a miscellany of men-第29部分

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e　feel　that　they　are　both　beautiful；　because　we　have　drunk　them　dry。



THE　ANGRY　AUTHOR：　HIS　FAREWELL


I　have　republished　all　these　old　articles　of　mine　because　they　cover　a　very　controversial　period；　in　which　I　was　in　nearly　all　the　controversies；　whether　I　was　visible　there　or　no。　　And　I　wish　to　gather　up　into　this　last　article　a　valedictory　violence　about　all　such　things；　and　then　pass　to　where；　beyond　these　voices；　there　is　peaceor　in　other　words；　to　the　writing　of　Penny　Dreadfuls；　a　noble　and　much…needed　work。　　But　before　I　finally　desert　the　illusions　of　rationalism　for　the　actualities　of　romance；　I　should　very　much　like　to　write　one　last　roaring；　raging　book　telling　all　the　rationalists　not　to　be　so　utterly　irrational。　　The　book　would　be　simply　a　string　of　violent　vetoes；　like　the　Ten　Commandments。　　I　would　call　it　〃Don'ts　for　Dogmatists；　or　Things　I　am　Tired　Of。〃

This　book　of　intellectual　etiquette；　like　most　books　of　etiquette；　would　begin　with　superficial　things；　but　there　would　be；　I　fancy；　a　wailing　imprecation　in　the　words　that　could　not　be　called　artificial；　it　might　begin　thus：…　（1）　Don't　use　a　noun　and　then　an　adjective　that　crosses　out　the　noun。　　An　adjective　qualifies；　it　cannot　contradict。　　Don't　say；　〃Give　me　a　patriotism　that　is　free　from　all　boundaries。〃　　It　is　like　saying；　〃Give　me　a　pork　pie　with　no　pork　in　it。〃　　Don't　say；　〃I　look　forward　to　that　larger　religion　that　shall　have　no　special　dogmas。〃　　It　is　like　saying；　〃I　look　forward　to　that　larger　quadruped　who　shall　have　no　feet。〃　　A　quadruped　means　something　with　four　feet；　and　a　religion　means　something　that　commits　a　man　to　some　doctrine　about　the　universe。　Don't　let　the　meek　substantive　be　absolutely　murdered　by　the　joyful；　exuberant　adjective。

（2）　Don't　say　you　are　not　going　to　say　a　thing；　and　then　say　it。　　This　practice　is　very　flourishing　and　successful　with　public　speakers。　　The　trick　consists　of　first　repudiating　a　certain　view　in　unfavourable　terms；　and　then　repeating　the　same　view　in　favourable　terms。　　Perhaps　the　simplest　form　of　it　may　be　found　in　a　landlord　of　my　neighbourhood；　who　said　to　his　tenants　in　an　election　speech；　〃Of　course　I'm　not　going　to　threaten　you；　but　if　this　Budget　passes　the　rents　will　go　up。〃　　The　thing　can　be　done　in　many　forms　besides　this。　　〃I　am　the　last　man　to　mention　party　politics；　but　when　I　see　the　Empire　rent　in　pieces　by　irresponsible　Radicals；〃　etc。　　〃In　this　hall　we　welcome　all　creeds。　　We　have　no　hostility　against　any　honest　belief；　but　only　against　that　black　priestcraft　and　superstition　which　can　accept　such　a　doctrine　as；〃　etc。　〃I　would　not　say　one　word　that　could　ruffle　our　relations　with　Germany。　But　this　I　will　say；　that　when　I　see　ceaseless　and　unscrupulous　armament；　〃　etc。　　Please　don't　do　it。　　Decide　to　make　a　remark　or　not　to　make　a　remark。　　But　don't　fancy　that　you　have　somehow　softened　the　saying　of　a　thing　by　having　just　promised　not　to　say　it。

（3）　Don't　use　secondary　words　as　primary　words。　　〃Happiness〃　（let　us　say）　is　a　primary　word。　You　know　when　you　have　the　thing；　and　you　jolly　well　know　when　you　haven't。　　〃Progress〃　is　a　secondary　word；　it　means　the　degree　of　one's　approach　to　happiness；　or　to　some　such　solid　ideal。　But　modern　controversies　constantly　turn　on　asking；　〃Does　Happiness　help　Progress？〃　　Thus；　I　see　in　the　New　Age　this　week　a　letter　from　Mr。　Egerton　Swann；　in　which　he　warns　the　world　against　me　and　my　friend　Mr。　Belloc；　on　the　ground　that　our　democracy　is　〃spasmodic〃　（whatever　that　means）；　while　our　〃reactionism　is　settled　and　permanent。〃　　It　never　strikes　Mr。　Swarm　that　democracy　means　something　in　itself；　while　〃reactionism〃　means　nothingexcept　in　connection　with　democracy。　　You　cannot　react　except　from　something。　　If　Mr。　Swann　thinks　I　have　ever　reacted　from　the　doctrine　that　the　people　should　rule；　I　wish　he　would　give　me　the　reference。

（4）　Don't　say；　〃There　is　no　true　creed；　for　each　creed　believes　itself　right　and　the　others　wrong。〃　　Probably　one　of　the　creeds　is　right　and　the　others　are　wrong。　　Diversity　does　show　that　most　of　the　views　must　be　wrong。　　It　does　not　by　the　faintest　logic　show　that　they　all　must　be　wrong。　　I　suppose　there　is　no　subject　on　which　opinions　differ　with　more　desperate　sincerity　than　about　which　horse　will　win　the　Derby。　　These　are　certainly　solemn　convictions；　men　risk　ruin　for　them。　　The　man　who　puts　his　shirt　on　Potosi　must　believe　in　that　animal；　and　each　of　the　other　men　putting　their　last　garments　upon　other　quadrupeds　must　believe　in　them　quite　as　sincerely。　　They　are　all　serious；　and　most　of　them　are　wrong。　　But　one　of　them　is　right。　　One　of　the　faiths　is　justified；　one　of　the　horses　does　win；　not　always　even　the　dark　horse　which　might　stand　for　Agnosticism；　but　often　the　obvious　and　popular　horse　of　Orthodoxy。　Democracy　has　its　occasional　victories；　and　even　the　Favourite　has　been　known　to　come　in　first。　But　the　point　here　is　that　something　comes　in　first。　　That　there　were　many　beliefs　does　not　destroy　the　fact　that　there　was　one　well…founded　belief。　　I　believe　（merely　upon　authority）　that　the　world　is　round。　　That　there　may　be　tribes　who　believe　it　to　be　triangular　or　oblong　does　not　alter　the　fact　that　it　is　certainly　some　shape；　and　therefore　not　any　other　shape。　　Therefore　I　repeat；　with　the　wail　of　imprecation；　don't　say　that　the　variety　of　creeds　prevents　you　from　accepting　any　creed。　　It　is　an　unintelligent　remark。

（5）　Don't　（if　any　one　calls　your　doctrine　mad；　which　is　likely　enough）；　don't　answer　that　madmen　are　only　the　minority　and　the　sane　only　the　majority。　　The　sane　are　sane　because　they　are　the　corporate　substance　of　mankind；　the　insane　are　not　a　minority　because　they　are　not　a　mob。　　The　man　who　thinks　himself　a　man　thinks　the　next　man　a　man；　he　reckons　his　neighbour　as　himself。　　But　the　man　who　thinks　he　is　a　chicken　does　not　try　to　look　through　the　man　who　thinks　he　is　glass。　　The　man　who　thinks　himself　Jesus　Christ　does　not　quarrel　with　the　man　who　thinks　himself　Rockefeller；　as　would　certainly　happen　if　the　two　had　ever　met。　　But　madmen　never　meet。　　It　is　the　only　thing　they　cannot　do。　　They　can　talk；　they　can　inspire；　they　can　fight；　they　can　found　religions；　but　they　cannot　meet。　　Maniacs　can　never　be　the　majority；　for　the　simple　reason　that　they　can　never　be　even　a　minority。　　If　two　madmen　had　ever　agreed　they　might　have　conquered　the　world。

（6）　Don't　say　that　the　idea　of　human　equality　is　absurd；　because　some　men　are　tall　and　some　short；　some　clever　and　some　stupid。　　At　the　height　of　the　French　Revolution　it　was　noticed　that　Danton　was　tall　and　Murat　short。　In　the　wildest　popular　excitement　of　America　it　is　known　that　Rockefeller　is　stupid　and　that　Bryan　is　clever。　　The　doctrine　of　human　equality　reposes　upon　this：　That　there　is　no　man　really　clever　who　has　not　found　that　he　is　stupid。　　That　there　is　no　big　man　who　has　not　felt　small。　　Some　men　never　feel　small；　but　these　are　the　few　men　who　are。


（7）　Don't　say　（O　don't　say）　that　Primitive　Man　knocked　down　a　woman　with　a　club　and　carried　her　away。　　Why　on　earth　should　he？　　Does　the　male　sparrow　knock　down　the　female　sparrow　with　a　twig？　　Does　the　male　giraffe　knock　down　the　female　giraffe　with　a　palm　tree？　　Why　should　the　male　have　had　to　use　any　violence　at　any　time　in　order　to　make　the　female　a　female？　Why　should　the　woman　roll　herself　in　the　mire　lower　than　the　sow　or　the　she…bear；　and　profess　to　have　been　a　slave　where　all　these　creatures　were　creators；　where　all　these　beasts　were　gods？　　Do　not　talk　such　bosh。　　I　implore　you；　I　supplicate　you　not　to　talk　such　bosh。　Utterly　and　absolutely　abolish　all　such　boshand　we　may　yet　begin　to　discuss　these　public　questions　properly。　　But　I　fear　my　list　of　protests　grows　too　long；　and　I　know　it　could　grow　longer　for　ever。　　The　reader　must　forgive　my　elongations　and　elaborations。　　I　fancied　for　the　moment　that　I　was　writing　a　book。





End