a miscellany of men-第1部分

快捷操作: 按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页 按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页 按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部! 如果本书没有阅读完，想下次继续接着阅读，可使用上方 "收藏到我的浏览器" 功能 和 "加入书签" 功能！




A　Miscellany　of　Men

by　G。　K。　Chesterton





CONTENTS

THE　SUFFRAGIST
THE　POET　AND　THE　CHEESE
THE　THING
THE　MAN　WHO　THINKS　BACKWARDS
THE　NAMELESS　MAN
THE　GARDENER　AND　THE　GUINEA
THE　VOTER　AND　THE　TWO　VOICES
THE　MAD　OFFICIAL
THE　ENCHANTED　MAN
THE　SUN　WORSHIPPER
THE　WRONG　INCENDIARY
THE　FREE　MAN
THE　HYPOTHETICAL　HOUSEHOLDER
THE　PRIEST　OF　SPRING
THE　REAL　JOURNALIST
THE　SENTIMENTAL　SCOT
THE　SECTARIAN　OF　SOCIETY
THE　FOOL
THE　CONSCRIPT　AND　THE　CRISIS
THE　MISER　AND　HIS　FRIENDS
THE　MYSTAGOGUE
THE　RED　REACTIONARY
THE　SEPARATIST　AND　SACRED　THINGS
THE　MUMMER
THE　ARISTOCRATIC　'ARRY
THE　NEW　THEOLOGIAN
THE　ROMANTIC　IN　THE　RAIN
THE　FALSE　PHOTOGRAPHER
THE　SULTAN
THE　ARCHITECT　OF　SPEARS
THE　MAN　ON　TOP
THE　OTHER　KIND　OF　MAN
THE　MEDIAEVAL　VILLAIN
THE　DIVINE　DETECTIVE
THE　ELF　OF　JAPAN
THE　CHARTERED　LIBERTINE
THE　CONTENTED　MAN
THE　ANGRY　AUTHOR：　HIS　FAREWELL




THE　SUFFRAGIST


Rightly　or　wrongly；　it　is　certain　that　a　man　both　liberal　and　chivalric；　can　and　very　often　does　feel　a　dis…ease　and　distrust　touching　those　political　women　we　call　Suffragettes。　　Like　most　other　popular　sentiments；　it　is　generally　wrongly　stated　even　when　it　is　rightly　felt。　　One　part　of　it　can　be　put　most　shortly　thus：　that　when　a　woman　puts　up　her　fists　to　a　man　she　is　putting　herself　in　the　only　posture　in　which　he　is　not　afraid　of　her。　　He　can　be　afraid　of　her　speech　and　still　more　of　her　silence；　but　force　reminds　him　of　a　rusted　but　very　real　weapon　of　which　he　has　grown　ashamed。　　But　these　crude　summaries　are　never　quite　accurate　in　any　matter　of　the　instincts。　　For　the　things　which　are　the　simplest　so　long　as　they　are　undisputed　invariably　become　the　subtlest　when　once　they　are　disputed：　which　was　what　Joubert　meant；　I　suppose；　when　he　said；　〃It　is　not　hard　to　believe　in　God　if　one　does　not　define　Him。〃　　When　the　evil　instincts　of　old　Foulon　made　him　say　of　the　poor；　〃Let　them　eat　grass；〃　the　good　and　Christian　instincts　of　the　poor　made　them　hang　him　on　a　lamp…　post　with　his　mouth　stuffed　full　of　that　vegetation。　But　if　a　modern　vegetarian　aristocrat　were　to　say　to　the　poor；　〃But　why　don't　you　like　grass　？〃　　their　intelligences　would　be　much　more　taxed　to　find　such　an　appropriate　repartee。　And　this　matter　of　the　functions　of　the　sexes　is　primarily　a　matter　of　the　instincts；　sex　and　breathing　are　about　the　only　two　things　that　generally　work　best　when　they　are　least　worried　about。　That；　I　suppose；　is　why　the　same　sophisticated　age　that　has　poisoned　the　world　with　Feminism　is　also　polluting　it　with　Breathing　Exercises。　　We　plunge　at　once　into　a　forest　of　false　analogies　and　bad　blundering　history；　while　almost　any　man　or　woman　left　to　themselves　would　know　at　least　that　sex　is　quite　different　from　anything　else　in　the　world。

There　is　no　kind　of　comparison　possible　between　a　quarrel　of　man　and　woman　（however　right　the　woman　may　be）　and　the　other　quarrels　of　slave　and　master；　of　rich　and　poor；　or　of　patriot　and　invader；　with　which　the　Suffragists　deluge　us　every　day。　　The　difference　is　as　plain　as　noon；　these　other　alien　groups　never　came　into　contact　until　they　came　into　collision。　　Races　and　ranks　began　with　battle；　even　if　they　afterwards　melted　into　amity。　　But　the　very　first　fact　about　the　sexes　is　that　they　like　each　other。　　They　seek　each　other：　and　awful　as　are　the　sins　and　sorrows　that　often　come　of　their　mating；　it　was　not　such　things　that　made　them　meet。　　It　is　utterly　astounding　to　note　the　way　in　which　modern　writers　and　talkers　miss　this　plain；　wide；　and　overwhelming　fact：　one　would　suppose　woman　a　victim　and　nothing　else。　　By　this　account　ideal；　emancipated　woman　has；　age　after　age；　been　knocked　silly　with　a　stone　axe。　But　really　there　is　no　fact　to　show　that　ideal；　emancipated　woman　was　ever　knocked　silly；　except　the　fact　that　she　is　silly。　　And　that　might　have　arisen　in　so　many　other　ways。　　Real　responsible　woman　has　never　been　silly；　and　any　one　wishing　to　knock　her　would　be　wise　（like　the　street…　boys）　to　knock　and　run　away。　　It　is　ultimately　idiotic　to　compare　this　prehistoric　participation　with　any　royalties　or　rebellions。　Genuine　royalties　wish　to　crush　rebellions。　Genuine　rebels　wish　to　destroy　kings。　The　sexes　cannot　wish　to　abolish　each　other；　and　if　we　allow　them　any　sort　of　permanent　opposition　it　will　sink　into　something　as　base　as　a　party　system。

As　marriage；　therefore；　is　rooted　in　an　aboriginal　unity　of　instincts；　you　cannot　compare　it；　even　in　its　quarrels；　with　any　of　the　mere　collisions　of　separate　institutions。　You　could　compare　it　with　the　emancipation　of　negroes　from　plantersif　it　were　true　that　a　white　man　in　early　youth　always　dreamed　of　the　abstract　beauty　of　a　black　man。　　You　could　compare　it　with　the　revolt　of　tenants　against　a　landlordif　it　were　true　that　young　landlords　wrote　sonnets　to　invisible　tenants。　　You　could　compare　it　to　the　fighting　policy　of　the　Fenians…if　it　were　true　that　every　normal　Irishman　wanted　an　Englishman　to　come　and　live　with　him。　But　as　we　know　there　are　no　instincts　in　any　of　these　directions；　these　analogies　are　not　only　false　but　false　on　the　cardinal　fact。　　I　do　not　speak　of　the　comparative　comfort　or　merit　of　these　different　things：　I　say　they　are　different。　　It　may　be　that　love　turned　to　hate　is　terribly　common　in　sexual　matters：　it　may　be　that　hate　turned　to　love　is　not　uncommon　in　the　rivalries　of　race　or　class。　　But　any　philosophy　about　the　sexes　that　begins　with　anything　but　the　mutual　attraction　of　the　sexes；　begins　with　a　fallacy；　and　all　its　historical　comparisons　are　as　irrelevant　and　impertinent　as　puns。

But　to　expose　such　cold　negation　of　the　instincts　is　easy：　to　express　or　even　half　express　the　instincts　is　very　hard。　　The　instincts　are　very　much　concerned　with　what　literary　people　call　〃style〃　in　letters　or　more　vulgar　people　call　〃style〃　in　dress。　　They　are　much　concerned　with　how　a　thing　is　done；　as　well　as　whether　one　may　do　it：　and　the　deepest　elements　in　their　attraction　or　aversion　can　often　only　be　conveyed　by　stray　examples　or　sudden　images。　　When　Danton　was　defending　himself　before　the　Jacobin　tribunal　he　spoke　so　loud　that　his　voice　was　heard　across　the　Seine；　in　quite　remote　streets　on　the　other　side　of　the　river。　He　must　have　bellowed　like　a　bull　of　Bashan。　　Yet　none　of　us　would　think　of　that　prodigy　except　as　something　poetical　and　appropriate。　　None　of　us　would　instinctively　feel　that　Danton　was　less　of　a　man　or　even　less　of　a　gentleman；　for　speaking　so　in　such　an　hour。　But　suppose　we　heard　that　Marie　Antoinette；　when　tried　before　the　same　tribunal；　had　howled　so　that　she　could　be　heard　in　the　Faubourg　St。　　Germainwell；　I　leave　it　to　the　instincts；　if　there　are　any　left。　　It　is　not　wrong　to　howl。　　Neither　is　it　right。　　It　is　simply　a　question　of　the　instant　impression　on　the　artistic　and　even　animal　parts　of　humanity；　if　the　noise　were　heard　suddenly　like　a　gun。

Perhaps　the　nearest　verbal　analysis　of　the　instinct　may　he　found　in　the　gestures　of　the　orator　addressing　a　crowd。　　For　the　true　orator　must　always　be　a　demagogue：　even　if　the　mob　be　a　small　mob；　like　the。　　French　committee　or　the　English　House　of　Lords。　　And　〃demagogue；〃　in　the　good　Greek　meaning；　does　not　mean　one　who　pleases　the　populace；　but　one　who　leads　it：　and　if　you　will　notice；　you　will　see　that　all　the　instinctive　gestures　of　oratory　are　gestures　of　military　leadership；　pointing　the　people　to　a　path　or　waving　them　on　to　an　advance。　　Notice　that　long　sweep　of　the　arm　across　the　body　and　outward；　which　great　orators　use　naturally　and　cheap　orators　artificially。　　It　is　almost　the　exact　gesture　of　the　drawing　of　a　sword。

The　point　is　not　that　women　are　unworthy　of　votes；　it　is　not　even　that　votes　are　unworthy　of　women。　　It　is　that　votes　are　unworthy　of　men；　so　long　as　they　are　merely　votes；　and　have　nothing　in　them　of　this　ancient　militarism　of　democracy。　　The　only　crowd　worth　talking　to　is　the　crowd　that　is　ready　to　go　somewhere　and　do　something；　the　only　demagogue　worth　hearing　is　he　who　can　point　at　something　to　be　done：　and；　if　he　points　with　a　sword；　will　only　feel　it　familiar　and　useful　like　an　elongated　finger。　　Now；　except　in　some　mystical　exceptions　which　prove　the　rule；　these　are　not　the　gestures；　and　therefore　not　the　instincts；　of　women。　No　honest　man　dislikes　the　public　woman。　　He　can　only　dislike　the　political　woman；　an　entirely　different　thing。　　The　instinct　has　nothing　to　do　with　any　desire　to　keep　women　curtained　or　captive：　if　such　a　desire　exists。　　A　husband　would　be　pleased　if　his　wife　wore　a　gold　crown　and　proclaimed　laws　from　a　throne　of　marble；　or　if　she　uttered　oracles　from　the　tripod　of　a　priestess；　or　if　she　could　walk　in　mystical　motherhood　before　the　procession　of　some　great　religious　order。　　But　that　she　should　stand　on　a　platform　in　the　exact　altitude　in　which　he　stands；　leaning　forward　a　little　more　than　is　graceful　and　holding　her　mouth　open　a　little　longer　and　wider　than　is　dignifiedwell；　I　only　write　here　of　the　facts　of　natural　history；　and　the　fact　is　that　it　is　this；　and　not　publicity　or　importance；　that　hurts。　　It　is　for　the　modern　world　to　judge　whether　such　instincts　are　indeed　danger　signals；　and　whether　the　hurting　of　moral　as　of　material　nerves　is　a　tocsin　and　a　warning　of　nature。



THE　POET　AND　THE　CHEESE


There　is　something　creepy　in　the　flat　Eastern　Counties；　a　brush　of　the　white　feather。　　There　is　a　stillness；　which　is　rather　of　the　mind　than　of　the　bodily　senses。　　Rapid　changes　and　sudden　revelations　of　scenery；　even　when　they　are　soundless；　have　something　in　them　analogous　to　a　movement　of　music；　to　a　crash　or　a　cry。　　Mountain　hamlets　spring　out　on　us　with　a　shout　like　mountain　brigands。　　Comfortable　valleys　accept　us　with　open　arms　and　warm　words；　like　comfortable　innkeepers。　　But　travelling　in　the　great　level　lands　has　a　curiously　still　and　lonely　quality；　lonely　even　when　there　are　plenty　of　people　on　the　road　and　in　the　market…place。　One's　voice　seems　to　break　an　almost　elvish　silence；　and　something　unreasonably　weird　in　the　phrase　of　the　nursery　tales；　〃And　he　went　a　little　farther　and　came　to　another　place；〃　comes　back　into　the　mind。

In　some　such　mood　I　came　along　a　lean；　pale　road　south　of　the　fens；　and　found　myself　in　a　large；　quiet；　and　seemingly　forgotten　village。　　It　was　one　o