the patrician-第50部分

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and　break　in　on　his　life　a　second　time。　　And　a　grim　thought　swooped
down　on　Barbara。　　What　if　he　resigned　everything！　　Went　out　into　the
dark！　　Men　did　sometimesshe　knewcaught　like　this　in　the　full
flush　of　passion。　　But　surely　not　Miltoun；　with　his　faith！　　'If　the
lark's　song　means　nothingif　that　sky　is　a　morass　of　our　invention
if　we　are　pettily　creeping　on；　furthering　nothingpersuade　me　of　it；
Babs；　and　I'll　bless　you。'　But　had　he　still　that　anchorage；　to
prevent　him　slipping　out　to　sea？　　This　sudden　thought　of　death　to　one
for　whom　life　was　joy；　who　had　never　even　seen　the　Great　Stillness；
was　very　terrifying。　　She　fixed　her　eyes　on　the　back　of　the
chauffeur；　in　his　drab　coat　with　the　red　collar；　finding　some　comfort
in　its　solidity。　　They　were　in　a　taxi…cab；　in　Richmond　Park！　　Death…
incongruous；　incredible　death！　　It　was　stupid　to　be　frightened！　　She
forced　herself　to　look　at　Miltoun。　　He　seemed　to　be　asleep；　his　eyes
were　closed；　his　arms　foldedonly　a　quivering　of　his　eyelids
betrayed　him。　　Impossible　to　tell　what　was　going　on　in　that　grim
waking　sleep；　which　made　her　feel　that　she　was　not　there　at　all；　so
utterly　did　he　seem　withdrawn　into　himself！

He　opened　his　eyes；　and　said　suddenly：

〃So　you　think　I'm　going　to　lay　hands　on　myself；　Babs？〃

Horribly　startled　by　this　reading　of　her　thoughts；　Barbara　could　only
edge　away　and　stammer：

〃No；　oh；　no！〃

〃Where　are　we　going　in　this　thing？〃

〃Nettlefold。　　Would　you　like　him　stopped？〃

〃It　will　do　as　well　as　anywhere。〃

Terrified　lest　he　should　relapse　into　that　grim　silence；　she　timidly
possessed　herself　of　his　hand。

It　was　fast　growing　dark；　the　cab；　having　left　the　villas　of　Surbiton
behind；　was　flying　along　at　great　speed　among　pine…trees　and
stretches　of　heather　gloomy　with　faded　daylight。

Miltoun　said　presently；　in　a　queer；　slow　voice　〃If　I　want；　I　have
only　to　open　that　door　and　jump。　　You　who　believe　that　'to…morrow　we
die'give　me　the　faith　to　feel　that　I　can　free　myself　by　that　jump；
and　out　I　go！〃　　Then；　seeming　to　pity　her　terrified　squeeze　of　his
hand；　he　added：　〃It's　all　right；　Babs；　we；　shall　sleep　comfortably
enough　in　our　beds　tonight。〃

But；　so　desolate　to　the　girl　was　his　voice；　that　she　hoped　now　for
silence。

〃Let　us　be　skinned　quietly；〃　muttered　Miltoun；　〃if　nothing　else。
Sorry　to　have　disturbed　you。〃

Pressing　close　up　to　him；　Barbara　murmured：

〃If　only　Talk　to　me！〃。

But　Miltoun；　though　he　stroked　her　hand；　was　silent。

The　cab；　moving　at　unaccustomed　speed　along　these　deserted　roads；
moaned　dismally；　and　Barbara　was　possessed　now　by　a　desire　which　she
dared　not　put　in　practice；　to　pull　his　head　down；　and　rock　it　against
her。　　Her　heart　felt　empty；　and　timid；　to　have　something　warm　resting
on　it　would　have　made　all　the　difference。　　Everything　real；
substantial；　comforting；　seemed　to　have　slipped　away。　　Among　these
flying　dark　ghosts　of　pine…treesas　it　were　the　unfrequented
borderland　between　two　worldsthe　feeling　of　a　cheek　against　her
breast　alone　could　help　muffle　the　deep　disquiet　in　her；　lost　like　a
child　in　a　wood。

The　cab　slackened　speed；　the　driver　was　lighting　his　lamps；　and　his
red　face　appeared　at　the　window。

〃We'll　'ave　to　stop　here；　miss；　I'm　out　of　petrol。　　Will　you　get　some
dinner；　or　go　through？〃

〃Through；〃　answered　Barbara：

While　they　were　passing　the　little　their；　buying　then　petrol；　asking
the　way；　she　felt　less　miserable；　and　even　looked　about　her　with　a
sort　of　eagerness。　　Then　when　they　had　started　again；　she　thought：　If
I　could　get　him　to　sleepthe　sea　will　comfort　him！　　But　his　eyes
were　staring；　wide…open。　　She　feigned　sleep　herself；　letting　her　head
slip　a　little　to　one　side；　causing　small　sounds　of　breathing　to
escape。　　The　whirring　of　the　wheels；　the　moaning　of　the　cab　joints；
the　dark　trees　slipping　by；　the　scent　of　the　wet　fern　drifting　in；
all　these　must　surely　help！　　And　presently　she　felt　that　he　was
indeed　slipping　into　darknessand　then…she　felt　nothing。

When　she　awoke　from　the　sleep　into　which　she　had　seen　Miltoun　fall；
the　cab　was　slowly　mounting　a　steep　hill；　above　which　the　moon　had
risen。　　The　air　smelled　strong　and　sweet；　as　though　it　had　passed
over　leagues　of　grass。

〃The　Downs！〃　she　thought；　〃I　must　have　been　asleep！〃

In　sudden　terror；　she　looked　round　for　Miltoun。　　But　he　was　still
there；　exactly　as　before；　leaning　back　rigid　in　his　corner　of　the
cab；　with　staring　eyes；　and　no　other　signs　of　life。　　And　still　only
half　awake；　like　a　great　warm　sleepy　child　startled　out　of　too　deep
slumber；　she　clutched；　and　clung　to　him。　　The　thought　that　he　had
been　sitting　like　that；　with　his　spirit　far　away；　all　the　time　that
she　had　been　betraying　her　watch　in　sleep；　was　dreadful。　　But　to　her
embrace　there　was　no　response；　and　awake　indeed　now；　ashamed；　sore；
Barbara　released　him；　and　turned　her　face　to　the　air。

Out　there；　two　thin；　dense…black；　long　clouds；　shaped　like　the　wings
of　a　hawk；　had　joined　themselves　together；　so　that　nothing　of　the
moon　showed　but　a　living　brightness　imprisoned；　like　the　eyes　and
life　of　a　bird；　between　those　swift　sweeps　of　darkness。　　This　great
uncanny　spirit；　brooding　malevolent　over　the　high　leagues　of　moon…wan
grass；　seemed　waiting　to　swoop；　and　pluck　up　in　its　talons；　and
devour；　all　that　intruded　on　the　wild　loneness　of　these　far…up　plains
of　freedom。　　Barbara　almost　expected　to　hear　coming　from　it　the　lost
whistle　of　the　buzzard　hawks。　　And　her　dream　came　back　to　her。　　Where
were　her　wings…the　wings　that　in　sleep　had　borne　her　to　the　stars；
the　wings　that　would　never　lift　herwakingfrom　the　ground？　　Where
too　were　Miltoun's　wings？　　She　crouched　back　into　her　corner；　a　tear
stole　up　and　trickled　out　between　her　closed　lids…another　and　another
followed。　　Faster　and　faster　they　came。　　Then　she　felt　Miltoun's　arm
round　her；　and　heard　him　say：　〃Don't　cry；　Babs！〃　　Instinct　telling
her　what　to　do；　she　laid　her　head　against　his　chest；　and　sobbed
bitterly。　　Struggling　with　those　sobs；　she　grew　less　and　less
unhappyknowing　that　he　could　never　again　feel　quite　so　desolate；　as
before　he　tried　to　give　her　comfort。　　It　was　all　a　bad　dream；　and
they　would　soon　wake　from　it！　　And　they　would　be　happy；　as　happy　as
they　had　been　beforebefore　these　last　months！　　And　she　whispered：

〃Only　a　little　while；　Eusty！〃




CHAPTER　XXIX

Old　Lady　Harbinger　dying　in　the　early　February　of　the　following　year；
the　marriage　of　Barbara　with　her　son　was　postponed　till　June。

Much　of　the　wild　sweetness　of　Spring　still　clung　to　the　high　moor
borders　of　Monkland　on　the　early　morning　of　the　wedding　day。

Barbara　was　already　up　and　dressed　for　riding　when　her　maid　came　to
call　her；　and　noting　Stacey's　astonished　eyes　fix　themselves　on　her
boots；　she　said：

〃Well；　Stacey？〃

〃It'll　tire　you。〃

〃Nonsense；　I'm　not　going　to　be　hung。〃

Refusing　the　company　of　a　groom；　she　made　her　way　towards　the　stretch
of　high　moor　where　she　had　ridden　with　Courtier　a　year　ago。　　Here
over　the　short；　as　yet　unflowering；　heather；　there　was　a　mile　or　more
of　level　galloping　ground。　　She　mounted　steadily；　and　her　spirit
rode；　as　it　were；　before　her；　longing　to　get　up　there　among　the
peewits　and　curlew；　to　feel　the　crisp；　peaty　earth　slip　away　under
her；　and　the　wind　drive　in　her　face；　under　that　deep　blue　sky。
Carried　by　this　warm…blooded　sweetheart　of　hers；　ready　to　jump　out　of
his　smooth　hide　with　pleasure；　snuffling　and　sneezing　in　sheer　joy；
whose　eye　she　could　see　straying　round　to　catch　a　glimpse　of　her
intentions；　from　whose　lips　she　could　hear　issuing　the　sweet　bitt…
music；　whose　vagaries　even　seemed　designed　to　startle　from　her　a
closer　embracingshe　was　filled　with　a　sort　of　delicious　impatience
with　everything　that　was　not　this　perfect　communing　with　vigour。

Reaching　the　top；　she　put　him　into　a　gallop。　　With　the　wind　furiously
assailing　her　face　and　throat；　every　muscle　crisped；　and　all　her
blood　tinglingthis　was　a　very　ecstasy　of　motion！

She　reined　in　at　the　cairn　whence　she　and　Courtier　had　looked　down　at
the　herds　of　ponies。　　It　was　the　merest　memory　now；　vague　and　a
little　sweet；　like　the　remembrance　of　some　exceptional　Spring　day；
when　trees　seem　to　flower　before　your　eyes；　and　in　sheer　wantonness
exhale　a　scent　of　lemons。　　The　ponies　were　there　still；　and　in
distance　the　shining　sea。　　She　sat　thinking　of　nothing；　but　how　good
it　was　to　be　alive。　　The　fullness　and　sweetness　of　it　all；　the
freedom　and　strength！　　Away　to　the　West　over　a　lonely　farm　she　could
see　two　buzzard　hawks　hunting　in　wide　circles。　　She　did　not　envy
themso　happy　was　she；　as　happy　as　the　morning。　　And　there　came　to
her　suddenly　the　true；　the　overmastering　longing　of　mountain　tops。

〃I　must；〃　she　thought；　〃I　simply　must！〃

Slipping　off　her　horse　she　lay　down　on　her　back；　and　at　once
everything　was　lost　except　the　sky。　　Over　her　body；　supported　above
solid　earth　by　the　warm；　soft　heather；　the　wind　skimmed　without　sound
or　touch。　　Her　spirit　became　one　with　that　calm　unimaginable　freedom。
Transported　beyond　her　own　contentment；　she　no　longer　even　knew
whether　she　was　joyful。

The　horse　Hal；　attempting　to　eat　her　sleeve；　aroused　her。　　She
mounted　him；　and　rode　down。　　Near　home　she　took　a　short　cut　across　a
meadow；　through　which　flowed　two　thin　bright　streams；　forming　a　delta
full　of　lingering　'milkmaids；'　mauve　marsh　orchis；　and　yellow　flags。
》From　end　to　end　of　this　long　meadow；　so　varied；　so　pied　with　trees
and　stones；　and　flowers；　and　water；　the　last　of　the　Spring　was
passing。

Some　ponies；　shyly　curious　of　Barbara　and　her　horse；　stole　up；　and
stood　at　a　safe　distance；　with　their　noses　dubiously　stretched　out；
swishing　their　lean　tails。　　And　suddenly；　far　up；　following　their　own
music；　two　cuckoos　flew　across；　seeking　the　thorn…trees　out　on　the
moor。　　While　she　was　watching　the　arrowy　birds；　she　caught　sight　of
someone　coming　towards　her　from　a　clump　of　beech…trees；　and　suddenly
saw　that　it　was　Mrs。　Noel！

She　rode　forward；　flushing。　　What　dared　she　say？　　Could　she　speak　of
her　wedding；　and　betray　Miltoun's　presence？　　Could　she　open　her　mouth
at　all　without　rousing　painful　feeling　of　some　sort？　　Then；　impatient
of　indecision；　she　began：

〃I'm　so　glad　to　see　you　aga