the glimpses of the moon-第21部分

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met　her　doom。



Mrs。　Match；　hoping　she　would　find　everything；　and　mentioning

that　dinner　was　not　till　nine；　shut　her　softly　in　among　her

terrors。



〃Find　everything？〃　　Susy　echoed　the　phrase。　　Oh；　yes；　she　would

always　find　everything：　　every　time　the　door　shut　on　her　now；

and　the　sound　of　voices　ceased；　her　memories　would　be　there

waiting　for　her；　every　one　of　them；　waiting　quietly；　patiently；

obstinately；　like　poor　people　in　a　doctor's　office；　the　people

who　are　always　last　to　be　attended　to；　but　whom　nothing　will

discourage　or　drive　away；　people　to　whom　time　is　nothing；

fatigue　nothing；　hunger　nothing；　other　engagements　nothing：　　who

just　wait　。。。。　　Thank　heaven；　after　all；　that　she　had　not　found

the　house　empty；　if；　whenever　she　returned　to　her　room；　she　was

to　meet　her　memories　there！



It　was　just　a　week　since　Nick　had　left　her。　　During　that　week；

crammed　with　people；　questions；　packing；　explaining；　evading；

she　had　believed　that　in　solitude　lay　her　salvation。　　Now　she

understood　that　there　was　nothing　she　was　so　unprepared　for；　so

unfitted　for。　　When；　in　all　her　life；　had　she　ever　been　alone？

And　how　was　she　to　bear　it　now；　with　all　these　ravening　memories

besetting　her！



Dinner　not　till　nine？　　What　on　earth　was　she　to　do　till　nine

o'clock？　　She　knelt　before　her　boxes；　and　feverishly　began　to

unpack。



Gradually；　imperceptibly；　the　subtle　influences　of　her　old　life

were　stealing　into　her。　　As　she　pulled　out　her　tossed　and

crumpled　dresses　she　remembered　Violet's　emphatic　warning：

〃Don't　believe　the　people　who　tell　you　that　skirts　are　going　to

be　wider。〃　　Were　hers；　perhaps；　too　wide　as　it　was？　　She　looked

at　her　limp　raiment；　piling　itself　up　on　bed　and　sofa；　and

understood　that；　according　to　Violet's　standards；　and　that　of

all　her　set；　those　dresses；　which　Nick　had　thought　so　original

and　exquisite；　were　already　commonplace　and　dowdy；　fit　only　to

be　passed　on　to　poor　relations　or　given　to　one's　maid。　　And　Susy

would　have　to　go　on　wearing　them　till　they　fell　to　bits…or

else　。。。。　　Well；　or　else　begin　the　old　life　again　in　some　new

form　。。。。



She　laughed　aloud　at　the　turn　of　her　thoughts。　　Dresses？　　How

little　they　had　mattered　a　few　short　weeks　ago！　　And　now；

perhaps；　they　would　again　be　one　of　the　foremost　considerations

in　her　life。　　How　could　it　be　otherwise；　if　she　were　to　return

again　to　her　old　dependence　on　Ellie　Vanderlyn；　Ursula　Gillow；

Violet　Melrose？　　And　beyond　that；　only　the　Bockheimers　and　their

kind　awaited　her　。。。。



A　knock　on　the　doorwhat　a　relief！　　It　was　Mrs。　Match　again；

with　a　telegram。　　To　whom　had　Susy　given　her　new　address？　　With

a　throbbing　heart　she　tore　open　the　envelope　and　read：



〃Shall　be　in　Paris　Friday　for　twenty…four　hours　where　can　I　see

you　write　Nouveau　Luxe。〃



Ah；　yesshe　remembered　now：　　she　had　written　to　Strefford！　　And

this　was　his　answer：　　he　was　coming。　　She　dropped　into　a　chair；

and　tried　to　think。　　What　on　earth　had　she　said　in　her　letter？

It　had　been　mainly；　of　course；　one　of　condolence；　but　now　she

remembered　having　added；　in　a　precipitate　postscript：　　〃I　can't

give　your　message　to　Nick；　for　he's　gone　off　with　the　Hickses…I

don't　know　where；　or　for　how　long。　　It's　all　right；　of　course：

it　was　in　our　bargain。〃



She　had　not　meant　to　put　in　that　last　phrase；　but　as　she　sealed

her　letter　to　Strefford　her　eye　had　fallen　on　Nick's　missive；

which　lay　beside　it。　　Nothing　in　her　husband's　brief　lines　had

embittered　her　as　much　as　the　allusion　to　Strefford。　　It　seemed

to　imply　that　Nick's　own　plans　were　made；　that　his　own　future

was　secure；　and　that　he　could　therefore　freely　and　handsomely

take　thought　for　hers；　and　give　her　a　pointer　in　the　right

direction。　　Sudden　rage　had　possessed　her　at　the　thought：　　where

she　had　at　first　read　jealousy　she　now　saw　only　a　cold

providence；　and　in　a　blur　of　tears　she　had　scrawled　her

postscript　to　Strefford。　　She　remembered　that　she　had　not　even

asked　him　to　keep　her　secret。　　Wellafter　all；　what　would　it

matter　if　people　should　already　know　that　Nick　had　left　her？

Their　parting　could　not　long　remain　a　mystery；　and　the　fact　that

it　was　known　might　help　her　to　keep　up　a　presence　of

indifference。



〃It　was　in　the　bargainin　the　bargain；〃　rang　through　her　brain

as　she　re…read　Strefford's　telegram。　　She　understood　that　he　had

snatched　the　time　for　this　hasty　trip　solely　in　the　hope　of

seeing　her；　and　her　eyes　filled。　　The　more　bitterly　she　thought

of　Nick　the　more　this　proof　of　Strefford's　friendship　moved　her。



The　clock；　to　her　relief；　reminded　her　that　it　was　time　to　dress

for　dinner。　　She　would　go　down　presently；　chat　with　Violet　and

Fulmer；　and　with　Violet's　other　guests；　who　would　probably　be

odd　and　amusing；　and　too　much　out　of　her　world　to　embarrass　her

by　awkward　questions。　　She　would　sit　at　a　softly…lit　table；

breathe　delicate　scents；　eat　exquisite　food　（trust　Mrs。　Match！）；

and　be　gradually　drawn　again　under　the　spell　of　her　old

associations。　　Anything；　anything　but　to　be　alone　。。。。



She　dressed　with　even　more　than　her　habitual　care；　reddened　her

lips　attentively；　brushed　the　faintest　bloom　of　pink　over　her

drawn　cheeks；　and　went　downto　meet　Mrs。　Match　coming　up　with　a

tray。



〃Oh；　Madam；　I　thought　you　were　too　tired　。。。。　　I　was　bringing　it

up　to　you　myselfjust　a　little　morsel　of　chicken。〃



Susy；　glancing　past　her；　saw；　through　the　open　door；　that　the

lamps　were　not　lit　in　the　drawing…room。



〃Oh；　no；　I'm　not　tired；　thank　you。　　I　thought　Mrs。　Melrose

expected　friends　at　dinner！〃



〃Friends　at　dinner…to…night？〃　　Mrs。　Match　heaved　a　despairing

sigh。　　Sometimes；　the　sigh　seemed　to　say；　her　mistress　put　too

great　a　strain　upon　her。　　〃Why；　Mrs。　Melrose　and　Mr。　Fulmer　were

engaged　to　dine　in　Paris。　　They　left　an　hour　ago。　　Mrs。　Melrose

told　me　she'd　told　you；〃　the　house…keeper　wailed。



Susy　kept　her　little　fixed　smile。　　〃I　must　have　misunderstood。

In　that　case　。。。　well；　yes；　if　it's　no　trouble；　I　believe　I　will

have　my　tray　upstairs。　〃



Slowly　she　turned；　and　followed　the　housekeeper　up　into　the

dread　solitude　she　had　just　left。







XIV



THE　next　day　a　lot　of　people　turned　up　unannounced　for　luncheon。

They　were　not　of　the　far…fetched　and　the　exotic；　in　whom　Mrs。

Melrose　now　specialized；　but　merely　commonplace　fashionable

people　belonging　to　Susy's　own　group；　people　familiar　with　the

amusing　romance　of　her　penniless　marriage；　and　to　whom　she　had

to　explain　（though　none　of　them　really　listened　to　the

explanation）　that　Nick　was　not　with　her　just　now　but　had　gone

off　cruising　。。。　cruising　in　the　AEgean　with　friends　。。。　getting

up　material　for　his　book　（this　detail　had　occurred　to　her　in　the

night）。



It　was　the　kind　of　encounter　she　had　most　dreaded；　but　it

proved；　after　all；　easy　enough　to　go　through　compared　with　those

endless　hours　of　turning　to　and　fro；　the　night　before；　in　the

cage　of　her　lonely　room。　　Anything；　anything；　but　to　be

alone　。。。。



Gradually；　from　the　force　of　habit；　she　found　herself　actually

in　tune　with　the　talk　of　the　luncheon　table；　interested　in　the

references　to　absent　friends；　the　light　allusions　to　last　year's

loves　and　quarrels；　scandals　and　absurdities。　　The　women；　in

their　pale　summer　dresses；　were　so　graceful；　indolent　and　sure

of　themselves；　the　men　so　easy　and　good…humoured！　　Perhaps；

after　all；　Susy　reflected；　it　was　the　world　she　was　meant　for；

since　the　other；　the　brief　Paradise　of　her　dreams；　had　already

shut　its　golden　doors　upon　her。　　And　then；　as　they　sat　on　the

terrace　after　luncheon；　looking　across　at　the　yellow　tree…tops

of　the　park；　one　of　the　women　said　somethingmade　just　an

allusionthat　Susy　would　have　let　pass　unnoticed　in　the　old

days；　but　that　now　filled　her　with　a　sudden　deep　disgust　。。。。

She　stood　up　and　wandered　away；　away　from　them　all　through　the

fading　garden。



Two　days　later　Susy　and　Strefford　sat　on　the　terrace　of　the

Tuileries　above　the　Seine。　　She　had　asked　him　to　meet　her　there；

with　the　desire　to　avoid　the　crowded　halls　and　drawing…room　of

the　Nouveau　Luxe　where；　even　at　that　supposedly　〃dead〃　season；

people　one　knew　were　always　drifting　to　and　fro；　and　they　sat　on

a　bench　in　the　pale　sunlight；　the　discoloured　leaves　heaped　at

their　feet；　and　no　one　to　share　their　solitude　but　a　lame

working…man　and　a　haggard　woman　who　were　lunching　together

mournfully　at　the　other　end　of　the　majestic　vista。



Strefford；　in　his　new　mourning；　looked　unnaturally　prosperous

and　well…valeted；　but　his　ugly　untidy　features　remained　as

undisciplined；　his　smile　as　whimsical；　as　of　old。　　He　had　been

on　cool　though　friendly　terms　with　the　pompous　uncle　and　the

poor　sickly　cousin　whose　joint　disappearance　had　so　abruptly

transformed　his　future；　and　it　was　his　way　to　understate　his

feelings　rather　than　to　pretend　more　than　he　felt。

Nevertheless；　beneath　his　habitual　bantering　tone　Susy　discerned

a　change。　　The　disaster　had　shocked　him　profoundly；　already；　in

his　brief　sojourn　among　his　people　and　among　the　great

possessions　so　tragically　acquired；　old　instincts　had　awakened；

forgotten　associations　had　spoken　in　him。　　Susy　listened　to　him

wistfully；　silenced　by　her　imaginative　perception　of　the

distance　that　these　things　had　put　between　them。



〃It　was　horrible　。。。　seeing　them　both　there　together；　laid　out

in　that　hideous　Pugin　chapel　at　Altringham　。。。　the　poor　boy

especially。　　I　suppose　that's　really　what's　cutting　me　up　now；〃

he　murmured；　almost　apologetically。



〃Oh；　it's　more　than　thatmore　than　you　know；〃　she　insisted；　but

he　jerked　back：　　〃Now；　my　dear；　don't　be　edifying；　please；〃　and

fumbled　for　a　cigarette　in　the　pocket　which　was　already

beginning　to　bulge　with　his　miscellaneous　properties。



〃And　now　about　youfor　that's　what　I　came　for；〃　he　continued；

turning　to　her　with　one　of　his　sudden　movements。　　〃I　couldn't

make　head　or　tail　of　your　letter。〃