all roads lead to calvary-第31部分

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e　as　she　had　judged　it。　　There　were　chubby；　rogue…eyed　children；　whistling　lads　and　smiling　maidens；　kindly　men　with　ruddy　faces；　happy　mothers　crooning　over　gurgling　babies。　　There　was　no　call　to　be　fretful　and　vehement。　　They　would　work　together　in　patience　and　in　confidence。　　God's　sun　was　everywhere。　　It　needed　only　that　dark　places　should　be　opened　up　and　it　would　enter。

Sometimes；　seated　on　a　lichened　log；　or　on　the　short　grass　of　some　sloping　hillside；　looking　down　upon　some　quiet　valley；　they　would　find　they　had　been　holding　hands　while　talking。　　It　was　but　as　two　happy；　thoughtless　children　might　have　done。　　They　would　look　at　one　another　with　frank；　clear　eyes　and　smile。

Once；　when　their　pathway　led　through　a　littered　farm…yard；　he　had　taken　her　up　in　his　arms　and　carried　her　and　she　had　felt　a　glad　pride　in　him　that　he　had　borne　her　lightly　as　if　she　had　been　a　child；　looking　up　at　her　and　laughing。

An　old　bent　man　paused　from　his　work　and　watched　them。　　〃Lean　more　over　him；　missie；〃　he　advised　her。　　〃That's　the　way。　　Many　a　mile　I've　carried　my　lass　like　that；　in　flood　time；　and　never　felt　her　weight。〃

Often　on　returning　home；　not　knowing　why；　she　would　look　into　the　glass。　　It　seemed　to　her　that　the　girlhood　she　had　somehow　missed　was　awakening　in　her；　taking　possession　of　her；　changing　her。　　The　lips　she　had　always　seen　pressed　close　and　firm　were　growing　curved；　leaving　a　little　parting；　as　though　they　were　not　quite　so　satisfied　with　one　another。　　The　level　brows　were　becoming　slightly　raised。　　It　gave　her　a　questioning　look　that　was　new　to　her。　　The　eyes　beneath　were　less　confident。　　They　seemed　to　be　seeking　something。

One　evening；　on　her　way　home　from　a　theatre；　she　met　Flossie。　〃Can't　stop　now；〃　said　Flossie；　who　was　hurrying。　　〃But　I　want　to　see　you：　　most　particular。　　Was　going　to　look　you　up。　　Will　you　be　at　home　to…morrow　afternoon　at　tea…time？〃

There　was　a　distinct　challenge　in　Flossie's　eye　as　she　asked　the　question。　　Joan　felt　herself　flush；　and　thought　a　moment。

〃Yes；〃　she　answered。　　〃Will　you　be　coming　alone？〃

〃That's　the　idea；〃　answered　Flossie；　〃a　heart　to　heart　talk　between　you　and　me；　and　nobody　else。　　Half…past　four。　　Don't　forget。〃

Joan　walked　on　slowly。　　She　had　the　worried　feeling　with　which；　once　or　twice；　when　a　schoolgirl；　she　had　crawled　up　the　stairs　to　bed　after　the　head　mistress　had　informed　her　that　she　would　see　her　in　her　private　room　at　eleven　o'clock　the　next　morning；　leaving　her　to　guess　what　about。　　It　occurred　to　her；　in　Trafalgar　Square；　that　she　had　promised　to　take　tea　with　the　Greysons　the　next　afternoon；　to　meet　some　big　pot　from　America。　　She　would　have　to　get　out　of　that。　　She　felt　it　wouldn't　do　to　put　off　Flossie。

She　went　to　bed　wakeful。　　It　was　marvellously　like　being　at　school　again。　　What　could　Flossie　want　to　see　her　about　that　was　so　important？　　She　tried　to　pretend　to　herself　that　she　didn't　know。　After　all；　perhaps　it　wasn't　that。

But　she　knew　that　it　was　the　instant　Flossie　put　up　her　hands　in　order　to　take　off　her　hat。　　Flossie　always　took　off　her　hat　when　she　meant　to　be　unpleasant。　　It　was　her　way　of　pulling　up　her　sleeves。　　They　had　their　tea　first。　　They　seemed　both　agreed　that　that　would　be　best。　　And　then　Flossie　pushed　back　her　chair　and　sat　up。

She　had　just　the　head　mistress　expression。　　Joan　wasn't　quite　sure　she　oughtn't　to　stand。　　But；　controlling　the　instinct；　leant　back　in　her　chair；　and　tried　to　look　defiant　without　feeling　it。

〃How　far　are　you　going？〃　demanded　Flossie。

Joan　was　not　in　a　comprehending　mood。

〃If　you're　going　the　whole　hog；　that's　something　I　can　understand；〃　continued　Flossie。　　〃If　not；　you'd　better　pull　up。〃

〃What　do　you　mean　by　the　whole　hog？〃　requested　Joan；　assuming　dignity。

〃Oh；　don't　come　the　kid；〃　advised　Flossie。　　〃If　you　don't　mind　being　talked　about　yourself；　you　might　think　of　him。　　If　Carleton　gets　hold　of　it；　he's　done　for。〃

〃'A　little　bird　whispers　to　me　that　Robert　Phillips　was　seen　walking　across　Richmond　Park　the　other　afternoon　in　company　with　Miss　Joan　Allway；　formerly　one　of　our　contributors。'　　Is　that　going　to　end　his　political　career？〃　retorted　Joan　with　fine　sarcasm。

Flossie　fixed　a　relentless　eye　upon　her。　　〃He'll　wait　till　the　bird　has　got　a　bit　more　than　that　to　whisper　to　him；〃　she　suggested。

〃There'll　be　nothing　more；〃　explained　Joan。　　〃So　long　as　my　friendship　is　of　any　assistance　to　Robert　Phillips　in　his　work；　he's　going　to　have　it。　　What　use　are　we　going　to　be　in　politics　what's　all　the　fuss　about；　if　men　and　women　mustn't　work　together　for　their　common　aims　and　help　one　another？〃

〃Why　can't　you　help　him　in　his　own　house；　instead　of　wandering　all　about　the　country？〃　Flossie　wanted　to　know。

〃So　I　do；〃　Joan　defended　herself。　　〃I'm　in　and　out　there　till　I'm　sick　of　the　hideous　place。　　You　haven't　seen　the　inside。　　And　his　wife　knows　all　about　it；　and　is　only　too　glad。〃

〃Does　she　know　about　Richmond　Parkand　the　other　places？〃　asked　Flossie。

〃She　wouldn't　mind　if　she　did；〃　explained　Joan。　　〃And　you　know　what　she's　like！　　How　can　one　think　what　one's　saying　with　that　silly；　goggle…eyed　face　in　front　of　one　always。〃

Flossie；　since　she　had　become　engaged；　had　acquired　quite　a　matronly　train　of　thought。　　She　spoke　kindly；　with　a　little　grave　shake　of　her　head。　　〃My　dear；〃　she　said；　〃the　wife　is　always　in　the　way。　　You'd　feel　just　the　same　whatever　her　face　was　like。〃

Joan　grew　angry。　　〃If　you　choose　to　suspect　evil；　of　course　you　can；〃　she　answered　with　hauteur。　　〃But　you　might　have　known　me　better。　　I　admire　the　man　and　sympathize　with　him。　　All　the　things　I　dream　of　are　the　things　he　is　working　for。　　I　can　do　more　good　by　helping　and　inspiring　him〃she　wished　she　had　not　let　slip　that　word　〃inspire。〃　　She　knew　that　Flossie　would　fasten　upon　it〃than　I　can　ever　accomplish　by　myself。　　And　I　mean　to　do　it。〃　　She　really　did　feel　defiant；　now。

〃I　know；　dear；〃　agreed　Flossie；　〃you've　both　of　you　made　up　your　minds　it　shall　always　remain　a　beautiful　union　of　twin　spirits。　Unfortunately　you've　both　got　bodiesrather　attractive　bodies。〃

〃We'll　keep　it　off　that　plane；　if　you　don't　mind；〃　answered　Joan　with　a　touch　of　severity。

〃I'm　willing　enough；〃　answered　Flossie。　　〃But　what　about　Old　Mother　Nature？　　She's　going　to　be　in　this；　you　know。〃

〃Take　off　your　glasses；　and　look　at　it　straight；〃　she　went　on；　without　giving　Joan　time　to　reply。　　〃What　is　it　in　us　that　'inspires'　men？　　If　it's　only　advice　and　sympathy　he's　after；　what's　wrong　with　dear　old　Mrs。　Denton？　　She's　a　good　walker；　except　now　and　then；　when　she's　got　the　lumbago。　　Why　doesn't　he　get　her　to　'inspire'　him？〃

〃It　isn't　only　that；〃　explained　Joan。　　〃I　give　him　courage。　　I　always　did　have　more　of　that　than　is　any　use　to　a　woman。　　He　wants　to　be　worthy　of　my　belief　in　him。　　What　is　the　harm　if　he　does　admire　meif　a　smile　from　me　or　a　touch　of　the　hand　can　urge　him　to　fresh　effort？　　Suppose　he　does　love　me〃

Flossie　interrupted。　　〃How　about　being　quite　frank？〃　she　suggested。　〃Suppose　we　do　love　one　another。　　How　about　putting　it　that　way？〃

〃And　suppose　we　do？〃　agreed　Joan；　her　courage　rising。　　〃Why　should　we　shun　one　another；　as　if　we　were　both　of　us　incapable　of　decency　or　self…control？　　Why　must　love　be　always　assumed　to　make　us　weak　and　contemptible；　as　if　it　were　some　subtle　poison？　　Why　shouldn't　it　strengthen　and　ennoble　us？〃

〃Why　did　the　apple　fall？〃　answered　Flossie。　　〃Why；　when　it　escapes　from　its　bonds；　doesn't　it　soar　upward？　　If　it　wasn't　for　the　irritating　law　of　gravity；　we　could　skip　about　on　the　brink　of　precipices　without　danger。　　Things　being　what　they　are；　sensible　people　keep　as　far　away　from　the　edge　as　possible。〃

〃I'm　sorry；〃　she　continued；　〃awfully　sorry；　old　girl。　　It's　a　bit　of　rotten　bad　luck　for　both　of　you。　　You　were　just　made　for　one　another。　　And　Fate；　knowing　what　was　coming；　bustles　round　and　gets　hold　of　poor；　silly　Mrs。　Phillips　so　as　to　be　able　to　say　'Yah。'〃

〃Unless　it　all　comes　right　in　the　end；〃　she　added　musingly；　〃and　the　poor　old　soul　pegs　out。　　I　wouldn't　give　much　for　her　liver。〃

〃That's　not　bringing　me　up　well；〃　suggested　Joan：　　〃putting　those　ideas　into　my　head。〃

〃Oh；　well；　one　can't　help　one's　thoughts；〃　explained　Flossie。　　〃It　would　be　a　blessing　all　round。〃

They　had　risen。　　Joan　folded　her　hands。　　〃Thank　you　for　your　scolding；　ma'am；〃　she　said。　　〃Shall　I　write　out　a　hundred　lines　of　Greek？　　Or　do　you　think　it　will　be　sufficient　if　I　promise　never　to　do　it　again？〃

〃You　mean　it？〃　said　Flossie。　　〃Of　course　you　will　go　on　seeing　him…　…visiting　them；　and　all　that。　　But　you　won't　go　gadding　about；　so　that　people　can　talk？〃

〃Only　through　the　bars；　in　future；〃　she　promised。　　〃With　the　gaoler　between　us。〃　　She　put　her　arms　round　Flossie　and　bent　her　head；　so　that　her　face　was　hidden。

Flossie　still　seemed　troubled。　　She　held　on　to　Joan。

〃You　are　sure　of　yourself？〃　she　asked。　　〃We're　only　the　female　of　the　species。　　We　get　hungry　and　thirsty；　too。　　You　know　that；　kiddy；　don't　you？〃

Joan　laughed　without　raising　her　face。　　〃Yes；　ma'am；　I　know　that；〃　she　answered。　　〃I'll　be　good。〃

She　sat　in　the　dusk　after　Flossie　had　gone；　and　the　laboured　breathing　of　the　tired　city　came　to　her　through　the　open　window。　She　had　rather　fancied　that　martyr's　crown。　　It　had　not　looked　so　very　heavy；　the　thorns　not　so　very　alarmingas　seen　through　the　window。　　She　would　wear　it　bravely。　　It　would　rather　become　her。

Facing　the　mirror　of　the　days　to　come；　she　tried　it　on。　　It　was　going　to　hurt。　　There　was　no　doubt　of　that。　　She　saw　the　fatuous；　approving　face　of　the　eternal　Mrs。　Phillips；　thrust　ever　between　them；　against　the　background　of　that　hideous　furniture；　of　those　bilious　wall　papersthe　loneliness　that　would　ever　walk　with　her；　sit　down　beside　her　in　the　crowded　restaurant；　steal　up　the　staircase　with　her；　creep　step　by　step　with　her　from　room　to　room　the　ever　unsatisfied　yearning　for　a　tender　word；　a　kindly　touch。　Yes；　it　was　going　to　hurt。

Poor　Robert！　　It　would　be　hard　on　him；　too。　　She　could　not　help　feeling　consolation　in　the　thought　that　he　also　would　be　wearing　that　invisible　crown。

She　must　write　to　him。　　The　sooner　it　was　done；　the　better。　　Half　a　dozen　contradictory　moods　passed　over　her　during　the　compos