man and superman-第13部分

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alone　with　this　gentleman。　Will　you　not　come　with　me？

ANN。　Miss　Ramsden　would　not　like　to　speak　about　it　before　me；
Granny。　I　ought　not　to　be　present。

RAMSDEN。　You　are　right：　I　should　have　thought　of　that。　You　are　a
good　girl；　Annie。

He　pats　her　on　the　shoulder。　She　looks　up　at　him　with　beaming
eyes　and　he　goes　out；　much　moved。　Having　disposed　of　him；　she
looks　at　Tanner。　His　back　being　turned　to　her；　she　gives　a
moment's　attention　to　her　personal　appearance；　then　softly　goes
to　him　and　speaks　almost　into　his　ear。

ANN。　Jack　＇he　turns　with　a　start＇：　are　you　glad　that　you　are　my
guardian？　You　don't　mind　being　made　responsible　for　me；　I　hope。

TANNER。　The　latest　addition　to　your　collection　of　scapegoats；
eh？

ANN。　Oh；　that　stupid　old　joke　of　yours　about　me！　Do　please　drop
it。　Why　do　you　say　things　that　you　know　must　pain　me？　I　do　my
best　to　please　you；　Jack：　I　suppose　I　may　tell　you　so　now　that
you　are　my　guardian。　You　will　make　me　so　unhappy　if　you　refuse　to
be　friends　with　me。

TANNER。　＇studying　her　as　gloomily　as　he　studied　the　dust＇　You
need　not　go　begging　for　my　regard。　How　unreal　our　moral　judgments
are！　You　seem　to　me　to　have　absolutely　no　conscienceonly
hypocrisy；　and　you　can't　see　the　differenceyet　there　is　a　sort
of　fascination　about　you。　I　always　attend　to　you；　somehow。　I
should　miss　you　if　I　lost　you。

ANN。　＇tranquilly　slipping　her　arm　into　his　and　walking　about　with
him＇　But　isn't　that　only　natural；　Jack？　We　have　known　each　other
since　we　were　children。　Do　you　remember？

TANNER。　＇abruptly　breaking　loose＇　Stop！　I　remember　EVERYTHING。

ANN。　Oh；　I　daresay　we　were　often　very　silly；　but

TANNER。　I　won't　have　it；　Ann。　I　am　no　more　that　schoolboy　now
than　I　am　the　dotard　of　ninety　I　shall　grow　into　if　I　live　long
enough。　It　is　over：　let　me　forget　it。

ANN。　Wasn't　it　a　happy　time？　＇She　attempts　to　take　his　arm
again＇。

TANNER。　Sit　down　and　behave　yourself。　＇He　makes　her　sit　down　in
the　chair　next　the　writing　table＇。　No　doubt　it　was　a　happy　time
for　you。　You　were　a　good　girl　and　never　compromised　yourself。　And
yet　the　wickedest　child　that　ever　was　slapped　could　hardly　have
had　a　better　time。　I　can　understand　the　success　with　which　you
bullied　the　other　girls：　your　virtue　imposed　on　them。　But　tell　me
this：　did　you　ever　know　a　good　boy？

ANN。　Of　course。　All　boys　are　foolish　sometimes；　but　Tavy　was
always　a　really　good　boy。

TANNER。　＇struck　by　this＇　Yes：　you're　right。　For　some　reason　you
never　tempted　Tavy。

ANN。　Tempted！　Jack！

TANNER。　Yes；　my　dear　Lady　Mephistopheles；　tempted。　You　were
insatiably　curious　as　to　what　a　boy　might　be　capable　of；　and
diabolically　clever　at　getting　through　his　guard　and　surprising
his　inmost　secrets。

ANN。　What　nonsense！　All　because　you　used　to　tell　me　long　stories
of　the　wicked　things　you　had　donesilly　boys　tricks！　And　you
call　such　things　inmost　secrets：　Boys'　secrets　are　just　like
men's；　and　you　know　what　they　are！

TANNER。　＇obstinately＇　No　I　don't。　What　are　they；　pray？

ANN。　Why；　the　things　they　tell　everybody；　of　course。

TANNER。　Now　I　swear　I　told　you　things　I　told　no　one　else。　You
lured　me　into　a　compact　by　which　we　were　to　have　no　secrets　from
one　another。　We　were　to　tell　one　another　everything；　I　didn't
notice　that　you　never　told　me　anything。

ANN。　You　didn't　want　to　talk　about　me；　Jack。　You　wanted　to　talk
about　yourself。

TANNER。　Ah；　true；　horribly　true。　But　what　a　devil　of　a　child　you
must　have　been　to　know　that　weakness　and　to　play　on　it　for　the
satisfaction　of　your　own　curiosity！　I　wanted　to　brag　to　you；　to
make　myself　interesting。　And　I　found　myself　doing　all　sorts　of
mischievous　things　simply　to　have　something　to　tell　you　about。　I
fought　with　boys　I　didn't　hate；　I　lied　about　things　I　might　just
as　well　have　told　the　truth　about；　I　stole　things　I　didn't　want；
I　kissed　little　girls　I　didn't　care　for。　It　was　all　bravado：
passionless　and　therefore　unreal。

ANN。　I　never　told　of　you；　Jack。

TANNER。　No；　but　if　you　had　wanted　to　stop　me　you　would　have　told
of　me。　You　wanted　me　to　go　on。

ANN。　＇flashing　out＇　Oh；　that's　not　true：　it's　NOT　true；　Jack。　I
never　wanted　you　to　do　those　dull；　disappointing；　brutal；　stupid；
vulgar　things。　I　always　hoped　that　it　would　be　something　really
heroic　at　last。　＇Recovering　herself＇　Excuse　me；　Jack；　but　the
things　you　did　were　never　a　bit　like　the　things　I　wanted　you　to
do。　They　often　gave　me　great　uneasiness；　but　I　could　not　tell　on
you　and　get　you　into　trouble。　And　you　were　only　a　boy。　I　knew　you
would　grow　out　of　them。　Perhaps　I　was　wrong。

TANNER。　＇sardonically＇　Do　not　give　way　to　remorse；　Ann。　At　least
nineteen　twentieths　of　the　exploits　I　confessed　to　you　were　pure
lies。　I　soon　noticed　that　you　didn't　like　the　true　stories。

ANN。　Of　course　I　knew　that　some　of　the　things　couldn't　have
happened。　But

TANNER。　You　are　going　to　remind　me　that　some　of　the　most
disgraceful　ones　did。

ANN。　＇fondly；　to　his　great　terror＇　I　don't　want　to　remind　you　of
anything。　But　I　knew　the　people　they　happened　to；　and　heard　about
them。

TANNER。　Yes；　but　even　the　true　stories　were　touched　up　for
telling。　A　sensitive　boy's　humiliations　may　be　very　good　fun　for
ordinary　thickskinned　grown…ups；　but　to　the　boy　himself　they　are
so　acute；　so　ignominious；　that　he　cannot　confess　themcannot　but
deny　them　passionately。　However；　perhaps　it　was　as　well　for　me
that　I　romanced　a　bit；　for；　on　the　one　occasion　when　I　told　you
the　truth；　you　threatened　to　tell　of　me。

ANN。　Oh；　never。　Never　once。

TANNER。　Yes；　you　did。　Do　you　remember　a　dark…eyed　girl　named
Rachel　Rosetree？　＇Ann's　brows　contract　for　an　instant
involuntarily＇。　I　got　up　a　love　affair　with　her；　and　we　met　one
night　in　the　garden　and　walked　about　very　uncomfortably　with　our
arms　round　one　another；　and　kissed　at　parting；　and　were　most
conscientiously　romantic。　If　that　love　affair　had　gone　on；　it
would　have　bored　me　to　death；　but　it　didn't　go　on；　for　the　next
thing　that　happened　was　that　Rachel　cut　me　because　she　found　out
that　I　had　told　you。　How　did　she　find　it　out？　From　you。　You　went
to　her　and　held　the　guilty　secret　over　her　head；　leading　her　a
life　of　abject　terror　and　humiliation　by　threatening　to　tell　on
her。

ANN。　And　a　very　good　thing　for　her；　too。　It　was　my　duty　to　stop
her　misconduct；　and　she　is　thankful　to　me　for　it　now。

TANNER。　Is　she？

ANN。　She　ought　to　be；　at　all　events。

TANNER。　It　was　not　your　duty　to　stop　my　misconduct；　I　suppose。

ANN。　I　did　stop　it　by　stopping　her。

TANNER。　Are　you　sure　of　that？　You　stopped　my　telling　you　about
my　adventures；　but　how　do　you　know　that　you　stopped　the
adventures？

ANN。　Do　you　mean　to　say　that　you　went　on　in　the　same　way　with
other　girls？

TANNER。　No。　I　had　enough　of　that　sort　of　romantic　tomfoolery
with　Rachel。

ANN。　＇unconvinced＇　Then　why　did　you　break　off　our　confidences　and
become　quite　strange　to　me？

TANNER。　＇enigmatically＇　It　happened　just　then　that　I　got
something　that　I　wanted　to　keep　all　to　myself　instead　of　sharing
it　with　you。

ANN。　I　am　sure　I　shouldn't　have　asked　for　any　of　it　if　you　had
grudged　it。

TANNER。　It　wasn't　a　box　of　sweets；　Ann。　It　was　something　you'd
never　have　let　me　call　my　own。

ANN。　＇incredulously＇　What？

TANNER。　My　soul。

ANN。　Oh；　do　be　sensible；　Jack。　You　know　you're　talking　nonsense。

TANNER。　The　most　solemn　earnest；　Ann。　You　didn't　notice　at　that
time　that　you　were　getting　a　soul　too。　But　you　were。　It　was　not
for　nothing　that　you　suddenly　found　you　had　a　moral　duty　to
chastise　and　reform　Rachel。　Up　to　that　time　you　had　traded　pretty
extensively　in　being　a　good　child；　but　you　had　never　set　up　a
sense　of　duty　to　others。　Well；　I　set　one　up　too。　Up　to　that　time
I　had　played　the　boy　buccaneer　with　no　more　conscience　than　a　fox
in　a　poultry　farm。　But　now　I　began　to　have　scruples；　to　feel
obligations；　to　find　that　veracity　and　honor　were　no　longer
goody…goody　expressions　in　the　mouths　of　grown　up　people；　but
compelling　principles　in　myself。

ANN。　＇quietly＇　Yes；　I　suppose　you're　right。　You　were　beginning　to
be　a　man；　and　I　to　be　a　woman。

TANNER。　Are　you　sure　it　was　not　that　we　were　beginning　to　be
something　more？　What　does　the　beginning　of　manhood　and　womanhood
mean　in　most　people's　mouths？　You　know：　it　means　the　beginning　of
love。　But　love　began　long　before　that　for　me。　Love　played　its
part　in　the　earliest　dreams　and　follies　and　romances　I　can
remembermay　I　say　the　earliest　follies　and　romances　we　can
remember？though　we　did　not　understand　it　at　the　time。　No：　the
change　that　came　to　me　was　the　birth　in　me　of　moral　passion；　and
I　declare　that　according　to　my　experience　moral　passion　is　the
only　real　passion。

ANN。　All　passions　ought　to　be　moral；　Jack。

TANNER。　Ought！　Do　you　think　that　anything　is　strong　enough　to
impose　oughts　on　a　passion　except　a　stronger　passion　still？

ANN。　Our　moral　sense　controls　passion；　Jack。　Don't　be　stupid。

TANNER。　Our　moral　sense！　And　is　that　not　a　passion？　Is　the　devil
to　have　all　the　passions　as　well　as　all　the　good　times？　If　it
were　not　a　passionif　it　were　not　the　mightiest　of　the　passions；
all　the　other　passions　would　sweep　it　away　like　a　leaf　before　a
hurricane。　It　is　the　birth　of　that　passion　that　turns　a　child
into　a　man。

ANN。　There　are　other　passions；　Jack。　Very　strong　ones。

TANNER。　All　the　other　passions　were　in　me　before；　but　they　were
idle　and　aimlessmere　childish　greedinesses　and　cruelties；
curiosities　and　fancies；　habits　and　superstitions；　grotesque　and
ridiculous　to　the　mature　intelligence。　When　they　suddenly　began
to　shine　like　newly　lit　flames　it　was　by　no　light　of　their　own；
but　by　the　radiance　of　the　dawning　moral　passion。　That　passion
dignified　them；　gave　them　conscience　and　meaning；　found　them　a
mob　of　appetites　and　organized　them　into　an　army　of　purposes　and
principles。　My　soul　was　born　of　that　passion。

ANN。　I　noticed　that　you　got　more　sense。　You　were　a　dreadfully
destructive　boy　before　that。

TANNER。　Destructive！　Stuff！　I　was　only　mischievous。

ANN。　Oh　Jack；　you　were　very　destructive。　You　ruined　all　the　young
fir　trees　by　chopping　off　their　leaders　with　a　wooden　sword。　You
broke　all　the　cucumber　frames　with　your　catapult。　You　set　fire　to
the　common：　the　police　arrested　Tavy　for