the dark flower-第40部分

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again。　　But　the　instinctive　shrinking　of　innocence　had　been　enough
for　Lennanhe　dropped　his　arms　and　said：

〃You　must　go；　child。〃

Without　a　word　she　picked　up　her　fur；　put　it　on；　and　stood　waiting
for　him　to　speak。　　Then；　as　he　did　not；　she　held　out　something
white。　　It　was　the　card　for　the　dance。

〃You　said　you　were　coming？〃

And　he　nodded。　　Her　eyes　and　lips　smiled　at　him；　she　opened　the
door；　and；　still　with　that　slow；　happy　smile；　went　out。　。　。　。

Yes；　he　would　be　coming；　wherever　she　was；　whenever　she　wanted
him！　。　。　。

His　blood　on　fire；　heedless　of　everything　but　to　rush　after
happiness；　Lennan　spent　those　hours　before　the　dance。　　He　had　told
Sylvia　that　he　would　be　dining　at　his　Cluba　set　of　rooms　owned　by
a　small　coterie　of　artists　in　Chelsea。　　He　had　taken　this
precaution；　feeling　that　he　could　not　sit　through　dinner　opposite
her　and　then　go　out　to　that　danceand　Nell！　　He　had　spoken　of　a
guest　at　the　Club；　to　account　for　evening　dressanother　lie；　but
what　did　it　matter？　　He　was　lying　all　the　time；　if　not　in　words；　in
actionmust　lie；　indeed；　to　save　her　suffering！

He　stopped　at　the　Frenchwoman's　flower　shop。

〃Que　desirez…vous；　monsieur？　　Des　oeillets　rougesj'en　ai　de　bien
beaux；　ce　soir。〃

Des　oeillets　rouges？　　Yes；　those　to…night！　　To　this　address。　　No
green　with　them；　no　card！

How　strange　the　feelingwith　the　die　once　cast　for　loveof
rushing；　of　watching　his　own　self　being　left　behind！

In　the　Brompton　Road；　outside　a　little　restaurant；　a　thin　musician
was　playing　on　a　violin。　　Ah！　and　he　knew　this　place；　he　would　go
in　there；　not　to　the　Cluband　the　fiddler　should　have　all　he　had
to　spare；　for　playing　those　tunes　of　love。　　He　turned　in。　　He　had
not　been　there　since　the　day　before　that　night　on　the　river；　twenty
years　ago。　　Never　since；　and　yet　it　was　not　changed。　　The　same
tarnished　gilt；　and　smell　of　cooking；　the　same　macaroni　in　the　same
tomato　sauce；　the　same　Chianti　flasks；　the　same　staring；　light…blue
walls　wreathed　with　pink　flowers。　　Only　the　waiter　different
hollow…cheeked；　patient；　dark　of　eye。　　He；　too；　should　be　well
tipped！　　And　that　poor；　over…hatted　lady；　eating　her　frugal　meal
to　her；　at　all　events；　a　look　of　kindness。　　For　all　desperate
creatures　he　must　feel；　this　desperate　night！　　And　suddenly　he
thought　of　Oliver。　　Another　desperate　one！　　What　should　he　say　to
Oliver　at　this　dancehe；　aged　forty…seven；　coming　there　without
his　wife！　　Some　imbecility；　such　as：　'Watching　the　human　form
divine　in　motion；'　'Catching　sidelights　on　Nell　for　the　statuette'
some　cant；　it　did　not　matter！　　The　wine　was　drawn；　and　he　must
drink！

It　was　still　early　when　he　left　the　restauranta　dry　night；　very
calm；　not　cold。　　When　had　he　danced　last？　　With　Olive　Cramier；
before　he　knew　he　loved　her。　　Well；　THAT　memory　could　not　be
broken；　for　he　would　not　dance　to…night！　　Just　watch；　sit　with　the
girl　a　few　minutes；　feel　her　hand　cling　to　his；　see　her　eyes　turned
back　to　him；　andcome　away！　　And　thenthe　future！　　For　the　wine
was　drawn！　　The　leaf　of　a　plane…tree；　fluttering　down；　caught　on
his　sleeve。　　Autumn　would　soon　be　gone；　and　after　Autumnonly
Winter！　　She　would　have　done　with　him　long　before　he　came　to
Winter。　　Nature　would　see　to　it　that　Youth　called　for　her；　and
carried　her　away。　　Nature　in　her　courses！　　But　just　to　cheat　Nature
for　a　little　while！　　To　cheat　Naturewhat　greater　happiness！

Here　was　the　place　with　red…striped　awning；　carriages　driving　away；
loiterers　watching。　　He　turned　in　with　a　beating　heart。　　Was　he
before　her？　　How　would　she　come　to　this　first　dance？　　With　Oliver
alone？　　Or　had　some　chaperon　been　found？　　To　have　come　because　she
this　child　so　lovely；　born　'outside'might　have　need　of
chaperonage；　would　have　been　some　comfort　to　dignity；　so　wistful；
so　lost　as　his。　　But；　alas！　he　knew　he　was　only　there　because　he
could　not　keep　away！

Already　they　were　dancing　in　the　hall　upstairs；　but　not　she；　yet；
and　he　stood　leaning　against　the　wall　where　she　must　pass。　　Lonely
and　out　of　place　he　felt；　as　if　everyone　must　know　why　he　was
there。　　People　stared；　and　he　heard　a　girl　ask：　〃Who's　that　against
the　wall　with　the　hair　and　dark　moustache？〃and　her　partner
murmuring　his　answer；　and　her　voice　again：　〃Yes；　he　looks　as　if　he
were　seeing　sand　and　lions。〃　　For　whom；　then；　did　they　take　him？
Thank　heaven！　　They　were　all　the　usual　sort。　　There　would　be　no　one
that　he　knew。　　Suppose　Johnny　Dromore　himself　came　with　Nell！　　He
was　to　be　back　on　Saturday！　　What　could　he　say；　then？　　How　meet
those　doubting；　knowing　eyes；　goggling　with　the　fixed　philosophy
that　a　man　has　but　one　use　for　woman？　　God！　and　it　would　be　true！
For　a　moment　he　was　on　the　point　of　getting　his　coat　and　hat；　and
sneaking　away。　　That　would　mean　not　seeing　her　till　Monday；　and　he
stood　his　ground。　　But　after　to…night　there　must　be　no　more　such
riskstheir　meetings　must　be　wisely　planned；　must　sink
underground。　　And　then　he　saw　her　at　the　foot　of　the　stairs　in　a
dress　of　a　shell…pink　colour；　with　one　of　his　flowers　in　her　light…
brown　hair　and　the　others　tied　to　the　handle　of　a　tiny　fan。　　How
self…possessed　she　looked；　as　if　this　were　indeed　her　native
elementher　neck　and　arms　bare；　her　cheeks　a　deep　soft　pink；　her
eyes　quickly　turning　here　and　there。　　She　began　mounting　the
stairs；　and　saw　him。　　Was　ever　anything　so　lovely　as　she　looked
just　then？　　Behind　her　he　marked　Oliver；　and　a　tall　girl　with　red
hair；　and　another　young　man。　　He　moved　deliberately　to　the　top　of
the　stairs　on　the　wall　side；　so　that　from　behind　they　should　not
see　her　face　when　she　greeted　him。　　She　put　the　little　fan　with　the
flowers　to　her　lips；　and；　holding　out　her　hand；　said；　quick　and　low：

〃The　fourth；　it's　a　polka；　we'll　sit　out；　won't　we？〃

Then　swaying　a　little；　so　that　her　hair　and　the　flower　in　it　almost
touched　his　face；　she　passed；　and　there　in　her　stead　stood　Oliver。

Lennan　had　expected　one　of　his　old　insolent　looks；　but　the　young
man's　face　was　eager　and　quite　friendly。

〃It　was　awfully　good　of　you　to　come；　Mr。　Lennan。　　Is　Mrs。　Lennan〃

And　Lennan　murmured：

〃She　wasn't　able；　she's　not　quite〃　and　could　have　sunk　into　the
shining　floor。　　Youth　with　its　touching　confidence；　its　eager
trust！　　This　was　the　way　he　was　fulfilling　his　duty　towards　Youth！

When　they　had　passed　into　the　ballroom　he　went　back　to　his　position
against　the　wall。　　They　were　dancing　Number　Three；　his　time　of
waiting；　then；　was　drawing　to　a　close。　　From　where　he　stood　he
could　not　see　the　dancersno　use　to　watch　her　go　round　in　someone
else's　arms。

Not　a　true　waltzsome　French　or　Spanish　pavement　song　played　in
waltz　time；　bizarre；　pathetic；　whirling　after　its　own　happiness。
That　chase　for　happiness！　　Well；　life；　with　all　its　prizes　and　its
possibilities；　had　nothing　that　quite　satisfiedsave　just　the
fleeting　moments　of　passion！　　Nothing　else　quite　poignant　enough　to
be　called　pure　joy！　　Or　so　it　seemed　to　him。

The　waltz　was　over。　　He　could　see　her　now；　on　a　rout　seat　against
the　wall　with　the　other　young　man；　turning　her　eyes　constantly　as
if　to　make　sure　that　he　was　still　standing　there。　　What　subtle　fuel
was　always　being　added　to　the　fire　by　that　flattery　of　her
inexplicable　adorationof　those　eyes　that　dragged　him　to　her；　yet
humbly　followed　him；　too！　　Five　times　while　she　sat　there　he　saw
the　red…haired　girl　or　Oliver　bring　men　up；　saw　youths　cast　longing
glances；　saw　girls　watching　her　with　cold　appraisement；　or　with　a
touching；　frank　delight。　　From　the　moment　that　she　came　in；　there
had　been；　in　her　father's　phrase；　'only　one　in　it。'　　And　she　could
pass　all　this　by；　and　still　want　him。　　Incredible！

At　the　first　notes　of　the　polka　he　went　to　her。　　It　was　she　who
found　their　place　of　refugea　little　alcove　behind　two　palm…
plants。　　But　sitting　there；　he　realized；　as　never　before；　that
there　was　no　spiritual　communion　between　him　and　this　child。　　She
could　tell　him　her　troubles　or　her　joys；　he　could　soothe　or
sympathize；　but　never　would　the　gap　between　their　natures　and　their
ages　be　crossed。　　His　happiness　was　only　in　the　sight　and　touch　of
her。　　But　that；　God　knew；　was　happiness　enougha　feverish；　craving
joy；　like　an　overtired　man's　thirst；　growing　with　the　drink　on
which　it　tries　to　slake　itself。　　Sitting　there；　in　the　scent　of
those　flowers　and　of　some　sweet　essence　in　her　hair；　with　her
fingers　touching　his；　and　her　eyes　seeking　his；　he　tried　loyally
not　to　think　of　himself；　to　grasp　her　sensations　at　this　her　first
dance；　and　just　help　her　to　enjoyment。　　But　he　could　not
paralyzed；　made　drunk　by　that　insensate　longing　to　take　her　in　his
arms　and　crush　her　to　him　as　he　had　those　few　hours　back。　　He　could
see　her　expanding　like　a　flower；　in　all　this　light；　and　motion；　and
intoxicating　admiration　round　her。　　What　business　had　he　in　her
life；　with　his　dark　hunger　after　secret　hours；　hea　coin　worn　thin
alreadya　destroyer　of　the　freshness　and　the　glamour　of　her　youth
and　beauty！

Then；　holding　up　the　flowers；　she　said：

〃Did　you　give　me　these　because　of　the　one　I　gave　you？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃What　did　you　do　with　that？〃

〃Burned　it。〃

〃Oh！　but　why？〃

〃Because　you　are　a　witchand　witches　must　be　burned　with　all　their
flowers。〃

〃Are　you　going　to　burn　me？〃

He　put　his　hand　on　her　cool　arm。

〃Feel！　　The　flames　are　lighted。〃

〃You　may！　　I　don't　care！〃

She　took　his　hand　and　laid　her　cheek　against　it；　yet；　to　the　music；
which　had　begun　again；　the　tip　of　her　shoe　was　already　beating
time。　　And　he　said：

〃You　ought　to　be　dancing；　child。〃

〃Oh；　no！　　Only　it's　a　pity　you　don't　want　to。〃

〃Yes！　　Do　you　understand　that　it　must　all　be　secretunderground？〃

She　covered　his　lips　with　the　fan；　and　said：　〃You're　not　to　think；
you're　not　to　thinknever！　　When　can　I　come？〃

〃I　must　find　the　best　way。　　Not　to…morrow。　　Nobody　must　know；　Nell
for　your　sakefor　hersnobody！〃

She　nodded；　and　repeated　with　a　soft；　mysterious　wisdom：　〃Nobody。〃
And　then；　aloud：　〃Here's　Oliver！　　It　was　awfully　good　of　you　to
come。　　Good…night！〃

And　as；　on　Oliver's　arm；　she　left　their　little　refuge；　she　looked
back。

He　lingeredto　watch　her　through　this　one　dance。　　How　they　made
all　the　other　couples　sink　into　insignificance；　with　that　something