the patrician-第30部分

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these　dead　hoursonly　last　night；　at　this　very　time；　Harbinger's　arm
had　been　round　her　in　a　last　waltz！　　But　here　the　dead　hours　had　such
different　faces；　wide…eyed；　solemn；　and　there　came　to　Barbara；
staring　out　at　them；　a　sense　that　the　darkness　saw　her　very　soul；　so
that　it　felt　little　and　timid　within　her。　　She　shivered　in　her　fur…
lined　coat；　as　if　almost　frightened　at　finding　herself　so
marvellously　nothing　before　that　black　sky　and　dark　sea；　which　seemed
all　one；　relentlessly　great。。。。　　And　crouching　down；　she　waited　for
the　dawn　to　break。

It　came　from　over　the　Downs；　sweeping　a　rush　of　cold　air　on　its
wings；　flighting　towards　the　sea。　　With　it　the　daring　soon　crept　back
into　her　blood。　　She　stripped；　and　ran　down　into　the　dark　water；　fast
growing　pale。　　It　covered　her　jealously；　and　she　set　to　work　to　swim。
The　water　was　warmer　than　the　air。　　She　lay　on　her　back　and　splashed；
watching　the　sky　flush。　　To　bathe　like　this　in　the　half…dark；　with
her　hair　floating　out；　and　no　wet　clothes　clinging　to　her　limbs；　gave
her　the　joy　of　a　child　doing　a　naughty　thing。　　She　swam　out　of　her
depth；　then　scared　at　her　own　adventure；　swam　in　again　as　the　sun
rose。

She　dashed　into　her　two　garments；　climbed　the　wall；　and　scurried　back
to　the　house。　　All　her　dejection；　and　feverish　uncertainty　were　gone；
she　felt　keen；　fresh；　terribly　hungry；　and　stealing　into　the　dark
dining…room；　began　rummaging　for　food。　　She　found　biscuits；　and　was
still　munching；　when　in　the　open　doorway　she　saw　Lord　Dennis；　a
pistol　in　one　hand　and　a　lighted　candle　in　the　other。　　With　his
carved　features　and　white　beard　above　an　old　blue　dressing…gown；　he
looked　impressive；　having　at　the　moment　a　distinct　resemblance　to
Lady　Casterley；　as　though　danger　had　armoured　him　in　steel。

〃You　call　this　resting！〃　he　said；　dryly；　then；　looking　at　her　drowned
hair；　added：　〃I　see　you　have　already　entrusted　your　trouble　to　the
waters　of　Lethe。〃

But　without　answer　Barbara　vanished　into　the　dim　hall　and　up　the
stairs。




CHAPTER　IV

While　Barbara　was　swimming　to　meet　the　dawn；　Miltoun　was　bathing　in
those　waters　of　mansuetude　and　truth　which　roll　from　wall　to　wall　in
the　British　House　of　Commons。

In　that　long　debate　on　the　Land　question；　for　which　he　had　waited　to
make　his　first　speech；　he　had　already　risen　nine　times　without
catching　the　Speaker's　eye；　and　slowly　a　sense　of　unreality　was
creeping　over　him。　　Surely　this　great　Chamber；　where　without　end　rose
the　small　sound　of　a　single　human　voice；　and　queer　mechanical　bursts
of　approbation　and　resentment；　did　not　exist　at　all　but　as　a　gigantic
fancy　of　his　own！　　And　all　these　figures　were　figments　of　his　brain！
And　when　he　at　last　spoke；　it　would　be　himself　alone　that　he
addressed！　　The　torpid　air　tainted　with　human　breath；　the　unwinking
stare　of　the　countless　lights；　the　long　rows　of　seats；　the　queer
distant　rounds　of　pale　listening　flesh　perched　up　so　high；　they　were
all　emanations　of　himself！　　Even　the　coming　and　going　in　the　gangway
was　but　the　coming　and　going　of　little　wilful　parts　of　him！　　And
rustling　deep　down　in　this　Titanic　creature　of　his　fancy　was　'the
murmuration'　of　his　own　unspoken　speech；　sweeping　away　the　puff　balls
of　words　flung　up　by　that　far…away；　small；　varying　voice。

Then；　suddenly　all　that　dream　creature　had　vanished；　he　was　on　his
feet；　with　a　thumping　heart；　speaking。

Soon　he　had　no　tremors；　only　a　dim　consciousness　that　his　words
sounded　strange；　and　a　queer　icy　pleasure　in　flinging　them　out　into
the　silence。　　Round　him　there　seemed　no　longer　men；　only　mouths　and
eyes。　　And　he　had　enjoyment　in　the　feeling　that　with　these　words　of
his　he　was　holding　those　hungry　mouths　and　eyes　dumb　and　unmoving。
Then　he　knew　that　he　had　reached　the　end　of　what　he　had　to　say；　and
sat　down；　remaining　motionless　in　the　centre　of　a　various　sound；
staring　at　the　back　of　the　head　in　front　of　him；　with　his　hands
clasped　round　his　knee。　　And　soon；　when　that　little　faraway　voice　was
once　more　speaking；　he　took　his　hat；　and　glancing　neither　to　right
nor　left；　went　out。

Instead　of　the　sensation　of　relief　and　wild　elation　which　fills　the
heart　of　those　who　have　taken　the　first　plunge；　Miltoun　had　nothing
in　his　deep　dark　well　but　the　waters　of　bitterness。　　In　truth；　with
the　delivery　of　that　speech　he　had　but　parted　with　what　had　been　a
sort　of　anodyne　to　suffering。　　He　had　only　put　the　fine　point　on　his
conviction；　of　how　vain　was　his　career　now　that　he　could　not　share　it
with　Audrey　Noel。　　He　walked　slowly　towards　the　Temple；　along　the
riverside；　where　the　lamps　were　paling　into　nothingness　before　that
daily　celebration　of　Divinity；　the　meeting　of　dark　and　light。

For　Miltoun　was　not　one　of　those　who　take　things　lying　down；　he　took
things　desperately；　deeply；　and　with　revolt。　　He　took　them　like　a
rider　riding　himself；　plunging　at　the　dig　of　his　own　spurs；　chafing
and　wincing　at　the　cruel　tugs　of　his　own　bitt；　bearing　in　his
friendless；　proud　heart　all　the　burden　of　struggles　which　shallower
or　more　genial　natures　shared　with　others。

He　looked　hardly　less　haggard；　walking　home；　than　some　of　those
homeless　ones　who　slept　nightly　by　the　river；　as　though　they　knew
that　to　lie　near　one　who　could　so　readily　grant　oblivion；　alone　could
save　them　from　seeking　that　consolation。　　He　was　perhaps　unhappier
than　they；　whose　spirits；　at　all　events；　had　long　ceased　to　worry
them；　having　oozed　out　from　their　bodies　under　the　foot　of　Life：

Now　that　Audrey　Noel　was　lost　to　him；　her　loveliness　and　that
indescribable　quality　which　made　her　lovable；　floated　before　him；　the
very　torture…flowers　of　a　beauty　never　to　be　graspedyet；　that　he
could　grasp；　'if　he　only　would！　　That　was　the　heart　and　fervour　of
his　suffering。　　To　be　grasped　if　he　only　would！　　He　was　suffering；
too；　physically　from　a　kind　of　slow　fever；　the　result　of　his　wetting
on　the　day　when　he　last　saw　her。　　And　through　that　latent　fever；
things　and　feelings；　like　his　sensations　in　the　House　before　his
speech；　were　all　as　it　were　muffled　in　a　horrible　way；　as　if　they　all
came　to　him　wrapped　in　a　sort　of　flannel　coating；　through　which　he
could　not　cut。　　And　all　the　time　there　seemed　to　be　within　him　two
men　at　mortal　grips　with　one　another；　the　man　of　faith　in　divine
sanction　and　authority；　on　which　all　his　beliefs　had　hitherto　hinged；
and　a　desperate　warm…blooded　hungry　creature。　　He　was　very　miserable；
craving　strangely　for　the　society　of　someone　who　could　understand
what　he　was　feeling；　。and；　from　long　habit　of　making　no　confidants；
not　knowing　how　to　satisfy　that　craving。

It　was　dawn　when　he　reached　his　rooms；　and；　sure　that　he　would　not
sleep；　he　did　not　even　go　to　bed；　but　changed　his　clothes；　made
himself　some　coffee；　and　sat　down　at　the　window　which　overlooked　the
flowered　courtyard。

In　Middle　Temple　Hall　a　Ball　was　still　in　progress；　though　the
glamour　from　its　Chinese　lanterns　was　already　darkened　and　gone。
Miltoun　saw　a　man　and　a　girl；　sheltered　by　an　old　fountain；　sitting
out　their　last　dance。　　Her　head　had　sunk　on　her　partner's　shoulder；
their　lips　were　joined。　　And　there　floated　up　to　the　window　the　scent
of　heliotrope；　with　the　tune　of　the　waltz　that　those　two　should　have
been　dancing。　　This　couple　so　stealthily　enlaced；　the　gleam　of　their
furtively　turned　eyes；　the　whispering　of　their　lips；　that　stony　niche
below　the　twittering　sparrows；　so　cunningly　sought　outit　was　the
world　he　had　abjured！　　When　he　looked　again；　theylike　a　vision
seenhad　stolen　away　and　gone；　the　music　too　had　ceased；　there　was
no　scent　of　heliotrope。　　In　the　stony　niche　crouched　a　stray　cat
watching　the　twittering　sparrows。

Miltoun　went　out；　and；　turning　into　the　empty　Strand；　walked　on
without　heeding　where；　till　towards　five　o'clock　he　found　himself　on
Putney　Bridge。

He　rested　there；　leaning　over　the　parapet；　looking　down　at　the　grey
water。　　The　sun　was　just　breaking　through　the　heat　haze；　early
waggons　were　passing；　and　already　men　were　coming　in　to　work。　　To
what　end　did　the　river　wander　up　and　down；　and　a　human　river　flow
across　it　twice　every　day？　　To　what　end　were　men　and　women　suffering？
Of　the　full　current　of　this　life　Miltoun　could　no　more　see　the　aim；
than　that　of　the　wheeling　gulls　in　the　early　sunlight。

Leaving　the　bridge　he　made　towards　Barnes　Common。　　The　night　was
still　ensnared　there　on　the　gorse　bushes　grey　with　cobwebs　and　starry
dewdrops。　　He　passed　a　tramp　family　still　sleeping；　huddled　all
together。　　Even　the　homeless　lay　in　each　other's　arms！

》From　the　Common　he　emerged　on　the　road　near　the　gates　of　Ravensham；
turning　in　there；　he　found　his　way　to　the　kitchen　garden；　and　sat
down　on　a　bench　close　to　the　raspberry　bushes。　　They　were　protected
from　thieves；　but　at　Miltoun's　approach　two　blackbirds　flustered　out
through　the　netting　and　flew　away。

His　long　figure　resting　so　motionless　impressed　itself　on　the　eyes　of
a　gardener；　who　caused　a　report　to　be　circulated　that　his　young
lordship　was　in　the　fruit　garden。　　It　reached　the　ears　of　Clifton；
who　himself　came　out　to　see　what　this　might　mean。　　The　old　man　took
his　stand　in　front　of　Miltoun　very　quietly。

〃You　have　come　to　breakfast；　my　lord？〃

〃If　my　grandmother　will　have　me；　Clifton。〃

〃I　understood　your　lordship　was　speaking　last　night。〃

〃I　was。〃

〃You　find　the　House　of　Commons　satisfactory；　I　hope。〃

〃Fairly；　thank　you；　Clifton。〃

〃They　are　not　what　they　were　in　the　great　days　of　your　grandfather；　I
believe。　　He　had　a　very　good　opinion　of　them。　　They　vary；　no　doubt。〃

〃Tempora　mutantur。〃

〃That　is　so。　　I　find　quite　anew　spirit　towards　public　affairs。　　The
ha'penny　Press；　one　takes　it　in；　but　one　hardly　approves。　　I　shall　be
anxious　to　read　your　speech。　　They　say　a　first　speech　is　a　great
strain。〃

〃It　is　rather。〃

〃But　you　had　no　reason　to　be　anxious。　　I'm　sure　it　was　beautiful。〃

Miltoun　saw　that　the　old　man's　thin　sallow　cheeks　had　flushed　to　a
deep　orange　between　his　snow…white　whiskers。

〃I　have　looked　forward　to　this　day；〃　he　stammered；　〃ever　since　I　knew
your　lordshiptwenty…eight　years。　　It　is　the　beginning。〃

〃Or　the　end；　Clifton。〃

The　old　man's　face　fell　in　a　look　of　deep　and　concerned　astonishment。

〃No；　no；〃　he　said；　〃