the dwelling place of ligh-第39部分

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escorted　them　into　the　dining…room。　　And　Ditmar；　gazing　around　over　the
heads　of　the　diners；　spied　in　an　alcove　by　a　window　a　little　table　with
tilted　chairs。

〃That　one'll　do；〃　he　said。

〃I'm　sorry；　but　it's　engaged；〃　apologized　Mr。　Hale。

〃Forget　it；　Eddietell　'em　they're　late；〃　said　Ditmar；　making　his　way
toward　it。

The　proprietor　pulled　out　Janet's　chair。

〃Say；〃　he　remarked；　〃it's　no　wonder　you　get　along　in　business。〃

〃Well；　this　is　cosy；　isn't　it？〃　…　said　Ditmar　to　Janet　when　they　were
alone。　　He　handed　her　the　menu；　and　snapped　his　fingers　for　a　waitress。

〃Why　didn't　you　tell　me　you　were　coming　to　this　place？〃　she　asked。

〃I　wanted　to　surprise　you。　　Don't　you　like　it？〃

〃Yes；〃　she　replied。　　〃Only〃

〃Only；　what？〃

〃I　wish　you　wouldn't　look　at　me　like　thathere。〃

〃All　right。　　I'll　try　to　be　good　until　we　get　into　the　car　again。　　You
watch　me！　　I'll　behave　as　if　we'd　been　married　ten　years。〃

He　snapped　his　fingers　again；　and　the　waitress　hurried　up　to　take　their
orders。

〃Kingsbury's　still　dry；　I　guess；〃　he　said　to　the　girl；　who　smiled
sympathetically；　somewhat　ruefully。　　When　she　had　gone　he　began　to　talk
to　Janet　about　the　folly；　in　general；　of　prohibition；　the　fusel　oil
distributed　on　the　sly。　　〃I'll　bet　I　could　go　out　and　find　half　a　dozen
rum　shops　within　a　mile　of　here！〃　he　declared。

Janet　did　not　doubt　it。　　Ditmar's　aplomb；　his　faculty　of　getting　what　he
wanted；　had　amused　and　distracted　her。　　She　was　growing　calmer；　able　to
scrutinize；　at　first　covertly　and　then　more　boldly　the　people　at　the
other　tables；　only　to　discover　that　she　and　Ditmar　were　not　the　objects
of　the　universal　curiosity　she　had　feared。　　Once　in　a　while；　indeed；　she
encountered　and　then　avoided　the　glance　of　some　man；　felt　the　admiration
in　it；　was　thrilled　a　little；　and　her　sense　of　exhilaration　returned　as
she　regained　her　poise。　　She　must　be　nice　lookingmore　than　thatin　her
new　suit。　　On　entering　the　tavern　she　had　taken　off　the　tweed　coat；　which
Ditmar　had　carried　and　laid　on　a　chair。　　This　new　and　amazing　adventure
began　to　go　to　her　head　like　wine。。。。

When　luncheon　was　over　they　sat　in　a　sunny　corner　of　the　porch　while
Ditmar　smoked　his　cigar。　　His　digestion　was　good；　his　spirits　high；　his
love…makingon　account　of　the　public　nature　of　the　placesurreptitious
yet　fervent。　　The　glamour　to　which　Janet　had　yielded　herself　was　on
occasions　slightly　troubled　by　some　new　and　enigmatic　element　to　be
detected　in　his　voice　and　glances　suggestive　of　intentions　vaguely
disquieting。　　At　last　she　said：

〃Oughtn't　we　to　be　going　home？〃

〃Home！〃　he　ridiculed　the　notion。　　〃I'm　going　to　take　you　to　the　prettiest
road　you　ever　sawaround　by　French's　Lower　Falls。　　I　only　wish　it　was
summer。〃

〃I　must　be　home　before　dark；〃　she　told　him。　　〃You　see；　the　family　don't
know　where　I　am。　　I　haven't　said　anything　to　them　aboutabout　this。〃

〃That's　right；〃　he　said；　after　a　moment's　hesitation：

〃I　didn't　think　you　would。　　There's　plenty　of　time　for　thatafter　things
get　settled　a　littleisn't　there？〃

She　thought　his　look　a　little　odd；　but　the　impression　passed　as　they
walked　to　the　motor。　　He　insisted　now　on　her　pinning　the　roses　on　the
tweed　coat；　and　she　humoured　him。　　The　winter　sun　had　already　begun　to
drop；　and　with　the　levelling　rays　the　bare　hillsides；　yellow　and　brown　in
the　higher　light；　were　suffused　with　pink；　little　by　little；　as　the　sun
fell　lower；　imperceptible　clouds　whitened　the　blue　cambric　of　the　sky；
distant　copses　were　stained　lilac。　　And　Janet；　as　she　gazed；　wondered　at
a　world　that　held　at　once　so　much　beauty；　so　much　joy　and　sorrow；such
strange　sorrow　as　began　to　invade　her　now；　not　personal；　but　cosmic。　　At
times　it　seemed　almost　to　suffocate　her；　she　drew　in　deep　breaths　of　air：
it　was　the　essence　of　all　thingsof　the　man　by　her　side；　of　herself；　of
the　beauty　so　poignantly　revealed　to　her。

Gradually　Ditmar　became　conscious　of　this　detachment；　this　new　evidence
of　an　extraordinary　faculty　of　escaping　him　that　seemed　unimpaired。
Constantly　he　tried　by　leaning　closer　to　her；　by　reaching　out　his　hand；
to　reassure　himself　that　she　was　at　least　physically　present。　　And　though
she　did　not　resent　these　tokens；　submitting　passively；　he　grew　perplexed
and　troubled；　his　optimistic　atheism　concerning　things　unseen　was
actually　shaken　by　the　impression　she　conveyed　of　beholding　realities
hidden　from　him。　　Shadows　had　begun　to　gather　in　the　forest；　filmy　mists
to　creep　over　the　waters。　　He　asked　if　she　were　cold；　and　she　shook　her
head　and　sighed　as　one　coming　out　of　a　trance；　smiling　at　him。

〃It's　been　a　wonderful　day！〃　she　said。

〃The　greatest　ever！〃　he　agreed。　　And　his　ardour；　mounting　again；　swept
away　the　unwonted　mood　of　tenderness　and　awe　she　had　inspired　in　him；
made　him　bold　to　suggest　the　plan　which　had　been　the　subject　of　an
ecstatic　contemplation。

〃I'll　tell　you　what　we'll　do；〃　he　said；　〃we'll　take　a　little　run　down　to
Boston　and　have　dinner　together。　　We'll　be　there　in　an　hour；　and　back　by
ten　o'clock。〃

〃To　Boston！〃　she　repeated。　　〃Now？〃

〃Why　not？〃　he　said；　stopping　the　car。　　〃Here's　the　roadit's　a　boulevard
all　the　way。〃

It　was　not　so　much　the　proposal　as　the　passion　in　his　voice；　in　his
touch；　the　passion　to　which　she　felt　herself　responding　that　filled　her
with　apprehension　and　dismay；　and　yet　aroused　her　pride　and　anger。

〃I　told　you　I　had　to　be　home；〃　she　said。

〃I'll　have　you　home　by　ten　o'clock；　I　promise。　　We're　going　to　be
married；　Janet；〃　he　whispered。

〃Oh；　if　you　meant　to　marry　me　you　wouldn't　ask　me　to　do　this！〃　she　cried。
〃I　want　to　go　back　to　Hampton。　　If　you　won't　take　me；　I'll　walk。〃

She　had　drawn　away　from　him；　and　her　hand　was　on　the　door。　　He　seized　her
arm。

〃For　God's　sake；　don't　take　it　that　way！〃　he　cried；　in　genuine　alarm。
〃All　I　meant　wasthat　we'd　have　a　nice　little　dinner。　　I　couldn't　bear
to　leave　you；　it'll　be　a　whole　week　before　we　get　another　day。　　Do　you
suppose　I'dI'd　do　anything　to　insult　you；　Janet？〃

With　her　fingers　still　tightened　over　the　door…catch　she　turned　and
looked　at　him。

〃I　don't　know；〃　she　said　slowly。　　〃Sometimes　I　think　you　would。　　Why
shouldn't　you？　　Why　should　you　marry　me？　　Why　shouldn't　you　try　to　do
with　me　what　you've　done　with　other　women？　　I　don't　know　anything　about
the　world；　about　life。　　I'm　nobody。　　Why　shouldn't　you？〃

〃Because　you're　not　like　the　other　womenthat's　why。　　I　love　youwon't
you　believe　it？〃　He　was　beside　himself　with　anxiety。　　〃ListenI'll　take
you　home　if　you　want　to　go。　　You　don't　know　how　it　hurts　me　to　have　you
think　such　things！〃

〃Well；　then；　take　me　home；〃　she　said。　　It　was　but　gradually　that　she
became　pacified。　　A　struggle　was　going　on　within　her　between　these　doubts
of　him　he　had　stirred　up　again　and　other　feelings　aroused　by　his
pleadings。　　Night　fell；　and　when　they　reached　the　Silliston　road　the
lights　of　Hampton　shone　below　them　in　the　darkness。

〃You'd　better　let　me　out　here；〃　she　said。　　〃You　can't　drive　me　home。〃

He　brought　the　car　to　a　halt　beside　one　of　the　small　wooden　shelters
built　for　the　convenience　of　passengers。

〃You　forgive　meyou　understand；　Janet？〃　he　asked。

〃Sometimes　I　don't　know　what　to　think；〃　she　said；　and　suddenly　clung　to
him。　　〃II　forgive　you。　　I　oughtn't　to　suspect　such　things；　but　I'm　like
that。　　I'm　horrid　and　I　can't　help　it。〃　　She　began　to　unbutton　the　coat
he　had　bought　for　her。

〃Aren't　you　going　to　take　it？〃　he　said。　　〃It's　yours。〃

〃And　what　do　you　suppose　my　family　would　say　if　I　told　them　Mr。　Ditmar
had　given　it　to　me？〃

〃Come　on；　I'll　drive　you　home；　I'll　tell　them　I　gave　it　to　you；　that
we're　going　to　be　married；〃　he　announced　recklessly。

〃Oh；　no！〃　she　exclaimed　in　consternation。　　〃You　couldn't。　　You　said　so
yourselfthat　you　didn't　want；　any　one　to　know；　now。　　I'll　get　on　the
trolley。〃

〃And　the　roses？〃　he　asked。

She　pressed　them　to　her　face；　and　chose　one。　　〃I'll　take　this；〃　she　said；
laying　the　rest　on　the　seat。。。。

He　waited　until　he　saw　her　safely　on　the　trolley　car；　and　then　drove
slowly　homeward　in　a　state　of　amazement。　　He　had　been　on　the　verge　of
announcing　himself　to　the　family　in　Fillmore　Street　as　her　prospective
husband！　　He　tried　to　imagine　what　that　household　was　like；　and　again　he
found　himself　wondering　why　she　had　not　consented　to　his　proposal。　　And
the　ever…recurring　question　presented　itselfwas　he　prepared　to　go　that
length？　　He　didn't　know。　　She　was　beyond　him；　he　had　no　clew　to　her；　she
was　to　him　as　mysterious　as　a　symphony。　　Certain　strains　of　her　moved　him
intenselythe　rest　was　beyond　his　grasp。。。。　　At　supper；　while　his
children　talked　and　laughed　boisterously；　he　sat　silent；　restless；　and　in
spite　of　their　presence　the　house　seemed　appallingly　empty。

When　Janet　returned　home　she　ran　to　her　bedroom；　and　taking　from　the
wardrobe　the　tissue　paper　that　had　come　with　her　new　dress；　and　which　she
had　carefully　folded；　she　wrapped　the　rose　in　it；　and　put　it　away　in　the
back　of　a　drawer。　　Thus　smothered；　its　fragrance　stifled；　it　seemed
emblematic；　somehow；　of　the　clandestine　nature　of　her　love。。。。

The　weeks　that　immediately　followed　were　strange　ones。　　All　the　elements
of　life　that　previously　had　been　realities；　trivial　yet　fundamental；　her
work；　her　home；　her　intercourse　with　the　family；　became　fantastic。　　There
was　the　mill　to　which　she　went　every　day：　she　recognized　it；　yet　it　was
not　the　same　mill；　nor　was　Fillmore　Street　the　Fillmore　Street　of　old。
Nor　did　the　new　and　feverish　existence　over　whose　borderland　she　had　been
transported　seem　real；　save　in　certain　hours　she　spent　in　Ditmar's
company；　when　he　made　her　forgethers　being　a　temperament　to　feel　the
weight　of　an　unnatural　secrecy。　　She　was　aware；　for　instance；　that　her
mother　and　even　her　father　thought　her　conduct　odd；　were　anxious　as　to
her　absences　on　certain　nights　and　on　Sundays。　　She　offered　no
explanation。　　It　was　impossible。　　She　understood　that　the　reason　why　they
refrained　from　questioning　her　was　due　to　a　faith　in　her　integrity　as
well　as　to　a　respect　for　her　as　a　breadwinner　who　lead　earned　a　right　to
independence。　　And　while　her　suspicion　of　Hannah's　anxiety　troubled　her；
on　the　occasions　when　she　thought　of　it；　Lise's　attit