the glimpses of the moon-第15部分

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stroke；　and　again　Susy　shuddered　at　the　frailty　of　her　bliss。

But　her　old　training　stood　her　in　good　stead。　　There　had　been

more　than　one　moment　in　her　past　when　everything…somebody

else's　everything…had　depended　on　her　keeping　a　cool　head　and　a

clear　glance。　　It　would　have　been　a　wonder　if　now；　when　she　felt

her　own　everything　at　stake；　she　had　not　been　able　to　put　up　as

good　a　defence。



〃What　is　it？〃　　she　repeated　impatiently；　as　Lansing　continued　to

remain　silent。



〃That's　what　I'm　here　to　ask；〃　he　returned；　keeping　his　eyes　as

steady　as　she　kept　hers。　　〃There's　no　reason　on　earth；　as　you

say；　why　Ellie　shouldn't　give　us　presentsas　expensive　presents

as　she　likes；　and　the　pearl　is　a　beauty。　　All　I　ask　is：　　for

what　specific　services　were　they　given？　　For；　allowing　for　all

the　absence　of　scruple　that　marks　the　intercourse　of　truly

civilized　people；　you'll　probably　agree　that　there　are　limits；

at　least　up　to　now　there　have　been　limits　。。。。〃



〃I　really　don't　know　what　you　mean。　　I　suppose　Ellie　wanted　to

show　that　she　was　grateful　to　us　for　looking　after　Clarissa。〃



〃But　she　gave　us　all　this　in　exchange　for　that；　didn't　she？〃　he

suggested；　with　a　sweep　of　the　hand　around　the　beautiful　shadowy

room。　　〃A　whole　summer　of　it　if　we　choose。〃



Susy　smiled。　　〃Apparently　she　didn't　think　that　enough。〃



〃What　a　doting　mother！　　It　shows　the　store　she　sets　upon　her

child。〃



〃Well；　don't　you　set　store　upon　Clarissa？〃



〃Clarissa　is　exquisite；　but　her　mother　didn't　mention　her　in

offering　me　this　recompense。〃



Susy　lifted　her　head　again。　　〃Whom　did　she　mention？〃



〃Vanderlyn；〃　said　Lansing。



〃Vanderlyn？　Nelson？〃



〃Yesand　some　letters　。。。　something　about　letters　。。。。　　What　is

it；　my　dear；　that　you　and　I　have　been　hired　to　hide　from

Vanderlyn？　　Because　I　should　like　to　know；〃　Nick　broke　out

savagely；　〃if　we've　been　adequately　paid。〃



Susy　was　silent：　　she　needed　time　to　reckon　up　her　forces；　and

study　her　next　move；　and　her　brain　was　in　such　a　whirl　of　fear

that　she　could　at　last　only　retort：　　〃What　is　it　that　Ellie　said

to　you？〃



Lansing　laughed　again。　　〃That's　just　what　you'd　like　to　find

outisn't　it？in　order　to　know　the　line　to　take　in　making　your

explanation。〃



The　sneer　had　an　effect　that　he　could　not　have　foreseen；　and

that　Susy　herself　had　not　expected。



〃Oh；　don'tdon't　let　us　speak　to　each　other　like　that！〃　she

cried；　and　sinking　down　by　the　dressing…table　she　hid　her　face

in　her　hands。



It　seemed　to　her；　now；　that　nothing　mattered　except　that　their

love　for　each　other；　their　faith　in　each　other；　should　be　saved

from　some　unhealable　hurt。　　She　was　willing　to　tell　Nick

everythingshe　wanted　to　tell　him　everythingif　only　she　could

be　sure　of　reaching　a　responsive　chord　in　him。　　But　the　scene　of

the　cigars　came　back　to　her；　and　benumbed　her。　　If　only　she

could　make　him　see　that　nothing　was　of　any　account　as　long　as

they　continued　to　love　each　other！



His　touch　fell　compassionately　on　her　shoulder。　　〃Poor　child

don't；〃　he　said。



Their　eyes　met；　but　his　expression　checked　the　smile　breaking

through　her　tears。　　〃Don't　you　see；〃　he　continued；　〃that　we've

got　to　have　this　thing　out？〃



She　continued　to　stare　at　him　through　a　prism　of　tears。　　〃I

can'twhile　you　stand　up　like　that；〃　she　stammered；　childishly。



She　had　cowered　down　again　into　a　corner　of　the　lounge；　but

Lansing　did　not　seat　himself　at　her　side。　　He　took　a　chair

facing　her；　like　a　caller　on　the　farther　side　of　a　stately　tea…

tray。　　〃Will　that　do？〃　he　asked　with　a　stiff　smile；　as　if　to

humour　her。



〃Nothing　will　doas　long　as　you're　not　you！〃



〃Not　me？〃



She　shook　her　head　wearily。　　〃What's　the　use？　　You　accept　things

theoreticallyand　then　when　they　happen　。。。。〃



〃What　things？　What　has　happened！〃



A　sudden　impatience　mastered　her。　　What　did　he　suppose；　after

all？　　〃But　you　know　all　about　Ellie。　　We　used　to　talk　about

her　often　enough　in　old　times；〃　she　said。



〃Ellie　and　young　Davenant？〃



〃Young　Davenant；　or　the　others　。。。。〃



〃Or　the　others。　　But　what　business　was　it　of　ours？〃



〃Ah；　that's　just　what　I　think！〃　she　cried；　springing　up　with　an

explosion　of　relief。　　Lansing　stood　up　also；　but　there　was　no

answering　light　in　his　face。



〃We're　outside　of　all　that；　we've　nothing　to　do　with　it；　have

we？〃　he　pursued。



〃Nothing　whatever。〃



〃Then　what　on　earth　is　the　meaning　of　Ellie's　gratitude？

Gratitude　for　what　we've　done　about　some　lettersand　about

Vanderlyn？〃



〃Oh；　not　you；〃　Susy　cried；　involuntarily。



〃Not　I？　　Then　you？〃　　He　came　close　and　took　her　by　the　wrist。

〃Answer　me。　　Have　you　been　mixed　up　in　some　dirty　business　of

Ellie's？〃



There　was　a　pause。　　She　found　it　impossible　to　speak；　with　that

burning　grasp　on　the　wrist　where　the　bangle　had　been。　　At　length

he　let　her　go　and　moved　away。　　〃Answer；〃　he　repeated。



〃I've　told　you　it　was　my　business　and　not　yours。〃



He　received　this　in　silence；　then　he　questioned：　　〃You've　been

sending　letters　for　her；　I　suppose？　　To　whom？〃



〃Oh；　why　do　you　torment　me？　　Nelson　was　not　supposed　to　know

that　she'd　been　away。　　She　left　me　the　letters　to　post　to　him

once　a　week。　　I　found　them　here　the　night　we　arrived　。。。。　　It

was　the　pricefor　this。　　Oh；　Nick；　say　it's　been　worth　it…say

at　least　that　it's　been　worth　it！〃　she　implored　him。



He　stood　motionless；　unresponding。　　One　hand　drummed　on　the

corner　of　her　dressing…table；　making　the　jewelled　bangle　dance。



〃How　many　letters？〃



〃I　don't　know　。。。　four　。。。　five　。。。　What　does　it　matter？〃



〃And　once　a　week；　for　six　weeks？〃



〃Yes。〃



〃And　you　took　it　all　as　a　matter　of　course？〃



〃No：　　I　hated　it。　　But　what　could　I　do？〃



〃What　could　you　do？〃



〃When　our　being　together　depended　on　it？　　Oh；　Nick；　how　could

you　think　I'd　give　you　up？〃



〃Give　me　up？〃　he　echoed。



〃Welldoesn't　our　being　together　depend　onon　what　we　can　get

out　of　people？　　And　hasn't　there　always　got　to　be　some　give…and…

take？　　Did　you　ever　in　your　life　get　anything　for　nothing？〃　she

cried　with　sudden　exasperation。　　〃You've　lived　among　these

people　as　long　as　I　have；　I　suppose　it's　not　the　first　time〃



〃By　God；　but　it　is；〃　he　exclaimed；　flushing。　　〃And　that's　the

differencethe　fundamental　difference。〃



〃The　difference！〃



〃Between　you　and　me。　　I've　never　in　my　life　done　people's　dirty

work　for　themleast　of　all　for　favours　in　return。　　I　suppose

you　guessed　it；　or　you　wouldn't　have　hidden　this　beastly

business　from　me。〃



The　blood　rose　to　Susy's　temples　also。　　Yes；　she　had　guessed　it；

instinctively；　from　the　day　she　had　first　visited　him　in　his

bare　lodgings；　she　had　been　aware　of　his　stricter　standard。　　But

how　could　she　tell　him　that　under　his　influence　her　standard　had

become　stricter　too；　and　that　it　was　as　much　to　hide　her

humiliation　from　herself　as　to　escape　his　anger　that　she　had

held　her　tongue？



〃You　knew　I　wouldn't　have　stayed　here　another　day　if　I'd　known；〃

he　continued。



〃Yes：　　and　then　where　in　the　world　should　we　have　gone？〃



〃You　mean　thatin　one　way　or　anotherwhat　you　call　give…and…

take　is　the　price　of　our　remaining　together？〃



〃Wellisn't　it；〃　she　faltered。



〃Then　we'd　better　part；　hadn't　we？〃



He　spoke　in　a　low　tone；　thoughtfully　and　deliberately；　as　if

this　had　been　the　inevitable　conclusion　to　which　their

passionate　argument　had　led。



Susy　made　no　answer。　　For　a　moment　she　ceased　to　be　conscious　of

the　causes　of　what　had　happened；　the　thing　itself　seemed　to　have

smothered　her　under　its　ruins。



Nick　wandered　away　from　the　dressing…table　and　stood　gazing　out

of　the　window　at　the　darkening　canal　flecked　with　lights。　　She

looked　at　his　back；　and　wondered　what　would　happen　if　she　were

to　go　up　to　him　and　fling　her　arms　about　him。　　But　even　if　her

touch　could　have　broken　the　spell；　she　was　not　sure　she　would

have　chosen　that　way　of　breaking　it。　　Beneath　her　speechless

anguish　there　burned　the　half…conscious　sense　of　having　been

unfairly　treated。　　When　they　had　entered　into　their　queer

compact；　Nick　had　known　as　well　as　she　on　what　compromises　and

concessions　the　life　they　were　to　live　together　must　be　based。

That　he　should　have　forgotten　it　seemed　so　unbelievable　that　she

wondered；　with　a　new　leap　of　fear；　if　he　were　using　the　wretched

Ellie's　indiscretion　as　a　means　of　escape　from　a　tie　already

wearied　of。　　Suddenly　she　raised　her　head　with　a　laugh。



〃After　allyou　were　right　when　you　wanted　me　to　be　your

mistress。〃



He　turned　on　her　with　an　astonished　stare。　　〃Youmy　mistress？〃



Through　all　her　pain　she　thrilled　with　pride　at　the　discovery

that　such　a　possibility　had　long　since　become　unthinkable　to

him。　　But　she　insisted。　　〃That　day　at　the　Fulmers'have　you

forgotten？　　When　you　said　it　would　be　sheer　madness　for　us　to

marry。〃



Lansing　stood　leaning　in　the　embrasure　of　the　window；　his　eyes

fixed　on　the　mosaic　volutes　of　the　floor。



〃I　was　right　enough　when　I　said　it　would　be　sheer　madness　for　us

to　marry；〃　he　rejoined　at　length。



She　sprang　up　trembling。　　〃Well；　that's　easily　settled。　　Our

compact〃



〃Oh；　that　compact〃　he　interrupted　her　with　an　impatient　laugh。



〃Aren't　you　asking　me　to　carry　it　out　now？〃



〃Because　I　said　we'd　better　part？〃　　He　paused。　　〃But　the

compactI'd　almost　forgotten　itwas　to　the　effect；　wasn't　it；

that　we　were　to　give　each　other　a　helping　hand　if　either　of　us

had　a　better　chance？　　The　thing　was　absurd；　of　course；　a　mere

joke；　from　my　point　of　view；　at　least。　　I　shall　never　want　any

better　chance　。。。　any　other　chance　。。。。〃



〃Oh；　Nick；　oh；　Nick　。。。　but　then　。。。。〃　　She　was　close　to　him；

his　face　looming　down　through　her　tears；　but　he　put　her　back。



〃It　would　have　been　easy　enough；　wouldn't　it；〃　he　rejoined；　〃if

we'd　been　as　detachable　as　all　that？　　As　it　is；　it's　going　to

hurt　h