the use and need of the life of carrie a. nation-第17部分

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I　would　often　put　ashes　on　my　head。　I　felt　like　wearing　sackcloth。　I　can
see　the　hand　of　God　in　my　life。　From　a　small　child　I　loved　the　world；
used　to　be　fond　of　pets。　It　seemed　that　my　pets　always　came　to　grief。
Then　I　was　very　anxious　to　be　thought　smart。　Would　try　to　write　and
wanted　a　thorough　education。　I　became　almost　an　invalid。　Could　not
attend　school。　Was　hindered　on　account　of　the　circumstances　brought
about　by　the　Civil　war。　The　man　I　loved　and　married　brought　to　me
bitter　grief。　The　child　I　loved　so　well　became　afflicted　and　never　seemed
to　want　my　love。　The　man　I　married；　hoping　to　serve　God；　I　found　to
be　opposed　to　all　I　did；　as　a　Christian。　I　used　to　wonder　why　this　was。
I　saw　others　with　their　loving　children　and　husbands　and　I　would　wish
their　condition　was　mine。　I　now　see　why　God　saw　in　me　a　great　lover；
and　in　order　to　have　me　use　that　love　for　Him；　and　others；　He　did　not
let　me　have　those　that　would　have　narrowed　my　life　down　to　my　own
selfish　wishes。　Oh！　the　grief　He　has　sent　me！　Oh！　the　fiery　trials！
Oh！　the　shattered　hopes！　How　I　love　Him　for　this！　〃Whom　the　Lord
loveth　He　chasteneth　and　scourgeth　every　son　whom　He　receiveth。〃
There　are　pages　in　my　life　that　have　had　much　to　do　in　bringing　me　in
sympathy　with　the　fallen　tempted　natures。　These　I　cannot　write；　but　let
no　erring；　sinful　man　or　woman　think　that　Carry　Nation　would　not　understand
this；　for　Carry　Nation　is　a　sinner　saved　by　grace　and　I　know　He
can　save　to　the　uttermost；　all　that　come　unto　Him。　〃Heaven　is　made　for
redeemed　sinners　and　hell　for　the　proud　and　disobedient。〃　When　I
see　the　proud　glance；　the　boastful　manner；　the　display　of；　〃I　am　better
than　thou；〃　I　feel　pity　and　commiseration　for　the　poor　dying　creature　and
see　〃behind　the　face　a　grinning　skull〃。　I　like　the　companionship　of　the
servant　in　the　kitchen　more　than　the　mistress　in　the　parlor。　I　covet　the
humblest　walk。　I　wish　for　the　power；　often；　to　make　the　rich　take　back
seats；　and　give　the　front　to　the　poor；　the　crippled；　the　lame　and　the　blind。
I　will　not　have　a　piece　of　fine　furniture。　I　have　no　carpets　on　my　floors。
I　have　two　small　rooms　in　Topeka　in　the　building　I　desire　to　give　to
the　W。　C。　T。　U。　for　prohibition　work。　The　little　cupboard　I　use　is　made
of　a　dry…goods　box；　with　shelves　in　it；　a　curtain　in　front。　My　dishes；
all　told；　kitchen　and　dining…room；　are　not　worth　five　dollars。　This　is　what
the　poor　have；　and　better　than　some　have。　It　is　good　enough。　It　is　better
than　my　blessed　Lord　had。　I　desire　nothing　better。　I　would　feel　like
a　reprobate　to　fill　my　room　with　expensive　furniture；　using　money　I　could
feed　the　hungry　with；　clothe　the　naked；　doing　things　that　would　please
my　Lord。　What　a　change！　I　used　to　delight　in　cut…glass；　china；　plush；
velvet　and　lace。　Now　I　can　say　vanity　of　vanity；　all　is　vanity！〃　There
may　be　almost　selfishness　in　this　eager　desire　I　have　to　give　away　the
means　that　are　at　my　disposal。　What　I　use　or　leave　behind　will　never
be　placed　to　my　credit　in　the　bank　of　heaven。　What　we　give　away　for
the　love　of　God　and　our　neighbor　is　all　we　take　with　us。　I　will　be　so
delighted　with　a　home　that　I　can　call　mine；　forever。　I　like　nice　wearing
apparel　but　I　will　not　be　deceived　by　spending　my　time　and　means　for
that　which　will　hinder　me　from　having　them　where　moth　and　rust　doth
not　corrupt　and　where　thieves　do　not　break　through　and　steal。　So　I
wish　to　make　to　myself　friends　of　the　mammon　of　unrighteousness　and
not　enemies；　for　the　hoarded　dollars　are　bitter　foes　that　will　be　witnesses
against　these　rich　men　at　That　Day。　I　am　praying　that　God　may　send
me　means　to　carry　out　a　plan　to　save　Kansas　from　traitors。　The　state　has
made　herself　a　name；　that　will　endure　forever；　because　she　began　a　warfare
against　a　government　at　a　time　when　few　were　wise　enough　to　see
that　this　revolution　meant　defiance　to　the　rum…soaked　republican　rule。
Every　moral　reform　is　a　protest　against　this　government　we　live　under。
What　does　the　W。　C。　T。　U。　mean？　The　mothers　banding　themselves　together
to　prevent　the　Government　from　slaughtering　them。

From　the　beginning　of　my　Christian　experience　I　have　devoted　myself
to　the　poor。　I　prayed　God　to　give　me　opportunity　to　be　helpful　to
those　who　were　destitute　of　the　comforts　of　life。　The　people　of　Medicine
Lodge　were　so　good　to　aid　me。　I　could　go　to　the　stores　and　ask
for　flour；　sugar　and　different　kinds　of　eatables　and　get　them。　There
was　one　man　I　never　asked　in　vain；　when　I　wished　aid　for　the　poor；
that　was　C。　Q。　Chandler；　a　man　who　was　able　to　help。　I　have　taken
poor　children　to　his　house　and　he　has　given　me　orders　at　the　dry…goods
stores　to　clothe　them；　so　they　could　attend　school。　He　has　given　me
money　frequently　to　get　fuel　and　clothes　for　those　who　needed　them。　One
Christmas　he　wrote　me　a　letter；　asking　me　for　the　names　of　all　the　poor
ones　and　asking　me　to　name　something　they　needed。　I　did；　and　all　got
something　useful。　Such　men　are　worthy　to　be　stewards　of　God's
treasury。

For　years　I　made　it　my　duty；　every　fall；　to　go　from　house　to　house
to　gather　clothes　for　the　poor　families；　wash　women　and　others　who
had　not　time　to　sew　for　their　children。　I　never　allowed　a　child　to
stay　out　of　day　or　Sunday　school；　for　want　of　clothes。　I　would　sort
out　these　clothes　and　distribute　as　needed。　Persons　would　say；　〃I
would　be　afraid　I　would　make　people　angry。〃　I　said　if　every　one　feels
that　way　I　will　say：　〃You　are　not　the　one　I　am　sent　to。〃　I　never　hurt
any　ones　feelings　by　offering　them　these　things。

There　was　a　family　by　the　name　of　French　who　came　into　a　neighborhood
about　three　miles　from　town。　I　heard　they　were　destitute。　I
filled　my　buggy　and　went　there　and　sure　enough　they　were　sadly　in
need。　I　brought　the　things　in　just　such　as　was　needed。　The　family　was
large。　The　woman　cried　like　her　heart　would　break；　just　for　gratitude；
she　could　not　thank　me　enough。　It　takes　so　little　to　make　some　people
happy。

I　read　of　a　miserable　miser　once　who　was　on　the　verge　of　suicide
by　the　side　of　a　river。　A　little　girl　came　to　him　saying：　〃Please　sir；
my　mother　is　sick　and　hungry。　Please　give　me　something　so　I　can　get
her　something　to　eat。〃　The　man　said　within　himself：　〃I　will　do　this
for　the　child　before　I　die。〃　He　went　to　a　bakershop　and　got　her　a　full
basket。　Then　she　looked　so　weak　he　carried　it　home　to　her　mother。　The
poor　woman　on　the　pallet　of　straw；　kissed　his　hands　and　blessed　him。
He　thought　of　the　money　he　might　use　to　make　people　happy。　He　concluded
he　would　use　it　before　he　died　for　he　had　enjoyed　for　the　first
time　in　his　life　the　peace　that　comes　from　giving。　After　this　his　life　was
a　blessing　to　himself　and　others。　He　had　found　the　best　use　of　life。

I　once　read　of　a　beautiful　story　of　one　of　the　early　fathers　of　the
church。　He　gave　away　everything　even　to　sufficient　clothes　to　keep　himself
warm。　A　rich　kind　hearted　woman　made　him　a　coat　of　fur　very
expensive。　Next　time　she　saw　him　he　did　not　have　it。　〃Where　is　that
coat　father；〃　she　asked。　He　replied：　〃I　thought　so　much　of　it　I　laid
it　up　in　heaven。　Where　moth　and　rust　doth　not　corrupt　and　where
thieves　do　not　break　through　and　steal。〃　He　had　given　it　to　the　first
shivering　man　he　met。



CHAPTER　VIII。

THE　DIVINE　CALL。THE　JOINT　DRUGGIST　OF　MEDICINE　LODGE。BEER　A　POISON。
DOCTORS　MAKE　DRUNKARDS。SMASHING　AT　KIOWA。ATTITUDE　OF　SOME
W。　C。　T。　U。'S　OF　KANSAS。SUIT　FOR　SLANDER。SMASHING　AT　WICHITA。
CONSPIRACY　OF　THE　REPUBLICANS　TO　PUT　ME　IN　THE　INSANE　ASYLUM。
SUFFERINGS　IN　JAIL　AT　WICHITA。SLANDERS　FROM　THE　RUM…SOAKED
PAPERS　OF　KANSAS。


At　the　time　these　dives　were　open；　contrary　to　the　statutes　of　our
state；　the　officers　were　really　in　league　with　this　lawless　element。　I　was
heavily　burdened　and　could　see　〃the　wicked　walking　on　every　side；　and
the　vilest　men　exalted。〃　I　was　ridiculed　and　my　work　was　called　〃meddler〃
〃crazy；〃　was　pointed　at　as　a　fanatic。　I　spent　much　time　in　tears；
prayer　and　fasting。　While　not　a　Roman　Catholic；　I　have　practiced　abstinence
from　meat　on　Friday；　for　Christ　suffered　on　that　day；　and　'tis　well
for　us　to　suffer。　I　also　use　the　sign　of　the　cross；　for　it　is　medicine　to
the　soul　to　be　reminded　of　His　sufferings。　Jesus　left　us　the　communion
of　bread　and　wine　that　we　might　remember　His　passion。　I　would　also
fast　days　at　a　time。　One　day　I　was　so　sad；　I　opened　the　Bible　with　a
prayer　for　light；　and　saw　these　words：　〃Arise；　shine；　for　thy　light　is
come　and　the　glory　of　the　Lord　is　risen　upon　thee。〃　These　words　gave
me　unbounded　delight。

I　ran　to　a　sister　and　said：　〃There　is　to　be　a　change　in　my　life。〃

On　the　6th　of　June；　before　retiring；　as　I　often　did；　I　threw　myself　face
downward　at　the　foot　of　my　bed　and　told　the　Lord　to　use　me　any　way　to
suppress　the　dreadful　curse　of　liquor；　that　He　had　ways　to　do　it；　that　I
had　done　all　I　knew；　that　the　wicked　had　conspired　to　take　from　us　the
protection　of　homes　in　Kansas；　to　kill　our　children　and　break　our　hearts。
I　told　Him　I　wished　I　had　a　thousand　lives；　that　I　would　give　Him　all
of　them；　and　wanted　Him　to　make　it　known　to　me；　some　way。　The　next
morning；　before　I　awoke；　I　heard　these　words　very　distinctly：　〃Go　to
Kiowa；　and〃　（as　in　a　vision　and　here　my　hands　were　lifted　and　cast　down
suddenly。）　〃I'll　stand　by　you。〃　I　did　not　hear　these　words　as　other
words；　there　was　no　voice；　but　they　seemed　to　be　spoken　in　my　heart。　I
sprang　from　my　bed　as　if　electrified；　and　knew　this　was　directions　given
me；　for　I　understood　that　it　was　God's　will　for　me　to　go　to　Kiowa　to
break；　or　smash　the　saloons。　I　was　so　glad；　that　I　hardly　looked　in　the
face　of　anyone　that　day；　for　fear　they　would　read　my　thoughts；　and　do
something　to　prevent　me。　I　told　no　one　of　my　plans；　for　I　felt　that　no
one　would　understand；　if　I　should。

I　got　a　box　that　would　fit　under　my　buggy　seat；　and　every　time　I
thought　no　one　would　see　me；　I　went　out　in　the　yard　and　picked　up
some　brick…bats；　for　rocks　are　scarce　around　Medicine　Lodge；　and　I　wrapped
them　up　in　newspapers　to　pack　in　the　box　under　my　buggy　seat。　I
also　had　four　bottles　I　had　bought　from　Southworth；　the　druggist；　with
〃Schlitz…Malt〃　in　them；　which　I　used　to　smash　with。　I　bought　two　kinds
of　this　malt　and　I　opened　one　bottle　and　found　it　to　be　beer。　I　was　going
to　use　t