the uncommercial traveller-第72部分

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turned　down。　　Which　was　enough　for　ME。



Conference　took　place　between　the　Magistrate　and　clerk　respecting

the　charge。　　During　conference　I　was　evidently　regarded　as　a　much

more　objectionable　person　than　the　prisoner；　…　one　giving　trouble

by　coming　there　voluntarily；　which　the　prisoner　could　not　be

accused　of　doing。　　The　prisoner　had　been　got　up；　since　I　last　had

the　pleasure　of　seeing　her；　with　a　great　effect　of　white　apron　and

straw　bonnet。　　She　reminded　me　of　an　elder　sister　of　Red　Riding

Hood；　and　I　seemed　to　remind　the　sympathising　Chimney　Sweep　by　whom

she　was　attended；　of　the　Wolf。



The　Magistrate　was　doubtful；　Mr。　Uncommercial　Traveller；　whether

this　charge　could　be　entertained。　　It　was　not　known。　　Mr。

Uncommercial　Traveller　replied　that　he　wished　it　were　better　known；

and　that；　if　he　could　afford　the　leisure；　he　would　use　his

endeavours　to　make　it　so。　　There　was　no　question　about　it；　however；

he　contended。　　Here　was　the　clause。



The　clause　was　handed　in；　and　more　conference　resulted。　　After

which　I　was　asked　the　extraordinary　question：　　'Mr。　Uncommercial；

do　you　really　wish　this　girl　to　be　sent　to　prison？'　　To　which　I

grimly　answered；　staring：　　'If　I　didn't；　why　should　I　take　the

trouble　to　come　here？'　　Finally；　I　was　sworn；　and　gave　my　agreeable

evidence　in　detail；　and　White　Riding　Hood　was　fined　ten　shillings；

under　the　clause；　or　sent　to　prison　for　so　many　days。　　'Why；　Lord

bless　you；　sir；'　said　the　Police…officer；　who　showed　me　out；　with　a

great　enjoyment　of　the　jest　of　her　having　been　got　up　so

effectively；　and　caused　so　much　hesitation：　　'if　she　goes　to

prison；　that　will　be　nothing　new　to　HER。　　She　comes　from　Charles

Street；　Drury　Lane！'



The　Police；　all　things　considered；　are　an　excellent　force；　and　I

have　borne　my　small　testimony　to　their　merits。　　Constabular

contemplation　is　the　result　of　a　bad　system；　a　system　which　is

administered；　not　invented；　by　the　man　in　constable's　uniform；

employed　at　twenty　shillings　a　week。　　He　has　his　orders；　and　would

be　marked　for　discouragement　if　he　overstepped　them。　　That　the

system　is　bad；　there　needs　no　lengthened　argument　to　prove；　because

the　fact　is　self…evident。　　If　it　were　anything　else；　the　results

that　have　attended　it　could　not　possibly　have　come　to　pass。　　Who

will　say　that　under　a　good　system；　our　streets　could　have　got　into

their　present　state？



The　objection　to　the　whole　Police　system；　as　concerning　the

Ruffian；　may　be　stated；　and　its　failure　exemplified；　as　follows。

It　is　well　known　that　on　all　great　occasions；　when　they　come

together　in　numbers；　the　mass　of　the　English　people　are　their　own

trustworthy　Police。　　It　is　well　known　that　wheresoever　there　is

collected　together　any　fair　general　representation　of　the　people；　a

respect　for　law　and　order；　and　a　determination　to　discountenance

lawlessness　and　disorder；　may　be　relied　upon。　　As　to　one　another；

the　people　are　a　very　good　Police；　and　yet　are　quite　willing　in

their　good…nature　that　the　stipendiary　Police　should　have　the

credit　of　the　people's　moderation。　　But　we　are　all　of　us　powerless

against　the　Ruffian；　because　we　submit　to　the　law；　and　it　is　his

only　trade；　by　superior　force　and　by　violence；　to　defy　it。

Moreover；　we　are　constantly　admonished　from　high　places　（like　so

many　Sunday…school　children　out　for　a　holiday　of　buns　and　milk…and…

water）　that　we　are　not　to　take　the　law　into　our　own　hands；　but　are

to　hand　our　defence　over　to　it。　　It　is　clear　that　the　common　enemy

to　be　punished　and　exterminated　first　of　all　is　the　Ruffian。　　It　is

clear　that　he　is；　of　all　others；　THE　offender　for　whose　repressal

we　maintain　a　costly　system　of　Police。　　Him；　therefore；　we

expressly　present　to　the　Police　to　deal　with；　conscious　that；　on

the　whole；　we　can；　and　do；　deal　reasonably　well　with　one　another。

Him　the　Police　deal　with　so　inefficiently　and　absurdly　that　he

flourishes；　and　multiplies；　and；　with　all　his　evil　deeds　upon　his

head　as　notoriously　as　his　hat　is；　pervades　the　streets　with　no

more　let　or　hindrance　than　ourselves。







CHAPTER　XXXI　…　ABOARD　SHIP







My　journeys　as　Uncommercial　Traveller　for　the　firm　of　Human…

Interest　Brothers　have　not　slackened　since　I　last　reported　of　them；

but　have　kept　me　continually　on　the　move。　　I　remain　in　the　same

idle　employment。　　I　never　solicit　an　order；　I　never　get　any

commission；　I　am　the　rolling　stone　that　gathers　no　moss；　…　unless

any　should　by　chance　be　found　among　these　samples。



Some　half　a　year　ago；　I　found　myself　in　my　idlest；　dreamiest；　and

least　accountable　condition　altogether；　on　board　ship；　in　the

harbour　of　the　city　of　New　York；　in　the　United　States　of　America。

Of　all　the　good　ships　afloat；　mine　was　the　good　steamship　'RUSSIA；'

CAPT。　COOK；　Cunard　Line；　bound　for　Liverpool。　　What　more　could　I

wish　for？



I　had　nothing　to　wish　for　but　a　prosperous　passage。　　My　salad…days；

when　I　was　green　of　visage　and　sea…sick；　being　gone　with　better

things　（and　no　worse）；　no　coming　event　cast　its　shadow　before。



I　might　but　a　few　moments　previously　have　imitated　Sterne；　and

said；　'〃And　yet；　methinks；　Eugenius；〃　…　laying　my　forefinger

wistfully　on　his　coat…sleeve；　thus；　…　〃and　yet；　methinks；　Eugenius；

'tis　but　sorry　work　to　part　with　thee；　for　what　fresh　fields；　。　。　。

my　dear　Eugenius；　。　。　。　can　be　fresher　than　thou　art；　and　in　what

pastures　new　shall　I　find　Eliza；　or　call　her；　Eugenius；　if　thou

wilt；　Annie？〃'　…　I　say　I　might　have　done　this；　but　Eugenius　was

gone；　and　I　hadn't　done　it。



I　was　resting　on　a　skylight　on　the　hurricane…deck；　watching　the

working　of　the　ship　very　slowly　about；　that　she　might　head　for

England。　　It　was　high　noon　on　a　most　brilliant　day　in　April；　and

the　beautiful　bay　was　glorious　and　glowing。　　Full　many　a　time；　on

shore　there；　had　I　seen　the　snow　come　down；　down；　down　（itself　like

down）；　until　it　lay　deep　in　all　the　ways　of　men；　and　particularly；

as　it　seemed；　in　my　way；　for　I　had　not　gone　dry…shod　many　hours　for

months。　　Within　two　or　three　days　last　past　had　I　watched　the

feathery　fall　setting　in　with　the　ardour　of　a　new　idea；　instead　of

dragging　at　the　skirts　of　a　worn…out　winter；　and　permitting

glimpses　of　a　fresh　young　spring。　　But　a　bright　sun　and　a　clear　sky

had　melted　the　snow　in　the　great　crucible　of　nature；　and　it　had

been　poured　out　again　that　morning　over　sea　and　land；　transformed

into　myriads　of　gold　and　silver　sparkles。



The　ship　was　fragrant　with　flowers。　　Something　of　the　old　Mexican

passion　for　flowers　may　have　gradually　passed　into　North　America；

where　flowers　are　luxuriously　grown；　and　tastefully　combined　in　the

richest　profusion；　but；　be　that　as　it　may；　such　gorgeous　farewells

in　flowers　had　come　on　board；　that　the　small　officer's　cabin　on

deck；　which　I　tenanted；　bloomed　over　into　the　adjacent　scuppers；

and　banks　of　other　flowers　that　it　couldn't　hold　made　a　garden　of

the　unoccupied　tables　in　the　passengers'　saloon。　　These　delicious

scents　of　the　shore；　mingling　with　the　fresh　airs　of　the　sea；　made

the　atmosphere　a　dreamy；　an　enchanting　one。　　And　so；　with　the　watch

aloft　setting　all　the　sails；　and　with　the　screw　below　revolving　at

a　mighty　rate；　and　occasionally　giving　the　ship　an　angry　shake　for

resisting；　I　fell　into　my　idlest　ways；　and　lost　myself。



As；　for　instance；　whether　it　was　I　lying　there；　or　some　other

entity　even　more　mysterious；　was　a　matter　I　was　far　too　lazy　to

look　into。　　What　did　it　signify　to　me　if　it　were　I？　or　to　the　more

mysterious　entity；　if　it　were　he？　　Equally　as　to　the　remembrances

that　drowsily　floated　by　me；　or　by　him；　why　ask　when　or　where　the

things　happened？　　Was　it　not　enough　that　they　befell　at　some　time；

somewhere？



There　was　that　assisting　at　the　church　service　on　board　another

steamship；　one　Sunday；　in　a　stiff　breeze。　　Perhaps　on　the　passage

out。　　No　matter。　　Pleasant　to　hear　the　ship's　bells　go　as　like

church…bells　as　they　could；　pleasant　to　see　the　watch　off　duty

mustered　and　come　in：　　best　hats；　best　Guernseys；　washed　hands　and

faces；　smoothed　heads。　　But　then　arose　a　set　of　circumstances　so

rampantly　comical；　that　no　check　which　the　gravest　intentions　could

put　upon　them　would　hold　them　in　hand。　　Thus　the　scene。　　Some

seventy　passengers　assembled　at　the　saloon　tables。　　Prayer…books　on

tables。　　Ship　rolling　heavily。　　Pause。　　No　minister。　　Rumour　has

related　that　a　modest　young　clergyman　on　board　has　responded　to　the

captain's　request　that　he　will　officiate。　　Pause　again；　and　very

heavy　rolling。



Closed　double　doors　suddenly　burst　open；　and　two　strong　stewards

skate　in；　supporting　minister　between　them。　　General　appearance　as

of　somebody　picked　up　drunk　and　incapable；　and　under　conveyance　to

station…house。　　Stoppage；　pause；　and　particularly　heavy　rolling。

Stewards　watch　their　opportunity；　and　balance　themselves；　but

cannot　balance　minister；　who；　struggling　with　a　drooping　head　and　a

backward　tendency；　seems　determined　to　return　below；　while　they　are

as　determined　that　he　shall　be　got　to　the　reading…desk　in　mid…

saloon。　　Desk　portable；　sliding　away　down　a　long　table；　and　aiming

itself　at　the　breasts　of　various　members　of　the　congregation。　　Here

the　double　doors；　which　have　been　carefully　closed　by　other

stewards；　fly　open　again；　and　worldly　passenger　tumbles　in；

seemingly　with　pale…ale　designs：　　who；　seeking　friend；　says　'Joe！'

Perceiving　incongruity；　says；　'Hullo！　　Beg　yer　pardon！'　and　tumbles

out　again。　　All　this　time　the　congregation　have　been　breaking　up

into　sects；　…　as　the　manner　of　congregations　often　is；　each　sect

sliding　away　by　itself；　and　all　pounding　the　weakest　sect　which

slid　first　into　the　corner。　　Utmost　point　of　dissent　soon　attained

in　every　corner；　and　violent　rolling。　　Stewards　at　length　make　a

dash；　conduct　minister　to　the　mast　in　the　centre　of　the　saloon；

which　he　embraces　with　both　arms；　skate　out；　and　leave　him　in　that

condition　to　arrange　affairs　with　flock。



There　was　another