ragged lady, v2-第18部分

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I　want　to　tell　you　something　I　mean；　I　must〃She　found　herself　panting
and　breathless。　　〃You　ought　to　know　itMr。　Gregory　isI　mean　we　are〃

She　stopped　and　she　saw　that　she　need　not　say　more。

In　the　days　that　followed　before　the　time　that　Hinkle　had　xed　to　leave
Venice；　he　tried　to　come　as　he　had　been　coming；　to　see　Mrs。　Lander；　but
he　evaded　her　when　she　wished　to　send　him　out　with　Clementina。　　His
quaintness　had　a　heartache　in　it　for　her；　and　he　was　boyishly　simple　in
his　failure　to　hide　his　suffering。　　He　had　no　explicit　right　to　suffer；
for　he　had　asked　nothing　and　been　denied　nothing；　but　perhaps　for　this
reason　she　suffered　the　more　keenly　for　him。

A　senseless　resentment　against　Gregory　for　spoiling　their　happiness　crept
into　her　heart；　and　she　wished　to　show　Hinkle　how　much　she　valued　his
friendship　at　any　risk　and　any　cost。　　When　this　led　her　too　far　she　took
herself　to　task　with　a　severity　which　hurt　him　too。　　In　the　midst　of　the
impulses　on　which　she　acted；　there　were　times　when　she　had　a　confused
longing　to　appeal　to　him　for　counsel　as　to　how　she　ought　to　behave　toward
him。

There　was　no　one　else　whom　she　could　appeal　to。　　Mrs。　Lander；　after　her
first　warning；　had　not　spoken　of　him　again；　though　Clementina　could　feel
in　the　grimness　with　which　she　regarded　her　variable　treatment　of　him
that　she　was　silently　hoarding　up　a　sum　of　inculpation　which　would　crush
her　under　its　weight　when　it　should　fall　upon　her。　　She　seemed　to　be
growing　constantly　better；　now；　and　as　the　interval　since　her　last　attack
widened　behind　her；　she　began　to　indulge　her　appetite　with　a　recklessness
which　Clementina；　in　a　sense　of　her　own　unworthiness；　was　helpless　to
deal　with。　　When　she　ventured　to　ask　her　once　whether　she　ought　to　eat　of
something　that　was　very　unwholesome　for　her；　Mrs。　Lander　answered　that
she　had　taken　her　case　into　her　own　hands；　now；　for　she　knew　more　about
it　than　all　the　doctors。　　She　would　thank　Clementina　not　to　bother　about
her；　she　added　that　she　was　at　least　not　hurting　anybody　but　herself；　and
she　hoped　Clementina　would　always　be　able　to　say　as　much。

Clementina　wished　that　Hinkle　would　go　away；　but　not　before　she　had
righted　herself　with　him；　and　he　lingered　his　month　out；　and　seemed　as
little　able　to　go　as　she　to　let　him。　　She　had　often　to　be　cheerful　for
both；　when　she　found　it　too　much　to　be　cheerful　for　herself。　　In　his
absence　she　feigned　free　and　open　talks　with　him；　and　explained
everything；　and　experienced　a　kind　of　ghostly　comfort　in　his　imagined
approval　and　forgiveness；　but　in　his　presence；　nothing　really　happened
except　the　alternation　of　her　kindness　and　unkindness；　in　which　she　was
too　kind　and　then　too　unkind。

The　morning　of　the'　day　he　was　at　last　to　leave　Venice；　he　came　to　say
good　bye。　　He　did　not　ask　for　Mrs。　Lander；　when　the　girl　received　him；
and　he　did　not　give　himself　time　to　lose　courage　before　he　began；　〃Miss
Clementina；　I　don't　know　whether　I　ought　to　speak　to　you　after　what　I
understood　you　to　mean　about　Mr。　Gregory。〃　　He　looked　steadfastly　at　her
but　she　did　not　answer；　and　he　went　on。　　〃There's　just　one　chance　in　a
million；　though；　that　I　didn't　understand　you　rightly；　and　I've　made　up
my　mind　that　I　want　to　take　that　chance。　　May　I？〃　She　tried　to　speak；
but　she　could　not。　　〃If　I　was　wrongif　there　was　nothing　between　you　and
himcould　there　ever　be　anything　beween　you　and　me？〃

His　pleading　looks　entreated　her　even　more　than　his　words。

〃There　was　something；〃　she　answered；　〃with　him。〃

〃And　I　mustn't　know　what；〃　the　young　man　said　patiently。

〃Yesyes！〃　she　returned　eagerly。　　〃Oh；　yes！　　I　want　you　to　knowI　want
to　tell　you。　　I　was　only　sixteen　yea's　old；　and　he　said　that　he　oughtn't
to　have　spoken；　we　were　both　too　young。　　But　last　winta　he　spoke　again。
He　said　that　he　had　always　felt　bound〃　She　stopped；　and　he　got　infirmly
to　his　feet。　　〃I　wanted　to　tell　you　from　the　fust；　but〃

〃How　could　you？　　You　couldn't。　　I　haven't　anything　more　to　say；　if　you
are　bound　to　him。〃

〃He　is　going　to　be　a　missionary　and　he　wanted　me　to　say　that　I　would
believe　just　as　he　did；　and　I　couldn't。　　But　I　thought　that　it　would　come
right；　andyes；　I　felt　bound　to　him；　too。　　That　is　allI　can't　explain
it！〃

〃Oh；　I　understand！〃　he　returned；　listlessly。

〃And　do　you　blame　me　for　not　telling　before？〃　　She　made　an　involuntary
movement　toward　him；　a　pathetic　gesture　which　both　entreated　and
compassionated。

〃There's　nobody　to　blame。　　You　have　tried　to　do　just　right　by　me；　as　well
as　him。　　Well；　I've　got　my　answer。　　Mrs。　Landercan　I〃

〃Why；　she　isn't　up　yet；　Mr。　Hinkle。〃　　Clementina　put　all　her　pain　for　him
into　the　expression　of　their　regret。

〃Then　I'll　have　to　leave　my　good…bye　for　her　with　you。　　I　don't　believe　I
can　come　back　again。〃　　He　looked　round　as　if　he　were　dizzy。　　〃Good…bye；〃
he　said；　and　offered　his　hand。　　It　was　cold　as　clay。

When　he　was　gone；　Clementina　went　into　Mrs：　Lander's　room；　and　gave　her
his　message。

〃Couldn't　he　have　come　back　this　aftanoon　to　see　me；　if　he　ain't　goin'
till　five？〃　she　demanded　jealously。

〃He　said　he　couldn't　come　back；〃　Clementina　answered　sadly。

The　woman　turned　her　head　on　her　pillow　and　looked　at　the　girl's　face。
〃Oh！〃　she　said　for　all　comment。




XXXI。

The　Milrays　came　a　month　later；　to　seek　a　milder　sun　than　they　had　left
burning　in　Florence。　　The　husband　and　wife　had　been　sojourning　there
since　their　arrival　from　Egypt；　but　they　had　not　been　his　sister's
guests；　and　she　did　not　now　pretend　to　be　of　their　party；　though　the　same
train；　even　the　same　carriage；　had　brought　her　to　Venice　with　them。　　They
went　to　a　hotel；　and　Miss　Milray　took　lodgings　where　she　always　spent　her
Junes；　before　going　to　the　Tyrol　for　the　summer。

〃You　are　wonderfully　improved；　every　way；〃　Mrs。　Milray　said　to　Clementina
when　they　met。　　〃I　knew　you　would　be；　if　Miss　Milray　took　you　in　hand；
and　I　can　see　she　has。　　What　she　doesn't　know　about　the　world　isn't　worth
knowing！　　I　hope　she　hasn't　made　you　too　worldly？　　But　if　she　has；　she's
taught　you　how　to　keep　from　showing　it；　you're　just　as　innocent…looking
as　ever；　and　that's　the　main　thing；　you　oughtn't　to　lose　that。　　You
wouldn't　dance　a　skirt　dance　now　before　a　ship's　company；　but　if　you　did；
no　one　would　suspect　that　you　knew　any　better。　　Have　you　forgiven　me；
yet？　　Well；　I　didn't　use　you　very　well；　Clementina；　and　I　never　pretended
I　did。　　I've　eaten　a　lot　of　humble　pie　for　that；　my　dear。　　Did　Miss
Milray　tell　you　that　I　wrote　to　her　about　it？　　Of　course　you　won't　say
how　she　told　you；　but　she　ought　to　have　done　me　the　justice　to　say　that　I
tried　to　be　a　friend　at　court　with　her　for　you。　　If　she　didn't；　she
wasn't　fair。〃

〃She　neva　said　anything　against　you；　Mrs。　Milray；〃　Clementina　answered。

〃Discreet　as　ever；　my　dear！　　I　understand！　　And　I　hope　you　understand
about　that　old　affair；　too；　by　this　time。　　It　was　a　complication。　　I　had
to　get　back　at　Lioncourt　somehow；　and　I　don't　honestly　think　now　that　his
admiration　for　a　young　girl　was　a　very　wholesome　thing　for　her。　　But
never　mind。　　You　had　that　Boston　goose　in　Florence；　too；　last　winter；
and　I　suppose　he　gobbled　up　what　little　Miss　Milray　had　left　of　me。　　But
she's　charming。　　I　could　go　down　on　my　knees　to　her　art　when　she　really
tries　to　finish　any　one。〃

Clementina　noticed　that　Mrs。　Milray　had　got　a　new　way　of　talking。　　She
had　a　chirpiness；　and　a　lift　in　her　inflections；　which　if　it　was　not
exactly　English　was　no　longer　Western　American。　　Clementina　herself　in
her　association　with　Hinkle　had　worn　off　her　English　rhythm；　and　in　her
long　confinement　to　the　conversation　of　Mrs。　Lander；　she　had　reverted　to
her　clipped　Yankee　accent。　　Mrs。　Milray　professed　to　like　it；　and　said　it
brought　back　so　delightfully　those　pleasant　days　at　Middlemount；　when
Clementina　really　was　a　child。　　〃I　met　somebody　at　Cairo；　who　seemed　very
glad　to　hear　about　you；　though　he　tried　to　seem　not。　　Can　you　guess　who
it　was？　　I　see　that　you　never　could；　in　the　world！　　We　got　quite　chummy
one　day；　when　we　were　going　out　to　the　pyramids　together；　and　he　gave
himself　away；　finely。　　He's　a　simple　soul！　　But　when　they're　in　love
they're　all　so！　　It　was　a　little　queer；　colloguing　with　the　ex…headwaiter
on　society　terms；　but　the　head…waitership　was　merely　an　episode；　and　the
main　thing　is　that　he　is　very　talented；　and　is　going　to　be　a　minister。
It's　a　pity　he's　so　devoted　to　his　crazy　missionary　scheme。　　Some　one
ought　to　get　hold　of　him；　and　point　him　in　the　direction　of　a　rich　New
York　congregation。　　He'd　find　heathen　enough　among　them；　and　he　could　do
the　greatest　amount　of　good　with　their　money；　I　tried　to　talk　it　into
him。　　I　suppose　you　saw　him　in　Florence；　this　spring？〃　　she　suddenly
asked。

〃Yes；〃　Clementina　answered　briefly。

〃And　you　didn't　make　it　up　together。　　I　got　that　much　out　of　Miss　Milray。
Well；　if　he　were　here；　I　should　find　out　why。　　But　I　don't　suppose　you
would　tell　me。〃　　She　waited　a　moment　to　see　if　Clementina　would；　and　then
she　said；　〃It's　a　pity；　for　I've　a　notion　I　could　help　you；　and　I　think　I
owe　you　a　good　turn；　for　the　way　I　behaved　about　your　dance。　　But　if　you
don't　want　my　help；　you　don't。〃

〃I　would　say　so　if　I　did；　Mrs。　Milray；〃　said　Clementina。　　〃I　was　hu't；
at　the　time；　but　I　don't　care　anything　for　it；　now。　　I　hope　you　won't
think　about　it　any　more！〃

〃Thank　you；〃　said　Mrs。　Milray；　〃　I'll　try　not　to；〃　and　she　laughed。　　〃But
I　should　like　to　do　something　to　prove　my　repentance。〃

Clementina　perceived　that　for　some　reason　she　would　rather　have　more　than
less　cause　for　regret；　and　that　she　was　mocking　her；　but　she　was　without
the　wish　or　the　power　to　retaliate；　and　she　did　not　try　to　fathom　Mrs。
Milray's　motives。　　Most　motives　in　life；　even　bad　motives；　lie　nearer　the
surface　than　most　people　commonly　pretend；　and　she　might　not　have　had　to
dig　deeper　into　Mrs。　Milray's　nature　for　hers　than　that　layer　of　her
consciousness　where　she　was　aware　that　Clementina　was　a　pet　of　her
sister…in…law。　　For　no　better　reason　she　herself　made　a　pet　of　Mrs。
Lander；　whose　dislike　of　Miss　Milray　was　not　hard　to　divine；　and　whose
willingness　to　punish　her　through　Clementina　was　akin　to　her　own。　　The
sick　woman　was　easily　flatt