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youth-第6部分

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believed in the power of the human intellect; or am I more so

now; when I am losing the faculty of developing that power; and

am in doubt both as to its potency and as to its importance?〃 To

this I could return no positive answer。



The sense of freedom; combined with the spring…like feeling of

vague expectation to which I have referred already; so unsettled

me that I could not keep myself in handcould make none but the

sorriest of preparations for my University ordeal。 Thus I was

busy in the schoolroom one morning; and fully aware that I must

work hard; seeing that to…morrow was the day of my examination in

a subject of which I had the two whole questions still to read

up; yet no sooner had a breath of spring come wafted through the

window than I felt as though there were something quite different

that I wished to recall to my memory。 My hands laid down my book;

my feet began to move of themselves; and to set me walking up and

down the room; and my head felt as though some one had suddenly

touched in it a little spring and set some machine in motionso

easily and swiftly and naturally did all sorts of pleasing

fancies of which I could catch no more than the radiancy begin

coursing through it。 Thus one hour; two hours; elapsed

unperceived。 Even if I sat down determinedly to my book; and

managed to concentrate my whole attention upon what I was

reading; suddenly there would sound in the corridor the footsteps

of a woman and the rustle of her dress。 Instantly everything

would escape my mind; and I would find it impossible to remain

still any longer; however much I knew that the woman could only

be either Gasha or my grandmother's old sewing…maid moving about

in the corridor。 〃Yet suppose it should be SHE all at once?〃 I

would say to myself。 〃Suppose IT is beginning now; and I were to

lose it?〃 and; darting out into the corridor; I would find; each

time; that it was only Gasha。 Yet for long enough afterwards I

could not recall my attention to my studies。 A little spring had

been touched in my head; and a strange mental ferment started

afresh。 Again; that evening I was sitting alone beside a tallow

candle in my room。 Suddenly I looked up for a momentto snuff

the candle; or to straighten myself in my chairand at once

became aware of nothing but the darkness in the corners and the

blank of the open doorway。 Then; I also became conscious how still

the house was; and felt as though I could do nothing else than go

on listening to that stillness; and gazing into the black square

of that open doorway; and gradually sinking into a brown study as

I sat there without moving。 At intervals; however; I would get

up; and go downstairs; and begin wandering through the empty

rooms。 Once I sat a long while in the small drawing…room as I

listened to Gasha playing 〃The Nightingale〃 (with two fingers) on

the piano in the large drawing…room; where a solitary candle

burned。 Later; when the moon was bright; I felt obliged to get

out of bed and to lean out of the window; so that I might gaze

into the garden; and at the lighted roof of the Shaposnikoff

mansion; the straight tower of our parish church; and the dark

shadows of the fence and the lilac…bush where they lay black upon

the path。 So long did I remain there that; when I at length

returned to bed; it was ten o'clock in the morning before I could

open my eyes again。



In short; had it not been for the tutors who came to give me

lessons; as well as for St。 Jerome (who at intervals; and very

grudgingly; applied a spur to my self…conceit) and; most of all;

for the desire to figure as 〃clever〃 in the eyes of my friend

Nechludoff (who looked upon distinctions in University

examinations as a matter of first…rate importance)had it not

been for all these things; I say; the spring and my new freedom

would have combined to make me forget everything I had ever

learnt; and so to go through the examinations to no purpose

whatsoever。



X



THE EXAMINATION IN HISTORY



ON the 16th of April I entered; for the first time; and under the

wing of St。 Jerome; the great hall of the University。 I had

driven there with St。 Jerome in our smart phaeton and wearing the

first frockcoat of my life; while the whole of my other clothes

even down to my socks and linenwere new and of a grander sort。

When a Swiss waiter relieved me of my greatcoat; and I stood

before him in all the beauty of my attire; I felt almost sorry to

dazzle him so。 Yet I had no sooner entered the bright; carpeted;

crowded hall; and caught sight of hundreds of other young men in

gymnasium 'The Russian gymnasium = the English grammar or

secondary school。' uniforms or frockcoats (of whom but a few

threw me an indifferent glance); as well as; at the far end; of

some solemn…looking professors who were seated on chairs or

walking carelessly about among some tables; than I at once became

disabused of the notion that I should attract the general

attention; while the expression of my face; which at home; and

even in the vestibule of the University buildings; had denoted

only a kind of vague regret that I should have to present so

important and distinguished an appearance; became exchanged for

an expression of the most acute nervousness and dejection。

However; I soon picked up again when I perceived sitting at one

of the desks a very badly; untidily dressed gentleman who;

though not really old; was almost entirely grey。 He was occupying

a seat quite at the back of the hall and a little apart from the

rest; so I hastened to sit down beside him; and then fell to

looking at the candidates for examination; and to forming

conclusions about them。 Many different figures and faces were

there to be seen there; yet; in my opinion; they all seemed to

divide themselves into three classes。 First of all; there were

youths like myself; attending for examination in the company of

their parents or tutors。 Among such I could see the youngest Iwin

(accompanied by Frost) and Ilinka Grap (accompanied by his old

father)。 All youths of this class wore the early beginnings of

beards; sported prominent linen; sat quietly in their places; and

never opened the books and notebooks which they had brought with

them; but gazed at the professors and examination tables with

ill…concealed nervousness。 The second class of candidates were

young men in gymnasium uniforms。 Several of them had attained to

the dignity of shaving; and most of them knew one another。 They

talked loudly; called the professors by their names and surnames;

occupied themselves in getting their subjects ready; exchanged

notebooks; climbed over desks; fetched themselves pies and

sandwiches from the vestibule; and ate them then and there merely

lowering their heads to the level of a desk for propriety's sake。

Lastly; the third class of candidates (which seemed a small one)

consisted of oldish mensome of them in frock coats; but the

majority in jackets; and with no linen to be seen。 These

preserved a serious demeanour; sat by themselves; and had a very

dingy look。 The man who had afforded me consolation by being

worse dressed than myself belonged to this class。 Leaning forward

upon his elbows; and running his fingers through his grey;

dishevelled hair as he read some book or another; he had thrown

me only a momentary glanceand that not a very friendly one

from a pair of glittering eyes。 Then; as I sat down; he had

frowned grimly; and stuck a shiny elbow out to prevent me from

coming any nearer。 On the other hand; the gymnasium men were

over…sociable; and I felt rather afraid of their proximity。 One

of them did not hesitate to thrust a book into my hands; saying;

〃Give that to that fellow over there; will you?〃 while another

of them exclaimed as he pushed past me; 〃By your leave; young

fellow!〃 and a third made use of my shoulder as a prop when he

wanted to scramble over a desk。 All this seemed to me a little

rough and unpleasant; for I looked upon myself as immensely

superior to such fellows; and considered that they ought not to

treat me with such familiarity。 At length; the names began to be

called out。 The gymnasium men walked out boldly; answered their

questions (apparently) well; and came back looking cheerful。 My

own class of candidates were much more diffident; as well as

appeared to answer worse。 Of the oldish men; some answered well;

and some very poorly。 When the name 〃Semenoff 〃 was called out my

neighbour with the grey hair and glittering eyes jostled me

roughly; stepped over my legs; and went up to one of the

examiners' tables。 It was plain from the aspect of the professors

that he answered well and with assurance; yet; on returning to

his place; he did not wait to see where he was placed on the

list; but quietly collected his notebooks and departed。 Several

times I shuddered at the sound of the voice calling out the

names; but my turn did not come in exact alphabetical order;

though already names had begun to be called beginning with 〃I。〃



〃Ikonin and Tenieff!〃 suddenly shouted some one from the

professors' end of the hall。



〃Go on; Ikonin! You are being called;〃 said a tall; red…faced

gymnasium student near me。  〃But who is this BARtenieff or

MORtenieff or somebody? I don't know him。〃



〃It must be you;〃 whispered St。 Jerome loudly in my ear。



〃MY name is IRtenieff;〃 I said to the red…faced student。 〃Do you

think that was the name they were calling out?〃



〃Yes。 Why on earth don't you go up? 〃 he replied。 〃Lord; what a

dandy!〃 he added under his breath; yet not so quietly but that I

failed to hear the words as they came wafted to me from below the

desk。 In front of me walked Ikonina tall young man of about

twenty…five; who was one of those whom I had classed as oldish

men。 He wore a tight brown frockcoat and a blue satin tie; and

had wisps of flaxen hair carefully brushed over his collar in the

peasant style。 His appearance had already caugh
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