the garden of allah-第106部分

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Androvsky　clenched　his　right　hand　on　the　divan　and　turned　round　till
he　was　facing　her　full。　His　eyes　blazed。

〃Domini；〃　he　said；　〃you　are　truthful。　I'll　be　truthful　to　you。　Till
the　end　of　my　life　I'll　think　of　youevery　day；　every　hour。　If　it
were　mortal　sin　to　think　of　you　I　would　commit　ityes；　Domini；
deliberately；　I　would　commit　it。　ButGod　doesn't　ask　so　much　of　us；
no；　God　doesn't。　I've　made　my　confession。　I　know　what　I　must　do。　I'll
do　it。　You　are　rightyou　are　always　rightyou　are　guided；　I　know
that。　But　I　will　think　of　you。　And　I'll　tell　you　somethingdon't
shirk　from　it；　because　it's　truth；　the　truth　of　my　soul；　and　you　love
truth。　Domini〃

Suddenly　he　got　up　from　the　divan　and　stood　before　her；　looking　down
at　her　steadily。

〃Domini；　I　can't　regret　that　I　have　seen　you；　that　we　have　been
together；　that　we　have　loved　each　other；　that　we　do　love　each　other
for　ever。　I　can't　regret　it；　I　can't　even　try　or　wish　to。　I　can't
regret　that　I　have　learned　from　you　the　meaning　of　life。　I　know　that
God　has　punished　me　for　what　I　have　done。　In　my　love　for　youtill　I
told　you　the　truth；　that　other　truthI　never　had　a　moment　of　peace
of　exultation；　yes；　of　passionate　exultation；　but　never；　never　a
moment　of　peace。　For　always；　even　in　the　most　beautiful　moments；　there
has　been　agony　for　me。　For　always　I　have　known　that　I　was　sinning
against　God　and　you；　against　myself；　my　eternal　vows。　And　yet　now　I
tell　you；　Domini；　as　I　have　told　God　since　I　have　been　able　to　pray
again；　that　I　am　glad；　thankful；　that　I　have　loved　you；　been　loved　by
you。　Is　it　wicked？　I　don't　know。　I　can　scarcely　even　care；　because
it's　true。　And　how　can　I　deny　the　truth；　strive　against　truth？　I　am　as
I　am；　and　I　am　that。　God　has　made　me　that。　God　will　forgive　me　for
being　as　I　am。　I'm　not　afraid。　I　believeI　dare　to　believethat　He
wishes　me　to　think　of　you　always　till　the　end　of　my　life。　I　dare　to
believe　that　He　would　almost　hate　me　if　I　could　ever　cease　from　loving
you。　That's　my　other　confessionmy　confession　to　you。　I　was　born；
perhaps；　to　be　a　monk。　But　I　was　born；　too；　that　I　might　love　you　and
know　your　love；　your　beauty；　your　tenderness；　your　divinity。　If　I　had
not　known　you；　if　I　had　died　a　monk；　a　good　monk　who　had　never　denied
his　vows；　I　should　have　diedI　feel　it；　Dominiin　a　great；　a
terrible　ignorance。　I　should　have　known　the　goodness　of　God；　but　I
should　never　have　known　part；　a　beautiful　part；　of　His　goodness。　For　I
should　never　have　known　the　goodness　that　He　has　put　into　you。　He　has
taught　me　through　you。　He　has　tortured　me　through　you；　yes；　but
through　you；　too；　He　has　made　me　understand　Him。　When　I　was　in　the
monastery；　when　I　was　at　peace；　when　I　lost　myself　in　prayer；　when　I
was　absolutely　pure；　absolutelyso　I　thoughtthe　child　of　God；　I
never　really　knew　God。　Now；　Domini；　now　I　know　Him。　In　the　worst
moments　of　the　new　agony　that　I　must　meet　at　least　I　shall　always　have
that　help。　I　shall　always　feel　that　I　know　what　God　is。　I　shall
always；　when　I　think　of　you；　when　I　remember　you；　be　able　to　say；　'God
is　love。'〃

He　was　silent；　but　his　face　still　spoke　to　her；　his　eyes　read　her
eyes。　And　in　that　moment　at　last　they　understood　each　other　fully　and
for　ever。　〃It　was　written〃that　was　Domini's　thought〃it　was　written
by　God。〃　Far　away　the　church　bell　chimed。

〃Boris；〃　Domini　said　quietly；　〃we　must　go　to…day。　We　must　leave　Beni…
Mora。　You　know　that？〃

〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃I　know。〃

He　looked　out　into　the　garden。　The　almost　fierce　resolution；　that　had
something　in　it　of　triumph；　faded　from　him。

〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃this　is　the　end；　the　real　end；　forthere；　it　will
all　be　differentit　will　be　terrible。〃

〃Let　us　sit　here　for　a　little　while　together；〃　Domini　said；　〃and　be
quiet。　Is　it　like　the　garden　of　El…Largani；　Boris？〃

〃No。　But　when　I　first　came　here；　when　I　saw　the　white　walls；　the　great
door；　when　I　saw　the　poor　Arabs　gathered　there　to　receive　alms；　it
made　me　feel　almost　as　if　I　were　at　El…Largani。　That　was　why〃　he
paused。

〃I　understand；　Boris；　I　understand　everything　now。〃

And　then　they　were　silent。　Such　a　silence　as　theirs　was　then　could
never　be　interpreted　to　others。　In　it　the　sorrows；　the　aspirations；
the　struggles；　the　triumphs；　the　torturing　regrets；　the　brave
determinations　of　poor；　great；　feeble；　noble　humanity　were　enclosed　as
in　a　casketa　casket　which　contains　many　kinds　of　jewels；　but　surely
none　that　are　not　precious。

And　the　garden　listened；　and　beyond　the　garden　the　desert　listened
that　other　garden　of　Allah。　And　in　this　garden　was　not　Allah；　too；
listening　to　this　silence　of　his　children；　this　last　mutual　silence　of
theirs　in　the　garden　where　they　had　wandered；　where　they　had　loved；
where　they　had　learned　a　great　lesson　and　drawn　near　to　a　great
victory？

They　might　have　sat　thus　for　hours；　they　had　lost　all　count　of　time。
But　presently；　in　the　distance　among　the　trees；　there　rose　a　light；
frail　sound　that　struck　into　both　their　hearts　like　a　thin　weapon。　It
was　the　flute　of　Larbi；　and　it　reminded　themof　what　did　it　not
remind　them？　All　their　passionate　love　of　the　body；　all　their
lawlessness；　all　the　joy　of　liberty　and　of　life；　of　the　barbaric　life
that　is　liberty；　all　their　wandering　in　the　great　spaces　of　the　sun；
were　set　before　them　in　Larbi's　fluttering　tune；　that　was　like　the
call　of　a　siren；　the　call　of　danger；　the　call　of　earth　and　of　earthly
things；　summoning　them　to　abandon　the　summons　of　the　spirit。　Domini
got　up　swiftly。

〃Come；　Boris；〃　she　said；　without　looking　at　him。

He　obeyed　her　and　rose　to　his　feet。

〃Let　us　go　to　the　wall；〃　she　said；　〃and　look　out　once　more　on　the
desert。　It　must　be　nearly　noon。　Perhapsperhaps　we　shall　hear　the
call　to　prayer。〃

They　walked　down　the　winding　alleys　towards　the　edge　of　the　garden。
The　sound　of　the　flute　of　Larbi　died　away　gradually　into　silence。　Soon
they　saw　before　them　the　great　spaces　of　the　Sahara　flooded　with　the
blinding　glory　of　the　summer　sunlight。　They　stood　and　looked　out　over
it　from　the　shelter　of　some　pepper　trees。　No　caravans　were　passing。　No
Arabs　were　visible。　The　desert　seemed　utterly　empty；　given　over；
naked；　to　the　dominion　of　the　sun。　While　they　stood　there　the　nasal
voice　of　the　Mueddin　rose　from　the　minaret　of　the　mosque　of　Beni…Mora；
uttered　its　fourfold　cry；　and　died　away。

〃Boris；〃　Domini　said；　〃that　is　for　the　Arabs；　but　for　us；　too；　for　we
belong　to　the　garden　of　Allah　as　they　do；　perhaps　even　more　than
they。〃

〃Yes；　Domini。〃

She　remembered　how；　long　ago；　Count　Anteoni　had　stood　there　with　her
and　repeated　the　words　of　the　angel　to　the　Prophet；　and　she　murmured
them　now：

〃O　thou　that　art　covered；　arise；　and　magnify　thy　Lord；　and　purify　thy
clothes；　and　depart　from　uncleanness。〃

Then；　standing　side　by　side；　they　prayed；　looking　at　the　desert。



CHAPTER　XXX

In　the　evening　of　that　day　they　left　Beni…Mora。

Domini　wished　to　go　quietly；　but；　knowing　the　Arabs；　she　feared　it
would　be　impossible。　Nevertheless；　when　she　paid　Batouch　in　the　hotel
and　thanked　him　for　all　his　services；　she　said：

〃We'll　say　adieu　here；　Batouch。〃

The　poet　displayed　a　large　surprise。

〃But　I　will　accompany　Madame　to　the　station。　I　will〃

〃It　is　not　necessary。〃

Batouch　looked　offended　but　obstinate。　His　ample　person　became　almost
rigid。

〃If　I　am　not　at　the　station；　Madame；　what　will　Hadj　think；　and　Ali；
and　Ouardi；　and〃

〃They　will　be　there？〃

〃Of　course；　Madame。　Where　else　should　they　be？　Does　Madame　wish　to
leave　us　like　a　thief　in　the　night；　or　like〃

〃No；　no；　Batouch。　I　am　very　grateful　to　you　all；　but　especially　to
you。〃

Batouch　began　to　smile。

〃Madame　has　entered　into　our　hearts　as　no　other　stranger　has　ever
done；〃　he　remarked。　〃Madame　understands　the　Arabs。　We　shall　all　come
to　say　/au　revoir/　and　to　wish　Madame　and　Monsieur　a　happy　journey。〃

For　the　moment　the　irony　of　her　situation　struck　Domini　so　forcibly
that　she　could　say　nothing。　She　only　looked　at　Batouch　in　silence。

〃What　is　it？　But　I　know。　Madame　is　sad　at　leaving　the　desert；　at
leaving　Beni…Mora。〃

〃Yes；　Batouch。　I　am　sad　at　leaving　Beni…Mora。〃

〃But　Madame　will　return？〃

〃Who　knows？〃

〃I　know。　The　desert　has　a　spell。　He　who　has　once　seen　the　desert　must
see　it　again。　The　desert　calls　and　its　voice　is　always　heard。　Madame
will　hear　it　when　she　is　far　away；　and　some　day　she　will　feel；　'I　must
come　back　to　the　land　of　the　sun　and　to　the　beautiful　land　of
forgetfulness。'〃

〃I　shall　see　you　at　the　station；　Batouch；〃　Domini　said　quickly。　〃Good…
bye　till　then。〃

The　train　for　Tunis　started　at　sundown；　in　order　that　the　travellers
might　avoid　the　intense　heat　of　the　day。　All　the　afternoon　they　kept
within　doors。　The　Arabs　were　sleeping　in　dark　rooms。　The　gardens　were
deserted。　Domini　could　not　sleep。　She　sat　near　the　French　window　that
opened　on　to　the　verandah　and　said　a　silent　good…bye　to　life。　For　that
was　what　she　feltthat　life　was　leaving　her；　life　with　its　intensity；
its　fierce　meaning。　She　had　come　out　of　a　sort　of　death　to　find　life
in　Beni…Mora；　and　now　she　felt　that　she　was　going　back　again　to
something　that　would　be　like　death。　After　her　strife　there　came　a
numbness　of　the　spirit；　a　heavy　dullness。　Time　passed　and　she　sat
there　without　moving。　Sometimes　she　looked　at　the　trunks　lying　on　the
floor　ready　for　the　journey；　at　the　labels　on　which　was　written　〃Tunis
/via/　Constantine。〃　And　then　she　tried　to　imagine　what　it　would　be
like　to　travel　in　the　train　after　her　long　travelling　in　the　desert；
and　what　it　would　be　like　to　be　in　a　city。　But　she　could　not。　The　heat
was　intense。　Perhaps　it　affected　her　mind　through　her　body。　Faintly；
far　down　in　her　mind　and　heart；　she　knew　that　she　was　wishing；　even
longing；　to　realise　all　that　these　last　hours　in　Beni…Mora　meant；　to
gather　up　in　them　all　the　threads　of　her　life　and　her　sensations
there；　to　survey；　as　from　a　height；　the　panorama　of　the　change　that
had　come　to　her　in　Africa。　But　she　was　frustrated。

The　hours　fled；　and　she　remained　cold；　listless。　Often　she　was　hardly
thinking　at　all。　When　the　Arab　servant　came　in　to　tell　her　that　it　was
time　to　start　for　the　station　she　got　up　slowly　and　looked　at　him
vaguely。

〃Time　to　go　already？〃　she　asked。

〃Yes；　M