tommy and co.-第31部分

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hot　passion　that　can　pass　away；　my　love　for　you。　　It　springs　from　
all　that　is　best　in　mefrom　the　part　of　me　that　is　wholesome　and　
joyous　and　strong；　the　part　of　me　that　belongs　to　you。〃

Releasing　her；　he　turned　away。

〃The　other　part　of　methe　blackguardit　is　dead；　dear；dead　and　
buried。　　I　did　not　know　I　was　a　blackguard；　I　thought　myself　a　fine　
fellow；　till　one　day　it　came　home　to　me。　　Suddenly　I　saw　myself　as　
I　really　was。　　And　the　sight　of　the　thing　frightened　me　and　I　ran　
away　from　it。　　I　said　to　myself　I　would　begin　life　afresh；　in　a　new　
country；　free　of　every　tie　that　could　bind　me　to　the　past。　　It　
would　mean　povertyprivation；　maybe；　in　the　beginning。　　What　of　
that？　　The　struggle　would　brace　me。　　It　would　be　good　sport。　　Ah；　
well；　you　can　guess　the　result：　　the　awakening　to　the　cold　facts；　
the　reaction　of　feeling。　　In　what　way　was　I　worse　than　other　men？　　
Who　was　I；　to　play　the　prig　in　a　world　where　others　were　laughing　
and　dining？　　I　had　tramped　your　city　till　my　boots　were　worn　into　
holes。　　I　had　but　to　abandon　my　quixotic　idealsreturn　to　where　
shame　lay　waiting　for　me；　to　be　welcomed　with　the　fatted　calf。　　It　
would　have　ended　so　had　I　not　chanced　to　pass　by　your　door　that　
afternoon　and　hear　you　strumming　on　the　piano。〃

So　Billy　was　right；　after　all；　thought　Tommy　to　herself；　the　piano　
does　help。

〃It　was　so　incongruousa　piano　in　Crane　CourtI　looked　to　see　
where　the　noise　came　from。　　I　read　the　name　of　the　paper　on　the　
doorpost。　　'It　will　be　my　last　chance；'　I　said　to　myself。　　'This　
shall　decide　it。'〃

He　came　back　to　her。　　She　had　not　moved。　　〃I　am　not　afraid　to　tell　
you　all　this。　　You　are　so　big…hearted；　so　human；　you　will　
understand；　you　can　forgive。　　It　is　all　past。　　Loving　you　tells　a　
man　that　he　has　done　with　evil。　　Will　you　not　trust　me？〃

She　put　her　hands　in　his。　　〃I　am　trusting　you；〃　she　said；　〃with　all　
my　life。　　Don't　make　a　muddle　of　it；　dear；　if　you　can　help　it。〃

It　was　an　odd　wooing；　as　Tommy　laughingly　told　herself　when　she　
came　to　think　it　over　in　her　room　that　night。　　But　that　is　how　it　
shaped　itself。

What　troubled　her　most　was　that　he　had　not　been　quite　frank　with　
Peter；　so　that　Peter　had　to　defend　her　against　herself。

〃I　attacked　you　so　suddenly；〃　explained　Peter；　〃you　had　not　time　to　
think。　　You　acted　from　instinct。　　A　woman　seeks　to　hide　her　love　
even　from　herself。〃

〃I　expect；　after　all；　I　am　more　of　a　girl　than　a　boy；〃　feared　
Tommy：　　〃I　seem　to　have　so　many　womanish　failings。〃

Peter　took　himself　into　quite　places　and　trained　himself　to　face　
the　fact　that　another　would　be　more　to　her　than　he　had　ever　been；　
and　Clodd　went　about　his　work　like　a　bear　with　a　sore　head；　but　
they　neither　of　them　need　have　troubled　themselves　so　much。　　The　
marriage　did　not　take　place　till　nearly　fifteen　years　had　passed　
away；　and　much　water　had　to　flow　beneath　old　London　Bridge　before　
that　day。

The　past　is　not　easily　got　rid　of。　　A　tale　was　once　written　of　a　
woman　who　killed　her　babe　and　buried　it　in　a　lonely　wood；　and　later　
stole　back　in　the　night　and　saw　there；　white　in　the　moonlight；　a　
child's　hand　calling　through　the　earth；　and　buried　it　again　and　yet　
again；　but　always　that　white　baby　hand　called　upwards　through　the　
earth；　trample　it　down　as　she　would。　　Tommy　read　the　story　one　
evening　in　an　old　miscellany；　and　sat　long　before　the　dead　fire；　
the　book　open　on　her　lap；　and　shivered；　for　now　she　knew　the　fear　
that　had　been　haunting　her。

Tommy　lived　expecting　her。　　She　came　one　night　when　Tommy　was　
alone；　working　late　in　the　office。　　Tommy　knew　her　the　moment　she　
entered　the　door；　a　handsome　woman；　with　snake…like；　rustling　
skirts。　　She　closed　the　door　behind　her；　and　drawing　forward　a　
chair；　seated　herself　the　other　side　of　the　desk；　and　the　two　
looked　long　and　anxiously　at　one　another。

〃They　told　me　I　should　find　you　here　alone；〃　said　the　woman。　　〃It　
is　better；　is　it　not？〃

〃Yes；〃　said　Tommy；　〃it　is　better。〃

〃Tell　me；〃　said　the　woman；　〃are　you　very　much　in　love　with　him？〃

〃Why　should　I　tell　you？〃

〃Because；　if　notif　you　have　merely　accepted　him　thinking　him　a　
good　catchwhich　he　isn't；　my　dear；　hasn't　a　penny　to　bless　
himself　with；　and　never　will　if　he　marries　youwhy；　then　the　
matter　is　soon　settled。　　They　tell　me　you　are　a　business…like　young　
lady；　and　I　am　prepared　to　make　a　business…like　proposition。〃

There　was　no　answer。　　The　woman　shrugged　her　shoulders。

〃If；　on　the　other　hand；　you　are　that　absurd　creature；　a　young　girl　
in　lovewhy；　then；　I　suppose　we　shall　have　to　fight　for　him。〃

〃It　would　be　more　sporting；　would　it　not？〃　suggested　Tommy。

〃Let　me　explain　before　you　decide；〃　continued　the　woman。　　〃Dick　
Danvers　left　me　six　months　ago；　and　has　kept　from　me　ever　since；　
because　he　loved　me。〃

〃It　sounds　a　curious　reason。〃

〃I　was　a　married　woman　when　Dick　Danvers　and　I　first　met。　　Since　he　
left　mefor　my　sake　and　his　ownI　have　received　information　of　my　
husband's　death。〃

〃And　does　Dickdoes　he　know？〃　asked　the　girl。

〃Not　yet。　　I　have　only　lately　learnt　the　news　myself。〃

〃Then　if　it　is　as　you　say；　when　he　knows　he　will　go　back　to　you。〃

〃There　are　difficulties　in　the　way。〃

〃What　difficulties？〃

〃My　dear；　this。　　To　try　and　forget　me；　he　has　been　making　love　to　
you。　　Men　do　these　things。　　I　merely　ask　you　to　convince　yourself　
of　the　truth。　　Go　away　for　six　monthsdisappear　entirely。　　Leave　
him　freeuninfluenced。　　If　he　loves　youif　it　be　not　merely　a　
sense　of　honour　that　binds　himyou　will　find　him　here　on　your　
return。　　If　notif　in　the　interval　I　have　succeeded　in　running　off　
with　him；　well；　is　not　the　two　or　three　thousand　pounds　I　am　
prepared　to　put　into　this　paper　of　yours　a　fair　price　for　such　a　
lover？〃

Tommy　rose　with　a　laugh　of　genuine　amusement。　　She　could　never　
altogether　put　aside　her　sense　of　humour；　let　Fate　come　with　what　
terrifying　face　it　would。

〃You　may　have　him　for　nothingif　he　is　that　man；〃　the　girl　told　
her；　〃he　shall　be　free　to　choose　between　us。〃

〃You　mean　you　will　release　him　from　his　engagement？〃

〃That　is　what　I　mean。〃

〃Why　not　take　my　offer？　　You　know　the　money　is　needed。　　It　will　
save　your　father　years　of　anxiety　and　struggle。　　Go　awaytravel；　
for　a　couple　of　months；　if　you're　afraid　of　the　six。　　Write　him　
that　you　must　be　alone；　to　think　things　over。〃

The　girl　turned　upon　her。

〃And　leave　you　a　free　field　to　lie　and　trick？〃

The　woman；　too；　had　risen。　　〃Do　you　think　he　really　cares　for　you？　　
At　the　moment　you　interest　him。　　At　nineteen　every　woman　is　a　
mystery。　　When　the　mood　is　pastand　do　you　know　how　long　a　man's　
mood　lasts；　you　poor　chit？　　Till　he　has　caught　what　he　is　running　
after；　and　has　tasted　itthen　he　will　think　not　of　what　he　has　
won；　but　of　what　he　has　lost：　　of　the　society　from　which　he　has　cut　
himself　adrift；　of　all　the　old　pleasures　and　pursuits　he　can　no　
longer　enjoy；　of　the　luxuriesnecessities　to　a　man　of　his　stamp
that　marriage　with　you　has　deprived　him　of。　　Then　your　face　will　be　
a　perpetual　reminder　to　him　of　what　he　has　paid　for　it；　and　he　will　
curse　it　every　time　he　sees　it。〃

〃You　don't　know　him；〃　the　girl　cried。　　〃You　know　just　a　part　of　
himthe　part　you　would　know。　　All　the　rest　of　him　is　a　good　man；　
that　would　rather　his　self…respect　than　all　the　luxuries　you　
mentionyou　included。〃

〃It　seems　to　resolve　itself　into　what　manner　of　man　he　is；〃　laughed　
the　woman。

The　girl　looked　at　her　watch。　　〃He　will　be　here　shortly；　he　shall　
tell　us　himself。〃

〃How　do　you　mean？〃

〃That　here；　between　the　two　of　us；　he　shall　decidethis　very　
night。〃　　She　showed　her　white　face　to　the　woman。　　〃Do　you　think　I　
could　live　through　a　second　day　like　to　this？〃

〃The　scene　would　be　ridiculous。〃

〃There　will　be　none　here　to　enjoy　the　humour　of　it。〃

〃He　will　not　understand。〃

〃Oh；　yes；　he　will；〃　the　girl　laughed。　　〃Come；　you　have　all　the　
advantages；　you　are　rich；　you　are　clever；　you　belong　to　his　class。　　
If　he　elects　to　stop　with　me；　it　will　be　because　he　is　my　man
mine。　　Are　you　afraid？〃

The　woman　shivered。　　She　wrapped　her　fur　cloak　about　her　closer　and　
sat　down　again；　and　Tommy　returned　to　her　proofs。　　It　was　press…
night；　and　there　was　much　to　be　done。

He　came　a　little　later；　though　how　long　the　time　may　have　seemed　to　
the　two　women　one　cannot　say。　　They　heard　his　footstep　on　the　
stair。　　The　woman　rose　and　went　forward；　so　that　when　he　opened　the　
door　she　was　the　first　he　saw。　　But　he　made　no　sign。　　Possibly　he　
had　been　schooling　himself　for　this　moment；　knowing　that　sooner　or　
later　it　must　come。　　The　woman　held　out　her　hand　to　him　with　a　
smile。

〃I　have　not　the　honour；〃　he　said。

The　smile　died　from　her　face。　　〃I　do　not　understand；〃　she　said。

〃I　have　not　the　honour；〃　he　repeated。　　〃I　do　not　know　you。〃

The　girl　was　leaning　with　her　back　against　the　desk　in　a　somewhat　
mannish　attitude。　　He　stood　between　them。　　It　will　always　remain　
Life's　chief　comic　success：　　the　man　between　two　women。　　The　
situation　has　amused　the　world　for　so　many　years。　　Yet；　somehow；　he　
contrived　to　maintain　a　certain　dignity。

〃Maybe；〃　he　continued；　〃you　are　confounding　me　with　a　Dick　Danvers　
who　lived　in　New　York　up　to　a　few　months　ago。　　I　knew　him　wella　
worthless　scamp　you　had　done　better　never　to　have　met。〃

〃You　bear　a　wonderful　resemblance　to　him；〃　laughed　the　woman。

〃The　poor　fool　is　dead；〃　he　answered。　　〃And　he　left　for　you；　my　
dear　lady；　this　dying　message：　　that；　from　the　bottom　of　his　soul；　
he　was　sorry　for　the　wrong　he　had　done　you。　　He　asked　you　to　
forgive　himand　forget　him。〃

〃The　year　appears　to　be　opening　unfortunately　for　me；〃　said　the　
woman。　　〃First　my　lover；　then　my　husband。〃

He　had　nerved　himself　to　fight　the　living。　　This　was　a　blow　from　
the　dead。　　The　man　had　been　his　friend。

〃Dead？〃

〃He　was　killed；　it　appears；　in　that　last　expedition　in　July；〃　
answered　the　woman。　　〃I　received　the　news　from　the　Foreign　Office　
only　a　fortnight　ago。〃

An　ugly　look　came　into　his　eyesthe　look　of　a　cornered　creature　
fighting　for　its　life。　　〃Why　have　you　followed　me　here？　　Why　do　I　
find　you　here　alone　with　her？　　What　have　you　told　her？〃

The　woman　shrugged　her　shoulders。