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the uncommercial traveller-第64部分

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cried and laughed and choked all at once。  The story was wrought

out with the help of a virtuous spinning…wheel in the beginning; a

vicious set of diamonds in the middle; and a rheumatic blessing

(which arrived by post) from Ma Mere towards the end; the whole

resulting in a small sword in the body of one of the stout

gentlemen imperfectly repressed by a belt; fifty thousand francs

per annum and a decoration to the other stout gentleman imperfectly

repressed by a belt; and an assurance from everybody to the

provincial young man that if he were not supremely happy … which he

seemed to have no reason whatever for being … he ought to be。  This

afforded him a final opportunity of crying and laughing and choking

all at once; and sent the audience home sentimentally delighted。

Audience more attentive or better behaved there could not possibly

be; though the places of second rank in the Theatre of the Family

P。 Salcy were sixpence each in English money; and the places of

first rank a shilling。  How the fifteen subjects ever got so fat

upon it; the kind Heavens know。



What gorgeous china figures of knights and ladies; gilded till they

gleamed again; I might have bought at the Fair for the garniture of

my home; if I had been a French…Flemish peasant; and had had the

money!  What shining coffee…cups and saucers I might have won at

the turntables; if I had had the luck!  Ravishing perfumery also;

and sweetmeats; I might have speculated in; or I might have fired

for prizes at a multitude of little dolls in niches; and might have

hit the doll of dolls; and won francs and fame。  Or; being a

French…Flemish youth; I might have been drawn in a hand…cart by my

compeers; to tilt for municipal rewards at the water…quintain;

which; unless I sent my lance clean through the ring; emptied a

full bucket over me; to fend off which; the competitors wore

grotesque old scarecrow hats。  Or; being French…Flemish man or

woman; boy or girl; I might have circled all night on my hobby…

horse in a stately cavalcade of hobby…horses four abreast;

interspersed with triumphal cars; going round and round and round

and round; we the goodly company singing a ceaseless chorus to the

music of the barrel…organ; drum; and cymbals。  On the whole; not

more monotonous than the Ring in Hyde Park; London; and much

merrier; for when do the circling company sing chorus; THERE; to

the barrel…organ; when do the ladies embrace their horses round the

neck with both arms; when do the gentlemen fan the ladies with the

tails of their gallant steeds?  On all these revolving delights;

and on their own especial lamps and Chinese lanterns revolving with

them; the thoughtful weaver…face brightens; and the Hotel de Ville

sheds an illuminated line of gaslight:  while above it; the Eagle

of France; gas…outlined and apparently afflicted with the

prevailing infirmities that have lighted on the poultry; is in a

very undecided state of policy; and as a bird moulting。  Flags

flutter all around。  Such is the prevailing gaiety that the keeper

of the prison sits on the stone steps outside the prison…door; to

have a look at the world that is not locked up; while that

agreeable retreat; the wine…shop opposite to the prison in the

prison…alley (its sign La Tranquillite; because of its charming

situation); resounds with the voices of the shepherds and

shepherdesses who resort there this festive night。  And it reminds

me that only this afternoon; I saw a shepherd in trouble; tending

this way; over the jagged stones of a neighbouring street。  A

magnificent sight it was; to behold him in his blouse; a feeble

little jog…trot rustic; swept along by the wind of two immense

gendarmes; in cocked…hats for which the street was hardly wide

enough; each carrying a bundle of stolen property that would not

have held his shoulder…knot; and clanking a sabre that dwarfed the

prisoner。



'Messieurs et Mesdames; I present to you at this Fair; as a mark of

my confidence in the people of this so…renowned town; and as an act

of homage to their good sense and fine taste; the Ventriloquist;

the Ventriloquist!  Further; Messieurs et Mesdames; I present to

you the Face…Maker; the Physiognomist; the great Changer of

Countenances; who transforms the features that Heaven has bestowed

upon him into an endless succession of surprising and extraordinary

visages; comprehending; Messieurs et Mesdames; all the contortions;

energetic and expressive; of which the human face is capable; and

all the passions of the human heart; as Love; Jealousy; Revenge;

Hatred; Avarice; Despair!  Hi hi!  Ho ho!  Lu lu!  Come in!'  To

this effect; with an occasional smite upon a sonorous kind of

tambourine … bestowed with a will; as if it represented the people

who won't come in … holds forth a man of lofty and severe

demeanour; a man in stately uniform; gloomy with the knowledge he

possesses of the inner secrets of the booth。  'Come in; come in!

Your opportunity presents itself to…night; to…morrow it will be

gone for ever。  To…morrow morning by the Express Train the railroad

will reclaim the Ventriloquist and the Face…Maker!  Algeria will

reclaim the Ventriloquist and the Face…Maker!  Yes!  For the honour

of their country they have accepted propositions of a magnitude

incredible; to appear in Algeria。  See them for the last time

before their departure!  We go to commence on the instant。  Hi hi!

Ho ho!  Lu lu!  Come in!  Take the money that now ascends; Madame;

but after that; no more; for we commence!  Come in!'



Nevertheless; the eyes both of the gloomy Speaker and of Madame

receiving sous in a muslin bower; survey the crowd pretty sharply

after the ascending money has ascended; to detect any lingering

sous at the turning…point。  'Come in; come in!  Is there any more

money; Madame; on the point of ascending?  If so; we wait for it。

If not; we commence!'  The orator looks back over his shoulder to

say it; lashing the spectators with the conviction that he beholds

through the folds of the drapery into which he is about to plunge;

the Ventriloquist and the Face…Maker。  Several sous burst out of

pockets; and ascend。  'Come up; then; Messieurs!' exclaims Madame

in a shrill voice; and beckoning with a bejewelled finger。  'Come

up!  This presses。  Monsieur has commanded that they commence!'

Monsieur dives into his Interior; and the last half…dozen of us

follow。  His Interior is comparatively severe; his Exterior also。

A true Temple of Art needs nothing but seats; drapery; a small

table with two moderator lamps hanging over it; and an ornamental

looking…glass let into the wall。  Monsieur in uniform gets behind

the table and surveys us with disdain; his forehead becoming

diabolically intellectual under the moderators。  'Messieurs et

Mesdames; I present to you the Ventriloquist。  He will commence

with the celebrated Experience of the bee in the window。  The bee;

apparently the veritable bee of Nature; will hover in the window;

and about the room。  He will be with difficulty caught in the hand

of Monsieur the Ventriloquist … he will escape … he will again

hover … at length he will be recaptured by Monsieur the

Ventriloquist; and will be with difficulty put into a bottle。

Achieve then; Monsieur!'  Here the proprietor is replaced behind

the table by the Ventriloquist; who is thin and sallow; and of a

weakly aspect。  While the bee is in progress; Monsieur the

Proprietor sits apart on a stool; immersed in dark and remote

thought。  The moment the bee is bottled; he stalks forward; eyes us

gloomily as we applaud; and then announces; sternly waving his

hand:  'The magnificent Experience of the child with the whooping…

cough!'  The child disposed of; he starts up as before。  'The

superb and extraordinary Experience of the dialogue between

Monsieur Tatambour in his dining…room; and his domestic; Jerome; in

the cellar; concluding with the songsters of the grove; and the

Concert of domestic Farm…yard animals。'  All this done; and well

done; Monsieur the Ventriloquist withdraws; and Monsieur the Face…

Maker bursts in; as if his retiring…room were a mile long instead

of a yard。  A corpulent little man in a large white waistcoat; with

a comic countenance; and with a wig in his hand。  Irreverent

disposition to laugh; instantly checked by the tremendous gravity

of the Face…Maker; who intimates in his bow that if we expect that

sort of thing we are mistaken。  A very little shaving…glass with a

leg behind it is handed in; and placed on the table before the

Face…Maker。  'Messieurs et Mesdames; with no other assistance than

this mirror and this wig; I shall have the honour of showing you a

thousand characters。'  As a preparation; the Face…Maker with both

hands gouges himself; and turns his mouth inside out。  He then

becomes frightfully grave again; and says to the Proprietor; 'I am

ready!'  Proprietor stalks forth from baleful reverie; and

announces 'The Young Conscript!'  Face…Maker claps his wig on; hind

side before; looks in the glass; and appears above it as a

conscript so very imbecile; and squinting so extremely hard; that I

should think the State would never get any good of him。  Thunders

of applause。  Face…Maker dips behind the looking…glass; brings his

own hair forward; is himself again; is awfully grave。  'A

distinguished inhabitant of the Faubourg St。 Germain。'  Face…Maker

dips; rises; is supposed to be aged; blear…eyed; toothless;

slightly palsied; supernaturally polite; evidently of noble birth。

'The oldest member of the Corps of Invalides on the fete…day of his

master。'  Face…Maker dips; rises; wears the wig on one side; has

become the feeblest military bore in existence; and (it is clear)

would lie frightfully about his past achievements; if he were not

confined to pantomime。  'The Miser!'  Face…Maker dips; rises;

clutches a bag; and every hair of the wig is on end to express that

he lives in continual dread of thieves。  'The Geni
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