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youth-第10部分

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thought to myself in my dejection and disillusionment; 〃I cannot

be quite grown…up if I cannot smoke as other fellows do; and

should be fated never to hold a chibouk between my first and

second fingers; or to inhale and puff smoke through a flaxen

moustache!〃



When Dimitri called for me at five o'clock; he found me in this

unpleasant predicament。 After drinking a glass of water; however;

I felt nearly recovered; and ready to go with him。



〃So much for your trying to smoke!〃 said he as he gazed at the

remnants of my debauch。 〃It is a silly thing to do; and waste of

money as well。 I long ago promised myself never to smoke。 But

come along; we have to call for Dubkoff。〃



XIV



HOW WOLODA AND DUBKOFF AMUSED THEMSELVES



THE moment that Dimitri entered my room I perceived from his

face; manner of walking; and the signs which; in him; denoted

ill…humoura blinking of the eyes and a grim holding of his head

to one side; as though to straighten his collarthat he was in

the coldly…correct frame of mind which was his when he felt

dissatisfied with himself。 It was a frame of mind; too; which

always produced a chilling effect upon my feelings towards him。

Of late I had begun to observe and appraise my friend's character

a little more; but our friendship had in no way suffered from

that; since it was still too young and strong for me to be able

to look upon Dimitri as anything but perfect; no matter in what

light I regarded him。 In him there were two personalities; both

of which I thought beautiful。 One; which I loved devotedly; was

kind; mild; forgiving; gay; and conscious of being those various

things。 When he was in this frame of mind his whole exterior; the

very tone of his voice; his every movement; appeared to say: 〃I

am kind and good…natured; and rejoice in being so; and every one

can see that I so rejoice。〃 The other of his two personalities

one which I had only just begun to apprehend; and before the

majesty of which I bowed in spiritwas that of a man who was

cold; stern to himself and to others; proud; religious to the

point of fanaticism; and pedantically moral。 At the present

moment he was; as I say; this second personality。



With that frankness which constituted a necessary condition of

our relations I told him; as soon as we entered the drozhki; how

much it depressed and hurt me to see him; on this my fete…day in

a frame of mind so irksome and disagreeable to me。



〃What has upset you so?〃 I asked him。 〃Will you not tell me?〃



〃My dear Nicolas;〃 was his slow reply as he gave his head a

nervous twitch to one side and blinked his eyes; 〃since I have

given you my word never to conceal anything from you; you have no

reason to suspect me of secretiveness。 One cannot always be in

exactly the same mood; and if I seem at all put out; that is all

there is to say about it。〃



〃What a marvellously open; honourable character his is!〃 I

thought to myself; and dropped the subject。



We drove the rest of the way to Dubkoff's in silence。 Dubkoff's

flat was an unusually fine oneor; at all events; so it seemed

to me。 Everywhere were rugs; pictures; gardenias; striped

hangings; photographs; and curved settees; while on the walls

hung guns; pistols; pouches; and the mounted heads of wild

beasts。 It was the appearance of this apartment which made me

aware whom; it was that Woloda had imitated in the scheme of his

own sitting…room。 We found Dubkoff and Woloda engaged in cards;

while seated also at the table; and watching the game with close

attention; was a gentleman whom I did not know; but who appeared

to be of no great importance; judging by the modesty of his

attitude。 Dubkoff himself was in a silk dressing…gown and soft

slippers; while Wolodaseated opposite him on a divanwas in his

shirtsleeves; as well as (to judge by his flushed face and the

impatient; cursory glance which he gave us for a second as he

looked up from the cards) much taken up with the game。 On seeing

me; he reddened still more。



〃Well; it is for you to deal;〃 he remarked to Dubkoff。 In an

instant I divined that he did not altogether relish my becoming

acquainted with the fact that he gambled。 Yet his expression had

nothing in it of confusiononly a look which seemed to me to say:

〃Yes; I play cards; and if you are surprised at that; it is only

because you are so young。 There is nothing wrong about itit is

a necessity at our age。〃 Yes; I at once divined and understood

that。



Instead of dealing; however; Dubkoff rose and shook hands with

us; after which he bade us both be seated; and then offered us

pipes; which we declined。



〃Here is our DIPLOMAT; thenthe hero of the day!〃 he said to me;

〃Good Lord! how you look like a colonel!〃



〃H…m!〃 I muttered in reply; though once more feeling a complacent

smile overspread my countenance。



I stood in that awe of Dubkoff which a sixteen…year…old boy

naturally feels for a twenty…seven…year…old man of whom his

elders say that he is a very clever young man who can dance well

and speak French; and who; though secretly despising one's youth;

endeavours to conceal the fact。 Yet; despite my respect for him;

I somehow found it difficult and uncomfortable; throughout my

acquaintanceship with him; to look him in the eyes; I have since

remarked that there are three kinds of men whom I cannot face

easily; namely those who are much better than myself; those who

are much worse; and those between whom and myself there is a

mutual determination not to mention some particular thing of

which we are both aware。 Dubkoff may have been a much better

fellow than myself; or he may have been a much worse; but the

point was that he lied very frequently without recognising the

fact that I was aware of his doing so; yet had determined not to

mention it。



〃Let us play another round;〃 said Woloda; hunching one shoulder

after the manner of Papa; and reshuffling the cards。



〃How persistent you are!〃 said Dubkoff。 〃We can play all we want

to afterwards。 Well; one more round; then。〃



During the play; I looked at their hands。 Woloda's hands were

large and red; whilst in the crook of the thumb and the way in

which the other fingers curved themselves round the cards as he

held them they so exactly resembled Papa's that now and then I

could not help thinking that Woloda purposely held the cards thus

so as to look the more like a grownup。 Yet the next moment;

looking at his face; I could see that he had not a thought in his

mind beyond the game。 Dubkoff's hands; on the contrary; were

small; puffy; and inclined to clench themselves; as well as

extremely neat and small…fingered。 They were just the kind of

hands which generally display rings; and which are most to be

seen on persons who are both inclined to use them and fond of

objets de vertu。



Woloda must have lost; for the gentleman who was watching the

play remarked that Vladimir Petrovitch had terribly bad luck;

while Dubkoff reached for a note book; wrote something in it; and

then; showing Woloda what he had written; said:



〃Is that right?〃



〃Yes。〃 said Woloda; glancing with feigned carelessness at the

note book。 〃Now let us go。〃



Woloda took Dubkoff; and I gave Dimitri a lift in my drozhki。



〃What were they playing at?〃 I inquired of Dimitri。



〃At piquet。 It is a stupid game。 In fact; all such games are

stupid。〃



〃And were they playing for much?〃



〃No; not very much; but more than they ought to。〃



〃Do you ever play yourself?〃



〃No; I swore never to do so; but Dubkoff will play with any one

he can get hold of。〃



〃He ought not to do that;〃 I remarked。 〃So Woloda does not play

so well as he does?〃



〃Perhaps Dubkoff ought not to; as you say; yet there is nothing

especially bad about it all。 He likes playing; and plays well;

but he is a good fellow all the same。〃



〃I had no idea of this;〃 I said。



〃We must not think ill of him;〃 concluded Dimitri; 〃since he is a

simply splendid fellow。 I like him very much; and always shall

like him; in spite of his weakness。〃



For some reason or another the idea occurred to me that; just

BECAUSE Dimitri stuck up so stoutly for Dubkoff; he neither liked

nor respected him in reality; but was determined; out of

stubbornness and a desire not to be accused of inconstancy; never

to own to the fact。 He was one of those people who love their

friends their life long; not so much because those friends remain

always dear to them; as because; having oncepossibly

mistakenlyliked a person; they look upon it as dishonourable to

cease ever to do so。



XV



I AM FETED AT DINNER



Dubkoff and Woloda knew every one at the restaurant by name; and

every one; from the waiters to the proprietor; paid them great

respect。 No time was lost in allotting us a private room; where a

bottle of iced champagne…upon which I tried to look with as much

indifference as I couldstood ready waiting for us; and where we

were served with a most wonderful repast selected by Dubkoff from

the French menu。 The meal went off most gaily and agreeably;

notwithstanding that Dubkoff; as usual; told us blood…curdling

tales of doubtful veracity (among others; a tale of how his

grandmother once shot dead three robbers who were attacking her

a recital at which I blushed; closed my eyes; and turned away

from the narrator); and that Woloda reddened visibly whenever I

opened my mouth to speakwhich was the more uncalled for on his

part; seeing that never once; so far as I can remember; did I say

anything shameful。 After we had been given champagne; every one

congratulated me; and I drank 〃hands across〃 with Dimitri and

Dubkoff; and wished them joy。 Since; however; I did not know to

whom the bottle of champagne belonged (it was explained to me

later that it was common property); I considered that; in return;

I ought to treat my friends out of the money which I had never
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