　to　Mary　what　a　rotten　Christmas　she　had　had；　all　by　herself；　without　a　soul　to　speak　to　except　her　landlady；　who　had　brought　her　meals　and　had　been　in　such　haste　to　get　away。

〃I　don't　know　what　made　me　think　of　you；〃　she　said。　　〃I'm　so　glad　I　did。〃　　She　gave　the　little　old　lady　a　hug。　　Mary　laughed。　　〃Where　are　you　going　now；　dearie？〃　she　asked。

〃Oh；　I　don't　mind　so　much　now；〃　answered　Joan。　　〃Now　that　I've　seen　a　friendly　face；　I　shall　go　home　and　go　to　bed　early。〃

They　walked　a　little　way　in　silence。　　Mary　slipped　her　hand　into　Joan's。　　〃You　wouldn't　care　to　come　home　and　have　a　bit　of　supper　with　me；　would　you；　dearie？〃　she　asked。

〃Oh；　may　I？〃　answered　Joan。

Mary's　hand　gave　Joan's　a　little　squeeze。　　〃You　won't　mind　if　anybody　drops　in？〃　she　said。　　〃They　do　sometimes　of　a　Sunday　evening。〃

〃You　don't　mean　a　party？〃　asked　Joan。

〃No；　dear；〃　answered　Mary。　　〃It's　only　one　or　two　who　have　nowhere　else　to　go。〃

Joan　laughed。　　She　thought　she　would　be　a　fit　candidate。

〃You　see；　it　makes　company　for　me；〃　explained　Mary。

Mary　lived　in　a　tiny　house　behind　a　strip　of　garden。　　It　stood　in　a　narrow　side　street　between　two　public…houses；　and　was　covered　with　ivy。　　It　had　two　windows　above　and　a　window　and　a　door　below。　　The　upstairs　rooms　belonged　to　the　churchwardens　and　were　used　as　a　storehouse　for　old　parish　registers；　deemed　of　little　value。　　Mary　Stopperton　and　her　bedridden　husband　lived　in　the　two　rooms　below。　Mary　unlocked　the　door；　and　Joan　passed　in　and　waited。　　Mary　lit　a　candle　that　was　standing　on　a　bracket　and　turned　to　lead　the　way。

〃Shall　I　shut　the　door？〃　suggested　Joan。

Mary　blushed　like　a　child　that　has　been　found　out　just　as　it　was　hoping　that　it　had　not　been　noticed。

〃It　doesn't　matter；　dearie；〃　she　explained。　　〃They　know；　if　they　find　it　open；　that　I'm　in。〃

The　little　room　looked　very　cosy　when　Mary　had　made　up　the　fire　and　lighted　the　lamp。　　She　seated　Joan　in　the　worn　horsehair　easy…　chair；　out　of　which　one　had　to　be　careful　one　did　not　slip　on　to　the　floor；　and　spread　her　handsome　shawl　over　the　back　of　the　dilapidated　sofa。

〃You　won't　mind　my　running　away　for　a　minute；〃　she　said。　　〃I　shall　only　be　in　the　next　room。〃

Through　the　thin　partition；　Joan　heard　a　constant　shrill；　complaining　voice。　　At　times；　it　rose　into　an　angry　growl。　　Mary　looked　in　at　the　door。

〃I'm　just　running　round　to　the　doctor's；〃　she　whispered。　　〃His　medicine　hasn't　come。　　I　shan't　be　long。〃

Joan　offered　to　go　in　and　sit　with　the　invalid。　　But　Mary　feared　the　exertion　of　talking　might　be　too　much　for　him。　　〃He　gets　so　excited；〃　she　explained。　　She　slipped　out　noiselessly。

It　seemed；　in　spite　of　its　open　door；　a　very　silent　little　house　behind　its　strip　of　garden。　　Joan　had　the　feeling　that　it　was　listening。

Suddenly　she　heard　a　light　step　in　the　passage；　and　the　room　door　opened。　　A　girl　entered。　　She　was　wearing　a　large　black　hat　and　a　black　boa　round　her　neck。　　Between　them　her　face　shone　unnaturally　white。　　She　carried　a　small　cloth　bag。　　She　started；　on　seeing　Joan；　and　seemed　about　to　retreat。

〃Oh；　please　don't　go；〃　cried　Joan。　　〃Mrs。　Stopperton　has　just　gone　round　to　the　doctor's。　　She　won't　be　long。　　I'm　a　friend　of　hers。〃

The　girl　took　stock　of　her　and；　apparently　reassured；　closed　the　door　behind　her。

〃What's　he　like　to…night？〃　she　asked；　with　a　jerk　of　her　head　in　the　direction　of　the　next　room。　　She　placed　her　bag　carefully　upon　the　sofa；　and　examined　the　new　shawl　as　she　did　so。

〃Well；　I　gather　he's　a　little　fretful；〃　answered　Joan　with　a　smile。

〃That's　a　bad　sign；〃　said　the　girl。　　〃Means　he's　feeling　better。〃　She　seated　herself　on　the　sofa　and　fingered　the　shawl。　　〃Did　you　give　it　her？〃　she　asked。

〃Yes；〃　admitted　Joan。　　〃I　rather　fancied　her　in　it。〃

〃She'll　only　pawn　it；〃　said　the　girl；　〃to　buy　him　grapes　and　port　wine。〃

〃I　felt　a　bit　afraid　of　her；〃　laughed　Joan；　〃so　I　made　her　promise　not　to　part　with　it。　　Is　he　really　very　ill；　her　husband？〃

〃Oh；　yes；　there's　no　make…believe　this　time；〃　answered　the　girl。　〃A　bad　thing　for　her　if　he　wasn't。〃

〃Oh；　it's　on