the dark flower-第15部分

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her　softly　through　the　grass；　and；　when　he　was　a　little　way　off；
thought　it　best　to　halt。　　If　he　startled　her　she　might　run　away；
and　he　would　not　have　the　heart　to　follow。　　How　still　she　was；　lost
in　her　brooding！　　He　wished　he　could　see　her　face。　　He　spoke　at
last；　gently：

〃Sylvia！　。　。　。　　Would　you　mind？〃

And；　seeing　that　she　did　not　move；　he　went　up　to　her。　　Surely　she
could　not　still　be　angry　with　him！

〃Thanks　most　awfully　for　that　book　you　gave　meit　looks　splendid！〃

She　made　no　answer。　　And　leaning　his　rod　against　the　stone；　he
sighed。　　That　silence　of　hers　seemed　to　him　unjust；　what　was　it　she
wanted　him　to　say　or　do？　　Life　was　not　worth　living；　if　it　was　to
be　all　bottled　up　like　this。

〃I　never　meant　to　hurt　you。　　I　hate　hurting　people。　　It's　only　that
my　beasts　are　so　badI　can't　bear　people　to　see　themespecially
youI　want　to　please　youI　do　really。　　So；　you　see；　that　was　all。
You　MIGHT　forgive　me；　Sylvia！〃

Something　over　the　wall；　a　rustling；　a　scattering　in　the　fern
deer；　no　doubt！　　And　again　he　said　eagerly；　softly：

〃You　might　be　nice　to　me；　Sylvia；　you　really　might。〃

Very　quickly；　turning　her　head　away；　she　said：

〃It　isn't　that　any　more。　　It'sit's　something　else。〃

〃What　else？〃

〃Nothingonly；　that　I　don't　countnow〃

He　knelt　down　beside　her。　　What　did　she　mean？　　But　he　knew　well
enough。

〃Of　course；　you　count！　　Most　awfully！　　Oh；　don't　be　unhappy！　　I
hate　people　being　unhappy。　　Don't　be　unhappy；　Sylvia！〃　　And　he
began　gently　to　stroke　her　arm。　　It　was　all　strange　and　troubled
within　him；　one　thing　only　plainhe　must　not　admit　anything！　　As
if　reading　that　thought；　her　blue　eyes　seemed　suddenly　to　search
right　into　him。　　Then　she　pulled　some　blades　of　grass；　and　began
plaiting　them。

〃SHE　counts。〃

Ah！　　He　was　not　going　to　say：　She　doesn't！　　It　would　be　caddish　to
say　that。　　Even　if　she　didn't　countDid　she　still？it　would　be
mean　and　low。　　And　in　his　eyes　just　then　there　was　the　look　that
had　made　his　tutor　compare　him　to　a　lion　cub　in　trouble。

Sylvia　was　touching　his　arm。

〃Mark！〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Don't！〃

He　got　up　and　took　his　rod。　　What　was　the　use？　　He　could　not　stay
there　with　her；　since　he　could　notmust　not　speak。

〃Are　you　going？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Are　you　angry？　　PLEASE　don't　be　angry　with　me。〃

He　felt　a　choke　in　his　throat；　bent　down　to　her　hand；　and　kissed
it；　then　shouldered　his　rod；　and　marched　away。　　Looking　back　once；
he　saw　her　still　sitting　there；　gazing　after　him；　forlorn；　by　that
great　stone。　　It　seemed　to　him；　then；　there　was　nowhere　he　could
go；　nowhere　except　among　the　birds　and　beasts　and　trees；　who　did
not　mind　even　if　you　were　all　mixed　up　and　horrible　inside。　　He　lay
down　in　the　grass　on　the　bank。　　He　could　see　the　tiny　trout　moving
round　and　round　the　stones；　swallows　came　all　about　him；　flying
very　low；　a　hornet；　too；　bore　him　company　for　a　little。　　But　he
could　take　interest　in　nothing；　it　was　as　if　his　spirit　were　in
prison。　　It　would　have　been　nice；　indeed；　to　be　that　water；　never
staying；　passing；　passing；　or　wind；　touching　everything；　never
caught。　　To　be　able　to　do　nothing　without　hurting　someonethat　was
what　was　so　ghastly。　　If　only　one　were　like　a　flower；　that　just
sprang　up　and　lived　its　life　all　to　itself；　and　died。　　But　whatever
he　did；　or　said　now；　would　be　like　telling　lies；　or　else　being
cruel。　　The　only　thing　was　to　keep　away　from　people。　　And　yet　how
keep　away　from　his　own　guests？

He　went　back　to　the　house　for　lunch；　but　both　those　guests　were
out；　no　one　seemed　quite　to　know　where。　　Restless；　unhappy；
puzzled；　he　wandered　round　and　about　all　the　afternoon。　　Just
before　dinner　he　was　told　of　Mrs。　Stormer's　not　being　well；　and
that　they　would　be　leaving　to…morrow。　　Goingafter　three　days！
That　plunged　him　deeper　into　his　strange　and　sorrowful　confusion。
He　was　reduced　now　to　a　complete　brooding　silence。　　He　knew　he　was
attracting　attention；　but　could　not　help　it。　　Several　times　during
dinner　he　caught　Gordy's　eyes　fixed　on　him；　from　under　those　puffy
half…closed　lids；　with　asphyxiated　speculation。　　But　he　simply
COULD　not　talkeverything　that　came　into　his　mind　to　say　seemed
false。　　Ah！　it　was　a　sad　eveningwith　its　glimmering　vision　into
another's　sore　heart；　its　confused　gnawing　sense　of　things　broken；
faith　betrayed；　and　yet　always　the　perplexed　wonder〃How　could　I
have　helped　it？〃　　And　always　Sylvia's　wistful　face　that　he　tried
not　to　look　at。

He　stole　out；　leaving　Gordy　and　his　tutor　still　over　their　wine；
and　roamed　about　the　garden　a　long　time；　listening　sadly　to　the
owls。　　It　was　a　blessing　to　get　upstairs；　though　of　course　he　would
not　sleep。

But　he　did　sleep；　all　through　a　night　of　many　dreams；　in　the　last
of　which　he　was　lying　on　a　mountain　side；　Anna　looking　down　into
his　eyes；　and　bending　her　face　to　his。　　He　woke　just　as　her　lips
touched　him。　　Still　under　the　spell　of　that　troubling　dream；　he
became　conscious　of　the　sound　of　wheels　and　horses'　hoofs　on　the
gravel；　and　sprang　out　of　bed。　　There　was　the　waggonette　moving
from　the　door；　old　Godden　driving；　luggage　piled　up　beside　him；　and
the　Stormers　sitting　opposite　each　other　in　the　carriage。　　Going
away　like　thathaving　never　even　said　good…bye！　　For　a　moment　he
felt　as　people　must　when　they　have　unwittingly　killed　someone
utterly　stunned　and　miserable。　　Then　he　dashed　into　his　clothes。
He　would　not　let　her　go　thus！　　He　wouldhe　mustsee　her　again！
What　had　he　done　that　she　should　go　like　this？　　He　rushed
downstairs。　　The　hall　was　empty；　nineteen　minutes　to　eight！　　The
train　left　at　eight　o'clock。　　Had　he　time　to　saddle　Bolero？　　He
rushed　round　to　the　stables；　but　the　cob　was　out；　being　shoed。　　He
wouldhe　must　get　there　in　time。　　It　would　show　her　anyway　that　he
was　not　quite　a　cad。　　He　walked　till　the　drive　curved；　then　began
running　hard。　　A　quarter　of　a　mile；　and　already　he　felt　better；　not
so　miserable　and　guilty；　it　was　something　to　feel　you　had　a　tough
job　in　hand；　all　your　work　cut　outsomething　to　have　to　think　of
economizing　strength；　picking　out　the　best　going；　keeping　out　of
the　sun；　saving　your　wind　uphill；　flying　down　any　slope。　　It　was
cool　still；　and　the　dew　had　laid　the　dust；　there　was　no　traffic　and
scarcely　anyone　to　look　back　and　gape　as　he　ran　by。　　What　he　would
do；　if　he　got　there　in　timehow　explain　this　mad　three…mile　run
he　did　not　think。　　He　passed　a　farm　that　he　knew　was　just　half…way。
He　had　left　his　watch。　　Indeed；　he　had　put　on　only　his　trousers；
shirt；　and　Norfolk　jacket；　no　tie；　no　hat；　not　even　socks　under　his
tennis　shoes；　and　he　was　as　hot　as　fire；　with　his　hair　flying　back
a　strange　young　creature　indeed　for　anyone　to　meet。　　But　he　had
lost　now　all　feeling；　save　the　will　to　get　there。　　A　flock　of　sheep
came　out　of　a　field　into　the　lane。　　He　pushed　through　them　somehow；
but　they　lost　him　several　seconds。　　More　than　a　mile　still；　and　he
was　blown；　and　his　legs　beginning　to　give！　　Downhill　indeed　they
went　of　their　own　accord；　but　there　was　the　long　run…in；　quite
level；　and　he　could　hear　the　train；　now　slowly　puffing　its　way
along　the　valley。　　Then；　in　spite　of　exhaustion；　his　spirit　rose。
He　would　not　go　in　looking　like　a　scarecrow；　utterly　done；　and　make
a　scene。　　He　must　pull　himself　together　at　the　end；　and　stroll　in
as　if　he　had　come　for　fun。　　But　howseeing　that　at　any　moment　he
felt　he　might　fall　flat　in　the　dust；　and　stay　there　for　ever！　　And；
as　he　ran；　he　made　little　desperate　efforts　to　mop　his　face；　and
brush　his　clothes。　　There　were　the　gates；　at　lasttwo　hundred
yards　away。　　The　train；　he　could　hear　no　longer。　　It　must　be
standing　in　the　station。　　And　a　sob　came　from　his　overdriven　lungs。
He　heard　the　guard's　whistle　as　he　reached　the　gates。　　Instead　of
making　for　the　booking…office；　he　ran　along　the　paling；　where　an
entrance　to　the　goods'…shed　was　open；　and　dashing　through　he　fell
back　against　the　honeysuckle。　　The　engine　was　just　abreast　of　him；
he　snatched　at　his　sleeve　and　passed　it　over　his　face；　to　wipe　the
sweat　away。　　Everything　was　blurred。　　He　must　seesurely　he　had
not　come　in　time　just　not　to　see！　　He　pushed　his　hands　over　his
forehead　and　hair；　and　spied　up　dizzily　at　the　slowly　passing
train。　　She　was　there；　at　a　window！　　Standing；　looking　out！　　He
dared　not　step　forward；　for　fear　of　falling；　but　he　put　out　his
hand　　She　saw　him。　　Yes；　she　saw　him！　　Wasn't　she　going　to　make　a
sign？　　Not　one？　　And　suddenly　he　saw　her　tear　at　her　dress；　pluck
something　out；　and　throw　it。　　It　fell　close　to　his　feet。　　He　did
not　pick　it　uphe　wanted　to　see　her　face　till　she　was　gone。　　It
looked　wonderfulvery　proud；　and　pale。　　She　put　her　hand　up　to　her
lips。　　Then　everything　went　blurred　again　and　when　he　could　see
once　more；　the　train　had　vanished。　　But　at　his　feet　was　what　she
had　thrown。　　He　picked　it　up！　　All　dry　and　dark；　it　was　the　flower
she　had　given　him　in　the　Tyrol；　and　stolen　back　from　his
buttonhole。

Creeping　out；　past　the　goods'…shed；　he　made　his　way　to　a　field；　and
lay　down　with　his　face　pressed　to　that　withered　thing　which　still
had　its　scent。　。　。　。


The　asphyxiated　speculation　in　his　guardian's　eyes　had　not　been
without　significance。　　Mark　did　not　go　back　to　Oxford。　　He　went
instead　to　Rometo　live　in　his　sister's　house；　and　attend　a　school
of　sculpture。　　That　was　the　beginning　of　a　time　when　nothing
counted　except　his　work。

To　Anna　he　wrote　twice；　but　received　no　answer。　　From　his　tutor　he
had　one　little　note：


〃MY　DEAR　LENNAN；

〃So！　　You　abandon　us　for　Art？　　Ah！　wellit　was　your　moon；　if　I
rememberone　of　them。　　A　worthy　moona　little　dusty　in　these
daysa　little　in　her　declinebut　to　you　no　doubt　a　virgin
goddess；　whose　hem；　etc。

〃We　shall　retain　the　friendliest　memories　of　you　in　spite　of　your
defection。

〃Once　your　tutor　and　still　your　friend；

〃HAROLD　STORMER。〃


After　that　vacation　it　was　longvery　long　before　he　saw　Sylvia
again。



PART　II

SUMMER


I


Gleam　of　a　thousand　lights；　clack　and　mutter　of　innumerable　voices；
laughter；　footsteps；　hiss　and　rumble　of　passing　trains　taking
gamblers　back　to　Nice　or　Mentone；　fevered　wailing　from　the　violins
of　four　fiddlers　with　dark…white　skins　outside　the　cafe；　and　above；
around；　beyond；　the　dark　sky；　and　the　dark　moun