susy, a story of the plains-第29部分

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into　a　faint；　peculiar　smile。　　But　there　was　not　the　slightest　trace

of　that　pain；　wounded　pride；　indignation；　or　anger；　that　he　had

expected　to　see　upon　it。



〃That　means；　I　suppose；　Mr。　Brant；　that　YOU　no　longer　care　for　her？〃



The　smile　had　passed；　yet　she　spoke　now　with　a　half…real；　half…

affected　archness　that　was　also　unlike　her。



〃It　means；〃　said　Clarence　with　a　white　face；　but　a　steady　voice；

〃that　I　care　for　her　now　as　much　as　I　ever　cared　for　her；　no　matter

to　what　folly　it　once　might　have　led　me。　　But　it　means；　also；　that

there　was　no　time　when　I　was　not　able　to　tell　it　to　YOU　as　frankly

as　I　do　now〃



〃One　moment；　please；〃　she　interrupted；　and　turned　quickly　towards

the　door。　　She　opened　it　and　looked　out。　　〃I　thought　they　were

calling　me；andIIMUST　go　now；　Mr。　Brant。　　And　without

finishing　my　business　either；　or　saying　half　I　had　intended　to　say。

But　wait〃she　put　her　hand　to　her　head　in　a　pretty　perplexity；

〃it's　a　moonlight　night；　and　I'll　propose　after　dinner　a　stroll　in

the　gardens；　and　you　can　manage　to　walk　a　little　with　me。〃　　She

stopped　again；　returned；　said；　〃It　was　very　kind　of　you　to　think　of

me　at　Sacramento；〃　held　out　her　hand；　allowed　it　to　remain　for　an

instant；　cool　but　acquiescent；　in　his　warmer　grasp；　and　with　the

same　odd　youthfulness　of　movement　and　gesture　slipped　out　of　the

door。



An　hour　later　she　was　at　the　head　of　her　dinner　table；　serene；

beautiful；　and　calm；　in　her　elegant　mourning；　provokingly

inaccessible　in　the　sweet　deliberation　of　her　widowed　years；　Padre

Esteban　was　at　her　side　with　a　local　magnate；　who　had　known　Peyton

and　his　wife；　while　Donna　Rosita　and　a　pair　of　liquid…tongued；

childlike　senoritas　were　near　Clarence　and　Sanderson。　　To　the　priest

Mrs。　Peyton　spoke　admiringly　of　the　changes　in　the　rancho　and　the

restoration　of　the　Mission　Chapel；　and　together　they　had　commended

Clarence　from　the　level　of　their　superior　passionless　reserve　and

years。　　Clarence　felt　hopelessly　young　and　hopelessly　lonely；　the

naive　prattle　of　the　young　girls　beside　him　appeared　infantine。　　In

his　abstraction；　he　heard　Mrs。　Peyton　allude　to　the　beauty　of　the

night；　and　propose　that　after　coffee　and　chocolate　the　ladies　should

put　on　their　wraps　and　go　with　her　to　the　old　garden。　　Clarence

raised　his　eyes；　she　was　not　looking　at　him；　but　there　was　a　slight

consciousness　in　her　face　that　was　not　there　before；　and　the

faintest　color　in　her　cheek；　still　lingering；　no　doubt；　from　the

excitement　of　conversation。



It　was　a　cool；　tranquil；　dewless　night　when　they　at　last　straggled

out；　mere　black　and　white　patches　in　the　colorless　moonlight。　　The

brilliancy　of　the　flower…hued　landscape　was　subdued　under　its

passive；　pale　austerity；　even　the　gray　and　gold　of　the　second

terrace　seemed　dulled　and　confused。　　At　any　other　time　Clarence

might　have　lingered　over　this　strange　effect；　but　his　eyes　followed

only　a　tall　figure；　in　a　long　striped　burnous；　that　moved　gracefully

beside　the　soutaned　priest。　　As　he　approached；　it　turned　towards

him。



〃Ah！　here　you　are。　　I　just　told　Father　Esteban　that　you　talked　of

leaving　to…morrow；　and　that　he　would　have　to　excuse　me　a　few　moments

while　you　showed　me　what　you　had　done　to　the　old　garden。〃



She　moved　beside　him；　and；　with　a　hesitation　that　was　not　unlike　a

more　youthful　timidity；　slipped　her　hand　through　his　arm。　　It　was

for　the　first　time；　and；　without　thinking；　he　pressed　it　impulsively

to　his　side。　　I　have　already　intimated　that　Clarence's　reserve　was

at　times　qualified　by　singular　directness。



A　few　steps　carried　them　out　of　hearing；　a　few　more；　and　they　seemed

alone　in　the　world。　　The　long　adobe　wall　glanced　away　emptily　beside

them；　and　was　lost；　the　black　shadows　of　the　knotted　pear…trees　were

beneath　their　feet。　　They　began　to　walk　with　the　slight　affectation

of　treading　the　shadows　as　if　they　were　patterns　on　a　carpet。

Clarence　was　voiceless；　and　yet　he　seemed　to　be　moving　beside　a

spirit　that　must　be　first　addressed。



But　it　was　flesh　and　blood　nevertheless。



〃I　interrupted　you　in　something　you　were　saying　when　I　left　the

office；〃　she　said　quietly。



〃I　was　speaking　of　Susy；〃　returned　Clarence　eagerly；　〃and〃



〃Then　you　needn't　go　on；〃　interrupted　Mrs。　Peyton　quickly。　　〃I

understand　you；　and　believe　you。　　I　would　rather　talk　of　something

else。　　We　have　not　yet　arranged　how　I　can　make　restitution　to　you

for　the　capital　you　sank　in　saving　this　place。　　You　will　be

reasonable；　Mr。　Brant；　and　not　leave　me　with　the　shame　and　pain　of

knowing　that　you　ruined　yourself　for　the　sake　of　your　old　friends。

For　it　is　no　more　a　sentimental　idea　of　mine　to　feel　in　this　way

than　it　is　a　fair　and　sensible　one　for　you　to　imply　that　a　mere

quibble　of　construction　absolves　me　from　responsibility。　　Mr。

Sanderson　himself　admits　that　the　repossession　you　gave　us　is　a　fair

and　legal　basis　for　any　arrangement　of　sharing　or　division　of　the

property　with　you；　that　might　enable　you　to　remain　here　and　continue

the　work　you　have　so　well　begun。　　Have　you　no　suggestion；　or　must　it

come　from　ME；　Mr。　Brant？〃



〃Neither。　　Let　us　not　talk　of　that　now。〃



She　did　not　seem　to　notice　the　boyish　doggedness　of　his　speech；

except　so　far　as　it　might　have　increased　her　inconsequent　and

nervously　pitched　levity。



〃Then　suppose　we　speak　of　the　Misses　Hernandez；　with　whom　you

scarcely　exchanged　a　word　at　dinner；　and　whom　I　invited　for　you　and

your　fluent　Spanish。　　They　are　charming　girls；　even　if　they　are　a

little　stupid。　　But　what　can　I　do？　　If　I　am　to　live　here；　I　must

have　a　few　young　people　around　me；　if　only　to　make　the　place

cheerful　for　others。　　Do　you　know　I　have　taken　a　great　fancy　to　Miss

Rogers；　and　have　asked　her　to　visit　me。　　I　think　she　is　a　good

friend　of　yours；　although　perhaps　she　is　a　little　shy。　　What's　the

matter？　　You　have　nothing　against　her；　have　you？〃



Clarence　had　stopped　short。　　They　had　reached　the　end　of　the　pear…

tree　shadows。　　A　few　steps　more　would　bring　them　to　the　fallen　south

wall　of　the　garden　and　the　open　moonlight　beyond；　but　to　the　right

an　olive　alley　of　deeper　shadow　diverged。



〃No；〃　he　said；　with　slow　deliberation；　〃I　have　to　thank　Mary　Rogers

for　having　discovered　something　in　me　that　I　have　been　blindly；

foolishly；　and　hopelessly　struggling　with。〃



〃And；　pray；　what　was　that？〃　said　Mrs。　Peyton　sharply。



〃That　I　love　you！〃



Mrs。　Peyton　was　fairly　startled。　　The　embarrassment　of　any　truth　is

apt　to　be　in　its　eternal　abruptness；　which　no　deviousness　of　tact　or

circumlocution　of　diplomacy　has　ever　yet　surmounted。　　Whatever　had

been　in　her　heart；　or　mind；　she　was　unprepared　for　this　directness。

The　bolt　had　dropped　from　the　sky；　they　were　alone；　there　was

nothing　between　the　stars　and　the　earth　but　herself　and　this　man　and

this　truth；　it　could　not　be　overlooked；　surmounted；　or　escaped　from。

A　step　or　two　more　would　take　her　out　of　the　garden　into　the

moonlight；　but　always　into　this　awful　frankness　of　blunt　and

outspoken　nature。　　She　hesitated；　and　turned　the　corner　into　the

olive　shadows。　　It　was；　perhaps；　more　dangerous；　but　less　shameless；

and　less　like　truckling。　　And　the　appallingly　direct　Clarence

instantly　followed。



〃I　know　you　will　despise　me；　hate　me；　and；　perhaps；　worst　of　all；

disbelieve　me；　but　I　swear　to　you；　now；　that　I　have　always　loved

you；yes；　ALWAYS！　　When　first　I　came　here；　it　was　not　to　see　my　old

playmate；　but　YOU；　for　I　had　kept　the　memory　of　you　as　I　first　saw

you　when　a　boy；　and　you　have　always　been　my　ideal。　　I　have　thought

of；　dreamed　of；　worshiped；　and　lived　for　no　other　woman。　　Even　when

I　found　Susy　again；　grown　up　here　at　your　side；　even　when　I　thought

that　I　might；　with　your　consent；　marry　her；　it　was　that　I　might　be

with　YOU　always；　that　I　might　be　a　part　of　YOUR　home；　your　family；

and　have　a　place　with　her　in　YOUR　heart；　for　it　was　you　I　loved；　and

YOU　only。　　Don't　laugh　at　me；　Mrs。　Peyton；　it　is　the　truth；　the

whole　truth；　I　am　telling　you。　　God　help　me！〃



If　she　only　COULD　have　laughed；harshly；　ironically；　or　even

mercifully　and　kindly！　　But　it　would　not　come。　　And　she　burst　out：



〃I　am　not　laughing。　　Good　heavens；　don't　you　see？　　It　is　ME　you　are

making　ridiculous。〃



〃YOU　ridiculous？〃　he　said　in　a　momentarily　choked；　half…stupefied

voice。　　〃Youa　beautiful　woman；　my　superior　in　everything；　the

mistress　of　these　lands　where　I　am　only　stewardmade　ridiculous；

not　by　my　presumption；　but　by　my　confession？　　Was　the　saint　you　just

now　admired　in　Father　Esteban's　chapel　ridiculous　because　of　the

peon　clowns　who　were　kneeling　before　it？〃



〃Hush！　　This　is　wicked！　　Stop！〃



She　felt　she　was　now　on　firm　ground；　and　made　the　most　of　it　in

voice　and　manner。　　She　must　draw　the　line　somewhere；　and　she　would

draw　it　between　passion　and　impiety。



〃Not　until　I　have　told　you　all；　and　I　MUST　before　I　leave　you。　　I

loved　you　when　I　came　here；even　when　your　husband　was　alive。

Don't　be　angry；　Mrs。　Peyton；　HE　would　not；　and　need　not；　have　been

angry；　he　would　have　pitied　the　foolish　boy；　who；　in　the　very

innocence　and　ignorance　of　his　passion；　might　have　revealed　it　to

him　as　he　did　to　everybody　but　ONE。　　And　yet；　I　sometimes　think　you

might　have　guessed　it；　had　you　thought　of　me　at　all。　　It　must　have

been　on　my　lips　that　day　I　sat　with　you　in　the　boudoir。　　I　know　that

I　was　filled　with　it；　with　it　and　with　you；　with　your　presence；　with

your　beauty；　your　grace　of　heart　and　mind；yes；　Mrs。　Peyton；　even

with　your　own　unrequited　love　for　Susy。　　Only；　then；　I　knew　not　what

it　was。〃



〃But　I　think　I　can　tell　you　what　it　was　then；　and　now；〃　said　Mrs。

Peyton；　recovering　her　nervous　little　laugh；　though　it　died　a　moment

after　on　her　lips。　　〃I　remember　it　very　well。　　You　told　me　then　that

I　REMINDED　YOU　OF　YOUR　MOTHER。　　Well；　I　am　not　old　enough　to　be　your

mother；　Mr。　Brant；　but　I　am　old　enough　to　have　been；　and　might　have

been；　the　mother