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youth-第29部分

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nudged me gently by the elbow; and beckoned me towards the salon。



〃You know; I suppose; what the secret is of which Lubotshka was

speaking?〃 he said when he was sure that we were alone。 It was

seldom that he and I spoke together in confidence: with the

result that; whenever it came about; we felt a kind of

awkwardness in one another's presence; and 〃boys began to jump

about〃 in our eyes; as Woloda expressed it。 On the present

occasion; however; he answered the excitement in my eyes with a

grave; fixed look which said: 〃You need not be surprised; for we

are brothers; and we have to consider an important family

matter。〃 I understood him; and he went on:



〃You know; I suppose; that Papa is going to marry Avdotia

Epifanov?〃



I nodded; for I had already heard so。 〃Well; it is not a good

thing;〃 continued Woloda。



〃Why so?〃



〃Why?〃 he repeated irritably。 〃Because it will be so pleasant;

won't it; to have this stuttering 'colonel' and all his family

for relations! Certainly she seems nice enough; as yet; but who

knows what she will turn out to be later? It won't matter much to

you or myself; but Lubotshka will soon be making her debut; and

it will hardly be nice for her to have such a 'belle mere' as

thisa woman who speaks French badly; and has no manners to

teach her。〃



Although it seemed odd to hear Woloda criticising Papa's choice

so coolly; I felt that he was right。



〃Why is he marrying her?〃 I asked。



〃Oh; it is a hole…and…corner business; and God only knows why;〃

he answered。 〃All I know is that her brother; Peter; tried to

make conditions about the marriage; and that; although at first

Papa would not hear of them; he afterwards took some fancy or

knight…errantry or another into his head。 But; as I say; it is a

hole…and…corner business。 I am only just beginning to understand

my father 〃the fact that Woloda called Papa 〃my father〃 instead

of 〃Papa〃 somehow hurt me〃and though I can see that he is kind

and clever; he is irresponsible and frivolous to a degree that

Well; the whole thing is astonishing。 He cannot so much as look

upon a woman calmly。 You yourself know how he falls in love with

every one that he meets。 You know it; and so does Mimi。〃



〃What do you mean?〃 I said。



〃What I say。 Not long ago I learnt that he used to be in love

with Mimi herself when he was a young man; and that he used to

send her poetry; and that there really was something between

them。 Mimi is heart…sore about it to this day〃and Woloda burst

out laughing。



〃Impossible!〃 I cried in astonishment。



〃But the principal thing at this moment;〃 went on Woloda;

becoming serious again; and relapsing into French; 〃is to think

how delighted all our relations will be with this marriage! Why;

she will probably have children!〃



Woloda's prudence and forethought struck me so forcibly that I

had no answer to make。 Just at this moment Lubotshka approached

us。



〃So you know?〃 she said with a joyful face。



〃Yes;〃 said Woloda。 〃Still; I am surprised at you; Lubotshka。 You

are no longer a baby in long clothes。 Why should you be so

pleased because Papa is going to marry a piece of trash?〃



At this Lubotshka's face fell; and she became serious。



〃Oh; Woloda!〃 she exclaimed。 〃Why 'a piece of trash' indeed? How

can you dare to speak of Avdotia like that? If Papa is going to

marry her she cannot be 'trash。'〃



〃No; not trash; so to speak; but〃



〃No 'buts' at all!〃 interrupted Lubotshka; flaring up。 〃You have

never heard me call the girl whom you are in love with 'trash!'

How; then; can you speak so of Papa and a respectable woman?

Although you are my elder brother; I won't allow you to speak

like that! You ought not to!〃



〃Mayn't I even express an opinion about〃



〃No; you mayn't!〃 repeated Lubotshka。 〃No one ought to criticise

such a father as ours。 Mimi has the right to; but not you;

however much you may be the eldest brother。〃



〃Oh you don't understand anything;〃 said Woloda contemptuously。

〃Try and do so。 How can it be a good thing that a 'Dunetchka' of

an Epifanov should take the place of our dead Mamma?〃



For a moment Lubotshka was silent。 Then the tears suddenly came

into her eyes。



〃I knew that you were conceited; but I never thought that you

could be cruel;〃 she said; and left us。



〃Pshaw!〃 said Woloda; pulling a serio…comic face and make…

believe; stupid eyes。 〃That's what comes of arguing with them。〃

Evidently he felt that he was at fault in having so far forgot

himself as to descend to discuss matters at all with Lubotshka。



Next day the weather was bad; and neither Papa nor the ladies had

come down to morning tea when I entered the drawing…room。 There

had been cold rain in the night; and remnants of the clouds from

which it had descended were still scudding across the sky; with

the sun's luminous disc (not yet risen to any great height)

showing faintly through them。 It was a windy; damp; grey morning。

The door into the garden was standing open; and pools left by the

night's rain were drying on the damp…blackened flags of the

terrace。 The open door was swinging on its iron hinges in the

wind; and all the paths looked wet and muddy。 The old birch trees

with their naked white branches; the bushes; the turf; the

nettles; the currant…trees; the elders with the pale side of

their leaves turned upwardsall were dashing themselves about;

and looking as though they were trying to wrench themselves free

from their roots。 From the avenue of lime…trees showers of round;

yellow leaves were flying through the air in tossing; eddying

circles; and strewing the wet road and soaked aftermath of the

hayfield with a clammy carpet。 At the moment; my thoughts were

wholly taken up with my father's approaching marriage and with

the point of view from which Woloda regarded it。 The future

seemed to me to bode no good for any of us。 I felt distressed to

think that a woman who was not only a stranger but young should

be going to associate with us in so many relations of life;

without having any right to do sonay; that this young woman was

going to usurp the place of our dead mother。 I felt depressed;

and kept thinking more and more that my father was to blame in

the matter。 Presently I heard his voice and Woloda's speaking

together in the pantry; and; not wishing to meet Papa just then;

had just left the room when I was pursued by Lubotshka; who said

that Papa wanted to see me。



He was standing in the drawing…room; with his hand resting on the

piano; and was gazing in my direction with an air at once grave

and impatient。 His face no longer wore the youthful; gay

expression which had struck me for so long; but; on the contrary;

looked sad。 Woloda was walking about the room with a pipe in his

hand。 I approached my father; and bade him good morning。



〃Well; my children;〃 he said firmly; with a lift of his head and

in the peculiarly hurried manner of one who wishes to announce

something obviously unwelcome; but no longer admitting of

reconsideration; 〃you know; I suppose; that I am going to marry

Avdotia Epifanov。〃 He paused a moment。 〃Hitherto I had had no

desire for any one to succeed your mother; but〃and again he

paused〃it…it is evidently my fate。 Dunetchka is an excellent;

kind girl; and no longer in her first youth。 I hope; therefore;

my children; that you will like her; and she; I know; will be

sincerely fond of you; for she is a good woman。 And now;〃 he went

on; addressing himself more particularly to Woloda and myself;

and having the appearance of speaking hurriedly in order to

prevent us from interrupting him; 〃it is time for you to depart;

while I myself am going to stay here until the New Year; and then

to follow you to Moscow with〃again he hesitated a moment〃my

wife and Lubotshka。〃 It hurt me to see my father standing as

though abashed and at fault before us; so I moved a little nearer

him; but Woloda only went on walking about the room with his head

down; and smoking。



〃So; my children; that is what your old father has planned to

do;〃 concluded Papareddening; coughing; and offering Woloda and

myself his hands。 Tears were in his eyes as he said this; and I

noticed; too; that the hand which he was holding out to Woloda

(who at that moment chanced to be at the other end of the room)

was shaking slightly。 The sight of that shaking hand gave me an

unpleasant shock; for I remembered that Papa had served in 1812;

and had been; as every one knew; a brave officer。 Seizing the

great veiny hand; I covered it with kisses; and he squeezed mine

hard in return。 Then; with a sob amid his tears; he suddenly

threw his arms around Lubotshka's dark head; and kissed her again

and again on the eyes。 Woloda pretended that he had dropped his

pipe; and; bending down; wiped his eyes furtively with the back

of his hand。 Then; endeavouring to escape notice; he left the

room。



XXXVI



THE UNIVERSITY



THE wedding was to take place in two weeks' time; but; as our

lectures had begun already; Woloda and myself were forced to

return to Moscow at the beginning of September。 The Nechludoffs

had also returned from the country; and Dimitri (with whom; on

parting; I had made an agreement that we should correspond

frequently with the result; of course; that we had never once

written to one another) came to see us immediately after our

arrival; and arranged to escort me to my first lecture on the

morrow。



It was a beautiful sunny day。 No sooner had I entered the

auditorium than I felt my personality entirely disappear amid the

swarm of light…hearted youths who were seething tumultuously

through every doorway and corridor under the influence of the

sunlight pouring through the great windows。 I found the sense of

being a member of this huge community very pleasing; yet there

were few among the throng whom I knew; and that only on terms of

a nod a
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