the patrician-第47部分

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that　Harbinger　would　be　there；　and　with　the　thought　of　meeting　that
other　at　'five　o'clock；'　had　a　cynical　pleasure　in　thus　encountering
him。　　It　was　so　complete　a　blind　to　them　all！　　Then；　feeling　that　she
was　accomplishing　a　masterstroke；　she　even　told　him；　in　her　mother's
hearing；　that　she　would　walk　home；　and　he　might　come　if　he　cared。　　He
did　care。

But　when　once　she　had　begun　to　swing　along　in　the　mellow　afternoon；
under　the　mellow　trees；　where　the　air　was　sweetened　by　the　South…West
wind；　all　that　mutinous；　reckless　mood　of　hers　vanished；　she　felt
suddenly　happy　and　kind；　glad　to　be　walking　with　him。　　To…day　too　he
was　cheerful；　as　if　determined　not　to　spoil　her　gaiety；　and　she　was
grateful　for　this。　　Once　or　twice　she　even　put　her　hand　up　and
touched　his　sleeve；　calling　his　attention　to　birds　or　trees；
friendly；　and　glad；　after　all　those　hours　of　bitter　feelings；　to　be
giving　happiness。　　When　they　parted　at　the　door　of　Valleys　House；　she
looked　back　at　him　with　a　queer；　half…rueful　smile。　　For；　now　the
hour　had　come！

In　a　little　unfrequented　ante…room；　all　white　panels　and　polish；　she
sat　down　to　wait。　　The　entrance　drive　was　visible　from　here；　and　she
meant　to　encounter　Courtier　casually　in　the　hall。　　She　was　excited；
and　a　little　scornful　of　her　own　excitement。　　She　had　expected　him　to
be　punctual；　but　it　was　already　past　five；　and　soon　she　began　to　feel
uneasy；　almost　ridiculous；　sitting　in　this　room　where　no　one　ever
came。　　Going　to　the　window；　she　looked　out。

A　sudden　voice　behind　her；　said：

〃Auntie　Babs！〃。

Turning；　she　saw　little　Ann　regarding　her　with　those　wide；　frank；
hazel　eyes。　　A　shiver　of　nerves　passed　through　Barbara。

〃Is　this　your　room？　　It's　a　nice　room；　isn't　it？〃

She　answered：

〃Quite　a　nice　room；　Ann。〃

〃Yes。　　I've　never　been　in　here　before。　　There's　somebody　just　come；
so　I　must　go　now。〃

Barbara　involuntarily　put　her　hands　up　to　her　cheeks；　and　quickly
passed　with　her　niece　into　the　hall。　　At　the　very　door　the　footman
William　handed　her　a　note。　　She　looked　at　the　superscription。　　It　was
from　Courtier。　　She　went　back　into　the　room。　　Through　its　half…closed
door　the　figure　of　little　Ann　could　be　seen；　with　her　legs　rather
wide　apart；　and　her　hands　clasped　on　her　low…down　belt；　pointing　up
at　William　her　sudden　little　nose。　　Barbara　shut　the　door　abruptly；
broke　the　seal；　and　read：


〃DEAR　LADY　BARBARA；

〃I　am　sorry　to　say　my　interview　with　your　brother　was　fruitless。

〃I　happened　to　be　sitting　in　the　Park　just　now；　and　I　want　to　wish
you　every　happiness　before　I　go。　　It　has　been　the　greatest　pleasure
to　know　you。　　I　shall　never　have　a　thought　of　you　that　will　not　be　my
pride；　nor　a　memory　that　will　not　help　me　to　believe　that　life　is
good。　　If　I　am　tempted　to　feel　that　things　are　dark；　I　shall　remember
that　you　are　breathing　this　same　mortal　air。　　And　to　beauty　and　joy'
I　shall　take　off　my　hat　with　the　greater　reverence；　that　once　I　was
permitted　to　walk　and　talk；　with　you。　　And　so；　good…bye；　and　God
bless　you。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Your　faithful　servant；
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　〃CHARLES　COURTIER。〃


Her　cheeks　burned；　quick　sighs　escaped　her　lips；　she　read　the　letter
again；　but　before　getting　to　the　end　could　not　see　the　words　for
mist。　　If　in　that　letter　there　had　been　a　word　of　complaint　or　even
of　regret！　　She　could　not　let　him　go　like　this；　without　good…bye；
without　any　explanation　at　all。　　He　should　not　think　of　her　as　a
cold；　stony　flirt；　who　had　been　merely　stealing　a　few　weeks'
amusement　out　of　him。　　She　would　explain　to　him　at　all　events　that　it
had　not　been　that。　　She　would　make　him　understand　that　it　was　not
what　he　thoughtthat　something　in　her　wantedwanted！　　Her　mind
was　all　confused。　　〃What　was　it？〃　she　thought：　〃What　did　I　do？〃　And
sore　with　anger　at　herself；　she　screwed　the　letter　up　in　her　glove；
and　ran　out。　　She　walked　swiftly　down　to　Piccadilly；　and　crossed　into
the　Green　Park。　　There　she　passed　Lord　Malvezin　and　a　friend
strolling　up　towards　Hyde　Park　Corner；　and　gave　them　a　very　faint
bow。　　The　composure　of　those　two　precise　and　well…groomed　figures
sickened　her　just　then。　　She　wanted　to　run；　to　fly　to　this　meeting
that　should　remove　from　him　the　odious　feelings　he　must　have；　that
she；　Barbara　Caradoc；　was　a　vulgar　enchantress；　a　common　traitress
and　coquette！　　And　his　letterwithout　a　syllable　of　reproach！　　Her
cheeks　burned　so；　that　she　could　not　help　trying　to　hide　them　from
people　who　passed。

As　she　drew　nearer　to　his　rooms　she　walked　slower；　forcing　herself　to
think　what　she　should　do；　what　she　should　let　him　do！　　But　she
continued　resolutely　forward。　　She　would　not　shrink　nowwhatever
came　of　it！　　Her　heart　fluttered；　seemed　to　stop　beating；　fluttered
again。　　She　set　her　teeth；　a　sort　of　desperate　hilarity　rose　in　her。
It　was　an　adventure！　　Then　she　was　gripped　by　the　feeling　that　had
come　to　her　on　the　roof。　　The　whole　thing　was　bizarre；　ridiculous！
She　stopped；　and　drew　the　letter　from　her　glove。　　It　might　be
ridiculous；　but　it　was　due　from　her；　and　closing　her　lips　very　tight；
she　walked　on。　　In　thought　she　was　already　standing　close　to　him；　her
eyes　shut；　waiting；　with　her　heart　beating　wildly；　to　know　what　she
would　feel　when　his　lips　had　spoken；　perhaps　touched　her　face　or
hand。　　And　she　had　a　sort　of　mirage　vision　of　herself；　with　eyelashes
resting　on　her　cheeks；　lips　a　little　parted；　arms　helpless　at　her
sides。　　Yet；　incomprehensibly；　his　figure　was　invisible。　　She
discovered　then　that　she　was　standing　before　his　door。

She　rang　the　bell　calmly；　but　instead　of　dropping　her　hand；　pressed
the　little　bare　patch　of　palm　left　open　by　the　glove　to　her　face；　to
see　whether　it　was　indeed　her　own　cheek　flaming　so。

The　door　had　been　opened　by　some　unseen　agency；　disclosing　a　passage
and　flight　of　stairs　covered　by　a　red　carpet；　at　the　foot　of　which
lay　an　old；　tangled；　brown…white　dog　full　of　fleas　and　sorrow。
Unreasoning　terror　seized　on　Barbara；　her　body　remained　rigid；　but
her　spirit　began　flying　back　across　the　Green　Park；　to　the　very　hall
of　Valleys　House。　　Then　she　saw　coming　towards　her　a　youngish　woman
in　a　blue　apron；　with　mild；　reddened　eyes。

〃Is　this　where　Mr。　Courtier　lives？〃

〃Yes；　miss。〃　　The　teeth　of　the　young　woman　were　few　in　number　and
rather　black；　and　Barbara　could　only　stand　there　saying　nothing；　as
if　her　body　had　been　deserted　between　the　sunlight　and　this　dim　red
passage；　which　led　to…what？

The　woman　spoke　again：

〃I'm　sorry　if　you　was　wanting　him；　miss；　he's　just　gone　away。〃

Barbara　felt　a　movement　in　her　heart；　like　the　twang　and　quiver　of　an
elastic　band；　suddenly　relaxed。　　She　bent　to　stroke　the　head　of　the
old　dog；　who　was　smelling　her　shoes。　　The　woman　said：

〃And；　of　course；　I　can't　give　you　his　address；　because　he's　gone　to
foreign　parts。〃

With　a　murmur；　of　whose　sense　she　knew　nothing；　Barbara　hurried　out
into　the　sunshine。　　Was　she　glad？　　Was　she　sorry？　　At　the　corner　of
the　street　she　turned　and　looked　back；　the　two　heads；　of　the　woman
and　the　dog；　were　there　still；　poked　out　through　the　doorway。

A　horrible　inclination　to　laugh　seized　her；　followed　by　as　horrible　a
desire　to　cry。




CHAPTER　XXVI

By　the　river　the　West　wind；　whose　murmuring　had　visited　Courtier　and
Miltoun　the　night　before；　was　bringing　up　the　first　sky　of　autumn。
Slow…creeping　and　fleecy　grey；　the　clouds　seemed　trying　to　overpower
a　sun　that　shone　but　fitfully　even　thus　early　in　the　day。　　While
Audrey　Noel　was　dressing　sunbeams　danced　desperately　on　the　white
wall；　like　little　lost　souls　with　no　to…morrow；　or　gnats　that　wheel
and　wheel　in　brief　joy；　leaving　no　footmarks　on　the　air。　　Through　the
chinks　of　a　side　window　covered　by　a　dark　blind　some　smoky　filaments
of　light　were　tethered　to　the　back　of　her　mirror。　　Compounded　of
trembling　grey　spirals；　so　thick　to　the　eye　that　her　hand　felt
astonishment　when　it　failed　to　grasp　them；　and　so　jealous　as　ghosts
of　the　space　they　occupied；　they　brought　a　moment's　distraction　to　a
heart　not　happy。　　For　how　could　she　be　happy；　her　lover　away　from　her
now　thirty　hours；　without　having　overcome　with　his　last　kisses　the
feeling　of　disaster　which　had　settled　on　her　when　he　told　her　of　his
resolve。　　Her　eyes　had　seen　deeper　than　his；　her　instinct　had
received　a　message　from　Fate。

To　be　the　dragger…down；　the　destroyer　of　his　usefulness；　to　be　not
the　helpmate；　but　the　clog；　not　the　inspiring　sky；　but　the　cloud！
And　because　of　a　scruple　which　she　could　not　understand！　　She　had　no
anger　with　that　unintelligible　scruple；　but　her　fatalism；　and　her
sympathy　had　followed　it　out　into　his　future。　　Things　being　so；　it
could　not　be　long　before　he　felt　that　her　love　was　maiming　him；　even
if　he　went　on　desiring　her；　it　would　be　only　with　his　body。　　And　if；
for　this　scruple；　he　were　capable　of　giving　up　his　public　life；　he
would　be　capable　of　living　on　with　her　after　his　love　was　dead！　　This
thought　she　could　not　bear。　　It　stung　to　the　very　marrow　of　her
nerves。　　And　yet　surely　Life　could　not　be　so　cruel　as　to　have　given
her　such　happiness　meaning　to　take　it　from　her！　　Surely　her　love　was
not　to　be　only　one　summer's　day；　his　love　but　an　embrace；　and　then
for　ever　nothing！

This　morning；　fortified　by　despair；　she　admitted　her　own　beauty。　　He
would；　he　must　want　her　more　than　that　other　life；　at　the　very
thought　of　which　her　face　darkened。　　That　other　life　so　hard；　and　far
from　her！　　So　loveless；　formal；　and　yetto　him　so　real；　so
desperately；　accursedly　real！　　If　he　must　indeed　give　up　his　career；
then　surely　the　life　they　could　live　together　would　make　up　to　him
a　life　among　simple　and　sweet　things；　all　over　the　world；　with　music
and　pictures；　and　the　flowers　and　all　Nature；　and　friends　who　sought
them　for　themselves；　and　in　being　kind　to　everyone；　and　helping　the
poor　and　the　unfortunate；　and　loving　each　other！　　But　he　did　not　want
that　sort　of　life！　　What　was　the　good　of　pretending　that　he　did？　　It
was　right　and　natural　he　should　want；　to　use　his　powers！　　To　lead　and
serve！　　She　would　not　have　him　otherwise：　With　these　thoughts
hovering　and　darting　within　her；　she　went　on　twisting　and　coiling　her
dark　hair；　and　burying　her　heart　beneath　its　lace