on the firing line-第27部分

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ss；　the　jolting　of　the　train　was　wellnigh　unbearable。　His　shoulder　throbbed；　and　the　dull　pain　in　his　head　was　maddening。　He　had　passed　the　stage　of　weariness；　however；　where　one　is　conscious　of　exhaustion。　An　ever…tightening　strain　was　upon　him。　He　could　not　rest　now；　he　must　go　on；　and　on；　and　on；　faster　and　ever　faster；　until　at　last　something　should　snap　and　quiet　perforce　should　overtake　him。

Early　dawn　found　him　at　Kroonstad。　Sleep　had　been　impossible　for　him；　he　had　no　appetite　for　food；　and　it　took　an　ever…increasing　effort　for　him　to　pull　himself　together。　Like　a　man　mounting　a　steep；　pathless　hill；　he　tried　to　drag　himself　up　above　the　consciousness　of　his　aching　head　and　throbbing　wounds；　but　it　was　not　to　be　done。　At　the　station　he　halted　irresolutely。　Then　of　a　sudden　he　faced　towards　the　great　hospital　tent。

〃I　want　something　to　steady　me　a　bit；〃　he　said　briefly　to　the　first　doctor　he　met　there。　〃I　have　two　or　three　scratches；　and　I　am　feeling　fagged。　Give　me　something　to　help　me　get　a　grip　on　myself　again；　for　I　can't　spend　time　to　be　ill。〃

The　doctor　remonstrated；　but　Weldon's　answer　was　peremptory。

〃I　tell　you；　I　can't　stop。　Give　me　something　and　let　me　go。　I've　work　at　Lindley　that　must　be　done；　and　a　convoy　leaves　in　an　hour。〃

An　hour　later　he　was　trudging　over　the　veldt　in　the　direction　of　Lindley。　Lindley　was　forty　miles　away；　the　roads　were　dusty；　and　the　sun　of　early　February　struck　down　upon　him　with　the　heat　of　a　belated　summer。　Nevertheless；　at　Lindley　was　his　squadron；　and　with　his　squadron　would　be　work。　Never　in　all　his　past　life　had　Weldon　known　this　imperative　need　for　work。　In　it　now；　and　in　its　accompanying　excitement　and　in　its　inevitable　risk；　would　lie　his　ultimate　salvation。　For　him；　the　future　held　but　one　plain　duty；　and　that　duty　was　to　forget。

The　experienced　eye　of　the　doctor　had　told　him　that　the　gaunt　trooper　was　a　sick　man；　it　had　also　told　him　that　the　trooper's　determination　would　outweigh　his　sickness；　at　least　for　the　present　crisis。　He　made　no　effort　to　penetrate　the　cause　of　that　determination。　He　merely　yielded　to　it。　A　doctor　less　wise　would　have　ordered　Weldon　into　bed。　This　one　saw　further。　He　knew　that　a　delicately　adjusted　machine　often　receives　its　worst　damage　from　the　friction　needed　to　stop　the　whirring　wheels。　Better　to　wait　and　let　them　run　down；　untouched。

The　forty　miles　from　Kroonstad　to　Lindley　were　reducing　themselves　from　a　geographical　fact　to　a　matter　of　physical　and　mental　anguish。　There　had　been　no　rain　for　days；　and　under　the　burning　sun；　the　dusty　veldt　seemed　dancing　up　and　down　before　Weldon's　tired；　feverish　eyes。　Now　he　passed　through　a　stretch　of　bare　and　burned…　out　sand；　now　he　tramped　over　patches　of　tall　dry　grass；　now　he　plodded　wearily　around　a　heap　of　smooth　black　stones。　Brick…red　ant…　hills　higher　than　his　knees　dotted　themselves　over　the　veldt；　their　shell…like　surface　shielding　a　crowded　insect　colony　within。　Ant…　bear　holes　lurked　unseen　in　his　pathway；　tripping　his　heedless　steps；　and　an　occasional　partridge　went　whirring　upward；　making　him　start　aside　in　causeless　terror　at　the　unwonted　sound。　And　over　it　all　rested　the　glaring；　shimmering；　blinding　light；　laden　with　myriad　particles　of　dazzling　red…brown　dust。　Later　still；　the　red…　brown　color　vanished；　and　he　walked　for　weary　leagues　over　the　fire…　blackened　veldt　where　the　black　rocks　offered　no　contrast　to　the　eye；　and　where　the　air　was　heavy　with　ashes　caught　up　and　scattered　by　the　light　breeze　which　heralded　the　coming　night。　And　it　was　all　so　lonely；　so　hostile；　so　limitless。　But　no　more　lonely　and　hostile　and　limitless　than　the　desolate　future　which　stretched　away　and　away　before　his　gaze。

As　yet　he　dared　not　trust　his　mind　to　rest　too　much　upon　the　past。　The　future　demanded　his　whole　attention。　It　was　a　far　cry　for　him　from　the　present　up　to　his　limit　of　threescore　years　and　ten。　Still；　he　would　not　funk　it　now。　That　was　the　part　of　a　sneak。　Now；　as　always；　he　would　stand　by　his　young　resolution　to　play　out　the　game；　to　abide　by　the　rules　and　to　take　the　consequences。　Nevertheless；　it　would　be　weary　work　to　play　out　the　game　to　its　end；　when　the　end　held　nothing　for　him　in　its　keeping。　His　mind　trailed　off　upon　all　sorts　or　vague　corollaries　scarcely　connected　with　the　fact。　He　recalled　it　with　a　jerk。

The　Captain　was　dead。　Ethel　had　loved　the　Captain。　She　had　told　the　Captain　of　her　love。　As　consequence；　she　could　not　love　himself；　Harvard　Weldon。　But　he　loved　her。　He　had　loved　her　for　thirteen　months　and　twenty…one　days。　Carefully　he　reckoned　up　the　time；　then；　to　make　sure；　he　counted　it　off　upon　his　fingers。　Yes；　he　had　loved　her　ever　since　that　first　lunch　on　the　steamer；　when　she　had　snubbed　him　so　roundly。　He　did　not　know　it　then。　Looking　backward；　he　knew　it　now。　And　there　had　been　Cape　Town；　and　Johannesburg；　and　Cape　Town　again。　He　stumbled　into　the　open　mouth　of　an　ant…bear's　hole　and　came　down　with　a　crash；　full　upon　his　wounded　shoulder。　Strange　that　his　step　should　be　so　uncertain！　Strange　that　he　should　feel　so　little　inclination　to　swear！　As　he　picked　himself　up；　he　wondered　vaguely　whether　his　pipe　would　be　refreshing；　but　his　wonder　stopped；　impotent　to　lead　his　dangling　hand　in　the　direction　of　his　pocket。　Then　his　mind　took　up　its　interrupted　story；　its　record　of　brief；　categorical　facts。

He　had　meant　to　go　home；　that　winter。　Instead；　Ethel　had　fanned　the　flame　of　his　desire　to　go　back　to　the　front。　He　had　left　her；　one　evening；　to　pass　a　sleepless　night；　and；　the　next　morning；　to　take　himself　out　to　enlist　for　another　six　months　of　service。　The　six　months　were　nearly　ended。　Only　three　weeks　remained。　And　then？　Nothing。

The　second　night　found　him　still　far　from　Lindley。　He　had　plodded　on　mechanically；　stumbling　often；　but　halting　never；　while　his　mind　went　whirling　on　and　on；　over　and　over　the　same　old　questions。　His　lips　were　feverish；　and　his　eyes　burned　hotly；　so　it　was　almost　with　a　sense　of　relief　that　he　greeted　the　swift　chill　which　followed　the　dropping　of　the　sun。　Over　his　head；　the　great　arch　of　the　sky　shaded　from　east　to　west　through　every　tint　of　purple　and　blue　and　turquoise　and　emerald…green；　down　to　the　golden　band　of　the　afterglow。　Then　the　stars　began　to　dot　the　purple；　their　tiny　points　of　light　serving　only　to　emphasize　its　darkness；　until　the　full　moon　swept　up　across　the　heavens；　throwing　its　mystic　silver　light　over　all　the　land　and　adding　tenfold　to　the　empty　loneliness　of　the　veldt。　Sleep　was　out　of　the　question。　He　could　only　snuggle　more　closely　into　his　blankets　and　wait　for　morning　with　what　grace　he　could。　The　stopping　of　his　physical　action　only　increased　the　swiftness　of　his　swirling　thoughts　which　chased　each　other　round　and　round　in　circling　eddies　about　one　fixed　point。　That　point　was　Ethel。

Across　the　veldt　at　his　left　hand；　he　had　watched　the　chain　of　blockhouses　which　lay　along　the　country　between　Kroonstad　and　Lindley。　Their　squat　outlines　and　the　shining　blue　of　their　corrugated　iron　roofs　had　caught　his　wandering　attention；　held　it；　pinned　it　to　other　associations　with　those　same　blockhouses　and；　of　a　sudden；　had　brought　him　to　a　full　realization　that　griefs　did　not　come　singly。　He　had　left　Johannesburg；　to　face　a　future　apart　from　Ethel。　He　was　coming　back　to　Lindley；　to　face　a　future　bereft　of　the　Captain。

It　was　full　noon；　the　next　day；　when　the　camp　came　into　view。　Leaving　the　convoy　to　follow　in　his　wake；　he　headed　straight　for　the　rise　where　he　had　so　often　sat　with　Carew　and　gossiped　of　all　things　under　the　light　of　the　sun。　Then；　as　the　round　tents　lay　under　his　eyes　like　rows　of　dots　punched　into　relief　above　the　surface　of　the　plain；　he　sank　down　on　the　coarse；　parched　grass　and　hid　his　eyes　in　his　shaking　hands。　Yet　even　then　the　pitiless　circle　of　tragic　thoughts　refused　to　stop　their　ceaseless　round。

He　roused　himself　at　a　touch　on　his　arm。　Kruger　Bobs；　at　a　distance；　was　eying　him　with　a　look　of　chastened　welcome；　but　Carew　stood　beside　him；　one　thin；　sun…tanned　hand　on　Weldon's　shoulder。

〃It's　all　right；　old　man；〃　he　was　saying。　〃Don't　try　to　tell　me　anything　about　it。　Kruger　Bobs　saw　you　coming；　and　we　rode　out　to　meet　you。　Come　in　and　rest。　You　look　utterly　done　up。〃

Half　way　back　to　the　camp；　Carew　spoke　again；　but　it　was　only　once。

〃I　told　the　fellows　you　were　coming；　and　that　you　would　be　tired。　They　will　keep　out　of　your　way；　till　you　have　had　time　to　rest　up　a　bit。　Paddy　is　waiting　to　look　out　for　you；　but　you　needn't　worry。　He　knows　when　to　hold　his　tongue。　If　you　need　anything；　or　if　you　care　to　talk；　send　him　out　to　look　for　me。　Meanwhile；　you　need　some　rest。〃




CHAPTER　TWENTY…ONE


〃For　God's　sake；　Weldon；　how　long　is　this　going　to　last？〃

Weldon　raised　his　eyes　from　the　seven…weeks…old　Times　in　his　hand；　and　looked　at　Carew　in　surprise。

〃What　last？〃　he　questioned　blankly。

Carew　sprang　to　his　feet　and　began　to　pace　up　and　down　with　impatient；　nervous　steps。

〃This。　Everything；〃　he　said。

Weldon's　smile；　though　it　went　no　deeper　than　his　lips；　was　half　sarcastic；　wholly　sad。

〃Specify；〃　he　advised　languidly。　〃My　mind　can't　grasp　your　generalities。〃

Carew　took　a　few　more　turns。　Then　he　came　back　to　Weldon's　side。

〃It's　this　way；　Harvey；〃　he　said　slowly；　for　the　moment　lapsing　into　the　name　by　which　he　had　called　his　friend　in　their　childhood；　〃since　you　came　back　from　Johannesburg；　you've　not　been　the　same　man。　What　has　done　it？〃

Weldon's　lips　shut　with　a　tightness　which　curled　the　corners　downward。　Then；　as　he　looked　into　the　questioning　eyes　and　anxious　face　of　his　companion；　his　own　eyes　softened；　and　he　changed　his　mind　in　regard　to　keeping　silence。

〃It　was　a　hard　journey；〃　he　said　evasively；　yet　with　a　kindly　accent　to　the　words。　〃Such　days　take　it　out　of　a　man；　Carew。　I　shall　brace　up　in　time。〃

Carew　shook　his　head。

〃That　is　just　what　you　must　not　do。　You　have　braced　too　long；　as　it　is。　Your　wounds　were　nothing　but　scratches。　They　healed　up　easily　enough；　and　you　say；　yourself；　that　they　don't　trouble　you；　but　you　look〃

〃Well？〃　〃As　if　things　had　ended　for　you；〃　Carew　blurted　out　desperately。

Slowly；　wearily；　Weldon　lifted　his　eyes　to　his　friend's　face。

〃Well；　they　have；〃　he　said；　with　an　intonation　of