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youth-第25部分

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the Russian word blagorodni for the reason that the former has a

different meaning to the latteras the Germans well understood

when they adopted noble as nobel and differentiated it from

ehrlich); next; to be strenuous; and lastly; to be what I was

already inclined to be; namely; comme il faut。 I even tried to

approximate my appearance and bearing to that of the heroes who

possessed these qualities。 In particular I remember how in one of

the hundred or so novels which I read that summer there was a

very strenuous hero with heavy eyebrows; and that I so greatly

wished to resemble him (I felt that I did so already from a moral

point of view) that one day; when looking at my eyebrows in the

glass; I conceived the idea of clipping them; in order to make

them grow bushier。 Unfortunately; after I had started to do so; I

happened to clip one spot rather shorter than the rest; and so

had to level down the rest to it…with the result that; to my

horror; I beheld myself eyebrow…less; and anything but

presentable。 However; I comforted myself with the reflection that

my eyebrows would soon sprout again as bushy as my hero's; and

was only perplexed to think how I could explain the circumstance

to the household when they next perceived my eyebrow…less

condition。 Accordingly I borrowed some gunpowder from Woloda;

rubbed it on my temples; and set it alight。 The powder did not

fire properly; but I succeeded in singeing myself sufficiently to

avert all suspicion of my pranks。 And; indeed; afterwards; when I

had forgotten all about my hero; my eyebrows grew again; and much

thicker than they had been before。



XXXI



〃COMME IL FAUT〃



SEVERAL times in the course of this narrative I have hinted at an

idea corresponding to the above French heading; and now feel it

incumbent upon me to devote a whole chapter to that idea; which

was one of the most ruinous; lying notions which ever became

engrafted upon my life by my upbringing and social milieu。



The human race may be divided into several categoriesrich and

poor; good and bad; military and civilian; clever and stupid; and

so forth; and so forth。 Yet each man has his own favourite;

fundamental system of division which he unconsciously uses to

class each new person with whom he meets。 At the time of which I

am speaking; my own favourite; fundamental system of division in

this respect was into people 〃comme il faut〃 and people 〃comme il

ne faut pas〃the latter subdivided; again; into people merely not

〃comme il faut〃 and the lower orders。 People 〃comme il faut〃 I

respected; and looked upon as worthy to consort with me as my

equals; the second of the above categories I pretended merely to

despise; but in reality hated; and nourished towards them a kind

of feeling of offended personality; while the third category had

no existence at all; so far as I was concerned; since my contempt

for them was too complete。 This 〃comme il faut〃…ness of mine lay;

first and foremost; in proficiency in French; especially

conversational French。 A person who spoke that language badly at

once aroused in me a feeling of dislike。 〃Why do you try to talk

as we do when you haven't a notion how to do it?〃 I would seem to

ask him with my most venomous and quizzing smile。 The second

condition of 〃comme il faut〃…ness was long nails that were well

kept and clean; the third; ability to bow; dance; and converse;

the fourthand a very important oneindifference to everything;

and a constant air of refined; supercilious ennui。 Moreover;

there were certain general signs which; I considered; enabled me

to tell; without actually speaking to a man; the class to which

he belonged。 Chief among these signs (the others being the

fittings of his rooms; his gloves; his handwriting; his turn…out;

and so forth) were his feet。 The relation of boots to trousers

was sufficient to determine; in my eyes; the social status of a

man。 Heelless boots with angular toes; wedded to narrow;

unstrapped trouser…endsthese denoted the vulgarian。 Boots with

narrow; round toes and heels; accompanied either by tight

trousers strapped under the instep and fitting close to the leg

or by wide trousers similarly strapped; but projecting in a peak

over the toethese meant the man of mauvais genre; and so on; and

so on。



It was a curious thing that I who lacked all ability to become

〃comme il faut;〃 should have assimilated the idea so completely

as I did。 Possibly it was the fact that it had cost me such

enormous labour to acquire that brought about its strenuous

development in my mind。 I hardly like to think how much of the

best and most valuable time of my first sixteen years of

existence I wasted upon its acquisition。 Yet every one whom I

imitatedWoloda; Dubkoff; and the majority of my acquaintances

seemed to acquire it easily。 I watched them with envy; and

silently toiled to become proficient in French; to bow gracefully

and without looking at the person whom I was saluting; to gain

dexterity in small…talk and dancing; to cultivate indifference

and ennui; and to keep my fingernails well trimmed (though I

frequently cut my finger…ends with the scissors in so doing)。 And

all the time I felt that so much remained to be done if I was

ever to attain my end! A room; a writing…table; an equipage I

still found it impossible to arrange 〃comme il faut;〃 however

much I fought down my aversion to practical matters in my desire

to become proficient。 Yet everything seemed to arrange itself

properly with other people; just as though things could never

have been otherwise! Once I remember asking Dubkoff; after much

zealous and careful labouring at my finger…nails (his own were

extraordinarily good); whether his nails had always been as now;

or whether he had done anything to make them so: to which he

replied that never within his recollection had he done anything

to them; and that he could not imagine a gentleman's nails

possibly being different。 This answer incensed me greatly; for I

had not yet learnt that one of the chief conditions of 〃comme il

faut〃…ness was to hold one's tongue about the labour by which it

had been acquired。 〃Comme il faut〃…ness I looked upon as not only

a great merit; a splendid accomplishment; an embodiment of all

the perfection which must strive to attain; but as the one

indispensable condition without which there could never be

happiness; nor glory; nor any good whatsoever in this world。 Even

the greatest artist or savant or benefactor of the human race

would at that time have won from me no respect if he had not also

been 〃comme il faut。〃 A man possessed of 〃comme il faut〃…ness

stood higher than; and beyond all possible equality with; such

people; and might well leave it to them to paint pictures; to

compose music; to write books; or to do good。 Possibly he might

commend them for so doing (since why should not merit be

commended where…ever it be found?); but he could never stand ON A

LEVEL with them; seeing that he was 〃comme il faut〃 and they were

nota quite final and sufficient reason。 In fact; I actually

believe that; had we possessed a brother or a father or a mother

who had not been 〃comme il faut;〃 I should have declared it to be

a great misfortune for us; and announced that between myself and

them there could never be anything in common。 Yet neither waste

of the golden hours which I consumed in constantly endeavouring

to observe the many arduous; unattainable conditions of 〃comme il

faut〃…ness (to the exclusion of any more serious pursuit); nor

dislike of and contempt for nine…tenths of the human race; nor

disregard of all the beauty that lay outside the narrow circle of

〃comme il faut〃…ness comprised the whole of the evil which the

idea wrought in me。 The chief evil of all lay in the notion

acquired that a man need not strive to become a tchinovnik;

'Official。' a coachbuilder; a soldier; a savant; or anything

useful; so long only as he was 〃comme il faut 〃that by attaining

the latter quality he had done all that was demanded of him; and

was even superior to most people。



Usually; at a given period in youth; and after many errors and

excesses; every man recognises the necessity of his taking an

active part in social life; and chooses some branch of labour to

which to devote himself。 Only with the 〃comme il faut〃 man does

this rarely happen。 I have known; and know; very; very many

peopleold; proud; self…satisfied; and opinionatedwho to the

question (if it should ever present itself to them in their

world) 〃Who have you been; and what have you ever done?〃 would be

unable to reply otherwise than by saying;



〃Je fus un homme tres comme il faut;〃



Such a fate was awaiting myself。



XXXII



YOUTH



Despite the confusion of ideas raging in my head; I was at least

young; innocent; and free that summerconsequently almost happy。



Sometimes I would rise quite early in the morning; for I slept on

the open verandah; and the bright; horizontal beams of the

morning sun would wake me up。 Dressing myself quickly; I would

tuck a towel and a French novel under my arm; and go off to bathe

in the river in the shade of a birch tree which stood half a

verst from the house。 Next; I would stretch myself on the grass

and readraising my eyes from time to time to look at the surface

of the river where it showed blue in the shade of the trees; at

the ripples caused by the first morning breeze; at the yellowing

field of rye on the further bank; and at the bright…red sheen of

the sunlight as it struck lower and lower down the white trunks

of the birch…trees which; ranged in ranks one behind the other;

gradually receded into the remote distance of the home park。 At

such moments I would feel joyously conscious of having within me

the same young; fresh force of life as nature was everywhere

exuding around me。 When; however; the sky was overcast with grey

clouds of morning and I felt chilly after bathin
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