camille-第34部分

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ouch　a　pen。　Julie　Duprat；　who　is　looking　after　me；　lets　me　write　these　few　lines　to　you。　Will　you　not　come　back　before　I　die？　Is　it　all　over　between　us　forever？　It　seems　to　me　as　if　I　should　get　well　if　you　came。　What　would　be　the　good　of　getting　well？

January　28。

This　morning　I　was　awakened　by　a　great　noise。　Julie；　who　slept　in　my　room；　ran　into　the　dining…room。　I　heard　men's　voices；　and　hers　protesting　against　them　in　vain。　She　came　back　crying。

They　had　come　to　seize　my　things。　I　told　her　to　let　what　they　call　justice　have　its　way。　The　bailiff　came　into　my　room　with　his　hat　on。　He　opened　the　drawers；　wrote　down　what　he　saw；　and　did　not　even　seem　to　be　aware　that　there　was　a　dying　woman　in　the　bed　that　fortunately　the　charity　of　the　law　leaves　me。

He　said；　indeed；　before　going；　that　I　could　appeal　within　nine　days；　but　he　left　a　man　behind　to　keep　watch。　My　God！　what　is　to　become　of　me？　This　scene　has　made　me　worse　than　I　was　before。　Prudence　wanted　to　go　and　ask　your　father's　friend　for　money；　but　I　would　not　let　her。

I　received　your　letter　this　morning。　I　was　in　need　of　it。　Will　my　answer　reach　you　in　time？　Will　you　ever　see　me　again？　This　is　a　happy　day；　and　it　has　made　me　forget　all　the　days　I　have　passed　for　the　last　six　weeks。　I　seem　as　if　I　am　better；　in　spite　of　the　feeling　of　sadness　under　the　impression　of　which　I　replied　to　you。

After　all；　no　one　is　unhappy　always。

When　I　think　that　it　may　happen　to　me　not　to　die；　for　you　to　come　back；　for　me　to　see　the　spring　again；　for　you　still　to　love　me；　and　for　us　to　begin　over　again　our　last　year's　life！

Fool　that　I　am！　I　can　scarcely　hold　the　pen　with　which　I　write　to　you　of　this　wild　dream　of　my　heart。

Whatever　happens；　I　loved　you　well；　Armand；　and　I　would　have　died　long　ago　if　I　had　not　had　the　memory　of　your　love　to　help　me　and　a　sort　of　vague　hope　of　seeing　you　beside　me　again。

February　4。

The　Comte　de　G。　has　returned。　His　mistress　has　been　unfaithful　to　him。　He　is　very　sad；　he　was　very　fond　of　her。　He　came　to　tell　me　all　about　it。　The　poor　fellow　is　in　rather　a　bad　way　as　to　money；　all　the　same；　he　has　paid　my　bailiff　and　sent　away　the　man。

I　talked　to　him　about　you；　and　he　promised　to　tell　you　about　me。　I　forgot　that　I　had　been　his　mistress；　and　he　tried　to　make　me　forget　it；　too。　He　is　a　good　friend。

The　duke　sent　yesterday　to　inquire　after　me；　and　this　morning　he　came　to　see　me。　I　do　not　know　how　the　old　man　still　keeps　alive。　He　remained　with　me　three　hours　and　did　not　say　twenty　words。　Two　big　tears　fell　from　his　eyes　when　he　saw　how　pale　I　was。　The　memory　of　his　daughter's　death　made　him　weep；　no　doubt。　He　will　have　seen　her　die　twice。　His　back　was　bowed；　his　head　bent　toward　the　ground；　his　lips　drooping；　his　eyes　vacant。　Age　and　sorrow　weigh　with　a　double　weight　on　his　worn…out　body。　He　did　not　reproach　me。　It　looked　as　if　he　rejoiced　secretly　to　see　the　ravages　that　disease　had　made　in　me。　He　seemed　proud　of　being　still　on　his　feet；　while　I；　who　am　still　young；　was　broken　down　by　suffering。

The　bad　weather　has　returned。　No　one　comes　to　see　me。　Julie　watches　by　me　as　much　as　she　can。　Prudence；　to　whom　I　can　no　longer　give　as　much　as　I　used　to；　begins　to　make　excuses　for　not　coming。

Now　that　I　am　so　near　death；　in　spite　of　what　the　doctors　tell　me；　for　I　have　several；　which　proves　that　I　am　getting　worse；　I　am　almost　sorry　that　I　listened　to　your　father；　if　I　had　known　that　I　should　only　be　taking　a　year　of　your　future；　I　could　not　have　resisted　the　longing　to　spend　that　year　with　you；　and；　at　least；　I　should　have　died　with　a　friend　to　hold　my　hand。　It　is　true　that　if　we　had　lived　together　this　year；　I　should　not　have　died　so　soon。

God's　will　be　done！

February　5。

Oh；　come；　come；　Armand！　I　suffer　horribly；　I　am　going　to　die；　O　God！　I　was　so　miserable　yesterday　that　I　wanted　to　spend　the　evening；　which　seemed　as　if　it　were　going　to　be　as　long　as　the　last；　anywhere　but　at　home。　The　duke　came　in　the　morning。　It　seems　to　me　as　if　the　sight　of　this　old　man；　whom　death　has　forgotten；　makes　me　die　faster。

Despite　the　burning　fever　which　devoured　me；　I　made　them　dress　me　and　take　me　to　the　Vaudeville。　Julie　put　on　some　rouge　for　me；　without　which　I　should　have　looked　like　a　corpse。　I　had　the　box　where　I　gave　you　our　first　rendezvous。　All　the　time　I　had　my　eyes　fixed　on　the　stall　where　you　sat　that　day；　though　a　sort　of　country　fellow　sat　there；　laughing　loudly　at　all　the　foolish　things　that　the　actors　said。　I　was　half　dead　when　they　brought　me　home。　I　coughed　and　spat　blood　all　the　night。　To…day　I　can　not　speak；　I　can　scarcely　move　my　arm。　My　God！　My　God！　I　am　going　to　die！　I　have　been　expecting　it；　but　I　can　not　get　used　to　the　thought　of　suffering　more　than　I　suffer　now；　and　if

After　this　the　few　characters　traced　by　Marguerite　were　indecipherable；　and　what　followed　was　written　by　Julie　Duprat。

February　18。

MONSIEUR　ARMAND：

Since　the　day　that　Marguerite　insisted　on　going　to　the　theatre　she　has　got　worse　and　worse。　She　has　completely　lost　her　voice；　and　now　the　use　of　her　limbs。

What　our　poor　friend　suffers　is　impossible　to　say。　I　am　not　used　to　emotions　of　this　kind；　and　I　am　in　a　state　of　constant　fright。

How　I　wish　you　were　here！　She　is　almost　always　delirious；　but　delirious　or　lucid；　it　is　always　your　name　that　she　pronounces；　when　she　can　speak　a　word。

The　doctor　tells　me　that　she　is　not　here　for　long。　Since　she　got　so　ill　the　old　duke　has　not　returned。　He　told　the　doctor　that　the　sight　was　too　much　for　him。

Mme。　Duvernoy　is　not　behaving　well。　This　woman；　who　thought　she　could　get　more　money　out　of　Marguerite；　at　whose　expense　she　was　living　almost　completely；　has　contracted　liabilities　which　she　can　not　meet；　and　seeing　that　her　neighbour　is　no　longer　of　use　to　her；　she　does　not　even　come　to　see　her。　Everybody　is　abandoning　her。　M。　de　G。；　prosecuted　for　his　debts；　has　had　to　return　to　London。　On　leaving；　he　sent　us　more　money；　he　has　done　all　he　could；　but　they　have　returned　to　seize　the　things；　and　the　creditors　are　only　waiting　for　her　to　die　in　order　to　sell　everything。

I　wanted　to　use　my　last　resources　to　put　a　stop　to　it；　but　the　bailiff　told　me　it　was　no　use；　and　that　there　are　other　seizures　to　follow。　Since　she　must　die；　it　is　better　to　let　everything　go　than　to　save　it　for　her　family；　whom　she　has　never　cared　to　see；　and　who　have　never　cared　for　her。　You　can　not　conceive　in　the　midst　of　what　gilded　misery　the　poor　thing　is　dying。　Yesterday　we　had　absolutely　no　money。　Plate；　jewels；　shawls；　everything　is　in　pawn；　the　rest　is　sold　or　seized。　Marguerite　is　still　conscious　of　what　goes　on　around　her；　and　she　suffers　in　body；　mind；　and　heart。　Big　tears　trickle　down　her　cheeks；　so　thin　and　pale　that　you　would　never　recognise　the　face　of　her　whom　you　loved　so　much；　if　you　could　see　her。　She　has　made　me　promise　to　write　to　you　when　she　can　no　longer　write；　and　I　write　before　her。　She　turns　her　eyes　toward　me；　but　she　no　longer　sees　me；　her　eyes　are　already　veiled　by　the　coming　of　death；　yet　she　smiles；　and　all　her　thoughts；　all　her　soul　are　yours；　I　am　sure。

Every　time　the　door　opens　her　eyes　brighten；　and　she　thinks　you　are　going　to　come　in；　then；　when　she　sees　that　it　is　not　you；　her　face　resumes　its　sorrowful　expression；　a　cold　sweat　breaks　out　over　it；　and　her　cheek…bones　flush。

February　19；　midnight。

What　a　sad　day　we　have　had　to…day；　poor　M。　Armand！　This　morning　Marguerite　was　stifling；　the　doctor　bled　her；　and　her　voice　has　returned　to　her　a　while。　The　doctor　begged　her　to　see　a　priest。　She　said　〃Yes；〃　and　he　went　himself　to　fetch　an　abbe'　from　Saint　Roch。

Meanwhile　Marguerite　called　me　up　to　her　bed；　asked　me　to　open　a　cupboard；　and　pointed　out　a　cap　and　a　long　chemise　covered　with　lace；　and　said　in　a　feeble　voice：

〃I　shall　die　as　soon　as　I　have　confessed。　Then　you　will　dress　me　in　these　things；　it　is　the　whim　of　a　dying　woman。？

Then　she　embraced　me　with　tears　and　added：

〃I　can　speak；　but　I　am　stifled　when　I　speak；　I　am　stifling。　Air！〃

I　burst　into　tears；　opened　the　window；　and　a　few　minutes　afterward　the　priest　entered。　I　went　up　to　him；　when　he　knew　where　he　was；　he　seemed　afraid　of　being　badly　received。

〃Come　in　boldly；　father；〃　I　said　to　him。

He　stayed　a　very　short　time　in　the　room；　and　when　he　came　out　he　said　to　me：

〃She　lived　a　sinner；　and　she　will　die　a　Christian。〃

A　few　minutes　afterward　he　returned　with　a　choir　boy　bearing　a　crucifix；　and　a　sacristan　who　went　before　them　ringing　the　bell　to　announce　that　God　was　coming　to　the　dying　one。

They　went　all　three　into　the　bed…room　where　so　many　strange　words　have　been　said；　but　was　now　a　sort　of　holy　tabernacle。

I　fell　on　my　knees。　I　do　not　know　how　long　the　impression　of　what　I　saw　will　last；　but　I　do　not　think　that；　till　my　turn　comes；　any　human　thing　can　make　so　deep　an　impression　on　me。

The　priest　anointed　with　holy　oil　the　feet　and　hands　and　forehead　of　the　dying　woman；　repeated　a　short　prayer；　and　Marguerite　was　ready　to　set　out　for　the　heaven　to　which　I　doubt　not　she　will　go；　if　God　has　seen　the　ordeal　of　her　life　and　the　sanctity　of　her　death。

Since　then　she　has　not　said　a　word　or　made　a　movement。　Twenty　times　I　should　have　thought　her　dead　if　I　had　not　heard　her　breathing　painfully。

February　20；　5　P。M。

All　is　over。

Marguerite　fell　into　her　last　agony　at　about　two　o'clock。　Never　did　a　martyr　suffer　such　torture；　to　judge　by　the　cries　she　uttered。　Two　or　three　times　she　sat　upright　in　the　bed；　as　if　she　would　hold　on　to　her　life；　which　was　escaping　toward　God。

Two　or　three　times　also　she　said　your　name；　then　all　was　silent；　and　she　fell　back　on　the　bed　exhausted。　Silent　tears　flowed　from　her　eyes；　and　she　was　dead。

Then　I　went　up　to　her；　I　called　her；　and　as　she　did　not　answer　I　closed　her　eyes　and　kissed　her　on　the　forehead。

Poor；　dear　Marguerite；　I　wish　I　were　a　holy　woman　that　my　kiss　might　recommend　you　to　God。

Then　I　dressed　her　as　she　had　asked　me　to　do。　I　went　to　find　a　priest　at　Saint　Roch；　I　burned　two　candles　for　her；　and　I　prayed　in　the　church　for　an　hour。

I　gave　the　money　she　left　to　the　poor。

I　do　not　know　much　about　religion；　but　I　think　that　God　will　know　that　my　tears　were　genuine；　my　prayers　fervent；　my　alms…giving　sincere；　and　that　he