the garden of allah-第103部分

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oasis　was　enclosed　in　a　low　earth　wall；　along　the　top　of　which　was　a
ragged　edging　of　brushwood。　In　this　wall　were　several　gaps。　Through
one；　opposite　to　the　tents；　was　visible　a　shallow　pool　of　still　water
by　which　tall　reeds　were　growing。　They　stood　up　like　spears；
absolutely　motionless。　A　frog　was　piping　from　some　hidden　place；
giving　forth　a　clear　flute…like　note　that　suggested　glass。　It　reminded
Domini　of　her　ride　into　the　desert　at　Beni…Mora　to　see　the　moon　rise。
On　that　night　Androvsky　had　told　her　that　he　was　going　away。　That　had
been　the　night　of　his　tremendous　struggle　with　himself。　When　he　had
spoken　she　had　felt　a　sensation　as　if　everything　that　supported　her　in
the　atmosphere　of　life　and　of　happiness　had　foundered。　And　nownow
she　was　going　to　speak　to　himto　tell　himwhat　was　she　going　to　tell
him？　How　much　could　she；　dared　she；　tell　him？　She　prayed　silently　to
be　given　strength。

In　the　clear　sky　the　young　moon　hung。　Beneath　it；　to　the　left；　was　one
star　like　an　attendant；　the　star　of　Venus。　The　faint　light　of　the　moon
fell　upon　the　water　of　the　pool。　Unceasingly　the　frog　uttered　its
nocturne。

Domini　stood　for　a　moment　looking　at　the　water　listening。　Then　she
glanced　up　at　the　moon　and　the　solitary　star。　Androvsky　stood　by　her。

〃Shall　welet　us　sit　on　the　wall；　where　the　gap　is；〃　she　said。　〃The
water　is　beautiful；　beautiful　with　that　light　on　it；　and　the　palms
palms　are　always　beautiful；　especially　at　night。　I　shall　never　love
any　other　trees　as　I　love　palm　trees。〃

〃Nor　I；〃　he　answered。

They　sat　down　on　the　wall。　At　first　they　did　not　speak　any　more。　The
stillness　of　the　water；　the　stillness　of　reeds　and　palms；　was　against
speech。　And　the　little　flute…like　note　that　came　to　them　again　and
again　at　regular　intervals　was　like　a　magical　measuring　of　the　silence
of　the　night　in　the　desert。　At　last　Domini　said；　in　a　low　voice：

〃I　heard　that　note　on　the　night　when　I　rode　out　of　Beni…Mora　to　see
the　moon　rise　in　the　desert。　Boris；　you　remember　that　night？〃

〃Yes；〃　he　answered。

He　was　gazing　at　the　pool；　with　his　face　partly　averted　from　her；　one
hand　on　the　wall；　the　other　resting　on　his　knee。

〃You　were　brave　that　night；　Boris；〃　she　said。

〃II　wished　to　beI　tried　to　be。　And　if　I　had　been〃

He　stopped；　then　went　on：　〃If　I　had　been；　Domini；　really　brave；　if　I
had　done　what　I　meant　to　do　that　night；　what　would　our　lives　have　been
to…day？〃

〃I　don't　know。　We　mustn't　think　of　that　to…night。　We　must　think　of　the
future。　Boris；　there's　no　life；　no　real　life　without　bravery。　No　man
or　woman　is　worthy　of　living　who　is　not　brave。〃

He　said　nothing。

〃Boris；　let　usyou　and　Ibe　worthy　of　living　to…nightand　in　the
future。〃

〃Give　me　your　hand　then；〃　he　answered。　〃Give　it　me；　Domini。〃

But　she　did　not　give　it　to　him。　Instead　she　went　on；　speaking　a　little
more　rapidly：

〃Boris；　don't　rely　too　much　on　my　strength。　I　am　only　a　woman；　and　I
have　to　struggle。　I　have　had　to　struggle　more　than　perhaps　you　will
ever　know。　Youmust　not　makemake　things　impossible　for　me。　I　am
tryingvery　hardtoI'myou　must　not　touch　me　to…night；　Boris。〃

She　drew　a　little　farther　away　from　him。　A　faint　breath　of　air　made
the　leaves　of　the　palm　trees　rustle　slightly；　made　the　reeds　move　for
an　instant　by　the　pool。　He　laid　his　hand　again　on　the　wall　from　which
he　had　lifted　it。　There　was　a　pleading　sound　in　her　voice　which　made
him　feel　as　if　it　were　speaking　close　against　his　heart。

〃I　said　I　would　tell　you　to…night　where　we　are　going。〃

〃Tell　me　now。〃

〃We　are　going　back　to　Beni…Mora。　We　are　not　very　far　off　from　Beni…
Mora　to…nightnot　very　far。〃

〃We　are　going　to　Beni…Mora！〃　he　repeated　in　a　dull　voice。　〃We　are〃

He　sat　up　on　the　wall；　looking　straight　into　her　face。

〃Why？〃　he　said。　His　voice　was　sharp　now；　sharp　with　fear。

〃Boris；　do　you　want　to　be　at　peace；　not　with　me；　but　with　God？　Do　you
want　to　get　rid　of　your　burden　of　misery；　which　increasesI　know　it
day　by　day？〃

〃How　can　I？〃　he　said　hopelessly。

〃Isn't　expiation　the　only　way？　I　think　it　is。〃

〃Expiation！　Howhow　canI　can　never　expiate　my　sin。〃

〃There's　no　sin　that　cannot　be　expiated。　God　isn't　merciless。　Come
back　with　me　to　Beni…Mora。　That　little　churchwhere　you　married　me
come　back　to　it　with　me。　You　could　not　confess　to　theto　Father
Beret。　I　feel　as　if　I　knew　why。　Where　you　married　me　you　willyou
mustmake　your　confession。〃

〃To　the　priest　whoto　Father　Roubier！〃

There　was　fierce　protest　in　his　voice。

〃It　does　not　matter　who　is　the　priest　who　will　receive　your
confession。　Only　make　it　theremake　it　in　the　church　at　Beni…Mora
where　you　married　me。〃

〃That　was　your　purpose！　That　is　where　you　are　taking　me！　I　can't　go；　I
won't！　Domini；　think　what　you　are　doing！　You　are　asking　too　much〃

〃I　feel　that　God　is　asking　that　of　you。　Don't　refuse　Him。〃

〃I　cannot　goat　Beni…Mora　where　wewhere　everything　will　remind
us〃

〃Ah；　don't　you　think　I　shall　feel　it　too？　Don't　you　think　I　shall
suffer？〃

He　felt　horribly　ashamed　when　she　said　that；　bowed　down　with　an
overwhelming　weight　of　shame。

〃But　our　lives〃he　stammered〃butif　I　goafterwardsif　I　make　my
confessionafterwardsafterwards？〃

〃Isn't　it　enough　to　think　of　that　one　thing？　Isn't　it　better　to　put
everything　else；　every　other　thought；　away？　It　seems　so　clear　to　me
that　we　should　go　to　Beni…Mora。　I　feel　as　if　I　had　been　toldas　a
child　is　told　to　do　something　by　its　father。〃

She　looked　up　into　the　clear　sky。

〃I　am　sure　I　have　been　told；〃　she　added。　〃I　know　I　have。〃

There　was　a　long　silence　between　them。　Androvsky　felt　that　he　did　not
dare　to　break　it。　Something　in　Domini's　face　and　voice　cast　out　from
him　the　instinct　of　revolt；　of　protest。　He　began　to　feel　exhausted；
without　power；　like　a　sick　man　who　is　being　carried　by　bearers　in　a
litter；　and　who　looks　at　the　landscape　through　which　he　is　passing
with　listless　eyes；　and　who　scarcely　has　the　force　to　care　whither　he
is　being　borne。

〃Domini；〃　he　said　at　last；　and　his　voice　sounded　very　tired；　〃if　you
say　I　must　go　to　Beni…Mora　I　will　go。　I　have　done　you　a　great　wrong
andand〃

〃Don't　think　of　me　any　more；〃　she　said。　〃Thinkthink　as　I　doof
of　What　am　I？　I　have　loved　you；　I　shall　always　love　you；　but　I　am
as　you　are；　here　for　a　little　while；　elsewhere　for　all　eternity。　You
told　himthat　man　in　the　monasterythat　we　are　shadows　set　in　a
world　of　shadows。〃

〃That　was　a　lie；〃　he　interrupted；　and　the　weariness　had　gone　out　of
his　voice。　〃When　I　said　that　I　had　never　loved；　I　had　never　loved
you。〃

〃Or　was　it　a　half…truth？　Aren't　we；　perhaps；　shadow　now　in　comparison
comparison　to　what　we　shall　be？　Isn't　this　world；　even　thisthis
desert；　this　pool　with　the　light　on　it；　this　silence　of　the　night
around　usisn't　all　this　a　shadow　in　comparison　to　the　world　where　we
are　going；　you　and　I？　Boris；　I　think　if　we　are　brave　now　we　shall　be
together　in　that　world。　But　if　we　are　cowards　now；　I　think；　I　am　sure；
that　in　that　worldthe　real　worldwe　shall　be　separated　for　ever。
You　and　I；　whatever　we　may　be；　whatever　we　may　have　done；　at　least　are
one　thingwe　are　believers。　We　don't　think　this　is　all。　If　we　did　it
would　be　different。　But　we　can't　change　the　truth　that　is　in　our
souls；　and　as　we　can't　change　it　we　must　live　by　it；　we　must　act　by
it。　We　can't　do　anything　else。　I　can'tand　you？　Don't　you　feel；　don't
you　know；　that　you　can't？〃

〃To…night；〃　he　said；　〃I　feel　that　I　know　nothingnothing　except　that
I　am　suffering。〃

His　voice　broke　on　the　last　words。　Tears　were　shining　in　his　eyes。
After　a　long　silence　he　said：

〃Domini；　take　me　where　you　will。　If　it　is　to　Beni…Mora　I　will　go。　But
butafterwards？〃

〃Afterwards〃　she　said。

Then　she　stopped。

The　little　note　of　the　frog　sounded　again　and　again　by　the　still　water
among　the　reeds。　The　moon　was　higher　in　the　sky。　〃Don't　let　us　think
of　afterwards；　Boris；〃　she　said　at　length。　〃That　song　we　have　heard
together；　that　song　we　love'No　one　but　God　and　I　knows　what　is　in　my
heart。'　I　hear　it　now　so　often；　always　almost。　It　seems　to　gather
meaning；　it　seems　toGod　knows　what　is　in　your　heart　and　mine。　He
will　take　care　of　theafterwards。　Perhaps　in　our　hearts　already　He
has　put　a　secret　knowledge　of　the　end。〃

〃Has　Hehas　He　put　itthat　knowledgeinto　yours？〃

〃Hush！〃　she　said。

They　spoke　no　more　that　night。



CHAPTER　XXIX

The　caravan　of　Domini　and　Androvsky　was　leaving　Arba。

Already　the　tents　and　the　attendants；　with　the　camels　and　the　mules；
were　winding　slowly　along　the　plain　through　the　scrub　in　the　direction
of　the　mountains；　and　the　dark　shadow　which　indicated　the　oasis　of
Beni…Mora。　Batouch　was　with　them。　Domini　and　Androvsky　were　going　to
be　alone　on　this　last　stage　of　their　desert　journey。　They　had　mounted
their　horses　before　the　great　door　of　the　bordj；　said　goodbye　to　the
Sheikh　of　Arba；　scattered　some　money　among　the　ragged　Arabs　gathered
to　watch　them　go；　and　cast　one　last　look　behind　them。

In　that　mutual；　instinctive　look　back　they　were　both　bidding　a　silent
farewell　to　the　desert；　that　had　sheltered　their　passion；　surely　taken
part　in　the　joy　of　their　love；　watched　the　sorrow　and　the　terror　grow
in　it　to　the　climax　at　Amara；　and　was　now　whispering　to　them　a　faint
and　mysterious　farewell。

To　Domini　the　desert　had　always　been　as　a　great　and　significant
personality；　a　personality　that　had　called　her　persistently　to　come　to
it。　Now；　as　she　turned　on　her　horse；　she　felt　as　if　it　were　calling
her　no　longer；　as　if　its　mission　to　her　were　accomplished；　as　if　its
voice　had　sunk　into　a　deep　and　breathless　silence。　She　wondered　if
Androvsky　felt　this　too；　but　she　did　not　ask　him。　His　face　was　pale
and　severe。　His　eyes　stared　into　the　distance。　His　hands　lay　on　his
horse's　neck　like　tired　things　with　no　more　power　to　grip　and　hold。
His　lips　were　slightly　parted；　and　she　heard　the　sound　of　his　breath
coming　and　going　like　the　breath　of　a　man　who　is　struggling。　This
sound　warned　her　not　to　try　his　strength　or　hers。

〃Come；　Boris；〃　she　said；　and　her　voice　held　none　of　the　passionate
regret　that　was　in　her　heart；　〃we　mustn't　linger；　or　it　will　be　night
before　we　reach　Beni…Mora。〃

〃Let　it　be　night；〃　he　said。　〃Dark　night！〃

The　horses　moved　slowly　on；　descending