the dark flower-第19部分

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honour　had　come　his　wayhad　he　had　a　thing　like　this　to　deal　with。
Poor　child！　　But　he　had　no　business　to　think　of　her　like　that。　　No；
indeed！　　She　had　not　behavedas　　And　there　he　paused；　curiously
unable　to　condemn　her。　　Suppose　they　got　up　and　came　that　way！

He　took　his　hands　off　the　stone　parapet；　and　made　for　his　hotel。
His　palms　were　white　from　the　force　of　his　grip。　　He　said　to
himself　as　he　went　along：　〃I　must　consider　the　whole　question
calmly；　I　must　think　it　out。〃　　This　gave　him　relief。　　With　young
Lennan；　at　all　events；　he　could　be　angry。　　But　even　there　he　found；
to　his　dismay；　no　finality　of　judgment。　　And　this　absence　of
finality；　so　unwonted；　distressed　him　horribly。　　There　was
something　in　the　way　the　young　man　had　been　sitting　there　beside
herso　quiet；　so　almost　timidthat　had　touched　him。　　This　was
bad；　by　Jovevery　bad！　　The　two　of　them；　they　made；　somehow；　a
nice　couple！　　Confound　it！　　This　would　not　do！　　The　chaplain　of　the
little　English　church；　passing　at　this　moment；　called　out；　〃Fine
morning；　Colonel　Ercott。〃　　The　Colonel　saluted；　and　did　not　answer。
The　greeting　at　the　moment　seemed　to　him　paltry。　　No　morning　could
be　fine　that　contained　such　a　discovery。　　He　entered　the　hotel；
passed　into　the　dining…room；　and　sat　down。　　Nobody　was　there。　　They
all　had　their　breakfast　upstairs；　even　Dolly。　　Olive　alone　was　in
the　habit　of　supporting　him　while　he　ate　an　English　breakfast。　　And
suddenly　he　perceived　that　he　was　face　to　face　already　with　this
dreadful　situation。　　To　have　breakfast　without；　as　usual；　waiting
for　her；　seemed　too　pointed。　　She　might　be　coming　in　at　any　minute
now。　　To　wait　for　her；　and　have　it；　without　showing　anythinghow
could　he　do　that？

He　was　conscious　of　a　faint　rustling　behind　him。　　There　she　was；
and　nothing　decided。　　In　this　moment　of　hopeless　confusion　the
Colonel　acted　by　pure　instinct；　rose；　patted　her　cheek；　and　placed
a　chair。

〃Well；　my　dear；〃　he　said；　〃hungry？〃

She　was　looking　very　dainty；　very　soft。　　That　creamy　dress　showed
off　her　dark　hair　and　eyes；　which　seemed　somehow　to　beflying　off
somewhere；　yesit　was　queer；　but　that　was　the　only　way　to　put　it。
He　got　no　reassurance；　no　comfort；　from　the　sight　of　her。　　And
slowly　he　stripped　the　skin　from　the　banana　with　which　he　always
commenced　breakfast。　　One　might　just　as　well　be　asked　to　shoot　a
tame　dove　or　tear　a　pretty　flower　to　pieces　as　be　expected　to　take
her　to　task；　even　if　he　could；　in　honour。　　And　he　sought　refuge　in
the　words：

〃Been　out？〃　　Then　could　have　bitten　his　tongue　off。　　Suppose　she
answered：　〃No。〃

But　she　did　not　so　answer。　　The　colour　came　into　her　cheeks；
indeed；　but　she　nodded：　〃It's　so　lovely！〃

How　pretty　she　looked　saying　that！　　He　had　put　himself　out　of　court
nowcould　never　tell　her　what　he　had　seen；　after　setting；　as　it
were；　that　trap　for　her；　and　presently　he　asked：

〃Got　any　plans　to…day？〃

She　answered；　without　flinching　in　the　least：

〃Mark　Lennan　and　I　were　going　to　take　mules　from　Mentone　up　to
Gorbio。〃

He　was　amazed　at　her　steadinessnever；　to　his　knowledge；　having
encountered　a　woman　armoured　at　every　point　to　preserve　a　love　that
flies　against　the　world。　　How　tell　what　was　under　her　smile！　　And
in　confusion　of　feeling　that　amounted　almost　to　pain　he　heard　her
say：

〃Will　you　and　Aunt　Dolly　come？〃

Between　sense　of　trusteeship　and　hatred　of　spoiling　sport；　between
knowledge　of　the　danger　she　was　in　and　half…pitying　admiration　at
the　sight　of　her；　between　real　disapproval　of　an　illicit　and
underhand　business　（what　else　was　it；　after　all？）　and　some　dim
perception　that　here　was　something　he　did　not　begin　to　be　able　to
fathomsomething　that　perhaps　no　one　but　those　two　themselves
could　deal　withbetween　these　various　extremes　he　was　lost　indeed。
And　he　stammered　out：

〃I　must　ask　your　aunt；　she'sshe's　not　very　good　on　a　mule。〃

Then；　in　an　impulse　of　sheer　affection；　he　said　with　startling
suddenness：　〃My　dear；　I've　often　meant　to　ask；　are　you　happy　at
home？〃

〃At　home？〃

There　was　something　sinister　about　the　way　she　repeated　that；　as　if
the　word　〃home〃　were　strange　to　her。

She　drank　her　coffee　and　got　up；　and　the　Colonel　felt　afraid　of
her；　standing　thereafraid　of　what　she　was　going　to　tell　him。　　He
grew　very　red。　　But；　worse　than　all；　she　said　absolutely　nothing；
only　shrugged　her　shoulders　with　a　little　smile　that　went　to　his
heart。


VI


On　the　wild　thyme；　under　the　olives　below　the　rock　village　of
Gorbio；　with　their　mules　cropping　at　a　little　distance；　those　two
sat　after　their　lunch；　listening　to　the　cuckoos。　　Since　their
uncanny　chance　meeting　that　morning　in　the　gardens；　when　they　sat
with　their　hands　just　touching；　amazed　and　elated　by　their　own　good
fortune；　there　was　not　much　need　to　say　what　they　felt；　to　break
with　words　this　rapture　of　belonging　to　each　otherso　shyly；　so
wildly；　so；　as　it　were；　without　reality。　　They　were　like　epicures
with　old　wine　in　their　glasses；　not　yet　tired　of　its　fragrance　and
the　spell　of　anticipation。

And　so　their　talk　was　not　of　love；　but；　in　that　pathetic　way　of
star…crossed　lovers；　of　the　things　they　loved；　leaving　outeach
other。

It　was　the　telling　of　her　dream　that　brought　the　words　from　him　at
last；　but　she　drew　away；　and　answered：

〃It　can'tit　mustn't　be！〃

Then　he　just　clung　to　her　hand；　and　presently；　seeing　that　her　eyes
were　wet；　took　courage　enough　to　kiss　her　cheek。

Trembling　and　fugitive　indeed　that　first　passage　of　their　love。
Not　much　of　the　conquering　male　in　him；　nor　in　her　of　the　ordinary
enchantress。

And　then　they　went；　outwardly　sober　enough；　riding　their　mules　down
the　stony　slopes　back　to　Mentone。

But　in　the　grey；　dusty　railway…carriage　when　she　had　left　him；　he
was　like　a　man　drugged；　staring　at　where　she　had　sat　opposite。

Two　hours　later；　at　dinner　in　her　hotel；　between　her　and　Mrs。
Ercott；　with　the　Colonel　opposite；　he　knew　for　the　first　time　what
he　was　faced　with。　　To　watch　every　thought　that　passed　within　him；
lest　it　should　by　the　slightest　sign　betray　him；　to　regulate　and
veil　every　look　and　every　word　he　spoke　to　her；　never　for　a　second
to　forget　that　these　other　persons　were　actual　and　dangerous；　not
merely　the　insignificant　and　grotesque　shadows　that　they　seemed。
It　would　be　perhaps　for　ever　a　part　of　his　love　for　her　to　seem　not
to　love　her。　　He　did　not　dare　dream　of　fulfilment。　　He　was　to　be
her　friend；　and　try　to　bring　her　happinessburn　and　long　for　her；
and　not　think　about　reward。　　This　was　his　first　real　overwhelming
passionso　different　to　the　loves　of　springand　he　brought　to　it
all　that　naivete；　that　touching　quality　of　young　Englishmen；　whose
secret　instinct　it　is　to　back　away　from　the　full　nature　of　love；
even　from　admitting　that　it　has　that　nature。　　They　two　were　to
love；　andnot　to　love！　　For　the　first　time　he　understood　a　little
of　what　that　meant。　　A　few　stolen　adoring　minutes　now　and　then；
and；　for　the　rest；　the　presence　of　a　world　that　must　be　deceived。
Already　he　had　almost　a　hatred　of　that　orderly；　brown…faced
Colonel；　with　his　eyes　that　looked　so　steady　and　saw　nothing；　of
that　flat；　kindly　lady；　who　talked　so　pleasantly　throughout　dinner；
saying　things　that　he　had　to　answer　without　knowing　what　they
signified。　　He　realized；　with　a　sense　of　shock；　that　he　was
deprived　of　all　interests　in　life　but　one；　not　even　his　work　had
any　meaning　apart　from　HER。　　It　lit　no　fire　within　him　to　hear　Mrs。
Ercott　praise　certain　execrable　pictures　in　the　Royal　Academy；
which　she　had　religiously　visited　the　day　before　leaving　home。　　And
as　the　interminable　meal　wore　on；　he　began　even　to　feel　grief　and
wonder　that　Olive　could　be　so　smiling；　so　gay；　and　calm；　so；　as　it
seemed　to　him；　indifferent　to　this　intolerable　impossibility　of
exchanging　even　one　look　of　love。　　Did　she　really　love　himcould
she　love　him；　and　show　not　one　little　sign　of　it？　　And　suddenly　he
felt　her　foot　touch　his　own。　　It　was　the　faintest　sidelong；
supplicating　pressure；　withdrawn　at　once；　but　it　said：　'I　know　what
you　are　suffering；　I；　too；　but　I　love　you。'　　Characteristically；　he
felt　that　it　cost　her　dear　to　make　use　of　that　little　primitive
device　of　common　loves；　the　touch　awoke　within　him　only　chivalry。
He　would　burn　for　ever　sooner　than　cause　her　the　pain　of　thinking
that　he　was　not　happy。

After　dinner；　they　sat　out　on　a　balcony。　　The　stars　glowed　above
the　palms；　a　frog　was　croaking。　　He　managed　to　draw　his　chair　so
that　he　could　look　at　her　unseen。　　How　deep；　and　softly　dark　her
eyes；　when　for　a　second　they　rested　on　his！　　A　moth　settled　on　her
kneea　cunning　little　creature；　with　its　hooded；　horned　owl's
face；　and　tiny　black　slits　of　eyes！　　Would　it　have　come　so
confidingly　to　anyone　but　her？　　The　Colonel　knew　its　namehe　had
collected　it。　　Very　common；　he　said。　　The　interest　in　it　passed；
but　Lennan　stayed；　bent　forward；　gazing　at　that　silk…covered　knee。

The　voice　of　Mrs。　Ercott；　sharper　than　its　wont；　said：　〃What　day
does　Robert　say　he　wants　you　back；　my　dear？〃

He　managed　to　remain　gazing　at　the　moth；　even　to　take　it　gently
from　her　knee；　while　he　listened　to　her　calm　answer。

〃Tuesday；　I　believe。〃

Then　he　got　up；　and　let　the　moth　fly　into　the　darkness；　his　hands
and　lips　were　trembling；　and　he　was　afraid　of　their　being　seen。　　He
had　never　known；　had　not　dreamed；　of　such　a　violent；　sick　feeling。
That　this　man　could　thus　hale　her　home　at　will！　　It　was　grotesque；
fantastic；　awful；　butit　was　true！　　Next　Tuesday　she　would　journey
back　away　from　him　to　be　again　at　the　mercy　of　her　Fate！　　The　pain
of　this　thought　made　him　grip　the　railing；　and　grit　his　teeth；　to
keep　himself　from　crying　out。　　And　another　thought　came　to　him：　I
shall　have　to　go　about　with　this　feeling；　day　and　night；　and　keep
it　secret。

They　were　saying　good…night；　and　he　had　to　smirk　and　smile；　and
pretendto　her　above　allthat　he　was　happy；　and　he　could　see　that
she　knew　it　was　pretence。

Then　he　was　alone；　with　the　feeling　that　he　had　failed　her　at　the
first　shot；　torn；　too；　between　horror　of　what　he　suddenly　saw
before　him；　and　longing　to　be　back　in　her　presence　at　any　cost。　。　。　。
And　all　this　on　the　day　of　that　first　kiss　which　had　seemed　to
him　to　make　her　so　utterly　his　own。