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youth-第19部分

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contented; and have occupations which interest you; while; on the

other hand; your wife may be too weak to superintend the

household work (which; in consequence; will be left to the

servants); or to look after the children (who; in consequence;

will be left to the nurses); or to put her heart into any work

whatsoever: and all because she loves nobody and nothing but

yourself。 She may be patently ill; yet she will say not a word to

you about it; for fear of distressing you。 She may be patently

ennuyee; yet for your sake she will be prepared to be so for the

rest of her life。 She may be patently depressed because you stick

so persistently to your occupations (whether sport; books;

farming; state service; or anything else) and see clearly that

they are doing you harm; yet; for all that; she will keep

silence; and suffer it to be so。 Yet; should you but fall sick

and; despite her own ailments and your prayers that she will not

distress herself in vain; your loving wife will remain sitting

inseparably by your bedside。 Every moment you will feel her

sympathetic gaze resting upon you and; as it were; saying:

〃There! I told you so; but it is all one to me; and I shall not

leave you。〃 In the morning you maybe a little better; and move

into another room。 The room; however; will be insufficiently

warmed or set in order; the soup which alone you feel you could

eat will not have been cooked; nor will any medicine have been

sent for。 Yet; though worn out with night watching; your loving

wife will continue to regard you with an expression of sympathy;

to walk about on tiptoe; and to whisper unaccustomed and obscure

orders to the servants。 You may wish to be read toand your

loving wife will tell you with a sigh that she feels sure you

will be unable to hear her reading; and only grow angry at her

awkwardness in doing it; wherefore you had better not be read to

at all。 You may wish to walk about the roomand she will tell you

that it would be far better for you not to do so。 You may wish to

talk with some friends who have calledand she will tell you that

talking is not good for you。 At nightfall the fever may come upon

you again; and you may wish to be left alone whereupon your

loving wife; though wasted; pale; and full of yawns; will go on

sitting in a chair opposite you; as dusk falls; until her very

slightest movement; her very slightest sound; rouses you to

feelings of anger and impatience。 You may have a servant who has

lived with you for twenty years; and to whom you are attached;

and who would tend you well and to your satisfaction during the

night; for the reason that he has been asleep all day and is;

moreover; paid a salary for his services; yet your wife will not

suffer him to wait upon you。 No; everything she must do herself

with her weak; unaccustomed fingers (of which you follow the

movements with suppressed irritation as those pale members do

their best to uncork a medicine bottle; to snuff a candle; to

pour out physic; or to touch you in a squeamish sort of way)。 If

you are an impatient; hasty sort of man; and beg of her to leave

the room; you will hear by the vexed; distressed sounds which

come from her that she is humbly sobbing and weeping behind the

door; and whispering foolishness of some kind to the servant。

Finally if you do not die; your loving wifewho has not slept

during the whole three weeks of your illness (a fact of which she

will constantly remind you)will fall ill in her turn; waste

away; suffer much; and become even more incapable of any useful

pursuit than she was before; while by the time that you have

regained your normal state of health she will express to you her

self…sacrificing affection only by shedding around you

a kind of benignant dullness which involuntarily communicates

itself both to yourself and to every one else in your vicinity。



The third kind of lovepractical loveconsists of a yearning to

satisfy every need; every desire; every caprice; nay; every vice;

of the being beloved。 People who love thus always love their life

long; since; the more they love; the more they get to know the

object beloved; and the easier they find the task of loving it

that is to say; of satisfying its desires。 Their love seldom

finds expression in words; but if it does so; it expresses itself

neither with assurance nor beauty; but rather in a shamefaced;

awkward manner; since people of this kind invariably have

misgivings that they are loving unworthily。 People of this kind

love even the faults of their adored one; for the reason that

those faults afford them the power of constantly satisfying new

desires。 They look for their affection to be returned; and even

deceive themselves into believing that it is returned; and are

happy accordingly: yet in the reverse case they will still

continue to desire happiness for their beloved one; and try by

every means in their powerwhether moral or material; great or

smallto provide it。



Such practical love it waslove for her nephew; for her niece;

for her sister; for Lubov Sergievna; and even for myself; because

I loved Dimitrithat shone in the eyes; as well as in the every

word and movement; of Sophia Ivanovna。



Only long afterwards did I learn to value her at her true worth。

Yet even now the question occurred to me: 〃What has made Dimitri

who throughout has tried to understand love differently to other

young fellows; and has always had before his eyes the gentle;

loving Sophia Ivanovnasuddenly fall so deeply in love with the

incomprehensible Lubov Sergievna; and declare that in his aunt he

can only find good QUALITIES? Verily it is a true saying that 'a

prophet hath no honour in his own country。' One of two things:

either every man has in him more of bad than of good; or every

man is more receptive to bad than to good。 Lubov Sergievna he has

not known for long; whereas his aunt's love he has known since

the day of his birth。〃



XXV



I BECOME BETTER ACQUAINTED WITH THE NECHLUDOFFS



WHEN I returned to the verandah; I found that they were not

talking of me at all; as I had anticipated。 On the contrary;

Varenika had laid aside the book; and was engaged in a heated

dispute with Dimitri; who; for his part; was walking up and down

the verandah; and frowningly adjusting his neck in his collar as

he did so。 The subject of the quarrel seemed to be Ivan

Yakovlevitch and superstition; but it was too animated a

difference for its underlying cause not to be something which

concerned the family much more nearly。 Although the Princess and

Lubov Sergievna were sitting by in silence; they were following

every word; and evidently tempted at times to take part in the

dispute; yet always; just when they were about to speak; they

checked themselves; and left the field clear for the two

principles; Dimitri and Varenika。 On my entry; the latter glanced

at me with such an indifferent air that I could see she was

wholly absorbed in the quarrel and did not care whether she spoke

in my presence or not。 The Princess too looked the same; and was

clearly on Varenika's side; while Dimitri began; if anything; to

raise his voice still more when I appeared; and Lubov Sergievna;

for her part; observed to no one in particular: 〃Old people are

quite right when they say; 'Si jeunesse savait; si vieillesse

pouvait。'〃



Nevertheless this quotation did not check the dispute; though it

somehow gave me the impression that the side represented by the

speaker and her friend was in the wrong。 Although it was a little

awkward for me to be present at a petty family difference; the

fact that the true relations of the family revealed themselves

during its progress; and that my presence did nothing to hinder

that revelation; afforded me considerable gratification。



How often it happens that for years one sees a family cover

themselves over with a conventional cloak of decorum; and

preserve the real relations of its members a secret from every

eye! How often; too; have I remarked that; the more impenetrable

(and therefore the more decorous) is the cloak; the harsher are

the relations which it conceals! Yet; once let some unexpected

questionoften a most trivial one (the colour of a woman's hair;

a visit; a man's horses; and so forth)arise in that family

circle; and without any visible cause there will also arise an

ever…growing difference; until in time the cloak of decorum

becomes unequal to confining the quarrel within due bounds; and;

to the dismay of the disputants and the astonishment of the

auditors; the real and ill…adjusted relations of the family are

laid bare; and the cloak; now useless for concealment; is bandied

from hand to hand among the contending factions until it serves

only to remind one of the years during which it successfully

deceived one's perceptions。 Sometimes to strike one's head

violently against a ceiling hurts one less than just to graze

some spot which has been hurt and bruised before: and in almost

every family there exists some such raw and tender spot。 In the

Nechludoff family that spot was Dimitri's extraordinary affection

for Lubov Sergievna; which aroused in the mother and sister; if

not a jealous feeling; at all events a sense of hurt family

pride。 This was the grave significance which underlay; for all

those present; the seeming dispute about Ivan Yakovlevitch and

superstition。



〃In anything that other people deride and despise you invariably

profess to see something extraordinarily good!〃 Varenika was

saying in her clear voice; as she articulated each syllable with

careful precision。



〃Indeed?〃 retorted Dimitri with an impatient toss of his head。

〃Now; in the first place; only a most unthinking person could

ever speak of DESPISING such a remarkable man as Ivan

Yakovlevitch; while; in the second place; it is YOU who

invariably profess to see nothing good in what confronts you。〃



Meanwhile Sophia Ivanovna kept
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