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camille (la dame aux camilias)(卡米勒)-第6部分
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something; for if I put aside the least thing for you; they might accuse you
of embezzling seized goods。
〃It is a sad life that I am leaving!
〃It would be good of God to let me see you again before I die。
According to all probability; good…bye; my friend。 Pardon me if I do not
write a longer letter; but those who say they are going to cure me wear me
out with bloodletting; and my hand refuses to write any more。
〃MARGUERITE GAUTIER。〃
The last two words were scarcely legible。 I returned the letter to
Armand; who had; no doubt; read it over again in his mind while I was
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reading it on paper; for he said to me as he took it:
〃Who would think that a kept woman could have written that?〃 And;
overcome by recollections; he gazed for some time at the writing of the
letter; which he finally carried to his lips。
〃And when I think;〃 he went on; 〃that she died before I could see her;
and that I shall never see her again; when I think that she did for me what
no sister would ever have done; I can not forgive myself for having left her
to die like that。 Dead! Dead and thinking of me; writing and repeating my
name; poor dear Marguerite!〃
And Armand; giving free outlet to his thoughts and his tears; held out
his hand to me; and continued:
〃People would think it childish enough if they saw me lament like this
over a dead woman such as she; no one will ever know what I made that
woman suffer; how cruel I have been to her! how good; how resigned she
was! I thought it was I who had to forgive her; and to…day I feel unworthy
of the forgiveness which she grants me。 Oh; I would give ten years of my
life to weep at her feet for an hour!〃
It is always difficult to console a sorrow that is unknown to one; and
nevertheless I felt so lively a sympathy for the young man; he made me so
frankly the confidant of his distress; that I believed a word from me would
not be indifferent to him; and I said:
〃Have you no parents; no friends? Hope。 Go and see them; they will
console you。 As for me; I can only pity you。〃
〃It is true;〃 he said; rising and walking to and fro in the room; 〃I am
wearying you。 Pardon me; I did not reflect how little my sorrow must
mean to you; and that I am intruding upon you something which can not
and ought not to interest you at all。〃
〃You mistake my meaning。 I am entirely at your service; only I regret
my inability to calm your distress。 If my society and that of my friends can
give you any distraction; if; in short; you have need of me; no matter in
what way; I hope you will realize how much pleasure it will give me to do
anything for you。〃
〃Pardon; pardon;〃 said he; 〃sorrow sharpens the sensations。 Let me
stay here for a few minutes longer; long enough to dry my eyes; so that the
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idlers in the street may not look upon it as a curiosity to see a big fellow
like me crying。 You have made me very happy by giving me this book。 I
do not know how I can ever express my gratitude to you。〃
〃By giving me a little of your friendship;〃 said I; 〃and by telling me
the cause of your suffering。 One feels better while telling what one
suffers。〃
〃You are right。 But to…day I have too much need of tears; I can not
very well talk。 One day I will tell you the whole story; and you will see if I
have reason for regretting the poor girl。 And now;〃 he added; rubbing his
eyes for the last time; and looking at himself in the glass; 〃say that you do
not think me too absolutely idiotic; and allow me to come back and see
you another time。〃
He cast on me a gentle and amiable look。 I was near embracing him。
As for him; his eyes again began to fill with tears; he saw that I perceived
it and turned away his head。
〃Come;〃 I said; 〃courage。〃
〃Good…bye;〃 he said。
And; making a desperate effort to restrain his tears; he rushed rather
than went out of the room。
I lifted the curtain of my window; and saw him get into the cabriolet
which awaited him at the door; but scarcely was he seated before he burst
into tears and hid his face in his pocket…handkerchief。
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CHAPTER 5
A good while elapsed before I heard anything more of Armand; but; on
the other hand; I was constantly hearing of Marguerite。
I do not know if you have noticed; if once the name of anybody who
might in the natural course of things have always remained unknown; or at
all events indifferent to you; should he mentioned before you; immediately
details begin to group themselves about the name; and you find all your
friends talking to you about something which they have never mentioned
to you before。 You discover that this person was almost touching you and
has passed close to you many times in your life without your noticing it;
you find coincidences in the events which are told you; a real affinity with
certain events of your own existence。 I was not absolutely at that point in
regard to Marguerite; for I had seen and met her; I knew her by sight and
by reputation; nevertheless; since the moment of the sale; her name came
to my ears so frequently; and; owing to the circumstance that I have
mentioned in the last chapter; that name was associated with so profound a
sorrow; that my curiosity increased in proportion with my astonishment。
The consequence was that whenever I met friends to whom I had never
breathed the name of Marguerite; I always began by saying:
〃Did you ever know a certain Marguerite Gautier?〃
〃The Lady of the Camellias?〃
〃Exactly。〃
〃Oh; very well!〃
The word was sometimes accompanied by a smile which could leave
no doubt as to its meaning。
〃Well; what sort of a girl was she?〃
〃A good sort of girl。〃
〃Is that all?〃
〃Oh; yes; more intelligence and perhaps a little more heart than most。〃
〃Do you know anything particular about her?〃
〃She ruined Baron de G。〃
〃No more than that?〃
〃She was the mistress of the old Duke of 。 。 。〃
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〃Was she really his mistress?〃
〃So they say; at all events; he gave her a great deal of money。〃
The general outlines were always the same。 Nevertheless I was
anxious to find out something about the relations between Marguerite and
Armand。 Meeting one day a man who was constantly about with known
women; I asked him: 〃Did you know Marguerite Gautier?〃
The answer was the usual: 〃Very well。〃
〃What sort of a girl was she?〃
〃A fine; good girl。 I was very sorry to hear of her death。〃
〃Had she not a lover called Armand Duval?〃
〃Tall and blond?〃
〃Yes。
〃It is quite true。〃
〃Who was this Armand?〃
〃A fellow who squandered on her the little money he had; and then had
to leave her。 They say he was quite wild about it。〃
〃And she?〃
〃They always say she was very much in love with him; but as girls like
that are in love。 It is no good to ask them for what they can not give。〃
〃What has become of Armand?〃
〃I don't know。 We knew him very little。 He was with Marguerite for
five or six months in the country。 When she came back; he had gone。〃
〃And you have never seen him since?〃
〃Never。〃
I; too; had not seen Armand again。 I was beginning to ask myself if;
when he had come to see me; the recent news of Marguerite's death had
not exaggerated his former love; and consequently his sorrow; and I said to
myself that perhaps he had already forgotten the dead woman; and along
with her his promise to come and see me again。 This supposition would
have seemed probable enough in most instances; but in Armand's despair
there had been an accent of real sincerity; and; going from one extreme to
another; I imagined that distress had brought on an illness; and that my not
seeing him was explained by the fact that he was ill; perhaps dead。
I was interested in the young man in spite of myself。 Perhaps there was
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some selfishness in this interest; perhaps I guessed at some pathetic love
story under all this sorrow; perhaps my desire to know all about it had
much to do with the anxiety which Armand's silence caused me。 Since M。
Duval did not return to see me; I decided to go and see him。 A pretext was
not difficult to find; unluckily I did not know his address; and no one
among those whom I questioned could give it to me。
I went to the Rue d'Antin; perhaps Marguerite's porter would know
where Armand lived。 There was a new porter; he knew as little about it as
I。 I then asked in what cemetery Mlle。 Gautier had been buried。 It was the
Montmartre Cemetery。 It was now the month of April; the weather was
fine; the graves were not likely to look as sad and desolate as they do in
winter; in short; it was warm enough for the living to think a little of the
dead; and pay them a visit。 I went to the cemetery; saying to myself:
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