all roads lead to calvary-第30部分

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Folk　had　been　right。　　He　was　not　offended。　　〃Dear　old　chap；〃　he　said。　　〃That　was　kind　of　him。　　He　was　always　generous。〃

He　was　silent　for　a　while；　with　a　quiet　look　on　his　face。

〃Give　him　our　love；〃　he　said。　　〃Tell　him　we　came　together；　at　the　end。〃

It　was　on　her　tongue　to　ask　him；　as　so　often　she　had　meant　to　do　of　late；　what　had　been　the　cause　of　her　mother's　illnessif　illness　it　was：　　what　it　was　that　had　happened　to　change　both　their　lives。　But　always　something　had　stopped　hersomething　ever　present；　ever　watchful；　that　seemed　to　shape　itself　out　of　the　air；　bending　towards　her　with　its　finger　on　its　lips。

She　stayed　over　the　week…end；　and　on　the　Saturday；　at　her　suggestion；　they　took　a　long　excursion　into　the　country。　　It　was　the　first　time　she　had　ever　asked　him　to　take　her　out。　　He　came　down　to　breakfast　in　a　new　suit；　and　was　quite　excited。　　In　the　car　his　hand　had　sought　hers　shyly；　and；　feeling　her　responsive　pressure；　he　had　continued　to　hold　it；　and　they　had　sat　for　a　long　time　in　silence。　　She　decided　not　to　tell　him　about　Phillips；　just　yet。　　He　knew　of　him　only　from　the　Tory　newspapers　and　would　form　a　wrong　idea。　　She　would　bring　them　together　and　leave　Phillips　to　make　his　own　way。　　He　would　like　Phillips　when　he　knew　him；　she　felt　sure。　　He；　too；　was　a　people's　man。　　The　torch　passed　down　to　him　from　his　old　Ironside　ancestors；　it　still　glowed。　　More　than　once　she　had　seen　it　leap　to　flame。　　In　congenial　atmosphere；　it　would　burn　clear　and　steadfast。　　It　occurred　to　her　what　a　delightful　solution　of　her　problem；　if　later　on　her　father　could　be　persuaded　to　leave　Arthur　in　charge　of　the　works；　and　come　to　live　with　her　in　London。　　There　was　a　fine　block　of　flats　near　Chelsea　Church　with　long　views　up　and　down　the　river。　　How　happy　they　could　be　there；　the　drawing…room　in　the　Adams　style　with　wine…coloured　curtains！　　He　was　a　father　any　young　woman　could　be　proud　to　take　about。　　Unconsciously　she　gave　his　hand　an　impulsive　squeeze。　　They　lunched　at　an　old　inn　upon　the　moors；　and　the　landlady；　judging　from　his　shy；　attentive　ways；　had　begun　by　addressing　her　as　Madame。

〃You　grow　wonderfully　like　your　mother；〃　he　told　her　that　evening　at　dinner。　　〃There　used　to　be　something　missing。　　But　I　don't　feel　that；　now。〃

She　wrote　to　Phillips　to　meet　her；　if　possible；　at　Euston。　　There　were　things　she　wanted　to　talk　to　him　about。　　There　was　the　question　whether　she　should　go　on　writing　for　Carleton；　or　break　with　him　at　once。　　Also　one　or　two　points　that　were　worrying　her　in　connection　with　tariff　reform。　　He　was　waiting　for　her　on　the　platform。　　It　appeared　he；　too；　had　much　to　say。　　He　wanted　her　advice　concerning　his　next　speech。　　He　had　not　dined　and　suggested　supper。　　They　could　not　walk　about　the　streets。　　Likely　enough；　it　was　only　her　imagination；　but　it　seemed　to　her　that　people　in　the　restaurant　had　recognized　him；　and　were　whispering　to　one　another：　he　was　bound　to　be　well　known。　　Likewise　her　own　appearance；　she　felt；　was　against　them　as　regarded　their　desire　to　avoid　observation。　　She　would　have　to　take　to　those　mousey　colours　that　did　not　suit　her；　and　wear　a　veil。　　She　hated　the　idea　of　a　veil。　It　came　from　the　East　and　belonged　there。　　Besides；　what　would　be　the　use？　　Unless　he　wore　one　too。　　〃Who　is　the　veiled　woman　that　Phillips　goes　about　with？〃　　That　is　what　they　would　ask。　　It　was　going　to　be　very　awkward；　the　whole　thing。　　Viewed　from　the　distance；　it　had　looked　quite　fine。　　〃Dedicating　herself　to　the　service　of　Humanity〃　was　how　it　had　presented　itself　to　her　in　the　garden　at　Meudon；　the　twinkling　labyrinth　of　Paris　at　her　feet；　its　sordid　by…ways　hidden　beneath　its　myriad　lights。　　She　had　not　bargained　for　the　dedication　involving　the　loss　of　her　self…　respect。

They　did　not　talk　as　much　as　they　had　thought　they　would。　　He　was　not　very　helpful　on　the　Carleton　question。　　There　was　so　much　to　be　said　both　for　and　against。　　It　might　be　better　to　wait　and　see　how　circumstances　shaped　themselves。　　She　thought　his　speech　excellent。　It　was　difficult　to　discover　any　argument　against　it。

He　seemed　to　be　more　interested　in　looking　at　her　when　he　thought　she　was　not　noticing。　　That　little　faint　vague　fear　came　back　to　her　and　stayed　with　her；　but　brought　no　quickening　of　her　pulse。　It　was　a　fear　of　something　ugly。　　She　had　the　feeling　they　were　both　acting；　that　everything　depended　upon　their　not　forgetting　their　parts。　　In　handing　things　to　one　another；　they　were　both　of　them　so　careful　that　their　hands　should　not　meet　and　touch。

They　walked　together　back　to　Westminster　and　wished　each　other　a　short　good…night　upon　what　once　had　been　their　common　doorstep。　With　her　latchkey　in　her　hand；　she　turned　and　watched　his　retreating　figure；　and　suddenly　a　wave　of　longing　seized　her　to　run　after　him　and　call　him　backto　see　his　eyes　light　up　and　feel　the　pressure　of　his　hands。　　It　was　only　by　clinging　to　the　railings　and　counting　till　she　was　sure　he　had　entered　his　own　house　round　the　corner　and　closed　the　door　behind　him；　that　she　restrained　herself。

It　was　a　frightened　face　that　looked　at　her　out　of　the　glass；　as　she　stood　before　it　taking　off　her　hat。

She　decided　that　their　future　meetings　should　be　at　his　own　house。　Mrs。　Phillips's　only　complaint　was　that　she　knocked　at　the　door　too　seldom。

〃I　don't　know　what　I　should　do　without　you；　I　really　don't；〃　confessed　the　grateful　lady。　　〃If　ever　I　become　a　Prime　Minister's　wife；　it's　you　I　shall　have　to　thank。　　You've　got　so　much　courage　yourself；　you　can　put　the　heart　into　him。　　I　never　had　any　pluck　to　spare　myself。〃

She　concluded　by　giving　Joan　a　hug；　accompanied　by　a　sloppy　but　heartfelt　kiss。

She　would　stand　behind　Phillips's　chair　with　her　fat　arms　round　his　neck；　nodding　her　approval　and　encouragement；　while　Joan；　seated　opposite；　would　strain　every　nerve　to　keep　her　brain　fixed　upon　the　argument；　never　daring　to　look　at　poor　Phillips's　wretched　face；　with　its　pleading；　apologetic　eyes；　lest　she　should　burst　into　hysterical　laughter。　　She　hoped　she　was　being　helpful　and　inspiring！　　Mrs。　Phillips　would　assure　her　afterwards　that　she　had　been　wonderful。　　As　for　herself；　there　were　periods　when　she　hadn't　the　faintest　idea　about　what　she　was　talking。

Sometimes　Mrs。　Phillips；　called　away　by　domestic　duty；　would　leave　them；　returning　full　of　excuses　just　as　they　had　succeeded　in　forgetting　her。　　It　was　evident　she　was　under　the　impression　that　her　presence　was　useful　to　them；　making　it　easier　for　them　to　open　up　their　minds　to　one　another。

〃Don't　you　be　put　off　by　his　seeming　a　bit　unresponsive；〃　Mrs。　Phillips　would　explain。　　〃He's　shy　with　women。　　What　I'm　trying　to　do　is　to　make　him　feel　you　are　one　of　the　family。〃

〃And　don't　you　take　any　notice　of　me；〃　further　explained　the　good　woman；　〃when　I　seem　to　be　in　opposition；　like。　　I　chip　in　now　and　then　on　purpose；　just　to　keep　the　ball　rolling。　　It　stirs　him　up；　a　bit　of　contradictoriness。　　You　have　to　live　with　a　man　before　you　understand　him。〃

One　morning　Joan　received　a　letter　from　Phillips；　marked　immediate。　He　informed　her　that　his　brain　was　becoming　addled。　　He　intended　that　afternoon　to　give　it　a　draught　of　fresh　air。　　He　would　be　at　the　Robin　Hood　gate　in　Richmond　Park　at　three　o'clock。　　Perhaps　the　gods　would　be　good　to　him。　　He　would　wait　there　for　half　an　hour　to　give　them　a　chance；　anyway。

She　slipped　the　letter　unconsciously　into　the　bosom　of　her　dress；　and　sat　looking　out　of　the　window。　　It　promised　to　be　a　glorious　day；　and　London　was　stifling　and　gritty。　　Surely　no　one　but　an　unwholesome…minded　prude　could　jib　at　a　walk　across　a　park。　　Mrs。　Phillips　would　be　delighted　to　hear　that　she　had　gone。　　For　the　matter　of　that；　she　would　tell　herwhen　next　they　met。

Phillips　must　have　seen　her　getting　off　the　bus；　for　he　came　forward　at　once　from　the　other　side　of　the　gate；　his　face　radiant　with　boyish　delight。　　A　young　man　and　woman；　entering　the　park　at　the　same　time；　looked　at　them　and　smiled　sympathetically。

Joan　had　no　idea　the　park　contained　such　pleasant　by…ways。　　But　for　an　occasional　perambulator　they　might　have　been　in　the　heart　of　the　country。　　The　fallow　deer　stole　near　to　them　with　noiseless　feet；　regarding　them　out　of　their　large　gentle　eyes　with　looks　of　comradeship。　　They　paused　and　listened　while　a　missal　thrush　from　a　branch　close　to　them　poured　out　his　song　of　hope　and　courage。　　From　quite　a　long　way　off　they　could　still　hear　his　clear　voice　singing；　telling　to　the　young　and　brave　his　gallant　message。　　It　seemed　too　beautiful　a　day　for　politics。　　After　all；　politicsone　has　them　always　with　one；　but　the　spring　passes。

He　saw　her　on　to　a　bus　at　Kingston；　and　himself　went　back　by　train。　They　agreed　they　would　not　mention　it　to　Mrs。　Phillips。　　Not　that　she　would　have　minded。　　The　danger　was　that　she　would　want　to　come；　too；　honestly　thinking　thereby　to　complete　their　happiness。　　It　seemed　to　be　tacitly　understood　there　would　be　other　such　excursions。

The　summer　was　propitious。　　Phillips　knew　his　London　well；　and　how　to　get　away　from　it。　　There　were　winding　lanes　in　Hertfordshire；　Surrey　hills　and　commons；　deep；　cool；　bird…haunted　woods　in　Buckingham。　　Each　week　there　was　something　to　look　forward　to；　something　to　plan　for　and　manoeuvre。　　The　sense　of　adventure；　a　spice　of　danger；　added　zest。　　She　still　knocked　frequently；　as　before；　at　the　door　of　the　hideously…furnished　little　house　in　North　Street；　but　Mrs。　Phillips　no　longer　oppressed　her　as　some　old　man　of　the　sea　she　could　never　hope　to　shake　off　from　her　shoulders。　　The　flabby；　foolish　face；　robbed　of　its　terrors；　became　merely　pitiful。　　She　found　herself　able　to　be　quite　gentle　and　patient　with　Mrs。　Phillips。　　Even　the　sloppy　kisses　she　came　to　bear　without　a　shudder　down　her　spine。

〃I　know　you　are　only　doing　it　because　you　sympathize　with　his　aims　and　want　him　to　win；〃　acknowledged　the　good　lady。　　〃But　I　can't　help　feeling　grateful　to　you。　　I　don't　feel　how　useless　I　am　while　I've　got　you　to　run　to。〃

They　still　discussed　their　various　plans　for　the　amelioration　and　improvement　of　humanity；　but　there　seemed　less　need　for　haste　than　they　had　thought。　　The　world；　Joan　discovered；　was　not　so　sad　a　place　as　she　had　judged　it。　　There　were　chubby；　rogue…eyed　children；　whistling　lads　and　smi