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I　ought　to　treat　my　friends　out　of　the　money　which　I　had　never

ceased　to　finger　in　my　pocket。　Accordingly；　I　stealthily　extracted

a　ten…rouble　note；　and；　beckoning　the　waiter　to　my　side；　handed

him　the　money；　and　told　him　in　a　whisper　（yet　not　so　softly　but

that　every　one　could　hear　me；　seeing　that　every　one　was　staring

at　me　in　dead　silence）　to　〃bring；　if　you　please；　a　half…bottle　of

champagne。〃　At　this　Woloda　reddened　again；　and　began　to　fidget　so

violently；　and　to　gaze　upon　myself　and　every　one　else　with　such　a

distracted　air；　that　I　felt　sure　I　had　somehow　put　my　foot　in　it。

However；　the　half…bottle　came；　and　we　drank　it　with　great　gusto。

After　that；　things　went　on　merrily。　Dubkoff　continued　his

unending　fairy　tales；　while　Woloda　also　told　funny　storiesand

told　them　well；　tooin　a　way　I　should　never　have　credited　him：　so

that　our　laughter　rang　long　and　loud。　Their　best　efforts　lay　in

imitation；　and　in　variants　of　a　certain　well…known　saw。　〃Have　you

ever　been　abroad？〃　one　would　say　to　the　other；　for　instance。

〃No；〃　the　one　interrogated　would　reply；　〃but　my　brother　plays　the

fiddle。〃　Such　perfection　had　the　pair　attained　in　this　species　of

comic　absurdity　that　they　could　answer　any　question　by　its　means；

while　they　would　also　endeavour　to　unite　two　absolutely

unconnected　matters　without　a　previous　question　having　been　asked

at　all；　yet　say　everything　with　a　perfectly　serious　face　and

produce　a　most　comic　effect。　I　too　began　to　try　to　be　funny；　but

as　soon　as　ever　I　spoke　they　either　looked　at　me　askance　or　did

not　look　at　me　until　I　had　finished：　so　that　my　anecdotes　fell

flat。　Yet；　though　Dubkoff　always　remarked；　〃Our　DIPLOMAT　is

lying；　brother；〃　I　felt　so　exhilarated　with　the　champagne　and　the

company　of　my　elders　that　the　remark　scarcely　touched　me。　Only

Dimitri；　though　he　drank　level　with　the　rest　of　us；　continued　in

the　same　severe；　serious　frame　of　minda　fact　which　put　a

certain　check　upon　the　general　hilarity。



〃Now；　look　here；　gentlemen；〃　said　Dubkoff　at　last。　〃After　dinner

we　ought　to　take　the　DIPLOMAT　in　hand。　How　would　it　be　for　him　to

go　with　us　to　see　Auntie？　There　we　could　put　him　through　his

paces。〃



〃Ah；　but　Nechludoff　will　not　go　there；〃　objected　Woloda。



〃O　unbearable；　insupportable　man　of　quiet　habits　that　you　are！〃

cried　Dubkoff；　turning　to　Dimitri。　〃Yet　come　with　us；　and　you

shall　see　what　an　excellent　lady　my　dear　Auntie　is。〃



〃I　will　neither　go　myself　nor　let　him　go；〃　replied　Dimitri。



〃Let　whom　go？　The　DIPLOMAT？　Why；　you　yourself　saw　how　he

brightened　up　at　the　very　mention　of　Auntie。〃



〃It　is　not　so　much　that　I　WILL　NOT　LET　HIM　go；〃　continued

Dimitri；　rising　and　beginning　to　pace　the　room　without　looking　at

me；　〃as　that　I　neither　wish　him　nor　advise　him　to　go。　He　is　not　a

child　now；　and　if　he　must　go　he　can　go　alonewithout　you。　Surely

you　are　ashamed　of　this；　Dubkoff？ashamed　of　always　wanting

others　to　do　all　the　wrong　things　that　you　yourself　do？〃



〃But　what　is　there　so　very　wrong　in　my　inviting　you　all　to　come

and　take　a　cup　of　tea　with　my　Aunt？〃　said　Dubkoff；　with　a　wink　at

Woloda。　〃If　you　don't　like　us　going；　it　is　your　affair；　yet　we

are　going　all　the　same。　Are　you　coming；　Woloda？〃



〃Yes；　yes；〃　assented　Woloda。　〃We　can　go　there；　and　then　return　to

my　rooms　and　continue　our　piquet。〃



〃Do　you　want　to　go　with　them　or　not？〃　said　Dimitri；　approaching

me。



〃No；〃　I　replied；　at　the　same　time　making　room　for　him　to　sit　down

beside　me　on　the　divan。　〃I　did　not　wish　to　go　in　any　case；　and

since　you　advise　me　not　to；　nothing　on　earth　will　make　me　go　now。

Yet；〃　I　added　a　moment　later；　〃I　cannot　honestly　say　that　I　have

NO　desire　to　go。　All　I　say　is　that　I　am　glad　I　am　not　going。〃



〃That　is　right；〃　he　said。　〃Live　your　own　life；　and　do　not　dance

to　any　one's　piping。　That　is　the　better　way。〃



This　little　tiff　not　only　failed　to　mar　our　hilarity；　but　even

increased　it。　Dimitri　suddenly　reverted　to　the　kindly　mood　which

I　loved　bestso　great　（as　I　afterwards　remarked　on　more　than　one

occasion）　was　the　influence　which　the　consciousness　of　having

done　a　good　deed　exercised　upon　him。　At　the　present　moment　the

source　of　his　satisfaction　was　the　fact　that　he　had　stopped　my

expedition　to　〃Auntie's。〃　He　grew　extraordinarily　gay；　called　for

another　bottle　of　champagne　（which　was　against　his　rules）；

invited　some　one　who　was　a　perfect　stranger　into　our　room；　plied

him　with　wine；　sang　〃Gaudeamus　igitur；〃　requested　every　one　to

join　him　in　the　chorus；　and　proposed　that　we　should　and　rink　at

the　Sokolniki。　＇Mews。＇



〃Let　us　enjoy　ourselves　to…night；〃　he　said　with　a　laugh。　〃It　is

in　honour　of　his　matriculation　that　you　now　see　me　getting　drunk

for　the　first　time　in　my　life。〃



Yet　somehow　this　merriment　sat　ill　upon　him。　He　was　like　some

good…natured　father　or　tutor　who　is　pleased　with　his　young

charges；　and　lets　himself　go　for　their　amusement；　yet　at　the　same

time　tries　to　show　them　that　one　can　enjoy　oneself　decently　and

in　an　honourable　manner。　However；　his　unexpected　gaiety　had　an

infectious　influence　upon　myself　and　my　companions；　and　the　more

so　because　each　of　us　had　now　drunk　about　half　a　bottle　of

champagne。



It　was　in　this　pleasing　frame　of　mind　that　I　went　out　into　the

main　salon　to　smoke　a　cigarette　which　Dubkoff　had　given　me。　In

rising　I　noticed　that　my　head　seemed　to　swim　a　little；　and　that

my　legs　and　arms　retained　their　natural　positions　only　when　I

bent　my　thoughts　determinedly　upon　them。　At　other　moments　my　legs

would　deviate　from　the　straight　line；　and　my　arms　describe

strange　gestures。　I　concentrated　my　whole　attention　upon　the

members　in　question；　forced　my　hands　first　to　raise　themselves

and　button　my　tunic；　and　then　to　smooth　my　hair　（though　they

ruffled　my　locks　in　doing　so）；　and　lastly　commanded　my　legs　to

march　me　to　the　doora　function　which　they　duly　performed；

though　at　one　time　with　too　much　reluctance；　and　at　another　with

too　much　ABANDON　（the　left　leg；　in　particular；　coming　to　a　halt

every　moment　on　tiptoe）。　Some　one　called　out　to　me；　〃Where　are

you　going　to？　They　will　bring　you　a　cigar…light　directly；〃　but　I

guessed　the　voice　to　be　Woloda's；　and；　feeling　satisfied；

somehow；　that　I　had　succeeded　in　divining　the　fact；　merely　smiled

airily　in　reply；　and　continued　on　my　way。



XVI



THE　QUARREL



In　the　main　salon　I　perceived　sitting　at　a　small　table　a　short；

squat　gentleman　of　the　professional　type。　He　had　a　red　moustache；

and　was　engaged　in　eating　something　or　another；　while　by　his　side

sat　a　tall；　clean…shaven　individual　with　whom　he　was　carrying　on

a　conversation　in　French。　Somehow　the　aspect　of　these　two　persons

displeased　me；　yet　I　decided；　for　all　that；　to　light　my　cigarette

at　the　candelabrum　which　was　standing　before　them。　Looking　from

side　to　side；　to　avoid　meeting　their　gaze；　I　approached　the

table；　and　applied　my　cigarette　to　the　flame。　When　it　was　fairly

alight；　I　involuntarily　threw　a　glance　at　the　gentleman　who　was

eating；　and　found　his　grey　eyes　fixed　upon　me　with　an　expression

of　intense　displeasure。　Just　as　I　was　turning　away　his　red

moustache　moved　a　little；　and　he　said　in　French：



〃I　do　not　like　people　to　smoke　when　I　am　dining；　my　good　sir。〃



I　murmured　something　inaudible。



〃No；　I　do　not　like　it　at　all；〃　he　went　on　sternly；　and　with　a

glance　at　his　clean…shaven　companion；　as　though　inviting　him　to

admire　the　way　in　which　he　was　about　to　deal　with　me。　〃I　do　not

like　it；　my　good　sir；　nor　do　I　like　people　who　have　the　impudence

to　puff　their　smoke　up　one's　very　nose。〃



By　this　time　I　had　gathered　that　it　was　myself　he　was　scolding；

and　at　first　felt　as　though　I　had　been　altogether　in　the　wrong；



〃I　did　not　mean　to　inconvenience　you；〃　I　said。



〃Well；　if　you　did　not　suppose　you　were　being　impertinent；　at

least　I　did！　You　are　a　cad；　young　sir！〃　he　shouted　in　reply。



〃But　what　right　have　you　to　shout　at　me　like　that？〃　I　exclaimed；

feeling　that　it　was　now　HE　that　was　insulting　ME；　and　growing

angry　accordingly。



〃This　much　right；〃　he　replied；　〃that　I　never　allow　myself　to　be

overlooked　by　any　one；　and　that　I　always　teach　young　fellows　like

yourself　their　manners。　What　is　your　name；　young　sir；　and　where

do　you　live？〃



At　this　I　felt　so　hurt　that　my　teeth　chattered；　and　I　felt　as

though　I　were　choking。　Yet　all　the　while　I　was　conscious　of　being

in　the　wrong；　and　so；　instead　of　offering　any　further　rudeness　to

the　offended　one；　humbly　told　him　my　name　and　address。



〃And　MY　name；　young　sir；〃　he　returned；　〃is　Kolpikoff；　and　I　will

trouble　you　to　be　more　polite　to　me　in　future。However；　You　will

hear　from　me　again〃　（〃vous　aurez　de　mes　nouvelles〃the

conversation　had　been　carried　on　wholly　in　French）；　was　his

concluding　remark。



To　this　I　replied；　〃I　shall　be　delighted；〃　with　an　infusion　of　as

much　hauteur　as　I　could　muster　into　my　tone。　Then；　turning　on　my

heel；　I　returned　with　my　cigarettewhich　had　meanwhile　gone　out

to　our　own　room。



I　said　nothing；　either　to　my　brother　or　my　friends；　about　what

had　happened　（and　the　more　so　because　they　were　at　that　moment

engaged　in　a　dispute　of　their　own）；　but　sat　down　in　a　corner　to

think　over　the　strange　affair。　The　words；　〃You　are　a　cad；　young

sir；〃　vexed　me　more　and　more　the　longer　that　they　sounded　in　my

ears。　My　tipsiness　was　gone　now；　and；　in　considering　my　conduct

during　the　dispute；　the　uncomfortable　thought　came　over　me　that　I

had　behaved　like　a　coward。



〃Yet　what　right　had　he　to　attack　me？〃　I　reflected。　〃Why　did　he

not　simply　intimate　to　me　that　I　was　annoying　him？　After　all；　it

may　have　been　he　that　was　in　the　wrong。　Why；　too；　when　he　called

me　a　young　cad；　did　I　not　say　to　him；　'A　cad；　my　good　sir；　is　one

who　takes　offence'？　Or　why　did　I　not　simply　tell　him　to　hold　his

tongue？　That　would　have　been　the　better　course。　Or　why　did　I　not

challenge　him　to　a　duel？　No；　I　did　none　of　those　things